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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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Why do you not enjoy the pleasures of the flesh?
“It is a waste of time. The fleeting pleasures are inferior to the satisfaction of knowing I spent my day being productive.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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Fire the current underlings, get new ones
“Naive Anon, if only it were so simple. All the demonkin in the overworld is under my command, and I am cut off from the Underworld so I cannot get more. And these lesser beings are also lesser of mind, constantly distracted by their own petty sins and squabbles. They cannot see the bigger picture, not like I do. They cannot comprehend that if they go unrewarded for a moment, they will receive their efforts back with great interest!”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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why are you always so angry
“In the seven years since the release of the Archfiends, I have only done a decade’s worth of work. I WOULD HAVE ACCOMPLISHED DOUBLE WERE IT NOT FOR THE SLOTH AND INCOMPETENCE OF MY UNDERLINGS!”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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Hey, I have this extra soul lying around, want it?
“This  donation is welcome, but I accept only on the condition that it indebts me to none.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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How big is your sexual organ?
“If I chose to have one, it would surely be wicked enough to maim the insides of any who were not already rent by its size.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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wait if Shooshookle is a goddess, and you're a demon? where's the line? or it it like an alignment chart? Unlimited power, but the choice on how to use it?
“That is like asking the difference between the lion and the tiger. Different heritage, different domain, but their fearsome power demands the same awe and respect from lesser beings.”“And anyone who claims there is such thing as unlimited power, is trying to sell you something. I, of all people, would know.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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"Please Mr. Z, I'll do anything!"
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“THEN PERISH.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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*A bloodstained goop cat that you gave the second hitlist to approaches you.
“Hey mister!” “I got your souls for you!”
“You’re welcome!”
“Congratulations. Your list has been updated, should you like to do more work.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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can i kill someone too? i'm good at killing people, i can shapeshift and stuff and look innocent cuz i'm this weird goopy black cat thingie but im good at killing so can i go kill people?
Zuttankarmen laughs, giving the entity a hit list of their own.
“I like your enthusiasm! Just remember, when you do my work, you’re also representing me- So mind the fine print, and do it right the first time, lest you find your own name on this list.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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“... Suit yourself. But don’t think you’re saving any lives by doing this.”
He waves his hand dismissively, and Dan’s eyes fill with the sting of smoke. When he opens them, he finds himself just outside the entrance to Evilmass... and the scroll’s still in his hand.
(( @sometimes-decidueye )) *A weird screeching Daniel suddenly pops up out of nowhere. -HOLY SHIT HI HI HI HELLO HI ZUT- -oh wait can I call you by your name? -I'll just call you "my prince" because that sounds formal enough. -HI MY PRINCE HI HOW ARE YOU!? -SORRY IF I'M A BIT TOO LOUD, A WEIRD THINGIE HAPPENED AND POOF I'M A SHOOCIDUEYE NOW BUT I'M BORED AND FEEL LIKE RUNNING ERRANDS OR WHATEVER I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO!? I WANNA BE LIKE AN ALLY SO JUS TEL ME WHAT U NEED
The demon prince sighs, closing the squawking visitor’s beak with a bit of magic. 
“There are always things to do, little one, for a demon’s work is never done.”
A scroll appears before Dan in a puff of smoke.
“This is what is known to you as a ‘hit list.’ Within it, are the details of individuals who, for various reasons, need to be eliminated, and their souls collected. It will automatically update its contents as needed. Evilmass’ armory is open to you, should you desire. I make no promise of compensation, but should I deign to reward you, my gifts will find you, so you needn’t return here to claim them.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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“Innocence, guilt, all morality is relative. Anyway who engages in demon-craft knows this, as well as that wetwork is always the first step on the path to greater things. However,”
He claps his hands together, and the scroll glows red for a moment.
“I will do you a special favor. In consideration for your delicate conscience, the list will now show only those who have breached contract, instead of all collections. Beyond that, you must make your own judgements as to whom to pursue. You have no obligations here, other than that if you accept a mark, you must complete the task well, and with all due haste. Off with you, now; hesitation helps no one.”
(( @sometimes-decidueye )) *A weird screeching Daniel suddenly pops up out of nowhere. -HOLY SHIT HI HI HI HELLO HI ZUT- -oh wait can I call you by your name? -I'll just call you "my prince" because that sounds formal enough. -HI MY PRINCE HI HOW ARE YOU!? -SORRY IF I'M A BIT TOO LOUD, A WEIRD THINGIE HAPPENED AND POOF I'M A SHOOCIDUEYE NOW BUT I'M BORED AND FEEL LIKE RUNNING ERRANDS OR WHATEVER I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO!? I WANNA BE LIKE AN ALLY SO JUS TEL ME WHAT U NEED
The demon prince sighs, closing the squawking visitor’s beak with a bit of magic. 
“There are always things to do, little one, for a demon’s work is never done.”
A scroll appears before Dan in a puff of smoke.
