z-zeph

[z-zeph]

Protection. One that’s unwanted.

Xiao x reader

// wrote that 6k thing in a day. Xiao is obsessed with you and keeping you safe, but isn’t that an excuse to fulfill his selfish desires?

Warnings: noncon, stalking, kidnapping, manipulation, afab reader

... 「♡��

Xiao was prone to being overprotective, even more now that you found yourself always stumbling upon hilichurls and alike. It was a weird phenomenon, and as glad as you were for him keeping your safety, the eerie feeling in your gut grew.

"There are more citizens of liyue, you know?" You'd say each time, arms crossed like always. The image of the hilichurls scattered masks was unnerving. "You may want to keep them safe too"

"You're the one who keeps getting into trouble, and by doing that I'm still doing my job.”

It was always the same conversation. You'd go forge for ingredients, and for some reason Hilichurls were already following. Or waiting for an ambush. Or you'd just step right into their little bunch.

And each time you'd sigh, shaking your head. Xiao meant swiftness, he explained to you how he can be anywhere within moments. That it was completely normal for him to show up right in time to save you.

For some odd reason aside from these odd occasions you hardly saw him either. That was worrying enough. Being a yaksha, it was unusual for him to behave in such a way. You were only a citizen, you truly wondered if he just didn't have better things to do; it filled you with guilt almost.

How the powerful yaksha is wasting his time on saving such an irrelevant, unimportant life because you just can't stop getting into trouble.

You shook your head as you entered your home, again unaware of the golden eyes that stalked you on your way. The entire time, silent, observing.

The thought of Xiao was, to say, unnerving. Maybe he felt lonely, unsure how to make friends, so he tried to impress you with that? That must've been the case, he did give you a necklace of sorts. It was short, small. Carrying a gem, it being the colour of your eyes.

"It reminded me of you" was all he said when he gave it to you the other day. "The gem is really sensitive to the sun, so it's most appropriate to keep it covered while wearing it.”

Maybe he didn't speak to you much if at all aside from saving you over and over. You felt odd.

It made you happy to know someone had you in their thoughts even if you weren't present, having not that many friends. In fact you weren't even sure why Xiao stuck around, did he consider you a friend of sorts?

It went all too smoothly, and you being blissfully unaware made it even better. It was a pure coincidence that you were attacked by hilichurls that one time, your knee scraped and red as he easily kicked the monsters to the side.

You were on the ground then, you thought you'd die. You really did. Not just the hilichurls, but the geovishap hatchlings that were nearby? When Xiao showed up you only looked at him with that teary eyed expression, rubbing your cheek.

Your frame looked pathetic in that position, knocked down, helpless. It sparked a sense of.. protection in Xiao. How terribly useless you were regarding your own safety.

"S-sorry for the trouble, Conqueror of Demon's-" you started, unsure. You couldn't tell how he was here at that time anyway, it was a blessing from god's that you made it out alive.

"..be more careful next time. I may not be around again."

He had his back turned on you despite his face tilted enough to see you, and he disappeared into thin air. Just like he appeared.

Despite his disappearance from the scene, the image of your weak frame on the ground was stuck in his mind.

It was stuck in his mind now, even when he recalled it countless times, his hand fast on his length to the image of diminishing you, breaking you into the bed. He wanted to take you hard. And fast.

You were shaken for a while after that encounter, only to accidentally meet the yaksha again in the Wansghu Inn. You were hired there soon after; you were ambitious really. Even if your ambition hardly played a part in you being hired.

Verr hired you upon hearing the beautiful story of your aspirations, - or that's what she made you think - how you wanted to pursue more in life, and that you'd start with saving the money first. Your job was mainly to get ingredients and clean there, and more often than not you'd accidentally bump into Xiao on the balcony near the rooftop.

It wasn't really a lie to say Verr really did want to hire you, but Xiao took a part in it. He made sure she hired you and you only, and oh did it give him more opportunities than he'd imagine.

It was weird, how the first time he saw you again, he gave you that necklace. It felt weird that someone thought about you right after meeting you, but you took the gift nonetheless. It wasn't like you had many things that carried emotional value, so you wore it often, always.

It was even weirder that unknown to you, you still plagued the adeptus' mind. Maybe you saw the gesture as nice, but anything that reminded him of you he kept.

Coincidentally, whenever Verr Goldet sent you to fetch ingredients, you'd stumble upon a monster, only having Xiao come and save you. He was waiting for that moment really, the sound of your shriek as you took a run for it in pure fear. He wanted to be the one to get that reaction out of you.

That friendship was built weirdly. On sand. Only based on the possibility of you being attacked one day: probabilistic, unsure. Developing only at the times of your utmost need, out of necessity.

It made you feel even more useless, the idea that a Yaksha had to save you whenever he could. It was unnerving, just how fast he showed up. Truly as if he was already waiting near the Hilichurls, waiting for them to do something to have an occasion to get his anger out.

With a shake of your head you patted down your wet hair. All of that were some mere memories that shouldn't plague your mind outside of your work. And still, the memories of Xiao flooding your brain, filling your senses.

He had you in his spider's web of some sorts already, you being the blissfully unaware butterfly he'd take away and devour.

