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omg my heart ♥️♥️♥️ Pookie 😍 I love is laugh ♡

‘There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.’

Sometimes, somewhere, someone needs an edit of Luke laughing to brighten their day! 🫶

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Here are some gifs too… 🫶😁

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Your Flaws are my Perfection- Chapter 11

Your flaws are my perfection - Chapter 11 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

"Your kitchen, my temptation."

I haven't posted an update since November because I somehow lost the thread. It's funny I say that because it was originally about Colin tying a red thread around Penelope's wrist because he heard a legend in Japan that soul mates are connected by a red thread, which can stretch or get tangled, but never break. But because he doesn't dare tell her this, he tells her that the bracelets remind him of her hair. He wears the same.... A brief history of the incident.

So today it's chapter 11, I had to jump straight in with Smut 😂and I still owe the readers a few tags 🙈😉 So now, after almost nine months, an update. I can't promise that I'll post the next chapter next week, but I won't let nine months go by again, I promise.

a little treat...

“I want you so badly...” she whispers.

“... I’d tell you to fuck me right here if it weren’t so cold. So please… just drive us home.”

And then she kisses him, silencing the groan that escapes him at her words. He hadn’t expected her to be so blunt, never in a million years, but perhaps it suits this new confidence of hers. And damn, it’s sexy.

“Pen, bloody hell. You can’t say things like that when I still have to drive.” She giggles, but there’s a hint of desperation laced into it.

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Vivid

Last post for today.

Not new, but complete, and it has been for quite a while.

Vivid is my very first and so far only multi-chapter Regency story, my most successful one on AO3, and definitely one of my personal favorites.

With the vibe those two developed, they ended up being a little kinky… 😅 I just saw in the stats that I’m only 113 hits away from 20,000 and I thought that was a pretty good reason to share it again.

They really are adorable in this version… in every version… you know what I mean. 😉

Colin married Marina in 1813 and raised the twins with her. Marina passed away a few weeks ago and Colin is doing his best to find his feet as a single father. Penelope is a well-respected governess in Mayfair. Unusually for the time, she is very independent, has her own apartment and earns her living admirably, by herself. She doesn't think much of the idea that women are subordinate to men just because men like it that way. She has her own values and no problem in expressing them. Colin's favourite term for her is: impertinent woman. And then there is this accursed pamphlet, which informs unmarried young women that the female body is not only there to bear a child, but also to feel pleasure. Lady Whistledown- A young woman´s guide to sexual liberation....

Vivid - Chapter 1 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

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Insight into my thoughts on 🪞Where Light Begins 🪶 Part five

🪞 where light begins 🪶 - Chapter 9 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Chapter 9

This chapter is called Hand in Hand, though if I think about it now, it could just as well have been Arriving. But a title is only the shell, the name. What matters is the inside.

It was hard for me to write this sudden closeness between the two of them. I felt the weight of the moment. Penelope’s and Colin’s uncertainty spilled over into me, as if I had to examine every single word: is it good enough, is it in the right place? Believe me when I say: every touch and every tear in this chapter was checked and re-checked. 🥰

While I was writing, I actually mixed up chapters 9 and 10 and ended up rereading my own chapter after months. And I cried just the same as when I first wrote it.

It’s simply a deeply emotional chapter, one that cannot just be read but has to be felt. I did my best to make you live through it with the four of them. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Chapter 10

A full circle chapter. Really, this one has everything. Drama, family fluff, banter, even more fluff, and in the end… smut. (Desperately needed smut 😂)

It’s one of those chapters I had in my head for a long time, and yet while writing I realized that I didn’t fully understand each character’s emotions. With a storyline this complex, I think you can’t know everything beforehand. Some things only reveal themselves along the way.

This was also one of the chapters that had me pull out pen and paper and sketch the room and where everyone was standing because if I could see it, I could let go in my head and dive fully into their feelings and thoughts.

Take the scene with Leila, for example. I only wrote it at the very end, once I truly understood my characters deeply enough to slip into Leila’s skin. At first I had planned to show her distrust only from the outside, because I thought the tough, ex-Nightwalker-leader side of her needed to dominate. But that didn’t fit. I wanted her to be relatable, human. Like I said before: I wanted readers to like her.

I even moved that scene around, cut, pasted, tried it in different places, before deciding it belonged right at the beginning.

