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Kathleen Scarlett Hawke by Numbers

1- the number of times I’ve gotten surgery. I had a reconstructive knee surgery in August 2018.

2- the amount of dogs I have right now. I have a 7 yr old Pekingese named Beckham and a 7 yr old Pekingese-Chihuahua mix named Dempsey.

3- the amount of times I've seen the band The 1975 in concert.

4- the amount of people in my family. My parents are divorced but it’s still mom, dad, my big brother noah, and me as far as I’m concerned.

6- the amount of people I've kissed---whether it be as friends or romantically. 

18.5- the amount of years I’ve been alive.

20- the amount of plants I own and care for.

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-put vanilla behind your ears

-spray your face with rosewater

-save bugs (and put them outside) instead of killing them and save worms off the sidewalk from drying up 

-light a lilac scented candle

-open the window in your car when driving below 45mph to really feel the sun

-sing and dance as often as possible

-let the people in your life know that you love them

✧*:･ﾟ✧ how to feel more angelic ✧*:･ﾟ✧

— paint your nails with an ethereal color such as white, baby blue or pastel pink, adding glitter as a plus

— get dressed in frilly clothes

— wear your hair with soft curls, let the air brush your locks

— be gentle in everything you do

— listen to piano instrumentals and get unconsciously lost in the melody

— be kind to others, enchant them all with your never ending kindness

— let yourself daydream about other worlds

— talk to plants and animals, let them know they are loved

— treat yourself with some lavender milk

— never forget to be yourself in everything you do, embrace your flaws and make peace with your body and mind

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A quick take on high school relationships.

It’s hard to advise teenagers aged 14-18 the dangers of falling in love in high school. You tell them it won’t last and they won’t believe you (that’s human nature to think you’re above destiny). Truth be told, for me personally, I think they are normal and its normal to date and meet people. I just worry about people who stay with their high school sweetheart. As adorable that truly is, I worry because it’s as though they’re all you’ve ever known and you never experienced the raw heartbreak or met someone new and learned more from them. I worry about my peers who are following their boyfriends/girlfriends to colleges across the country. I think it’s valid to want to stay together and of course there are circumstances in which staying together is healthy and okay, but often times that is not achieved. My last relationship needed to end--- as we both needed to grow. Clinging to someone you aren’t one hundred percent sure of is unhealthy for both parties. And clinging because you’re scared to be alone isn’t healthy either. Understand it’s okay to let go, and if you are truly meant to be with this person, the right time will come for that. Enjoy your youth as an individual and don’t spend your time trying yo change your life to coincide with this person you loved in high school. High school is four years of your (likely) eighty or so. Do you really think he/she is all there is for you? My romantic heart understands where you are coming from and wants your love to succeed but remember that you’re young and losing this relationship will not destroy you.

Pictured: My ex-boyfriend James (February 2018).

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Sleepless Thoughts

Hello. I have gotten no sleep last night and I would like to document some of my thought process as a result of that. It may be the same, we shall see.

1. The song What Goes Around.../...Comes Around by Justin Timberlake did not have to smack that hard but it did anyway! And still does! I was at work the other day and this was playing and I just absolutely lost my marbles, it was such a good listen.

2. I am interested in purchasing a rose plant. But is it abusive to keep a plant like that (which in nature is in bush form), in a pot? I have no space for a bush to be planted as I have no land that I own and may legally alter with preconceived longevity of the rose bush.

3. Why is practicing witchcraft so frowned upon in society? Looking back into history, the “witches” are the ones who received the most harm. And they often times weren’t even witches. In the United States, we live in a national society that paints acceptance across its face but secretly revels in its historical bigotry. Anyone, should be able to practice whatever religious practice they want, so as they aren’t committing crimes, harming anyone, or causing terror. If a person who looks a certain way due to their religion or race or sexuality or gender causes you terror, maybe you should look inside yourself instead of living in fear of other human beings just living their lives.

4. I wonder about running away sometimes. You know those people you see working at gas stations or convenience stores in the middle of no where and they seem basically alone? Why do I want that a little? Sometimes I wonder if anyone will make me as happy as my own solitude does.

5. I have secret dream jobs, besides being a veterinarian. I want to be an actress or a Stand up comedian, or a florist. I’d also absolutely adore being a photographer or a tattoo artist. I sometimes wonder if I should just be a veterinary technician instead of a veterinarian, so I can do other things too. Plus it takes significantly less school and significantly less money.

6. I have a fear of moths. Looking into it, it seems that moth can sometimes signify faith or blind faith. Does that say anything about me? I can’t remember the last time I did something without being completely certain of every possible thing that could happen next. Blind faith is scary because that usually means I’m trusting someone else and I so rarely am capable of doing that.

7. Sometimes having a fish is hard because in my heart I want to give him a hug, but in my brain I know that that would kill him. I should get us something matching. He has a chunk of rose quartz in the northeast corner of his tank and I was thinking maybe I could get a rose quartz to have around my necklace. That’s kind of weird but it’s hard to express appreciation for fish, and I try to do it for every living thing, so I will do what I can. 