“This is what is known to you as a ‘hit list.’ Within it, are the details of individuals who, for various reasons, need to be eliminated, and their souls collected. It will automatically update its contents as needed. Evilmass’ armory is open to you, should you desire. I make no promise of compensation, but should I deign to reward you, my gifts will find you, so you needn’t return here to claim them.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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(( @sometimes-decidueye )) *A weird screeching Daniel suddenly pops up out of nowhere. -HOLY SHIT HI HI HI HELLO HI ZUT- -oh wait can I call you by your name? -I'll just call you "my prince" because that sounds formal enough. -HI MY PRINCE HI HOW ARE YOU!? -SORRY IF I'M A BIT TOO LOUD, A WEIRD THINGIE HAPPENED AND POOF I'M A SHOOCIDUEYE NOW BUT I'M BORED AND FEEL LIKE RUNNING ERRANDS OR WHATEVER I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD SOMETHING FOR ME TO DO!? I WANNA BE LIKE AN ALLY SO JUS TEL ME WHAT U NEED
The demon prince sighs, closing the squawking visitor’s beak with a bit of magic. 
“There are always things to do, little one, for a demon’s work is never done.”
A scroll appears before Dan in a puff of smoke.
“This is what is known to you as a ‘hit list.’ Within it, are the details of individuals who, for various reasons, need to be eliminated, and their souls collected. It will automatically update its contents as needed. Evilmass’ armory is open to you, should you desire. I make no promise of compensation, but should I deign to reward you, my gifts will find you, so you needn’t return here to claim them.”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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“Run, little maggot, run as far and as fast as your legs can carry you- It will not be enough! I speak this curse unto thee- That you shall not find peace nor rest ‘til the end of your days, and upon your fall, hell-hounds shall consume your body and rend your soul to oblivion!”
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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Zuttankarmen sighs. “Take that stone. When you feel the time is right, make a request to it, and iy will try to fulfill that request. If you do things I like, I might give it more power for you to use.”
The masked demon stands up. “I have more important business to attend to. Farewell.” A scepter coalesces in his hand, and he stamps the ground with it,  creating a portal into which he sinks dramatically.
@sometimes-decidueye
((@sometimes-decidueye)) *You see a short decidueye hesitantly approach. -oh hello, are you zuttenkarmen? -I've uh, heard of you and wanted t-to introduce myself. -M-My name's Daniel... -It's uh n-nice to m-meet you....
The demon is currently sitting back in his throne, perusing the scrolls on the rough-hewn obsidian slab serving as a desk in front of him. He glances momentarily at the trembling bird with his single, glaring eye, before returning to his paperwork. A deep, gravelly voice booms out from behind his mask.
“Greetings, mortal. I am pleased to hear my reputation has to your world. Thus, I shall pardon you for speaking my name so casually this once.”
He stopped, and looked back at Daniel, a little more closely this time
“Wait… ‘Daniel’… This name is familiar.” The desk recedes into the ground, and Zuttankarmen leans uncomfortably close to examine his visitor. “You… are the one courting my, niece, no?” He practically spat out the odious familial term. “Pray tell, little one, what brings you to my domain? Speak freely but cautiously, child; you are a welcome guest, but forget not that you are in the company of a prince of the Underworld”
@sometimes-decidueye
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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Zuttankarmen’s laugh boomed out, the echo resonating throughout Evilmass making it seem like the whole hellspire was laughing with him. “I don’t have the luxury of being anything but busy. Stay, leave, it makes no difference to me.” He thinks for a moment,then snaps his fingers. A fist-sized chunk of basalt, etched with a glowing sigil of two triangles arranged like a pair of mountains, materialized in front of Daniel. “You have entertained me well enough to earn a small boon. Speak your desire to this token and it shall grant you its power to that end. If you should commit an act that serves my purposes in the future, I might deign to re-charge it for you as well...”
@sometimes-decidueye
((@sometimes-decidueye)) *You see a short decidueye hesitantly approach. -oh hello, are you zuttenkarmen? -I've uh, heard of you and wanted t-to introduce myself. -M-My name's Daniel... -It's uh n-nice to m-meet you....
The demon is currently sitting back in his throne, perusing the scrolls on the rough-hewn obsidian slab serving as a desk in front of him. He glances momentarily at the trembling bird with his single, glaring eye, before returning to his paperwork. A deep, gravelly voice booms out from behind his mask.
“Greetings, mortal. I am pleased to hear my reputation has to your world. Thus, I shall pardon you for speaking my name so casually this once.”
He stopped, and looked back at Daniel, a little more closely this time
“Wait… ‘Daniel’… This name is familiar.” The desk recedes into the ground, and Zuttankarmen leans uncomfortably close to examine his visitor. “You… are the one courting my, niece, no?” He practically spat out the odious familial term. “Pray tell, little one, what brings you to my domain? Speak freely but cautiously, child; you are a welcome guest, but forget not that you are in the company of a prince of the Underworld”
@sometimes-decidueye
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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*jumps on the bandwagon*
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zometimes-zuttankarmen ¡ 6 years
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An introduction, of sorts
((Howdy, y’all, so the mun of @perhaps-shooshookle decided this fella needed his own blog. This is that blog. Cheers!)
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