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GoFundMe Help

Since Tumblr changed its rules regarding content, I haven't been on here. But I need to extend my reach as far as possible, so here I am.

My daughter came out as transgender in about 2021. As anyone who has been paying attention knows, being trans in the US right now is an extremely dangerous thing. And for the two of us living in Texas, it is phenomenally dangerous. eg my daughter has been assaulted twice (once while just sitting in the car in a store parking lot!). The Texas legislature has introduced a bill to make the trans identity an actual felony. And on and on.

So we are moving.

Unfortunately, due to personal issues—having to pay for my own cancer treatment in 2020 (to the tune of $20,000), being laid off for 9 months, having to accept a job at half pay for nearly a year, and on and on—we are desperately short of funds. So I have created a GoFundMe to help Raven and I flee Texas for the bright blue state of California, where we have family and friends, there is a much stronger LGBT+ community, and she can have a much better chance of having a life less encumbered by hate and abuse.

If you could help us reach our goal, that would be awesome. If you could signal-boost our request, please do so on any social media site you can think of. And thank you.

Our GoFundMe is at https://gofund.me/062d5dd2

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Why I came to Tumblr

Several years back, when I started exploring my non-binary gender identity, my coach Alex Morgan suggested I start a blog where I could openly talk about and wrestle with my issues. My partner was completely unsupportive of my explorations (and a number of other things), I had no friends I felt comfortable discussing things with, and my mother...well, she’s in her 70s. Maybe later; maybe never.

Tumblr was a good choice. Its openness to “adult” content allowed me to talk about subjects I couldn’t elsewhere, in a way and tone that was very freeing. I was in no way in bad shape or psychologically at risk, but it’s certainly fair to say it helped keep me balanced and gave me a very important outlet.

Now, in caving to pressure from Apple (and probably their corporate masters at @verizon) Tumblr is outlawing NSFW content. This is yet another step in the internet’s current attempt to Disnify itself, protecting “our innocent children” from Evil Sexual Content (but notably not violent or various bigoted blogs).

Which is of course stupid. And has been since King Canute and the tides. Prohibition and censorship simply don’t work, but apparently we keep needing to learn this lesson over (and over and over and over) again.

And in their broad-brush, mushily-worded, and in some cases almost incomprehensible new policy (Just wtf are “female-presenting nipples”?), Tumblr is not only getting rid of actually-criminal content like child pornographers, but genuine art, informational blogs, sex worker blogs, and all other kinds of blogs that may or may not be pornographic, but are certainly “adult”. Including mine, perhaps. I don’t know for sure; their new standards are so damn vague pretty much anything could qualify. If Georgia O’Keeffe had a Tumblr blog, she’d be in danger of the chop. And no, I’m not joking.

I’m not going to wait, of course. I’m going to back my stuff up and build a new WP blog somewhere else. But in the meantime I say this to you, @staff: You’re being cowardly, stupid, and short-sighted. There are any number of ways you could have met this difficulty, and you chose the easiest. As a result, you’re both killing your own user base—and maybe even your entire platform—but also generating a huge amount of negative press into the bargain.

The Internet is becoming less and less friendly to adults who want to have adult communities where they can interact with other adults about adult topics. Where they can say shit and fuck and douche-bag and not receive an automated warning from some half-assed algorithm telling them their account has been put into hibernation for 24 hours, or threatening them with expulsion because they’re using a pseudonym. Or, heaven forfend, where gay men can look at pics of ass-fucking, lesbians can read erotica in The Marketplace mode, non-binaries like me can fantasize about futanari, and we can all just be ourselves without worrying about Mrs. Grundy clutching her pearls in dismay and coming after us with her umbrella raised in sexually-repressed wrath.

But no. Tumblr, once a haven for such folks, has decided to tell us to fuck off. They won’t start up an adults-only Tumblr; they won’t work with Apple about the child porn problem, maybe even team up with the FBI to lure those low-lifes into a sting. Nope; they’ll just blow a hole in the lives and in some cases the livelihoods of thousands (tens of thousands?) of people, because it’s easier.

Frankly, @staff I hope for two things: That you change your mind, and if you don’t, that your platform goes down in flames and your cowardly CEO Jeff D’onofrio ends up hitting the bricks.

Goodbye to a formerly welcoming and wonderful platform.

