a-lost-daydreamer

[a-lost-daydreamer]

so somebody did miss me :')

[a-lost-daydreamer]

pssssst...

guess what.

you deserve to be happy.

pass it on.

[a-lost-daydreamer]

ahh my long lost dream.. to be a witch when i grow up..

[a-lost-daydreamer]

So are you here to teach me, heal me or love me?

[a-lost-daydreamer]

I realised this last month, a random afternoon while wondering why i'm feeling so hopeless.. By 25, I had achieved all I dreamt of when I was 15, for my 25 year old self. But while working for those goals I forgot to dream for the next 10 years.. Now at 28, I am wondering what I wanted back then and what I am doing with my life because I never dreamt of the after..

Or may be I am just too tired to dream in this economy.

You need to sacrifice so much of your interpersonal life to achieve some of those dreams that I'm scared I'll be left alone by the time i achieve those..

A never ending cycle of be responsible, earn, save, repeat. Too scared to allow myself to let go..

[a-lost-daydreamer]

I realised we don't mourn for the gone but for the one they left behind

[a-lost-daydreamer]

Whenever you lose a loved one I think one of the reasons it hurts so much is that you just don't lose a person but also a part of yourself, whoever, whatever you were with that person and it's like a part of your soul is gone too. You are mourning them and a part of yourself..

[a-lost-daydreamer]

I don't get why people want to "change up" things in life.. Like if it's going well then it's going well... Why do you need to destroy peace just to "spice it up"? Like I don't need spicing up for my life.. I was happy, satisfied and lovely wherever I was.. Why should I go according to what others think how a life should be lived? My definition of a good life was what I had already achieved at the age of 25..now they messed up everything in my life and want me to start over again??? That seems so unfair... This whole thing is unfair.. I miss my old peaceful life..

[a-lost-daydreamer]

and if i say romantic love is just a societal construct to get people to reproduce

[a-lost-daydreamer]

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

[a-lost-daydreamer]

An idle mind is a devil's workshop.

Hmm.. But i think my devil is too philosophical. It asks me many questions.

The ones I don't have answers for,

The ones I don't have courage to seek answers for,

Ones I actually don't want to find answers for

And some I'd rather not entertain at all.

It asks me: Who are you? What do you want?

Is this what you've wanted?

I don't know. Most importantly I'm afraid

That's my answer will be "No" and i am incapable of doing anything about it

Even though there are ways.

It says "Everything is a choice". People lie when they say " I had no choice"

You just choose to do things you do,

Choose the lesser evil, my devil says,

And i listen to it.

I've been choosing the lesser evil all my life

But then it has the audacity to ask me if that's what I wanted.

No, I didn't. I had no choice other than to choose the lesser evil.

While somewhere the devil snickers,

Sitting on the throne made of crushed desires

"Yes you did" It says.

"You could've chosen not to choose both" It says.

The audacity, the hypocrisy of it all. It's annoying.

An idle mind is a devil's workshop.

My devil is a nuisance, so i keep feeding it unnecessary thoughts

Create stories after stories, tales after tales

To keep him busy.

[a-lost-daydreamer]

It's my 8 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Yaie!! Tumblr balloons!!

[a-lost-daydreamer]

Please make me a demon I'd love to babysit your kids for a fair amount of price

You’re a demon. One day, you’re summoned into a living room, and an exhausted woman quickly rambles about needing to get to work and being unable to find a sitter before flying out the door. Now, you stand in your summoning circle, a toddler staring wide eyed at you.

[a-lost-daydreamer]

This sounds like some au I was reading idk where

Two lovers have reincarnated throughout history, destined to find each other and fall in love all over again. There’s also this third guy that reincarnates alongside them… we don’t really know what he does.

[a-lost-daydreamer]

It feels like I'm taking a lot of time to learn whatever I have to learn from this.. I feel tired

reminder to self: one day it won’t bother you every night. one day it won’t even pass through your mind, not once.

[a-lost-daydreamer]

I want him to be someone who can bring me out of my own head...

[a-lost-daydreamer]

I'm a boba ball of negativity who wants to be left alone to heal and grow but people won't let me be because their dreams and responsibilities are at stakes

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.