writing-under-the-moonlight - Tumblr blog

[writing-under-the-moonlight]

-TRIGGER WARNING-

eating disorders, food, anger issues, overall bad mental health

(this character is a protogen so that’s what all the talk about the visor is about)

I glare down at the food in front of me, anxiety fills me up, almost overflowing. I love it but I hate it, I need to change so why do I want it so badly. Fearfully I pick up the apple, staring at it intensely. I go to open my visor but before I do my anxiety consumes me as I crush the apple with my claws. I slam my visor shut as my visor starts flashing.

Oh no.

It’s happening again.

Red and blue flash on either side of my visor. Red showing only pure anger towards myself, and blue, the despair of being the way I am. Who messed up badly enough to create me? The more I think the more the flashing gets worse. Why was I created just to be thrown out by everyone? Why keep a dysfunctional creation alive?

Why couldn’t I have been one of those cool prototypes? Why was I created like this and not like the others? The only thing I can control anymore is my food, it’s all I have left.

The flashing calms down and blue takes over my vision. My tears aren’t even real, if I’m not perfect like the rest what was the point of making me? Fear and anxiety of staying alive envelopes me as I wrap my arms around myself.

I just want to change.

[writing-under-the-moonlight]

꧁𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘂𝗽 𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗴𝗶𝗳𝘀꧂

𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲,𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝘀𝗲/𝘀𝗮𝘃𝗲

♡︎ 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙏𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙧 ♡︎

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

[writing-under-the-moonlight]

//I’m sorry, so so sorry//

-TRIGGER WARNING-

smoking, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy behanviors, angels, celestial beings, yelling, swearing

I take a long hit of my cig, blowing out the smoke just to watch the pretty swirls of danger signs and addiction. Humans are so easily influenced, how could they let something this deadly into their world, their lives. I stare at a brick wall outside my window, the best view in the whole town, right? The brick looks on the verge of crumbling down, everyday I watch as it gets worse and worse. I take another long hit of my cig, I feel like just watching the reflection of the smoke in somebody’s eyes could get you hooked. The overwhelming sense of calmness when you hit it, then the guilt because you know your friends disapprove, and lastly the inevitable breakdown late at night when you know nobody’s watching. It’s a life of luxury, am I right? 

I push myself against my windowsill, spinning as I let the force push me away. I’m hanging on to what I have for dear life, but I don’t know how long my grip can last. Why couldn’t have I just been killed, instead I was banished to this fucking hell of a place. Everyone’s annoying and I just want to go home..

“Ruki! Whatcha doing?” Iro comes barging in, like always. That little idiot.

“Nothing.” I said, sounding slightly slurred. I took the cig I had in my hands and tightened the grip I had on it into a fist, to hide it. It was still lit so I felt a searing pain onto my palm. I just can’t let him be disappointed in me.

“Hey.. I was just wondering..” He looked away for a second, obviously arguing with himself in his head again. I wonder why he came in here like this? Usually by now he’s on top of me, being the sweetest asshole you could think of.

I opened my mouth, about to say something but he beat me to it.

“Have you been… doing “the thing” recently?” He looks at me dead in the eyes, it’s rare to see him this serious. I’m supposed to be the best at lying, at being a horrible person, and yet I cannot lie to those soft-spoken eyes.

“I- y’know- it’s not-” I get cut off by Iro as he makes his way closer to me, his un-done hair and his eyebags coming more into detail.

“So you have?” His voice sounded broken, he sounded in such genuine pain. I couldn’t do this, why did I have to get attached to a fucking human.

“Maybe I have! Why does it matter to you? You’re just a human, what made you think you could talk like that to me?!” I screamed, it was almost ear piercing to myself so I couldn’t imagine how it was for others. I bared my teeth, scowling.

“Do you get how fucking hard it is to stay in this body? To stay in this sack of meaninglessness? I am just a shell of the powerful being I once was, I could’ve killed any of yo-”

I cut myself off.

What was I thinking..?

I took this moment to look at Iro again, they were staring at me. Blankly.

I fucked up really bad this time.

“Listen I didn’t really mea-”

“No! You absolute fucking asshole! You’re fucking out, pack your fucking bags! Find someone else to fucking harass, you fucking bastard!” Somehow I found someone who’s screaming is even more ear piercing than my own.

It felt surreal. Everything was fine 10 minutes ago. Then I had to go and mess everything up. Iro is the sweetest person I’ll ever find and I just probably lost them forever. I really might be the worst person to ever grace this place, huh? It’s kinda funny, y’know, becoming a person not even you can like.

I calmed down and stared at Iro, now they’re the one baring their teeth. Tears messily rolling out, and snot all over their sleeve from wiping their nose. My face did not have an expression anymore, blank. There was nothing to feel but regret and guilt, so why feel at all.

“Understood.” I mumble in a monotone voice, I drag my feet behind me as I grab the only thing that really matters to me, a little plushie that Iro made me. I already had my cigs in my back pocket.

I started taking steps towards him, heading for the door. I watched him flinch as I got near him, feeling a twinge of pain in my body. I paused right after I passed him, just for long enough to say one thing.