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This is just typical CEO double-talk BS, and the community is rightly castigating you for it. You have been threatened by Apple, and are caving like the cowardly, spineless, ball-less MBA you are. Money; that’s it. That’s your only reason. And all the drivel above won’t hide the fact that The Word came down from on high, from your corporate masters at Verizon, and now you’re carrying out their will.

Or maybe it was your own idea. Because like most Americans, you have a psychotic relationship to your own sexuality. And while you’re worriedly clutching your pearls here in the daylight, we all know you’ll go home, Fire up the ol’ tablet, and go to YouPorn or the like. Or maybe behind your thick office door. Who knows? All I’m sure of is the fear you express above is a bunch of hypocritical bullshit.

Well you know what, Jeff? In this case, in your desperate attempt to please Apple and not lose that particular revenue stream, you are pissing off your entire community and so you’re going to destroy your entire platform. Oh, well done!

And why? Well, because you’re an MBA, that’s why. Not an writer, or visual artist, or anything creative. Nor are you a tech person. No, you’re just a fucking bean counter, and bean counters don’t understand either tech, or creative people. You think we’re just a bunch of naive hippies to be taken advantage of by the cynical, slick, suit-wearing likes of you.

Oh honey, how hard your lesson will be!

A better, more positive Tumblr

Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.

Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).  

Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.

So what is changing?

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.

Why are we doing this?

It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.

So what’s next?

Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.

Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.

Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.

Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.

Jeff D’Onofrio CEO

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I love this.

“In fact, during the audition with Chris Evans, the script says, “Spidey flips into scene,” and Tom goes, “Oh, should I do that?” Evans is like, [sarcastically] “Oh, yeah. Yeah, you just flip into the scene kid. No, you just walk in.” He does it. A standing flip, jump, flip, land. Even Chris Evans was like, “What…what happened?” - Kevin Feige, producer and President of Marvel

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Thanks, Apple

In the main, I like Apple stuff a lot. They’ve changed the world multiple times, mostly IMO for the good. But because they are now a 200 pound gorilla when it comes to apps, we all have to live with their decisions and, perforce, their prejudices.

Apple likes to present itself as a family-friendly company. For years, this has meant a hard line against any genuinely X-rated, NSFW apps. “What if my kid downloads that horrible app? OMG! Anarchy!” And as a result, we’re living in a PG-13 world, app-wise, despite the fact that, as Judd Apatow rightly observed, the world at large is R-rated. (Although, surprisingly, you can get porn iBooks. Go figure.) 

A side note about this: I have always despised the “what about the children?!” argument. What about the children? Do your job as a parent, you morons, that’s what. I raised two kids, taught them about sexuality, non-monogamous relationships, birth control, alternate sexual desires (ie kink), gender theory, feminism, consent, and everything I else I thought they needed to know. I kept an eye on their content input when they were younger, gave them guidelines and suggestions, slowly loosened the reins, and let them go. The result? No sex crimes; both virgins until their 20s; both want long-term monogamous relationships; no unwanted pregnancies; no STIs of any kind. IOW exactly the opposite outcome the right-wing pearl-clutchers of our society insist a far-left radical like me would produce. Ha ha; fuck you, assholes.

But most American corporations are spineless when it comes to sexual content because America is psychotic about sex. Bi-polar, really. To quote Heinlein, “In the twentieth century (Terran Christian Era) nowhere on Earth was sex so vigorously suppressed as in America-and nowhere else was there such a deep interest in it.” Everyone wants to get laid; no one wants to admit it. Our Puritan heritage battles against our inner Dionysus that had its most visible outburst in the 60s, but is certainly always there. If your town has more than, say, 25,000 people in it, then there is a dungeon in it somewhere. Maybe just one couple; maybe play parties happen there; maybe there are kink clubs. Who knows? What I do know is the thin layer of puritan icing does very little to cover our sex-obsessed Dionysian American cake. Sorry, censors everywhere! Why do you think so many people get the “unrated” versions of movies now that they can?

To get back to the point, companies (and courts) try to pretend we’re a PG-13 company, that the children need to be protected (though I don’t know what they’re parents are doing), and so we have to have “family hour” on TV, words we can’t say on TV and the radio, people being fined if they have the temerity to show an unclothed female nipple, etc. Psychotic.

Apple, not being stupid, is well aware of this, and has imposed a layer of censorship on their apps that they try to keep invisible. And of course in our culture, what can one do to protest? Do a write-in campaign saying, “I want my porn apps”? Yeah; no. And now Apple has targeted Tumblr.