Slowly but surely wrapping around you, working his web to be thicker, resistant. And before you knew it he plagued your daily life.

Knowing where you lived. What you did, what shampoo did you use? It smelled nice. The size of your clothes, your chest, the colour of your flesh.

Xiao was everywhere but nowhere at once, everywhere you went and yet, nowhere you could see him. If you bumped at him in the Inn, he looked nervous, fingers visibly twitching as he'd take a step back.

Being used to seeing you from afar and up close, without being seen, he was yet to grow familiar with the routine of you seeing him too.

Seeing him, speaking to him with that sweet, unaware voice. He wanted you to see only him and speak to him only.

And when you'd initiate the conversation he'd grow nervous again. He wasn't unpleasant to speak with per se..

You assume he was like you, the odd one out. Maybe he was yet to learn to communicate.

One time you finally managed to keep him in the conversation however, happy at just how interested he was in your little story of ambitions.

"I'd like to pursue higher education, and even though I may not be accepted at the Akademiya, I know Sumeru has plenty other options"

You started the topic innocently, simply asking what he usually does. It followed by him saying how he must protect Liyue as a vigilant yaksha. "Yeah, but aside from that? What do you do for yourself?”

"What.. Do you mean for myself?"

And that's how you told him how your work at the Inn was only to save up, and how you do it for yourself; pursue a better future. Work so the past you can be proud. And he should be happy that you have ambitions.

But butterflies don't survive in deserted lands, and even if Sumeru wasn't only made of sand, he already imagined you moving further and further to the west, further away.

The paranoid thought that you tried to escape the web he carefully put together for you made his throat go tight. His voice hitched when he spoke after, doing his best to push it down to normalcy. "I see"

You wondered if you upset him. "Don't worry, I'll come by and visit once a while."

Once a while. It made him want to scoff, once a while. Were you teasing him? Trying to make him go insane? Promising such silly nothings?

Humans were fragile, even more so butterflies. He couldn't have your wings break in Sumeru, so that you wouldn't return. What if you'd think you found a better life there and not returned?

He'd have to break your wings before they'd break on their own in an unknown land.

"I know"

With that he disappeared as he always did, and you learned not to take it as an offense. Xiao was a weird, avoidant man.

You saw him less during that time, and so you did your thing again. Picking some chillies for Verr Goldet, you suddenly saw a rather big shadow overcome the sky. It was unfortunate that you wandered near Liyue harbor to get more things for Verdet, your gaze turning into fear the moment you saw what blocked the sky. Giant clouds, sea serpents. Before you could think twice you took the things and fled, you warned Verr.

You couldn't find Xiao, then again you assumed he'd be safe, briefly keeping Verr up to date before she offered you tea. "Xiao is stronger than you take him for. Physically he may not always be present, but he's strong enough to help them deal with it"

That's what she said. Xiao means swiftness. Spiders are swift in their movements.

It's been hours when the fighting finally stopped, the anxiety not leaving you nonetheless. Thankfully for you Xiao came back without a scratch, and you sighed in relief.

Maybe the time between you two was brief, but he was still a dear friend to you. Even if that friendship was only showing in him shielding you from the hilichurls he himself sent on you.

"You're safe, oh my god" the moment you saw him you couldn't help but hug him.

The situation was dangerous, even if Xiao was around for a while, you couldn't be sure he'd be safe, even if he wasn't the only one to fight. You were in constant danger, even with Xiao around.

He went stiff, unmoving, before he put his hand on your back. He didn't truly hug back, surprised. The softness of your skin making him dizzy, the closeness of your hair to his face, your scent. He had you so close he could just-

You pulled back with a sigh, shaking your head. "I'm sorry, I was just worried sick."

Worried sick. If something like that came up he wouldn't be able to protect you, stay near you to make sure you didn't wiggle out of the net. Even if most trouble that came your way was because of him.

The hilichurls around you gave him a great chance to show his strength. During the times before, when Women were decent according to him, it wasn't uncommon to court a lady by showing one's abilities to take care of her.

Whether it was fighting giant sea monsters or swiftly depriving smaller creatures of life.

But now he could no longer be sure he'd keep a watch on you at all times, deciding it was time for another step. He gave Verr Goldet a knowing look.

"It's fine. The fallen god has been temporarily stopped, one isn't sure if it won't come out again."

Fallen god. Did Xiao say fallen god?

The look of terror washed on your face again, and you seemed a bit pale for a moment. "Tempo-temporarily?"

You'd have to keep your work up to move away for your safety then, you'd rather not risk dying because of drowning. After all, you were aware of what the fatui did. And knowing that they had Liyue in their reach sickened you.

Xiao recognised that look of panic, the one he loved seeing for himself and himself only, hands on your shoulders to squeeze them. "I will protect you."

"Xiao. The entire Liyue needs your strength, not just me."

The way you said it made him think you were rejecting his advances. He couldn't have that. Not after everything he worked for to have you.

Not after these weeks or even months of you making him feel weird. A sense of tightness in his chest.

The way he'd uncontrollably hide somewhere to palm his hard length. The amount of times he spent in his bed, getting off to the idea of you. Your tears. Having you. Your thighs peeking out of your dress. Your curves that showed themselves whenever you'd be terrified, on the floor, crying after each attack.

