whatsonherbrain

[whatsonherbrain]

Hopefully, this is the last.

Update: I am transferring again! I know, my life as a college student is having a school tour LOL. There are a lot of consequences that I have to consider before going to this decision. This may sound as annoying as it sounds but it is for the sake of my healthy head space. I want to be in a university wherein there are CLEAR PLAN for a irregular student like me. I want a school wherein they will give me enough courage to stay and will help me grow as a person. With a clear plan, clear curriculum, and clear assurance that I am in the right school. The reason why I was in this state yet again because they don't have enough plan for me. They just give what they want me give then I will just guess everything else. By the way, I have a fun fact. From elementary until senior high school I did not transfer to any school. I know! Crazy! HAHAHA. I stayed to one school for 12 freaking years! Now that I am in college, I transferred to 2 schools! HAHAHAHA. Life indeed is a crazy ride. It will bring you to a much crazy path. What I just pray is that this will be the last. Despite of the consequences that I have to experience, I hope this will be the last. :)

[whatsonherbrain]

"You're on your own,kid"

Here's an update about my life that nobody asked for! :)

My dad told me just tonight that it is time for me to transfer to another school. Which is so weird because this time, it wasn't me who made the decision. I don't know what to feel about this to be really honest with you. But I guess its time for me to go to a system wherein there are no permanent plans for an irregular student like me. I am sick of sticking in the system and just follow the flow. It's fucking tiring. I am not sure. Hay.

[whatsonherbrain]

I AM TORN BETWEEN WORKING AND STUDYING

It's a Sunday and I have this another thought. To stop myself from enrolling this semester and start looking for a job. I am sick and embarrassed to ask for money. FYI, I am now 24 years old. I feel like I should start doing something for myself while finishing school. As I have stated on my previous post, I am a shiftee/transferee which is why I am still in college. But my inner thoughts still gives me this idea that there alot of better opportunities after I graduate school and wait for that moment. Also, if I start working, I will lose my momentum in school and just pursue my job especially if I fully enjoyed what I am doing. I still not sure of what to do. I am hesitant. I don't want to decide something that I am pretty sure to regret some time in the future. Can somebody pls help me :(((((

[whatsonherbrain]

I hate the word "graduation"

For starters, I was not able to finish college on time. On my third year second sem, I have decided to not finish that course and move to another school and as well as shift to another course. Beside to the fact that it was a pandemic and everything's online. It really hit my mental health and made me think and ask myself "what am I doing?". I lost every excitement that I felt when I was in first year. I do not see myself working the course that I am taking at that time. The decision was hard. I have to think of the factors of that decision in my life because I will literally start at zero. Leaving was hard but at the same time it was satisfying because I am free from my trauma. But, everything has an effect. Now everytime I see people younger than me or seeing my batchmates graduate, it freaking hurts my heart. Because I was supposed to be with them. I was supposed to be working and be done with school. Even if I keep telling myself that my time will come, it will always be hard whenever you see people move forward while you are left behind. But I just remind myself that my time will come when my own light shines while the other people's light are done. I know in the end I can finish it and be part of the official graduates <3