You’re on Tumblr. There’s bucketload of interesting content here. But there’s also a bucketload of porn. A lot of it seriously hard-core. Some of it is by individuals pointing you to their for-pay sites; some is by folks just wanting to share their alternate lifestyles; some by artists who just like sharing their art; some by low-lifes stealing content from other folks; all kinds. But there’s a lot. And now, like Louis in Casablanca, Apple has suddenly been shocked, shocked to find there’s NSFW content on Tumblr! My god, the children! And so they’ve pulled the Tumblr app. (I’m honestly surprised they haven’t sent out a mass-remove, but it’s still on my iPhone.)

Tumblr, in that panic mode all American companies have when it comes to sex, rather than stand on their rights and have to fight the cries of “the children, the children!” have apparently slapped together a crap piece of software to detect the worst accounts, the accounts that just re-post porn, the bottiest of bot accounts. And like all crap software, it’s gone way beyond it’s parameters and is deleted accounts willy-nilly. NSFW accounts to be sure, but ones that are run by actual living, breathing people, many of them either artists, models, or sex workers just trying to earn a living.

Personally, I’d prefer it if the whole country pulled its head out of its collective shorts when it came to sex. As that’s not happening any time soon, I’d be satisfied if the Tumblr management found a set of balls and fixed this wayward piece of software, restored the improperly-deleted accounts, and worked with Apple in a partnership to get their app back in the App Store rather than just knuckling under.

In the meantime, folks: Duplicate your history, because it’s clear Tumblr won’t.

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A little history of my polyamory

When I was 15 or 16, I read Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love. It had monogamous relationships, open relationships, poly relationships, and every other kind of durn relationships. It was an eye-opener for me, as like everyone else I assumed the only option was monogamy, with a few people being “swingers” or “open”. (I saw a copy of “Open Marriage” on my parent’s bed when I was 10 and read and understood enough of it to get the gist; I was precocious.)

I had always though monogamy didn’t make sense, at least to me—one person being able to fulfill all your needs for the rest of your life no matter how much you changed?—and my parents’ divorce just hammered home the message. My mom changed, my dad couldn’t adapt, and so they divorced. And the impact on everyone was devastating. Surely there were better ways.

In high school I had a couple monogamous relationships, both of which ended badly. Then another in college, which also ended badly when my gf started seeing someone behind my back during the holidays. In retrospect I have sometimes wondered if we could have made it work had she been upfront about it and we tried a V with her as the hinge. But I was only 19, she had been underhanded about it, and I was too emotionally destroyed.

A couple years later I began to date a woman named E, who already had a bf (who was 300 miles away while she was at school). She made it clear that they had an open relationship, that she wasn’t going to break up with him, and that she wasn’t going to be exclusive with me locally, either, if she found someone else interesting either for dating or just for some play.

E was phenomenally hot. She was sexy, sexual, open, comfortable with herself, and she had pursued me. It was clear she was interested in me (duh!), so I gave it a go. And it was great, honestly. She never dated a third person, but she had any number of flings, none of which I minded because E’s sex drive was such (and still is!) that no single person could possibly keep up with her. It was a tremendous experience, and even when we “broke up”, come the next year she  moved in with me and a number of other folks into a group house, and we are to this day close friends. My first poly experience, and like every subsequent one I remained on good terms with the person involved.

About a year later I met B (above right), who had (unbelievably) even more of a high libido than E, and also wanted non-exclusivity, to which I agreed so long as a) it went both ways and b) we kept each other informed so we didn’t, eg, expect to spend the night together and then get a last minute “sorry, not tonight!” message or worse, no message at all. But inside of those simple ground rules, we played widely. B played much more, being a sexy, curvy, attractive woman with me being your average guy, but it lasted for three years, which is pretty amazing for your 20s, IMO.

During that time, I met and started dating S, above right. S is Demi-sexual or “mostly ace”; she loves kissing, and hugging, and cuddling, and snuggling. She loves foreplay even. But PiV sex is genuinely painful, and orgasms are not of much interest to her. OTOH the things she enjoyed doing were almost the opposite of what B enjoyed doing with me. B loved to go dancing; S loved the theater. B loved physical activities; S was more into quiet things, like staying at home reading together, or going to the museum. B of course was a sexual dynamo; S was into physical closeness and comfort but not sex.