"I understand" still, he'd play along. Verr couldn't help but swallow the remaining saliva in her mouth, the way Xiao spared her a look making her nervous.

She knew of his advances and his plans, and she was painfully aware of the way you sealed your fate just now.

And yet she'd remain nothing but an observator.

Within moments more he was gone, leaving you to sigh. He was always stubborn. So stubborn it drove you insane sometimes.

Still you did your best to give him the benefit of the doubt, patience. So when within a few days he invited you for tea you didn't decline, your first time being in his room.

He presented you with a teapot. Ironic. Maybe he felt better now. "so that is what you meant by.. tea time?"

He briefly explained how the tea pot was actually a pocket dimension, which made that tea time sound so much funnier. "This is where we will have our tea. I take joy in spending time there, it's calm" he murmured.

"Is that really true? That this is a pocket dimension, I mean?" It sounded bizarre. You've never seen such a thing.

Xiao took quite an inspiration from the travelers story regarding the teapot they once were in. Intrigued, he managed to get his hands on one. He briefly explained to the older lady how even a yaksha needs a peaceful place to rest at, and so he had it.

With some adeptal power and moving things around, be arranged the inside to his liking.

"Yeah, if you touch it's opening and rub around its edge three times it should let you inside"

And so you did, and when he was sure you were inside the pot he went along with you.

It was surprising to see the inside being house like. You imagine it would be more open, from the window seeing the fact it was some sort of an island. It wasn't huge, but it definitely fit the house, the small garden, and benches. Looking out of the window gave you quite an insight on the area, the current time in the realm being the night.

The moon was pleasantly seen through the center of the window. As if that was put there on purpose.

Xiao was near you within a moment. "Do you like it here?"

"I quite like the style you picked for this place" you didn't know it was based on your own place of occupation.

"Yeah, you should see the rest too. There's a bathroom, kitchen, and a bedroom." He seemed to almost want you to check these out, waiting for you to tell him it was nice. Stroke his hair like he did a good job.

"I mean we just meant to get the tea.. but- sure-"

Given the way Xiao phrased it, you'd entertain him for a while, letting him show you the kitchen. It wasn't huge, but it definitely had the things that were necessary. "you are an adeptus, so I do wonder why you'd need these things? Is it a rest place of some sorts?"

"Place to achieve relaxation? One could say that, perhaps" the relaxation wouldn't be achieved without the key element that's missing from the abode.

Iit seemed to fit your tastes, it was amusing to know Xiao shared the similar views. And the bathroom. It didn't have any extras, just being the standard bare minimum bathroom. It was to be expected, he was a man.

After that there was the bedroom, it.. eerily empty. Having a bed, some furniture, but it lacked any soul.

Not that many decorations, as big as it was. It seemed dark, despite the moonlight seeping through the blinds.

"You sure have a funny taste for the-'' he was staring at you. "Interior design"

The yaksha just rolled his eyes, looking to the side. Ah the guilt was creeping through. Was he making the right choice? More often than not the way you showed yourself to him had his fingers twitching.

The way you'd smile at him whenever you saw him at the Inn, or the terrified look on your face whenever he knocked down the pesky monsters. He wanted to see all of that.

"I suppose this room being empty serves its purpose" not empty per se. Devoid of things was the better word.

He tried not to let his greed eat him. Scratching at his stomach, reaching his windpipe and tearing at his neck from the inside out.

"I see. A calming room perhaps?" Maybe he didn't like flashy colours. You simply assumed that. The yaksha was right behind you by then, hand on your shoulder. "one could say that, do you like it?"

Maybe he just wanted to hear you validate his choices. Maybe Xiao was like any other person from the inside out.

"It's not my style but it's nice? I'd say I do like it" you knew the yaksha was odd sometimes, but you'd still give him the benefit of the doubt.

"One is glad to hear that. Good that you like it, this is your new home."

"Uh- wha-what?"

"With the situation outside, the fallen god and the fatui, I have to personally make sure no harm befalls you"

He said it as if it was something sure already. Something clear, like the thing that made sense.

"Oh Xiao I- this is a lovely place, it is!" You were never that sure of a person, but you had to set a boundary this time. "I can't stay here, but I can visit you here often if you'd like."

Always feeling guilty for saying no. Constantly having to be apologetic about your choices, it awakened something in Xiao. Anytime you'd whine how sorry you are for having him save you. He didn't feel in such a weird way before, the way you'd try to get out of the situation by sweet words.

You were naive of sorts, that's what he found sweet. And yet that sweetness of your voice could never truly make him change his mind.

"The choice was made, mortal. You are staying here, and given you don't seem to know what's good for you, I'll be responsible and make this decision for you."

Your face felt drained of blood and colour, only being able to look at him from the side.

"Xiao-" he was already pressed into you, and your brain short-circuited the moment you realised you stepped back far enough near the wall. "Xiao." This time your voice sounded harsher. Sure, confident. You needed to place a boundary before the yaksha could fully cross it.

You needed to make your point audible, before he fully crossed the line.

