withloveeregina

[withloveeregina]

A mystery, indeed. My website – My Facebook page – See me on LINE Webtoon!

[withloveeregina]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kazuya Suzuki (@spectaclesuzuki)

[withloveeregina]

[withloveeregina]

Here’s a whiny one

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate how much I freaking love people because when I feel hurt, I HURT so DAMN much. And it’s not just romantically!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!

I wake up anxious and I wake up guilty and I wake up apologetic and it eats me alive when I know I just need to pick myself up and move on.

God, why did you make me like this? I’m still waiting on that stone heart delivery! Do you need my address again or what lol

[withloveeregina]

Knock knock

Tumblr used to be my primary medium when it boiled down to sharing my thoughts and feelings, but this all tapered off since I started getting into the grind of “med school, med school, med school”. Maybe it’s also timing because Tumblr doesn’t seem to be used as much by my friends anymore either. Or maybe it’s because I’ve just been so busy running blindly towards my target that I’ve stopped to reflect as much as I did in the past.

I’m gonna try to make more of an effort here. I think. It’s a bit too public hahhahaha

[withloveeregina]

Check yourself. Sometimes you are the toxic person. Sometimes you are the mean, negative person you’re looking to push away. Sometimes the problem is you. And that doesn’t make you less worthy. Keep on growing. Keep on checking yourself. Keep on motivating yourself. Mistakes are opportunities. Look at them, own them, grow from them and move on. Do better, be better.

you’re human. it’s okay. (via oaluz)

[withloveeregina]

I'm often obsessed with figuring out what role I play in other people's lives that I forget to focus on figuring out mine

[withloveeregina]

Stupid blush

I bought blush the other day because my coworker wore blush to our office Holiday Party and I thought she looked super duper pretty. But what's the point of wearing blush if my cheeks get red and look all flushed when I'm tired? And I'm perpetually tired. So the blush doesn't show. -__-

[withloveeregina]

Things I’m thankful for:

People like King and Beenish signing off my CHOC competency form especially on the day I was worried about it

James for having mercy on my procrastinating soul and allowing me to advance despite my own faults

Eric for feeling happy for me. Hinting to me that he is a friend that is there for me even if I don’t see him all the time

Sally. For always being a great role model.

God. For giving me friends like Sally. And everyone else. But mostly Sally.

God for reminding me that He is there in subtlety

[withloveeregina]

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

[withloveeregina]

Studying, done right, can be the most rewarding of all activites. It is stimulating, but relaxing. You’re focused, but wandering your mind.  Your mind is abuzz, but your body breathes slow. You’re alone, but in the company of millenia of thinking. You pick something up, take it apart and you make it your own. You’re literally assembling your future thoughts. You’re in control of how you will see the world.

You’re growing, but you’re raising yourself.

(by x)

[withloveeregina]

I had the chance to meet up and chat with a lovely friend this past Monday. As I fidgeted in my seat, I looked at him with hopeless eyes as he poured out words of love and hope into my heart. 

“I challenge you to be patient.”

After listening to his loving advice, and letting go of all my feelings of bitterness from this waiting, requests for interviews poured into my inbox this morning. 

I’m so spoiled. Thank you, God. And thank you P, for believing me and my potential. You’re a gem. 

[withloveeregina]

It took me a long time to realize this: We get to choose what defines us.

Sarah Addison Allen, The Girl Who Chased the Moon (via mrsclarkkent)

[withloveeregina]

Rant from 9/24

I woke up this morning feeling antsy. I knew that if I stayed home another day, I’d feel lonely and empty, and most problematically, frustrated with everything. I followed my mom to work at an attempt to solve my problems, hoping to get a breath of fresh air that would hopefully knock the wind out of me by the time I got back home so as not to think about the looming feeling of loneliness at night. In fact, that’s what I’ve been doing a lot of lately: going out by myself (even if it means I have to walk under the blazing sun for 30 minutes) just to get myself heat-exhausted by the end of the day so I could knock out and whisper “another day has passed.” I’ve been living these past few days mindlessly - I haven’t been doing anything particularly productive like working; I’m not necessarily applying to jobs, studying for my MCAT (let alone looking up a schedule to kick-start this task). I’m in this sort of limbo that I’m not very happy to be in. 