And for me, this basically hit every button I had. B’s non-interests were S’s interests, and vice-versa. Not entirely, obviously: They are both very bright, strong-willed women, both outspoken on what they want and need, both very forthright.  But on what makes them happy, they’re in pretty different areas. I mean S sings; B dances. B does slow yoga; S does ZUMBA. S likes quiet dinners together; B likes to go out partying. Etc.

And like a fucking idiot in his 20s, I didn’t realize what a good thing was that I had when I had it, and let it go.

Now, all three of us have since agreed that we couldn’t have maintained it anyway. We all had a lot of learning and growing to do. B has pointed out that she was “nuts”, and couldn’t possibly have maintained any kind of stable relationship. S was still groping for what kind of life she wanted. And I still carried in my stupid lizard brain the stupid conviction that I needed to be stupidly monogamous in this stupid society. So that’s what I did: Got married to a monogamous woman.

Being me—Cowardly? Prescient? Self-aware? Chicken?—I tried to hedge. I didn’t want a phrase in our vows about monogamy or sexual fidelity because I believed very strongly that people changed, and as they changed I didn’t believe it was possible for the rest of your life. And I thought hedging ourselves in by impossible vows was, well, fucking stupid.  But I agreed to it anyway because I loved her very much, and because that’s the way society worked. Even though our sex was vanilla. I thought, “Well, I had plenty of hot sex when I was single, and did the poly thing, so I’ll be okay.”

What a fucking idiot.

We’re divorcing now. It’s not entirely because of my poly nature; honestly, it’s not even mostly because of it. It turns out my partner SW is both clinically depressed and suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. She also has such a negative relationship with our son that she stated “either he goes or I go”. This is not tenable, obviously. (Our sex life did get better for a while, FWIW.) I simply can’t live in this toxic environment any more.

SW seems to actually be doing better now; she has several play partners and at least one man who seems to be a bf, although I don’t press her for details. And I am honestly glad for her! It was clear to me several years back that even though I’m a switch and she’s a sub, the type of topping I liked to do didn’t interest her, my gender fluidity genuinely disgusted her, and she was totally uninterested in topping me at all. So her finding other partners to fill those needs is IMO a good thing for her.

I have never been out of touch with B and S (and several other exes!), and in recent years have grown closer with S again (though she is quite a distance away). She would very much like to resume our relationship and is perfectly happy in a poly relationship. She knows I need more sexual play than she is comfortable with, and besides, she already has two other bfs she sees irregularly. :)  

And this is where I feel like an idiot once again.

B has been incredibly supportive throughout my difficulties with SW. I have gone out dancing with her, to dinner, and done other things. She is in a mono marriage now, and further her physical issues in addition to menopause have dropped her sexual desire through the floor. But my stupid stupid lizard brain can’t let her go.

Yes, she doesn’t look anything like the hot young thing she did then. Nor do I! And it doesn’t matter, because for me the chemistry is still there, and like Alan Alda in Same Time Next Year I feel I would continue to want to fuck her until our bones became too brittle to withstand the contact.  But she’s married and committed, and she’s not too inclined anyway, given her physical issues. (Though my lizard brain insists that without the former, she would probably give the latter a try anyway. Stupid brain.)

So I need to move on. Start looking for other partners. Not to take B’s place, because obviously that is impossible, but to include in my life. Because I need those things that B brought to my life that S doesn’t. But until I can get my brain to stop thinking about B, stop remembering just how perfect it was “back in the day”, I have a hard time “moving on”. I can’t get B out of my head!

And that’s where I am now, poly friends. In short: A hot mess. Frankly, anyone who got involved with me right now would be taking on a dangerous situation that has a good chance of flaming out, and I know that. But if any of y’all out there have any advice (and I’ll probably shorten this up considerably and send it to @cunningminx for advice at some point), please share.

And please be patient and kind. I know I’m being an idiot; you don’t need to hammer that message home any harder.

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I miss this show SO MUCH. And I miss this triad. And most of all I miss Hernando, who is one of the most awesome characters I have ever seen on TV ever.

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Hi!! I just wanted to say I love the way u explain things, and I, namely, loved reading your response to the 'infatuation' verses 'love' meme. Always nice to read something you aren't sure how to explain otherwise. Thank you for sharing!