"I said; no. You will respect that. I gave you enough wiggle room to be weird and odd, but this ends." Your eyes sparked with anger of sorts, but the way they still looked unsure to him. The way your lips trembled with each word, the way your eyes went glossy.

The trembling of your hands that were soon squeezed into fists. The light shake of your voice. Oh he wanted it all.

His hand ended on your shoulder, squeezing. "The choice has been made. You have no other means but to accept it"

Before you knew it his frame was pressed into you, these eyes of his piercing yours, as if staring into your soul, crushing through your skull with how intense his gaze was. It said 'submit.'

If his sole mannerism could speak, which it did, it would say that exact word. Submit. And you were gullible, truly perfect. He couldn't let that gullibility be used by a bad person, after all.

You were fragile, and since he used these traits against you, it was fine. It must've been fine, because he was not a bad person. And since he wasn't human, these human ethics and principles didn't necessarily apply to him. Surely you understood.

Besides, he didn't use your traits against you! He wanted what was best for you. (he told that to himself to make himself feel better.)

"I- Xiao don't- don't be like that-" the way the yaksha looked at you made the fight leave your body, knees feeling weak and jelly-like. But you did your best to stand straight, try not to rely on the wall.

His gaze was scary, intimidating. The way he looked at you wasn't the gaze he gave to filthy monsters and alike, no. It was a gaze full of urges, hidden needs and intentions. The things he shoved deep down his being, the things he denied.

He usually avoided you to make sure he didn't stain you with his karmic debt, but the abode made it safe. The teapot had enough adeptal energy to keep you safer than if he had you outside of the teapot.

Maybe that's why Xiao felt confident enough to take your wrists into his hand, them being pushed above your head with force. He seemed out of it, breathing heavy.

But oh he couldn't stop himself, the look of hunger; of nothing but lust, the way he eyed your form, the tightness of his grip. It was increasingly scarier and scarier. "I said; you will stay here. Accept it."

He seemed to struggle with keeping his composure, fingers twitching against your wrists in that simliar way. One you already witnessed so many times. At least the yaksha was sure you wouldn't say much after that, Xiao's eyes scanning your face again.

The moonlight reflected against his skin; and if not for the current situations, you might've thought he looked pretty.

If he only didn't kidnap you, maybe you'd give him a chance. If he didn't threaten you, behaving intimidating in such a way; you'd bring yourself to like him more.

Unknowingly he ruined it, then again even if Xiao knew, he wouldn't care. His goal wasn't an outside relationship with you, one where men would see you. One where you'd parade around for other people to gaze at. Strangely he wanted you for himself, it didnt matter if it was with your consent or not.

Therefore to Xiao, nothing truly was ruined.

His face was closer to yours before you knew it, face buried into your neck as he inhaled deeply. Xiao was sure he'd go insane, with the tension in him building up for that past while. With the need to do the things that humanely weren't ethical in the slightest.

Xiao would have you underneath himself, whether it was with you making sounds of ecstasy or fear.

He wanted to see all of it, and he would. Xiao always got what he wanted in the end.

His other free hand slid do your waist right after, grunting. This was bad, Xiao couldn't control himself much more. He wanted that for so.. long.

You felt your eyes water again, mouth pressing to your neck as he kissed it up and down, fingers squeezing your waist. That wouldn't do, you had some control while standing after all, do tearing himself away from you, - as hard as that was for him- Xiao used your wrists to guide you to the bed, pushing you down on it.

Before you reacted he was already on top of you, kissing your neck, jaw, fingers creeping upward to your chest. "X-xiao don't- don't do this-“

That fell on deaf ears as he pulled back to look at you again. The watery eyes made him feel sparkles, god he wanted to see more.

He wanted to dominate you, diminish you. Xiao didn't know how to process the feeling of warmth he felt for you, manifesting itself in the idea of making you cry out and clench.

Xiao was inexperienced. He didn't know how to, why, when, how long; but he had an urge to dominate you. Overwhelm you with his presence, do you enough that you babble nonsense, your mind filled with nothing but him. Just like you plagued his mind constantly.

He didn't know how to show his control over you, how to make you know your place. Everytime he thought of being inside of you he could do nothing but aggressively palm himself earlier. It felt surreal that this time, it wasn't just a fantasy.

Your clothes were practically torn off your body in impatience, hiss leaving as you tried to wiggle away, only for his hands to move you towards himself again.

The Yaksha had strong arms after all, despite his frame he was well built. It didn't take him long to kiss at your neck again, growl of frustration leaving him. "Stay in one place."

"Let me have at least that after all the times you purposefully plagued my mind"

It was filled with poison, the tone and his words, your face twisting with even more fear. "I- I never did- such a thing-" you were practically naked by then, a single tear rolling down.

Xiao was your friend. He protected you, made sure you were safe. He always did his best to make sure no harm gets to you, and now he did such a thing.

The betrayal was greater than the fear of what he'd do to you, now that you stupidly thought he was different from other men.

He wasn't.

"You did. Always falling on that stupid ground with your thighs peeking out of your skirt. Stop playing stupid"

He should have thought of this longer, the fact the necklace he gave you lured monsters in for him to have a reason to court you. And it didn't work that well, but it was fine. He'd teach you.