And then there’s that dinner scene. I wanted to give you some background, to let Alejo and Bruno have the spotlight for a moment, because they matter, both for Penelope’s life and for the story as a whole. Especially Alejo plays a significant role. I wanted you to experience them as a family. Because that’s what they are. Even if their way of making money is sometimes… questionable, at the end of the day they’re just a normal, messy, multigenerational family. 💝

And of course Colin needed time with his children, those quiet, ordinary moments every parent treasures. Like tucking them into bed…yes, even with twins who are almost seventeen, because sometimes love doesn’t care about age.♥️♥️♥️

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Insights in my thoughts on

🪞Where Light Begins🪶 Part four

🪞 where light begins 🪶 - Chapter 7 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Chapter 7

It’s Colin’s birthday, and so I had to place him in a setting that is very close to my own heart. As a child, I played at the harbor in Westport, threw seaweed at my cousin, and went out to sea on the Helen with family and friends. The adults fished, and my grandfather told me stories of Grace O’Malley.

Even writing this now gives me goosebumps. I wanted to give Colin something deeply personal. The boat was already questionable thirty years ago, so Colin was absolutely allowed to react the way he did. 😂🛥️😂

This chapter also offers more glimpses into Colin’s memories. He follows the coordinates Penelope sent him, finds himself in the most breathtaking places in the world, and somehow always ends up having to share his food. 😂

You can probably imagine how much research went into this chapter… I truly traveled half the world for Colin, even if only through the world wide web.

And then there was the Bridgerton family group chat, which gave me so much joy. ♥😂 Let’s just say: Violet should probably stay away from wine. 😂🍷❌ She was on fire. 😍😂

This chapter shows Colin at moments where he feels small, and yet still part of something greater, whether within his family, in a vast salt desert, or, in the end, as he sits on the beach at night, looking up at the stars.

Chapter 8

This is a special chapter. A lot happens, but more importantly, it’s the first since Chapter 1 where I switch POVs. Until now, each chapter has stayed firmly in one perspective, but this one was simply too important, it needed two voices.

It’s also one of those chapters that was half written long before its turn came. The final scene lived in my head so strongly that I ended up writing it somewhere between Chapters 4 and 5.

I call this quilt writing: I write whatever feels right in the moment, spill it out of my head, and save it for later. In my Docs file there’s even a tab called “Einzelteile” (single pieces). 😅 So you can see, I’ve done this more than once. Later, I just “sew” the pieces together with words. 🪡🧵

I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll just say this: it’s the shortest chapter so far (up to Chapter 17), but also one of the most emotionally intense. A chapter about pain, about holding together, about the feeling of coming home, and about trust. ♥

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Insights in my thoughts on

🪞Where Light Begins🪶 Part three

🪞 where light begins 🪶 - Chapter 5 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

I said I want to catchup... or as Eloise would say: You must make haste! 😂😂😂

Chapter 5

This chapter was an exciting one, because we’re moving back and forth between present and past. But no matter whether it’s memories or the here and now, he is on a journey.

Maybe towards Penelope (that’s what he believes), maybe professionally (that’s what the rest of the world thinks), or maybe even towards himself… that’s what I think 😂 In truth, it’s all of it together 🥰

He follows traces and clues only he believes in and, in the beauty of the landscapes, he finds memories of his great love.

I did an incredible amount of research for this chapter: how to travel from London to the Faroe Islands, how you move from island to island once you’re there.

What’s the proper name of the head covering in the Atlas Mountains? What’s the local liquor called?

I went through travel blogs, photos, and videos… maybe I was traveling alongside Colin just a little.

And what a journey it was. Drunk, he realizes he had been right all along, that Penelope truly was guiding him, he just hadn’t understood it for seven years. Which means he has a lot to catch up on.

Why she’s doing all of this, I’m not telling you yet. 😉

But here’s something interesting: I suddenly realized that I still haven’t revealed this secret, and I’m currently writing Chapter 17. Luckily it came back to me while I was reviewing things here, so really:

thank you for helping me find my own missing threads with these little insights. ♥

Chapter 6

Well… what can I say? This chapter is a treasure chest full of information.

It was important to me to show Penelope a little more as a woman. Not just as a mother, head of an underground organization, cyber security specialist, or bookshop owner.

I wanted to peel her back layer by layer, to reach her core, and maybe I had to push her to her emotional limits to get there. 💔

And in this chapter, you’ll finally learn what many readers asked themselves early on: what actually happened to Penelope?

And let me tell you: this scene is something very special, because it’s the one where this entire story began.

It’s not only the beginning of Penelope’s story,  it was my own entry point.

I felt I needed to know where she comes from, emotionally, mentally, as a human being.