Thanks very much; I appreciate the feedback. 😊

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Thanos is an interesting villain, because he has a motivation beyond “Me conquer everything!” I do think his motivation has a basic flaw (Actually, Thanos buddy, the universe isn’t finite; it’s infinite), but that’s another post. I also think his solution is dumb. (Why not use your magical glove to make the universe’s resources increase to match the population? Or use it to slow down births to replacement-only? Something, dude; you can bend reality!) Also another post.

But I’ve been wondering: Maybe the big guy just needs some love. Which brings up the question: Who?

The obvious choice would be those tough enough to withstand him, which made me think of Hulk. They’re and obvious couple, and Thanos (As portrayed in the films) seems to have an underlying gentleness that the big green guy might respond to. Plus, Hulk needs some loving too, right?

But then I thought: Maybe what this guy really needs is a Domme. I mean, being Thanos is a tough job, and powerful people in life are not-infrequently subs during sexy time. And what would be more humiliating than if Thanos were dominated by a lowly, unpowered human? Which made me think of Black Widow, because all the lovey-dovey ships I see her in I find absurd, and I can easily imagine her as a top. She needs to be topping someone, hard, and I can totally see Thanos as her bend-over boyfriend.

Finally it became obvious: Who was the one woman who unquestionably kicked Thanos’ ass and could keep him in line? Why, the fabulous Squirrel Girl, obviously! The tough part here is that I’m sure she has lots of other folks interested in her, so why would she choos Thanos? Maybe she felt sorry for him? Maybe she likes purple? Strong chins? I dunno; the details need to be worked out.

Anyway, Squirrel Girl, that’s what I say! What about you?

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I’m getting divorced. Been married 25 years. I love sleeping with my partners, but since I’ve we’ve separated I’ve come to understand just how important it is for me to have my own space. That doesn’t have to be a bedroom, though for me I believe that’s best. Maybe you have a home office or a den or something. But we need or own space.

What if your partner is a slob and you have a neatness fetish bordering on OCD? What if your partner likes a crisply-made bed and you’d just as soon snuggle under a comfy duvet with no sheets? What if they snore, or you do? What if they want to have a partner stay over? Or you do? Or you both do? What if she has hot flashes and you’re constantly cold? Etc etc etc.

There’s physical reasons why it’s good. There’s psychological reasons. Logistical reasons. From now on, Ima have my own room. I may sleep with a partner almost every night. Or I may not. But having that option is pretty important I find.

And I’ve talked it over with my LDR sweetie already, and she’s in complete agreement. 😊

In defence of separate bedrooms

Me and my boyfriend have our own bedrooms. And I always feel when I tell people this I always feel I need to justify it. We do usually sleep in the same bed, you know. We are a couple.

It was important for us both, as it turned out, that we have to have our own space. Some of the reasons are specifically poly, and some are not–as with most relationship advice.

-having somewhere to have other partners over without imposing on your live in partner(s) is useful

-it’s emotionally healthy to have a space that is just your own where you can shut the door on the rest of the world when you need to. Where you can keep your things and decorate it however makes you happy.

-being able to easily have space during disagreement helps head off arguments

-being able to “stay over at your partner’s place” even when you live together keeps it feeling fun and exciting

-making a conscious decision to share a bed each night is a good way to practise informed consent, and makes it easier to have a night to yourself when you want to without it feeling like a slight on your partner

-being able to close the door on your partner’s mess means no more arguments over dirty socks on the floor

I appreciate we’re lucky that we have the money and the space to do this, and not everyone can. But I think being able to choose to spend time together is far more romantic than being in an enclosed space together.

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My...relationship...to Taylor Swift is tenuous at best. I’m uninterested in her music. Her celebrity has in the past meant little to me. I’m certainly glad she’s recently come out against Trumper politics, and I know that’ll have some impact, but if she disappeared from the planet tomorrow I’d hardly notice.

But there’s one thing that’s interested me out about Swift for a long time: Her fascinating combination of the virginal and the experienced. On the one hand her appearance can be very “nice girl” virginal, with demure makeup and clothes and hair and expressions. OTOH she can go to the other extreme, being an extremely sexual person, using her clothes and accoutrements but above all her eyes and attitude to project a knowing, sensual experience. It’s fascinating.

