whenimquiet

[whenimquiet]

And, as I realized what I was getting myself into, plunging myself into, let’s not call this dipping a toe in, I saw the monster that had led me to this point He was snarling, He was breathing Smoke into my eyes Such smoke that I began to feel High Collapsing Into the monster’s arms And it was this very moment In the company of the very monster Who led me here Lured me with claws brittle and Horns yellowed That I saw myself

And let’s say I was confident Let’s say for one second I was untouchable Other-worldly Unable to fall Let’s believe that this monster With all his twisty intentions Had drawn me to his arms To breathe this fog of self-assurance To convince me I was wise When all my world was crumpling That I was steadfast Amidst a burning village

And from these arm I grew Faster stronger BETTER Than I was before Soon I became a monster I was the monster

And they called me by name For Mania has burned this town

[whenimquiet]

i told you

and you don’t 

hate me/ maybe

it’s all 

in my

head.

[whenimquiet]

this time 

it’s 

a real

separation and

i feel

peaceful, sad, 

and i 

wonder

what will 

the 

next step

be

[whenimquiet]

i’m tired of having to reach out all the time.  with all i’ve been through, it would be nice for someone to check on me.  i know i’m being very selfish.  i am selfish.  

[whenimquiet]

me: stands up for self

spends the rest of the day hiding

[whenimquiet]

missin u

and u dont care

A Love Story

[whenimquiet]

too busy holding onto nothing

to see

that you need me too

[whenimquiet]

when i’m quiet i notice things

so obsessively

not mindful like they teach me

i see 

the books on the shelf but do not read

[whenimquiet]

fighting death

and i have scars, yes, scars, that are in plain sight 

but no-one talks about them 

because they can tell that it was a battle with myself. 

and maybe they feel ashamed for me, 

maybe they don’t know what to ask 

and 

who cares 

i don’t know 

what to say. 

[whenimquiet]

and on the night that i posted the picture i knew you’d appreciate, falling to deaf eyes since you are dead and i’m drunk for the first time-that is alive-since you departed. 

[whenimquiet]

On the day I left early

SleepCigarettes and beer and isolation. This time last year I was locked up. And now all I can do is sleepcigarettes and beer

[whenimquiet]

it’s not about me but it hurts

[whenimquiet]

4 people more words

i want to be your friend and i feel like i’m coming on too strong

i need you to let me live and stop trying

i wish you understood me the way you do only with more compassion

i told you i miss you a million times too many/your ears are bleeding/i’m sorry/ <there those words are again>/help

[whenimquiet]

It's been two years since my first attempt. Even though you won't see this, thank you.

[whenimquiet]

What does it matter if all I do is defeat you

[whenimquiet]

I tried to tell you but I guess my fears were louder than my voice.

[whenimquiet]

when I spoke up for myself, I expected you to be proud of me. i don't know what i was thinking.