So really, this scene existed before I even knew what the rest of the story would look like.

For me, it was a long-awaited moment, and I wasn’t sure until the very end of the chapter whether it was the right time to let Penelope tell her story. But you’ll see,  it’s the perfect moment. ♥️

The chapter carries a trigger warning for violence,  though it is only indirectly witnessed, I felt the warning was necessary to protect readers.

But it’s also emotionally intense, and you get a small glimpse of Pen & Colin’s youthful love as well. 💛💚

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Insights into my thoughts on 🪞Where Light Begins🪶 Part two

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64217281/chapters/164810677#workskin

Hi everyone, I've let this one slide a bit, but I'm trying to catch up and finish this from now on while I finish chapter 17 on the side and have another new project waiting in the wings, so stay tuned.

I'll tell you a bit about the genesis of my Polin fanfiction Nightwalker. And today, chapters 3 + 4

Chapter 3

Colin stands inside his hotel room in front of the door, lost, confused. Right after Penelope slipped away from him again.

He asked if they have children.

Not just one child- children.

Why?

Because there were little hints that never quite let him go.

The changing feather. The three hearts in the 2008 message. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was everything.

I thought for a long time about whether Colin would actually dare to ask this question. Not because he shouldn’t know, but because I wasn’t sure if he would go that far. But he’s desperate. So yes, he would. That’s point one.

Point two: he needs a reason to keep going.

A reason heavier than fear. And what weighs more than fear, even in the darkest hours? Hope.

I always try to keep my characters human.

Flawed. Feeling. Real.

And believe me when I say:

I’ve walked through every one of Colin’s pains with him.

I let myself fall deep into my characters, because I hope that maybe, if I feel them fully, you will too.

Colin had to watch Penelope run straight into Alejo’s arms.

The man his mind still registered as his kidnapper. That was a punch to the gut.

And it always hurts me a little when I throw my characters into moments like that.

But stories that really mean something, don’t come from comfort. They come from courage.

I think one of my strengths is making emotions tangible. And I believe: if you have the ability to create something that touches others, you should hold it with both hands.

Chapter 4

I thought a lot about the dates in this story, because the timeline had to fit perfectly.

There are scenes I had in mind back in the planning stage, and for one of them, the timing was absolutely crucial. A few weeks ago, I nearly had a panic attack because I thought I had messed it up. So I wrote everything out again, and thankfully, it all lined up. (For a second, I saw myself going back to change dates in already published chapters 😅).

Because in this chapter, Penelope does something that only makes sense if the date is right: she turns off Colin’s Instagram notifications. And because of that, she misses something very important, something I’ll hint at first and later reveal it.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about what Nightwalker actually does. Not in the big picture, but in the details. How do they build new identities? What does Pen’s world really look like?

A thought that always guides me:

Reveal just enough information to make it an emotional step forward, while still maintaining the suspense.

And most of all, this is the first chapter where, in the final sentence, explains why the story carries this title.

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Not new. Not done, but maybe worth your time 😉

Enjoy✨️

I love writing this story so here we go.❤️

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64217281/chapters/164810245

Penelope was sixteen when she was last seen – since then nothing has been left behind but a trail of riddles. Once a year, always on the same date, Colin receives a handwritten note. No return address, no explanatory words – just his initials and a short, almost affectionate sentence. And yet there is more: fine lines, a handwriting that breathes, small signs between the lines – or is it not? Colin thinks it is a code. He thinks she sees him. And he follows – a voice – across continents and seasons. He follows a story that seems to have been written just for him. Some call it crazyness. He calls it hope.

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Insights on my thoughts on

🪞Where Light Begins🪶 Part one

Before I actually wrote Chapter 1 — the way it’s published now — a lot happened in a very short time. (But telling you now would contain massive spoilers, so... another time!)

One of the first questions I asked myself: What is the dynamic of an abduction like? Sure, you can imagine it — but I'd never written something like that before, so I wanted to research it properly. (Fun fact: I'm still researching. Always.)

I also focused on creating atmosphere: What does the hallway look like? What does Colin hear, see, smell? I wanted to be there — because if I could feel it, there was a better chance you could feel it too. And that’s really important to me: I write this way because I want to pull the reader deep into the story — right into my mind. Maybe it matters to no one but me. Maybe it matters a lot. Either way — I can't do it differently.

Next challenge: Making the tension of their reunion tangible. (And believe me — I rewrote that scene at least 15 times.)

I thought long and hard about starting the story here:

I wanted the readers to have more questions than answers.