His hand squeezed the softness of your hip, moving to your bra - that made you wince.

"No le-let me keep it Xiao ple-please-" a sob followed, but the bra was off. He wasn't patient enough to undo it properly, it's easy to guess what he did to it.

"Mortal shame is useless in this situation. I will see every inch of you eventually" with that your bottoms were off within seconds, your hands pathetically trying to cover your chest before you realised he spread your legs by your thighs, one hand falling down.

Xiao was frustrated, taking the soft belt of his pants to grab your wrists with force, tying them together before they were attached to the bed.

"xiao n-no wait-" you weren't sure what to do anymore.

Xiao wasn't sure either. He had the vague idea of what he wanted; to have you pinned and weak. Make you enjoy it, it didn't matter if you cried from shame.

Oh he both wanted you to cry from pleasure and fear, and pain. Like the cries you made when you almost died a couple of times during attacks. When he'd knock the enemy away and witness your teary face, flushed cheeks.

And yet he didn't know how to express it physically. The focused frown on his face and the long moment of lack of movement, the silence, made you confused.

Xiao knew where his penis was supposed to go, already painfully hard, pressed into your thigh through his clothes.

Should he just put it in? Probably. If you bled that was fine, given he didn't allow any men to get near you anyway, he'd take the joy in knowing he was your first. He didn't really know if you were supposed to bleed in the first place. It was just that unfortunate cultural assumption. But he was aware it sounded quite false.

You were his first.

You let out a shriek when he pulled his pants down, taking his length out to position it in front of your entrance.

"X-xiao please I never did- did it before please nnOt like this-" you kicked at him lightly, shaking your head. it wasn't that you were passively participating, more that you couldn't do much. His presence was overwhelming, crushing.

"That's fine. You'll have enough time to learn"

"N-no please don't i-"

You knew he'd take you no matter what you said. But he was going to go dry. You knew you won't be able to get rid of the mental scar he'd leave you with; but you didn't want to feel your heat ripped open due to harshness and roughness. And you could tell he wouldn't go easy on you.

You'd rather just deal with the emotional trauma. Then again you didn't want your mind to adjust to the situation and convince you it wasn't that bad. You didn't know what you'd rather do anymore.

The pressure of Xiao's tip against your entrance made you hiss again, bringing you back to reality. It stung. "N-no please x-xiao listen at least o-once-" you cried out. Didn't have his attention until you said "p-please I'll explain-"

At least he didn't really thrust into you, barely the tip managing to push through.

"Explain?" Xiao didn't know if he heard you correctly. You were sobbing, breath heaving. "You c-can't go- in dry-"

He wasn't sure what you meant by going dry.

Xiao didn't want his lack of experience to stop him from dominating you, ah he wanted so many things that were too vague for him to know what to do.

He didn't indulge in the kinds of books you did. Now you felt ashamed for even telling him to wait.

It was still rape. It was still non-consensual even if you showed him. You just didn't want to scar yourself permanently more than necessary. The faint idea he might use this as agreement or invitation made you sick.

"Dry?"

"Y-you- know what I'm saying ri-right-"

"No, do enlighten me."

Adeptus wasn't going to let you off the hook. You sobbed with each sentence. You didn't want him to make you feel good. "l-lube?"

"Lube?"

You already gave up. You just sighed and laid your head back, eyes closed. You were sure you'd die. You'd die.

"Nevermind."

His gaze expressed some sort of anger when you said that, fingers gripping your chin. Maybe you had the key to knowing how he should express the feeling.

Xiao would make you say it. "I told you to elaborate, do not reject me."

Was he that afraid of rejection? You already were scared, so it wasn't that hard to threaten you into submission, cries and hiccups following as you tried to explain. You did your best to be vague, the thing he hated the most.

"Y-you- should use your fi-fingers or l-lube first-"

"Just now? Or all the time?"

He was impossible. The heavy sigh you made had him frown, fingers tight on your waist.

"Enlighten me how to do it then."

You wanted to tell him he was a fucking virgin. And to die. But you knew better than to anger the Yaksha himself.

You were red, embarrassed. Upset. Betrayed, angry, sad. You wanted to sob, cry and curl up. Yet all you could do was to shake your head at him.

"You- ugh" he seemed to grow sick of that game, looking at your heat. Xiao seemed to be enlightened by the memory he must've had. Something that Verr taught him about women when he wanted to pursue you.

Verr had the issue with Xiao that he was too brutally honest. At his question of how to take you she briefly educated you, she hoped that you would get along without Xiao having to.. do these things.

She felt bad, but Xiao was the Yaksha himself. Even if she took action, it would be of no use. Her passive approach was meant to try and ease the situation for you, to make her feel less bad.

"I see." Instead his fingers slid down your thigh, the digits moving over your heat which made your breathing hitch, shifting between the folds. Looking for something.

He must've had a last minute sex education, because upon feeling the change of your structure, as he was instructed, he began to rub.

It was in no way perfect, but judging by your reactions, he wasn't doing that bad. Xiao was a fast learner, so when he did one particular movement and your body twitched, he did it again and again, silently watching your face.

Xiao didn't speak much. He'd rather watch you instead, his movement making your chest move funnily.

