a-subjective-truth-blog

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I’ve been working more and being tired lately. When that happens I often reflexively do things, without thinking about whether or not they’re what I actually want. I am usually quite self-aware but, when I find myself low energy and exhausted…I have to stop and reevaluate.

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I like my people. You become “mine” once we’ve established a baseline of emotional honesty. I reveal myself to people slowly over time. My default state in internal, not external so I never feel like I’m holding myself back. It takes more energy to full engage with my environment, which I enjoy doing.

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I’m often bad at volunteering emotional information about myself. But, I’ve gotten better over time. I find friendships deeper and more meaningful connections occur when you’re willing to throw yourself out there faster. 

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Transparency is a scary thing for most people. When you’re open and real, you put yourself at risk for ridicule, rejection, and having your heart broken. You risk your reputation. These are only a few simple things being risked, but they mean everything. Therefore, people are inclined to be...

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"I don’t mean to idealize unrequited love. It can be painful (obviously). But that pain wouldn’t be there without the love. And I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to find someone who loves you back. That’s great, if you can find it. But not everyone finds intense, mutually-shared love with another person. You can say, “You’ll find someone when you’re not looking,” or “there’s someone out there for everyone,” but face it—the world is too big and chaotic to abide by such simple rules. Some people do spend their lives alone."

Ticky Sowdenham (via a-subjective-truth)

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Self-awareness under ending goes deeper and deeper. Self-awareness includes: untangling what you’re projecting onto other people and determining what the changeables vs. unchangeables.

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When it comes to dating and marriage, I think most folks imagine this fairy-tale world where you magically find the exact right person, fall head-over-heels for them just like in the movies and then have the kind of wedding that would wind up on everyone’s pinterest boards.

It’s not like that...

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#BreakingStereotypes

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f is for friends who do stuff without you

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Leading People On

Here's what you should avoid so you don't feel led on by your love interest:

Letting feelings blind you: if your love interest tells you the first time that they aren't interested in anything more than friendship, please believe them. Do not pass go; do not collect $200.

Assumptions: don't just assume feelings are mutual solely because of what your love interest is doing, even after he/she has explicitly told you of their lack of interest. Also, keep in mind that just as people often don't mean what they say, sometimes they don't even mean what they do.

Expecting more: Don't expect more than what your love interest is willing to give. If that person hasn't agreed to be your boyfriend or girlfriend at any time, then they aren't going out with you. Therefore, you should not expect to be treated like a significant other. Also, don't expect anyone to refuse your gifts merely because of disinterest, especially if given with an ulterior motive. If you expect more, then you are solely responsible for your emotional hurt when your love interest has snipped off the strings.

Not meaning what you say: If you aren't okay with staying friends with someone you're interested in after they reject your proposal, you're not obligated to talk or hang out with the person after that. You don't have to stay friends. You can always choose to discontinue and go your way. Please don't say you're fine with being just friends when you aren't. Then, you'd be the deceitful one, wouldn't you? The situation can only get more uncomfortable for everyone. 

So many people who have been accused of leading others on or being deceitful often say that it was unintentional, but I believe the focus should be more on the accusers who do these four things when pursuing a love interest.

When in love with someone, it's okay to jump heart-first, but one should make sure the brain and conscience are not too far behind.

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"I don’t mean to idealize unrequited love. It can be painful (obviously). But that pain wouldn’t be there without the love. And I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to find someone who loves you back. That’s great, if you can find it. But not everyone finds intense, mutually-shared love with another person. You can say, “You’ll find someone when you’re not looking,” or “there’s someone out there for everyone,” but face it—the world is too big and chaotic to abide by such simple rules. Some people do spend their lives alone."

Ticky Sowdenham (via a-subjective-truth)

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People are always saying it’s the other person’s fault, the other one who needs to change. That is why I believe no amount of counseling will have an impact until God’s people resolve something. We all have to make this our sincere, daily prayer: ‘O God, change me.’ We spend far too much time praying, ‘God, change my circumstances; change my coworkers; change my family situation; change the conditions in my life.’ Yet we seldom pray this most important prayer: ‘Change me, Lord. The real trouble isn’t my spouse, my sibling, my friend. I’m the one who stands in need of prayer.’

David Wikerson (via martelthechristianrapper)

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“People talk to old people like they’re children.’Oh you’re very old aren’t you?’ Yeah I’m old. I’m not stupid.”

― Craig Ferguson (via psych-quotes)

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Creamy Vegan Mac and Cheese

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I wanted to tell her that being loved is a talent too, that it takes as much guts and as much work as loving; that some people, for whatever reason, never learn the knack

Tana French, The Likeness (via quoted-books)

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The rape joke is that you were eight. The rape joke is that at the time, you didn’t know people had sex to express love. The rape joke is that the only other person who’d seen you naked was your mom. The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first. The rape joke is that he held your hands together and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled. The rape joke is that you believed him when he told you were overreacting. The rape joke is that your grandma called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner. The rape joke is that he winked at you when you apologized to your parents for not coming downstairs the first time you were called. The rape joke is that his friends high-fived him for “getting some.” The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like you’ve regrown the pieces he stole. The rape joke is that he was conceived when his dad slapped himself into his snoring mother. The rape joke is that her friends told her she was lucky someone wanted her. The rape joke is that each year in the United States, 32,000 other women’s bellies ripen with life against their will. The rape joke is that he never learned to touch without scarring. The rape joke is that your classmate thinks ‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’ is an argument. The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test. The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’ is a popular Tweet right now. The rape joke is that you wake up to the memory of him laughing, “now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and you still quiver when someone touches you. The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing. The rape joke is that you forgot how to.

The Rape Joke | Lora Mathis Inspired by this. (via lora-mathis)

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Oh... Cultural appropriation here, perhaps? What do you think?

"Then don’t act so stupid."