“I’m sorry, Iro.”

[writing-under-the-moonlight]

//Forever Rusting Chains//

-TRIGGER WARNING-

domestic abuse, chains, abandonment, insanity, bad mental health, yandere behaviors

I was sitting silently in the corner of a small white room. I didn’t know much but I did know that I was currently in the house owned by the love of my life. Well, to be fair, handcuffed and beaten, but it’s all worth it. I know he’s just trying to act tough, he’ll realize we’re perfect for each other soon enough.

I hear a slight click echo into the room, through the door. It was so very quiet here, it wasn’t exactly my taste but I could get used to it for him.

I carefully listen for the footsteps and my heartbeat pounds faster and faster each footstep I hear getting closer. I waited until I could hear him right outside the door before saying anything.

“Reid! I knew you’d be back! Can’t you stay with me for today? It’d be the most you could do for leaving me for so long!”

I hear the creek of the door before I see his dead-cold stare I’ve learned to love so much… I felt his eyes bore into me, it makes me feel something I’d never felt before him. This excitement in my chest… I will make him realize we are meant to be. I will force him to make me his one and only…

“Why would I do that? I have work to do.” He then turns away from me, towards a desk. I watch his hands twirl around, moving and grabbing what he needs. A feeling of betrayal and embarrassment bubbles inside me. I can’t just let him do this to me, I can’t just let him leave again.

“What about your parents..? I thought you wanted more info. It seems like you don’t want it anymore, then…” I say looking at him with a stare that could compete with his. I slightly tilt my head as if I’m completely innocent, knowing exactly what I’m doing to him.

His eyes darted back to me, I expected something, anything, but, once again, only got those dead eyes. He drops his stuff back down onto the desk, turning his whole body to face me. 

His footsteps once again overtaking my hearing, each one, getting closer, brought me back to myself. Fear claimed my eyes as its own, clearly showing him my true feelings. He crouched down and before I could say anything, his hand flew up to my chin. I winced as his grip tightened and he brought my face up so I couldn’t look away.

“Is this what you want?” He says, looking so deep into my eyes I feel like he’s trying to kill my soul.

His other hand grabs my side, harshly, pulling me towards him. His eyes are so horribly beautiful, I can’t help but fall for him, all of him…

“Is this what ‘romance’ is to you?” His face starts coming closer to mine. I can’t even respond to him. Without giving him another second I force my mouth on his and take control of the kiss. He wasn’t doing anything, just sitting there, letting me do what I want. I could work with this…

I pulled away for air and he continued looking at me. I couldn’t care about anything else anymore, this must mean he loves me. He has to…

“I love you…” I whisper so quietly only we could’ve ever heard it. He lets go of my chin and waist, which lets me fall back against the wall, but he doesn’t move.

He seemed very deep in thought until he said something I hadn’t heard since I was young…

“I love you too.”

There it is.

I want to stay calm in front of him but it’s too much for me.

My eyes start to water and I go to wipe them but am reminded of my handcuffs. I look at him and smile, tears rolling down my face. He looks like he doesn’t care but I know he does… he’s trying to act tough… I just need to show him it’s fine.

“Tell me about my parents-” He cuts himself off as he suddenly stands up, towering over me. 

“Now.” I felt an obligation to tell him, but I couldn’t. There’s a chance if I did he wouldn’t love me anymore, and we can’t be having that…

“No.” I was going to just leave it at that but, somehow, without showing any emotions his glare got worse.

“You haven’t earned it.” I stated in a matter-of-factly manner. You’ve got to beat fire with fire, right?

I think I made it worse…

Wait…

What..?

Giggles turned to chuckles, chuckles turned to laughs, and the laughs turned into…

Something… not sane.

Echoes of what could be called laughter flooded my ears. A fear I had not once felt infiltrated my senses. Nothing else was there. Nothing… except him…

I open my mouth to apologize but nothing comes out. All the words I could say are blocking each other in my throat, jumbling it all together.

“You think… I don’t deserve it?” His eyes, for the first time, look like something other than dead. They look… insane. There are so many things swirling in his eyes, everything I have yet to see all at the same time.

“You don’t know shit.”

Huh..?

“I went through so much…”

There’s something more here… 

“They should’ve known.”

Oh, I get it now…

“It’s all their fault!”

“Betrayal.”

[writing-under-the-moonlight]

♥♥♥

-TRIGGER WARNING FOR MY PROFILE-

eating disorders, depression, anxiety, abuse, smoking, alcohol, bad physical health, trauma, nfsw

Hello!! This account is to post my writings and treat almost as a portfolio! I’m not expecting anything here to really get notes at all, but I said I’d try to branch out and share my writing more, so I guess I will! Well, welcome to my profile if you have somehow found yourself on it, I hope you enjoy your stay and feel free to shoot me a dm or question whenever!

If you would like to know more about me or contact me on different platform, please take a look at my linktree! (If you want to chat, dm me on Discord, I much prefer it over anything else!) 

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