With a whine you looked away, eyes blank. Void of any attachment. You just took it, nothing more, nothing less.

His brow raised at the feeling of slickness on your entrance, and his fingers easily moved into it, pushing in.

It wasn't that bad, even though he could've done a better job, it wasn't as painful as he could make it be.

Wordlessly he began to thrust them, they felt odd. After these years of fight and training his fingers felt calloused, rough, bruising. You tried to shut your legs, but he took it as a sign to do exactly that.

And still, he relished the feeling of your hot insides. He could feel it so intimately, the structure of you, how wet it felt. How easy it was becoming to move his fingers.

The realisation that you shouldn't have said anything at all dawning upon you, but it was too late. You tried not to blame yourself, because you were scared, intimidated. And you couldn't control the way your body reacted either.

It wasn't your fault it adjusted itself to make the experience less painful. Shaky sounds left you even if you tried to quieten down.

Xiao took note of that. Suddenly the pace increased, becoming rough. God he wanted to do it to you that way, the way your face twisted in surprise as you cried out. Sure, you were still sobbing, but he hoped he'd be able to figure out how to make you sob just like that again and again.

He was deprived. A deprived, starved animal that took the shape of a man, you were sure. When his fingers retreated he only spared them a curious glance, moving his face closer to take them in his mouth.

As disgusting as it made you feel, the tip of his cock poked your entrance again already. "X-xiao please you do-don't have.. hhave to-"

"I gave you something. Isn't it only fair that I get something in exchange?"

You didn't know what he meant by that. He gave you plenty. Did he mean him forcefully fingering you? Kidnapping you? The protection he so selflessly gave to you? Or the necklace?

Before you could answer he already thrusted his hips into you, an uncontrolled moan leaving. His cheeks felt hot even if you couldn't see the blush. Oh you were so pathetic. How could he help himself? Your noises made him even more aroused.

If you could you'd bite his dick off. To know he enjoyed it sickened you.

And to know he wouldn't stop was even worse.

"N-nh.." a quiet sound as he bottomed out rather fast, clearly impatient as his hand slid further up your chest. You felt so hot. So slick and warm and god it made his head spin, making him feel funny. How well you took him, how you sucked him in and squeezed him. You were made for Xiao, that's the conclusion he came to.

To you it wasn't that pleasant, the before made it easier to handle, yet the after had you sore. You felt full like you never had before, crying as your body went limp.

It was frustrating, how fast he buried his face into your neck, to kiss before he bit, the first thrusts easy, slow, right before he began picking the pace up.

It both hurt and felt good. Emotionally you were broken by then, but your body had its own mind and its own desire, the pace something you adjusted to eventually. As fast as it was he bottomed out, tip kissing your cervix as he grunted, filling you.

You were praying he wouldn't do it inside, and he did. At least it was over. He at least came fast.

That's what you thought, because he didn't pull out yet. "C-can't get enough of y-you- nnh ffuck.." he didn't curse often.

Before you knew it he was thrusting into you again, your lifeless expression not even twisting into fear anymore. Your body was used multiple times that night. Or day.

He filled you over and over, depraved. Like a rabbit, he couldn't get enough. Fondling your body, and when he couldn't anymore he waited and made his hands full of your thighs and breasts, wanting to feel you. Wanting to enjoy having you under him after all this time of only watching from afar.

After only briefly seeing you so many times he needed to feel you. It was tempting, and once he could he went back at it again, flipping you back and forth until all you could do was cry silent whispers of his name.

Shamefully your body adjusted. It adjusted and sent warmth through you, fortunately he eventually grew tired. Eventually.

That night was something you remembered too well. And you wished you forgot. If you only knew what was yet to come.

The days passed with your imprisonment. The clothes he tore from you were nowhere to be found.

Xiao was a starved man, and he learned fast. You wished he finally would leave you alone; if raping you was all he wanted you'd feel at ease.

If he only raped you, you'd know how to treat him.

But it wasn't the only thing Xiao did. Whenever he came back there, to the room he locked you in, he'd drag you to bed to just lay there. It didn't matter if he was stained with blood, and no matter how many times you'd tell him to at least change his clothes, it didn't matter. Even if they were just dirty from normal things like ground or grass.

He'd drag you there and spoon you, he'd feel your hair, your neck. His hands on your body as he simply breathed.

Xiao liked to lay in your lap more often than he'd like to admit, and you not protesting over it anymore proved his point to himself: that you'd grow used to this life. And grow used to knowing your place.

If it was only rape, it would be fine. But slowly the realisation that this was his sick way of showing 'love' came to you. How he'd still treat you good when he'd take you. Sometimes it was as bad as being bent a few times a day, the only article of clothing you owned was a shirt.

Just a shirt so you were more humiliated. In a way you had to beg for it, to even own that item, and him allowing that large shirt wasn't that helpful. He wanted you exposed, his sick way of letting you know you didn't have any true tricks up your sleeve.

That you were his, and he'd do with you as he'd please.

It only ended up as you falling back down on the grass from the sky, right near Xiao's feet. The fall didn't hurt, it didn't feel like you fell at all. That itself taught you that you won't find an exit. As the exit was known to him only.