I’m frustrated because I see people hanging out with each other on different facets of this double-edged sword of a privilege called social media, and though I know most of these photos and videos are filtered out version’s of everyone’s life, I cannot help but meekly compare myself to their days. I feel particularly lonely because I believe that I’m doing nothing, and I almost feel as though I’m not necessarily important or needed in people’s lives. I talked to a handful of people over the phone today, and though I didn’t see them in person, God gently rebuked me, again, that I am not alone. During these moments of frustration, I always find a way to turn away from God. I let the frustration reduce me down into a small child (I envision myself as small as a raisin, LOL), and let myself roll away into a corner to collect dust. In this corner, I unknowingly blame Him for my unhappiness, when really, I know deep in my heart, I cannot survive in this corner. I know I’ll be the most unhappy without Him in my life. And though I’m this stubborn, spoiled brat that refuses to come out of this corner, he ushers me out with a gentle hand and reminds me that I am not lonely. I need to focus on the good things in life, instead of focusing on the bad things. With the situation that I am given, it is definitely difficult to adjust, but I need to learn to not let this define me, but to let how I deal with this rut define my character. 

Fact: I am a strong person. I am the only child of a single mother that was raised on a financially difficult household. Despite this, I am proud of myself for never having really (really) rebelled because the love I have for my mother and God prevented me from going down the wrong direction. Though I know I could have tried harder in some aspects in life, I am proud of myself for having graduated from college with a degree in Biology. I am proud of my resilience, for trying to apply to jobs now even after I left two of them because I was not satisfied. I am proud of myself for fighting for what I want - even though I know that starting over is one of the shittiest experiences I can go through. I am proud of myself for trying to cope with this loneliness.

And though I know I am strong, and though I am proud of myself, these moments of loneliness make me feel utterly weak. But I must remember that even strong people need pillars to rely on. I opened up to my mom on the way out today, not necessarily in the most elaborate and deepest way possible, but with one statement, “Mom, I feel lonely.” And with this statement, though it was said in a very light tone, my mom’s response was enough to make me feel less alone. “Honey, it’s all a part of growing up. People will get busier, and you will, too. And when that happens, you have to realize that it’s life only taking it’s course. It’s these moments that make you realize who your important people are - and you have lots of important people that care for you, I know that for sure.” Though I’ve been incessantly saying this to myself in the shower every night and before bed, I think a reminder from a person who had been there, was enough to make me feel hopeful about this transition. Maybe it’s this simple statement that will get me through today. Perhaps this statement won’t be enough for me to conquer tomorrow. But everyday is a challenge, if it wasn’t, life wouldn’t be the journey that everyone calls it, right?

I’m eager for a better future. Though the present is so hard to deal with because I’m surrounded by my self-perceived emptiness, I know these “post-grad blues” will be yet another thing of the past. I shouldn’t rush this feeling, because I know I am actively trying to change it. And because I’m trying, I know it will change. And once it does change, I’m going to appreciate having had the chance to do nothing but find myself even more through this struggle. 

[withloveeregina]

Fuzzy moments

Since T and I are not able to see each other as much as we used to when we both lived close to campus, I have been better appreciating the moments we do have together. Being apart from T initially scared the bananas out of me, and I tried not to think about it. Even though it really can’t be called “long-distance” in comparison to the last relationship I’ve had, I knew things would be different. I’d miss being able to text him “come over. needy” and having him walk over in just under 5 minutes. I’d miss being able to talk about what we wanted to eat and being able to walk out and grocery shop and cook together. I’d miss being able to have him over at my place until 3 AM because I knew he would be able to walk back home safely. 

Though all of these lovely moments are something I miss dearly (and make me tear up even reading them now), I have to learn to move on and focus on how we can grow even more from this transition. I hope that T and I can continue to communicate effectively - and maybe even better now that we don’t have the opportunity to walk to each other’s places if we sense that something is wrong. 

I’m focusing on the moments we do have together - savoring them when we’re in each other’s presence. Right now, I can't seem to forget the memory of yesterday, with him kissing my forehead and whispering “I love you” while we were napping. 

Hehe, this is pretty gross. I’m gonna barf. 

But I’m happy. And I feel fuzzy. 

[withloveeregina]

I'm really enjoying these lovely smelling bed sheets and blankets (hurrah for laundry!!). But I'm enjoying even more his shirt on my skin and rolling around in it on my bed teehee. C: Moments like these I feel at peace.

[withloveeregina]

Forgiving someone isn’t approving how they wronged you, rather it’s no longer allowing their wrong to define you.

Rachel Wolchin (via incrediblyunoriginal)