8. You know how many people you look at and you think “oh my goodness they are so pretty” or handsome or beautiful or whichever compliment you use? There’s so many people that have done that about you and you don’t even know it. Not that it matters, the only validation that means anything substantial is self validation and I stand by that. But it’s just interesting to think about that because I naturally have insecurities, as many do. And we all think everyone else is better than us. The only time anyone would be better than anyone is if Tom Hanks and everyone on the planet were in one room.

Thank you for listening! 

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How to: Betta Fish

On Saturday April 20th, I purchased my own little baby fish. I’ve never had a fish before, even though that is many people’s first pet. I've had hamsters, rats, dogs, and cats. My fish is white yet slightly translucent with blood red fins and tail, and big black eyes. From a very, very beginner perspective, here is how to care for a your betta fish.

1. Find the perfect fish for you! It took me a while because in my heart I wanted to care for as many as possible, but betta fish cannot be kept in a tank with other fish (even other betta fish). I was analyzing fish after fish. Some looked like an aquatic version of Van Gogh’s starry night while some just looked like a holographic underwater butterfly. I eventually looked at the babies, because I was interested in watching my fish grow up. He is currently still small but grows a little each day. I’m looking forward to finding out which “type” of betta he is, as it is difficult to tell when they are babies. I named him Orpheus. My mom calls him “Little Man”, “Squidward”, and “Foofy Foofy”.

2. Find a tank big enough for your betta. Get some decorations or plants so your betta has places to hide and isn’t just alone in a tank. He already has no friends besides you, so get him a comfy plant (real or fake) to rest in. I gave Orpheus a fake plant, a mini dragon statue, and a sizable piece of rose quartz. Always research your decoration to double check it is safe for your fish. Make sure you have rocks beneath

3. Find food. They often eat flakes but since I purchased a baby betta fish, I had to get micro pellets. I feed him 6-8 pellets every morning and every night. He is going to grow to be about 2 1/2 inches, or at least he is supposed to.

4. Transport him home safely, after you make the necessary purchases. I don’t encourage theft.

5. Set up the tank while he is still in his small cup that you bought him in. Let him stay there for a while during the set up, he’s been there for a bit already and a few hours likely will not kill him. The tank needs room temperature water, and needs to be dechlorinated by a special cleanser sold in pet stores. It needs about 10 drops per gallon of water in the tank. I have a 1.4 gallon tank so I did about 12 drops.

6. After getting the water temperate, getting the rocks placed, the decorations situated, I put the cup the betta fish was in into the water. This is to get him used to the water before placing him into it immediately, so as to avoid the risk of shock. I left him there for a few hours before dumping him and his water into the tank, once I felt the water was temperate.

7. Love him! Talk to him! I play piano music for Orpheus. A fish can be a wonderful pet.

-Katie

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My Self Care Day. In list form.

1. Woke up and sat with my dogs. Sometimes you forget how much love you can have for your pet when they wake you up instead of an alarm. 

2. I showered! It was time to start fresh. 

3. I did a weird foot mask and I played the video game Skyrim for an hour. Apparently, the foot mask will cause the dead skin on my foot to peel off over the next 5-7 days. Sounds like it’s going to be interesting.

4. I cleaned my room! I lit a lilac scented candle, turned on some Third Eye Blind, and got to it. It’s amazing how much faster things go once you actually do them. And it’s basically impossible for me to be in my room and be productive while my room is messy, so this is a nice change of pace. I feel like my room is a reflection of my current mindset and when its messy I can’t focus. Hopefully cleaning it will help me “clean” my mind, so to speak.

5. I am about to do my laundry and clean the cat litter box so that my mom has less to do when she gets home from work tonight. While I do that I often daydream of my future apartment and have my headphones in.

This self care day has been quite beneficial to me! If you have the opportunity to take a day to collect yourself and nurture your mental health, seize it! And if you don’t, it is worth while for you to find a way to make that opportunity for yourself.

Best,

Katie Hawke

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A Small Astrology Post.

hello! A fun fact about me is that I’ve had an interest in astrology since a young age. Here’s a smidge of my knowledge. Also I know to some, astrology is nonsense. But to some, so is religion in general. And I am not religiously dedicated or anything; it just interests me.

So:

Sun sign- the most You if that makes sense. It’s the way you act and are

Moon sign- inner self and expression of emotions. the you  that most people don’t get to see

Mercury sign- how you communicate to others or relate to others

Venus sign- how you form relationships and friendships and what your tendencies might be

Mars sign- how you handle problems,fight or flight reactions to conflict, etc.

I don’t really look too into Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, or Pluto.

I do look at the ascendant/rising sign though, and that’s what people might think you are before getting to know you.

For example, I’ll self analyze.

I have a scorpio sun. This offers a sense of intensity, passion, and critical thought into things that I do. It also can cause a tendency to be distrusting towards others, as loyalty and honesty are priorities.