Over time you gave up on that, as much as you didn't accept his advances either. But he was sure you'd learn to love him.

Mortals adjust to their situations, even a butterfly will stop flapping its wings when they become useless.

[z-zeph]

one day I’ll finally write that ridiculously elaborate fanfiction that I’ve been carefully constructing in my daydreams for months and then you’ll be sorry. you’ll all be sorry.

[z-zeph]

I was playing around with the idea of a reader who is able to somehow erase Xiao's karmic debt (as one does), and I kept thinking about how alchemy in genshin (especially khemia, Khaenri'ah's own variation of alchemy) is quite literally a tool for life, while karmic debt is basically death. Yeah so, I wanted to share this excerpt where this idea is explored.

As per usual this is part of a bigger work (it's like a one shot with some making out and suggestive content at the end if yall are interested, cause come on, yall really think I wouldn't throw that in the mix when touch starved Xiao is one of my favourite thing and this literally plays on the fact that reader literally can touch him with no consequences whatsoever??? Think again).

Xiao once told you that karma attacks one’s soul, rather than their body. 

You have always had a rather complicated relationship with divinity: knees to the ground without purpose aside from duty. Head full of doubts for the peculiar power blood borne to you alone, fear of how easy it came to you, guilt from how much joy it brought to learn and polish it. 

You can’t explain your affinity to alchemy, you don’t think anyone can. Your hard work and curiosity about it are apparent, but there’s something solely yours in it. Like you are part of each other, the sun, the moon, the eclipse. It’s blinding.

Alchemic energy is pure and ineffable, builds up to dismember itself, creation and destruction in an endless cycle of life.

It has occurred to you, more like a miracle than a discovery, that like matter and antimatter, alchemic energy and karma annihilate each other.

Not even the Gods are immortal, but the resentment they leave behind can still poison land and souls for eons to come. You wonder, when you touch him, if in the heat of annihilation, that last tingling and scalding before it’s gone for good, you wonder if it’s anathema or benediction that befalls that last moment before proper extinction. 

You wonder if it’s anything at all. After all, maybe karma clings to the soul because it’s resentment void of personhood, void of the immortal soul that birthed it as they were about to die. You wonder if resentment is also towards their own God, their own self, who left them to be, to rot on the earth with no other purpose.

You don’t know if anyone could explain your affinity to alchemy, maybe a God could. But for once you don’t wonder but pray, because despite your lack of understanding of the odds and ends of this- How can you care about the technicality of it all, when for once the elation of faith is enough? Maybe this is the way a devotee feels: kneeling at the altar, not wondering but believing that God will heed their prayer. The unshakable certitude they feel with their hands clasped in prayer, you know it when Xiao’s hand is holding yours. You do not care if this was a gift from the divine. You care only that it’s yours. You do not care to understand.

As long as it’s him, as long as it allows you to be by Xiao’s side, with your head bowed and your mouth shut you will pray at his temple. For one God has made a believer out of you, and you thank the heaven with the hands of a sinner and the mouth of a repentant.

[z-zeph]

long nights

[z-zeph]

I ain't a wimp when I get writers block I STRESS ABOUT IT FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT, and not to ChatGPT like a coward. I face writers block like a man, laying in bed hours crying.

[z-zeph]

loving xiao in 2025 sucks, there is NOTHING to CONSUME

i miss my birb

[z-zeph]

love when fictional men are so devoted to their partner it makes them dangerous and insane. very slutty behavior keep it up king

[z-zeph]

editing is just you vs. past-you in a duel of questionable comma placement and emotional instability

[z-zeph]

glory

[z-zeph]

the insane experience of missing a fictional character . like you can always go back and reread the book , replay the game , rewatch the show or movie , you can always go back & see them , but you can never experience them & their story for the first time again . its absurd to miss them because they'll always be there , but you'll miss when there were still new things for them to say .

for a small time they were real & growing and changing and you hung onto every new word, but now all they can do is repeat the same story forever&ever & they're not real anymore because you know everything they're going to do. & you miss them. its fucked man...

[z-zeph]

xiao, who recently discovered that making out with you subsided his karmic debt.

this burden is mine to bear, he thought. i will not use them as an end to my means.

and yet, like a starving man who was fed just a morsel before his plate was snatched away, he found his mind wandering to you every time he was in pain. it had never been a problem to deal with before, but now even the slightest (his standards, not yours) episodes seemed to hurt him much more than they did before.

he could not allow himself to become complacent. he could not rely on you for the pain he was meant to live with. and yet..

you were cooking in yanxiao’s kitchen at wanshu inn. at least, you were, until poof! a flash of green light appeared behind you, and before you could think you had were no longer in the kitchen but in a cave, a hungry pair of lips consuming your own.

he was stiffly grabbing onto your shoulders, his face pressed into yours, trying to close a distance between them that simply wasn’t there- not an inch between you, and yet xiao needed to be closer.

his eyes were in a frenzy, darting around, taking you in up and down as he pushed you against a wall, grabbing your neck with a firm force, but gentle all the same.

your mind was searing white, completely blank. his movements were shaky, impulsive, unstable, desperate- you could only wait until he was done. but xiao didn’t seem to value breathing as much as you did, and in no time you were gasping for air while he stayed unbothered, still with the same vigour and force.

