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I feel so miserable. 2 teachers have told me to stay away from people i was friends with, bc someone i was friends with hate me. She is still friends with them, but i am told to quit being their friend and stay away. Even as an adult i am being left out. I am the problem

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I was actually surprised that I’ve lost 5kg those 2 weeks i was in korea and japan. Been pigging out and had 1 binging accident. I thought i was gonna gain weight

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Things i never thought i would do in japan:

-binging in one of the toilet stall at the guesthouse (bc my roomie never leaves the room after group activities)

-sh in the same toilet stall

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I have a strong urge to sh but no fuxking convini sells band aids near the hostel😭😭

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When this trip is over i am kms

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Whats the point of eating or living? I am all alone at school. People hate me. No one talks to me anymore. We are leaving for japan in 3 days, gonna be all alone there. Why even bother

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If i dont get to my gw before our reunion next year, i am killing myself.

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One thing that annoys me with 2 of my friends at this school is that they always try to be the best at their own things. And everytime i try to join a conversation and sharing my thoughts/experiences, i get shut downed.

They were talking about swimming earlier today, i wanted to share that I used to do competitive swimming for a long time, got shut downed. They other day they were talking about braces and i wanted to join in, but got shut downed. They talk about anything, i get shut downed. And then they have the audacity to say i need to talk more. I AM TRYING BUT THEY WONT LET ME

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"I feel so much better when Im ☆ving!"

how life feels when I ☆ve:

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On the plane to Korea we are getting a meal or two. And i asked the teacher if I could change the regular meal to low fat meal AND SHE SAID YES!

Might pretend to sleep that day to avoid the meal(s). A 2nd year student told us that they don’t wake you up to ask if you want food. So i can happily fast until we land in Korea and longer

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A day without food is one day closer to south korea trip

Leaving the 28th. Gonna be living on those konjac jellies the whole trip. Hoping to at least go down 5-6 kg before march 28th

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Starting my 24 day fast today, wish me luck

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I burned 5k+ kcal yesterday (saying + bc I didn’t have my watch on while it was charging duh)

Man i wish every day was like yesterday!

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TMI

Ofc the lax is gonna start working when im on a walk. 30 min away from boarding school. Fuck my life

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Might get bulimia diagnosis next week or the week after that. Depends of how long it takes to get the results. Does that mean my anorexia diagnosis is gone? Does this mean I failed?

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Fucking hate when my stomach growls LOUDLY when its silent in the classroom!

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