I have a scorpio moon. Big surprise, I get even darker and introspective when I am alone. However with the scorpio moon that allows for me to find comfort in being alone, because sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be with someone I don’t trust or find exhausting. People with scorpio moons also rarely get attached to people but when they do it’s a very strong connection that can be very hard to break.

I have a scorpio mercury. This can be demonstrated when I easily connect with people in one on one discussions. I thrive being alone with another person; groups get to be a little much sometimes and I like to be entirely focused on one person at a time and really get to know them. I can be a bit interrogative because I am often wondering if the person is really trustworthy. But there is a point of vulnerability in which the scorpio mercury is so honest it scares them, and that’s how you know they really trust you.

I have a sagittarius venus. This means that I often chase people who don’t want me and run from people who do. I fear when people are too clingy towards me and can be very aloof at times in relationships. I just like to have fun. However, with my moon in scorpio that means I remain loyal and maintain long term attachments well. Sometimes forming said attachments is hard when I run away from people who want to be my friend or date me, and run towards the people who want nothing to do with me.

I have a virgo mars. This means that I am a very critical, honest, confrontational person when it comes to conflict. I don’t like to beat around the bush. I like to figure stuff out right away and get it done. I don’t understand passive aggression or even regular aggression. I just say exactly what I mean, sometimes without regard to someone else’s feelings. I deem the truth more important and lose track of empathy in the heat of the moment.

I have a pisces rising. So I seem very in my head and out of it. Artistic, flowy, and dreamy. People think I am softer and less confrontational than I am.

Thanks for reading

DM me to talk astrology :-)

-Katie

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here’s what yesterday was

yesterday evening my friend and I celebrated our one year friendship anniversary. we got tea and cookie dough, and dinner at Olive Garden. she gave me a candle and a Mac miller CD. I think our waitress thought we were dating. It turns out, my friend is a fool and forgot her wallet at the mall we went to. So after dinner and after we were settled in at my house, she got a phone call from the mall security saying that they had her wallet. Then we had to go all the way back to the mall and pick it up. Then we danced in the mall while waiting for the officer to bring her wallet. It was a good time. But we were really cold. I had a lot of layers on. We listened to Bohemian Rhapsody in the car together, and overall it was a memorable anniversary of friendship.

Here’s my advice I learned.

1. Appreciate your friends too.

2. Listen to Mac Miller.

3. Dance like nobody’s watching. It can warm you up if you need it.

4. There are never too many breadsticks.

5. Sometimes you should taste test cookie dough before you buy it. Sometimes it is harder than you anticipate initially, and then your friend has to rip it into small pieces with her grubby hands.

6. If not sure, ask the price. You may be pleasantly surprised.

7. Yellow fur coats are IN.

8. Pick up stop signs if they fall over. It’s courtesy.

9. Don’t drop big beads into a pile of small beads and yell “Yahtzee!”, the beads will go everywhere and everyone will be disappointed. What a mess!

10. Sometimes in one-person bathrooms, there are two toilets. And one is really small. More for me, I guess. I emphasize to you the importance of putting the seat down prior to doing what you gotta do.

11. A lot of relationships don’t last forever but that’s okay.

12. Give your waitress a nice review. She deserves it!

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Hello.

This is where I am going to talk. If I sound pretentious that’s not my intention. I can almost guarantee that any of you is smarter than me, I am not on my high horse here. 

It’s nice to meet you all even if we never will meet face to face. I hope it is possible for us to form friendships despite the screens that simultaneously separate and connect us. I don’t really like talking about myself but I will for the introductions post.

Here are ten facts about me. 1. I want to study veterinary medicine after high school.

2. I want a bearded dragon really badly. I really want to travel to the desert with him while we wear matching hats. His would be small, of course. As he is small.

3. I dye and cut my hair impulsively, which I can’t tell if that’s a healthy coping mechanism or not.

4. I often wear a little ring on my left middle finger with a small eye on it. I believe it’s lucky. I am superstitious to a moderate extent. I really like astrology even if there is no scientific truth behind it. My beliefs aren’t hurting anybody so I embrace them.

5. One time when I was younger around halloween, my family and I went shopping for pumpkins. I (of course) thought that a little red gourd was cuter. So while my brother wielded a giant orange pumpkin, I held a small little red gourd and we were all happy. The end.

6. My backup plan if I do not get into vet school is to go off the grid and become a vigilante, picking up odd jobs somewhere in Arizona.

7. Right now my favorite song is Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel. I love Simon and Garfunkel. 

8. Lemonade Mouth is was (and still is) my favorite Disney Channel Original movie. Despite my complete detest in lemonade. And lemons. And everything citrus. Except this movie.

9.l I didn't like my second grade teacher. One time I accidentally interrupted her and she yelled at me. I still hold that with me. 

10. I frequently wake up really early in the morning, randomly. Usually when that happens I spend my time planning my future. Applying for a job, planning my apartment, or just thinking about what it is going to look like. For instance,  I recently applied to three random colleges at four AM.