it was only after some long minutes passed did he seem to calm down. his breaths heavy, he slowly backed away, blinking as though he hadn’t a clue what was going on. the sudden shift in weight made your legs weak, and you would’ve nearly fell to the floor if he hadn’t caught you with one arm.

his eyes widened. “i- did i really- [name], i’m sorry-”

you looked up at him, dazed. your lips felt numb and wet, and your thoughts were still buzzing with static. shaking your head you reached out for his face. he flinched, seemingly scared he would hurt you. if you knew him well enough, you’d say that in his mind, he felt like he already had.

gently, you pushed him onto the ground. when he’d writhe in pain he’d always clutch his chest, so you moved your palm right over his heart and began rub circles upon it. you closed the gap between you once more, this time more softly. hungry, but a different kind. passionate, but slow.

xiao did not mind the change of pace. he closed his eyes and let you take the lead, his heart in your hands and his mind on your lips. the needles of pain that coursed through his veins seemed to disappear when your lips were on his. but he couldn’t grow dependent, he couldn’t, he shouldn’t-

you pulled away to look up at him, glossy-eyes. “does that feel better, xiao? i’m here for as long as you need,”

it was too late, xiao couldn’t live without you.

[z-zeph]

let immortal characters in genshin be horrifying. they're not human and people should recognize that!! it's way more interesting if they don't feel normal

venti forgets to breathe, sometimes. he doesn't need to - he is the air around them. his eyes are just a little too vivid if you look at him directly. he doesn't bleed when he should and he doesn't sleep, either.

xiao stays away from liyue harbor. he doesn't want to corrupt them with his karma, and he doesn't want to frighten them, either. he knows what he looks like: too-gold eyes with too-slitted pupils, ears too pointed and fangs too sharp to be human. if you look at him in the corner of your eye, black and green and red dance across his skin and reach out to you.

ei has never learned to be human. her eyes are blinding and electricity crackles over her skin. the puppet she inhabits has too-smooth skin, porcelain clear and cold to the touch. she moves too quickly, too sharply, like a bolt of lightning that cannot slow down.

zhongli forgets human customs. he speaks of events from thousands of years ago like they were yesterday and talks in long-dead languages. to be under his gaze while solidifying a contract is to feel the weight of millennia upon your back. he makes no sound when he walks and yet his steps can shake the ground.

[z-zeph]

Back anatomy study

[z-zeph]

people claiming that “no one” except chatgpt uses em-dashes is a dead giveaway that we are in a literacy crisis

[z-zeph]

Xiao pondered the nature of the bond that tied him to you. Companionship? No. It was something more intense, intimate, perhaps even tender.

He couldn't stand this unfamiliar feeling gnawing at him from within. What he felt transcended the cold duty that once governed his relationship with the warriors under his command. Was it gratitude? Yes, undoubtedly, but it felt insufficient. It wasn't much like the everlasting debt he still repaid to Liyue, to Morax, even after centuries. His admiration for you was... peculiar. He didn't yearn to serve you, but to remain by your side.

Could it be brotherhood, then? The Yaksha breathed a sigh of relief. That must be it. He allowed that thought to soothe him for a while, for a fraternal bond would explain the warm hollow you occupied between his ribs, alongside the memory of those he once called siblings.

However, this certainty was fragile and shattered far too often. More than once, he caught himself helplessly staring at your lips as you spoke. An impulse whispered for him to just lean in, to capture your mouth with his, to consume you. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to consume. Your breath? The words you formed? The warmth you radiated? He didn't know what he would do once his flesh touched yours either. He concluded then that it must be the resentful echoes of fallen gods, eager to corrupt the only mortal who didn't see the Conqueror of Demons, but Xiao beneath the mask.

He tried to find a precedent in his memories, something to make sense of this new need. Once, observing Bonanus, he’d noted her mouth with detached curiosity—the curve of her smile hiding sharp teeth, the plump, rosy swell of her cheeks, the rhythmic motion of her jaw as she savored a pear. She’d looked so blissful that Alatus had briefly wondered if the fruit had sprung from some divine orchard.

Another time, his focus had snagged on Indarias’ lips. From them tore screams. Raw, ragged things that scraped the air. He’d watched the desperate workings of her throat around her sobs, the cords of her voice fraying under the weight of terror.

And the night his gaze fixed on Bosacius' mouth was to decipher a silent message amidst the chaos of slaughter. Flames devoured everything, and the roar of battle drowned out all sound. His brother was too far away. His words didn't reach, so he tore the cracked mask from his face so Alatus could read the silent scream his bloodied lips formed.

"Menogias is gone."

None of that resembled this.

Now he contemplated your lips and imagined in silence. Not screams, nor blood, nor divine fruits, but warm words that reminded him of the sun's texture on grass. A contrast so violent it ached. How could he call "sibling" the one who awoke in him something so alien to the yoke of duty, so unlike the love he buried with his own? The answer terrified him, for it tasted of freedom... and a Yaksha did not earn the right to fly untethered beneath the skies of Teyvat.

[z-zeph]

[z-zeph]

missin him again, wa. so starved of content

i miss my birb