To put it in bald, sexist guy terms, you just want to grab her and have a hot fuck. Maybe she’d get the upper hand and be riding you like you were her bitch; maybe you’d manage to get her pinned across your lap and be reddening her ass with a hairbrush. Who knows? The point is, even in her virginal, innocent mode, I always see the sexy, knowledgeable, experienced, confident, sexual woman underneath. And I find that fascinating.

What makes it even more interesting to me is that Swift is basically the polar opposite of my “type”. I adore curvy women, especially shorter women. And I’ve never found blondes attractive. I also tend to stick to my tribe, and for whatever reason respond to Jewish women more than Christians. All just preferences, of course. Think of a 5’3” Jewish Christina Hendricks and there ya are. Swift is NONE of those things. Which just go to show why one should always be open. :)

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Hm. I have multiple problems with this. First, I am skeptical of any analysis that divides a universe into two categories. The universe as a whole is remarkably unbinary on basically every level, and attempts to enforce binariness tend to fail, be it from quantum physics to gender theory. So right away I’m frowning at this.

Second, infatuation can often lead to love. What does that do to this pair of charts?

Third, how does NRE enter into this? Seems to me NRE straddles infatuation and love as it is defined here.

One last thought (though I have many others): Some of these I find, well, just stupid. Love isn’t always “realistic”, nor is infatuation always “idealistic”. The split between giving and finding happiness I find equally off-putting; to me, love is about sharing happiness. The “focusing” thing is equally problematic; how a couple fits together is a complex thing, and tossing out the physical is just as silly as assuming it means everything in a relationship.

So yeah, I think there are some basic assumptions here that I just can’t agree with. How would my current situation work in this scenario, where I literally fell for a woman at first sight while watching her audition in college, dated her for a period, fell out of touch, got back together with her multiple times over the years as a comet, committed to her six years ago in a poly V, then had two years of NRE before settling down into our current long-term situation? This trajectory has occurred over 30 years. How does the above simplistic chart take my experiences into account?

It doesn’t. And that’s kinda my point.

Know the difference

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Coming Out Day

I am gender-fluid: I often wish I were a woman; I often am glad I'm a man; I prefer women, but prefer MMF play to MFF and happily play with both partners (ie yes I will suck him) but have no interest in dating men. I would not be surprised to find this changing over time.

I didn't recognize my fluidity until my 50s, though subconsciously it's obvious in looking back that I've know it was there since before puberty.

Other than this space, my (similarly-aliased) FB account, FetLife, and my Twitter feed, I am still closeted.

I feel massive imposter syndrome, knowing how so very difficult it is for my GLBT brothers and sisters while I have had it so very much easier.

I am still finding myself as far as my presentation. Sometimes I feel more femme and want to present as such; sometimes I feel more masculine and want to present as such. I am not yet comfortable with this fluidity.

I feel much more comfortable around women than around cis men, and much more comfortable around lesbians than around almost anyone else. But I would never suggest to a lesbian group they include me just for my own benefit because that would be (literally) a dick move. It's just how I feel.

I have never, ever, ever stated all these things publicly, not even behind an alias like this. Only one other person knows all these details, and they have my total confidence. I am abjectly terrified to be revealing myself in this way, but that terror is somewhat mitigated by the knowledge that I have so few followers on this account it will probably pass unnoticed.

[zack-flux]

This last few weeks has led me to want me to totally disassociate myself from being a straight cis white male. I’m fluid, so at least there’s that, but if I could flip a switch and be a woman for the next 6-9 months, I would. Fuck my kind. We suck.

Oh shit, we totally need to do with his name what was done with santorum. Let THAT be how his name is remembered: as a synonym for a sexual predator who uses his drunken-ess to claim no memory of- and thus, no responsibility for- his behavior.

[zack-flux]

PLEASE REBLOG THIS WARNING

HEY GUYS

The new Venom movie has a scene with intense flashing lights (the lab entry scene) and I received no warnings and had to leave (just for that scene) as I am epileptic!!! PLEASE share this since I’ve seen NO warnings being shared and this is very important and can prevent people from having seizures etc during the film.

[zack-flux]

And homophobe. And TERF. And anti-Semite. And Islamophobe. And racist. And sexist. And...

The closing rant from my first webcomic collection, Talking With Bigots. This is something I want to say to every transphobe.

Talking With Bigots is available on my Esty shop: https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/525753305/talking-with-bigots-life-of-bria-comic

[zack-flux]