I wanted them to feel how much the past weighs on both of them.

I wanted that gut-punch effect — tragedy, helplessness, yearning.

And yes, the story is tagged explicit — but it's a slow burn. Trust the journey. It’s about the journey. (And it’ll be worth it.)

I wanted to feed the readers with a soft sense of harmony before tearing it all apart. Like cushioning them for the winter that’s coming.

✨❄️

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64217281/chapters/164810245

Chapter 2

I thought for a long time about whether I really wanted to reveal so early that Penelope has children – Not revealing it would have only had one reason: to keep the readers on their toes.

But how could I credibly sketch a glimpse into Penelope’s day-to-day life without introducing her children? I made a very conscious choice about what to reveal and what not to reveal — like Isabella’s middle name, for example — that will come into play much later.

Fun Fact: Jonathan’s middle name was originally something else. (I’ll explain that in one of the extra posts I’m planning – one for symbolism behind the names, and one for fun facts.)

Decisions I had to make for this chapter:

Introduce the children: Yes/No

Which memory to share

Whose POV to use

Telling Penelope’s arrival scene from Leila’s perspective had a few reasons: If I had switched into Penelope’s head at that point, her thoughts would have given everything away — because if I want her story to feel honest and real, I have to address what happened to her — but for the sake of the overall suspense, I didn’t want that yet. So Leila’s POV was the obvious choice.

I also wanted to introduce Leila as a character — as a constant and as the foundation of this family — and I wanted the readers to like her. Plus, dropping tiny bits of information about Alejo and Bruno worked way better through her perspective.

Also… I already had ideas for Chapter 4 brewing and needed to plant seeds for things I would need later.

At this point, I should probably confess: In the beginning, I changed some chapters after finishing them — or added tiny facts afterward to make the story flow better, feel more emotional, or more structured.

And maybe, just maybe — yesterday, I changed a timeline detail in the posted Chapter 1 and am quietly hoping nobody notices. (But if you do… congrats on having the eyes of a hawk!) 🤣🤭

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64217281/chapters/164810464

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The Story that chose me

The idea that wouldn’t let go.

The idea that scared the hell out of me.

The idea that was so big I didn’t fully understand it until five chapters in – and even now, I sometimes wonder where it all came from.

They say good things happen when you step outside your comfort zone.

Well – my comfort zone does not include angst. Or dual timelines.

Definitely no underground organization with a 250-year history I had to create from scratch.

And absolutely not six original characters, each demanding their own backstory, personality, and heartbeat.

What my comfort zone also doesn’t include?

Keeping things to myself when I’m completely, utterly in love with them.

But I did.

For the sake of this story – out of love, out of respect.

The idea that wouldn’t let go.

The one that followed me into my dreams until I finally began to unravel it – thread by thread – and put it into words.

I love vivid imagery. I love metaphors. I love symbolism.

And none of it was planned. Not really.

It just… happened.

It still happens.

With every chapter, the threads grow deeper, the connections tighter, the love bigger.

And I stand right in the middle – with Penelope –

holding all the threads in my hand

and still sometimes wondering: Do I even know what I’m doing?

But my subconscious whispers: You do.

So come with me – into this story.

Into this process.

Into something that, for me, feels like nothing else I’ve ever written.

I’m currently writing Chapter 13,

but I’ll try to go back and share my thoughts and emotions for every chapter along the way.

Because honestly?

Better late than never.

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Vivid- Week 8

Week 8, is long, almost 10k words, my longest chapter so far, of anything I've ever written.

And that's despite my notes having absolutely nothing in them except the topic for Lady Whistledown, and I really respected Week 8 because I thought: What a bummer, what's going to happen there?

Then I just started. I was lucky that I still had the conversation with the children from week 7, so I started there and then I still had a Lady Whistledown meeting in the back of my mind, which I originally wanted to write much earlier but then it never worked out.

My original plan was for Colin and Pen to meet on the street in front of the brothel before week 4 and for Pen to tease him about it, but somehow that never happened. And so one thing led to another and here we are... I have to say, the chapter was exhausting, I rewrote about a quarter of it in the middle because it didn't fit, it was emotionally exhausting and something I've never written before.

So I first dealt with the topic beforehand and tried to acquire knowledge to make it a good experience for everyone.

And I brought you a little tidbit:

Ambrosia clicks her tongue. “I knew it, it's always the ones who look the most innocent.” She laughs. “Good for you girl, he cares for you and he takes care of you. But tell me, does punishment turn him on in principle? Because there are some interesting varieties.” She gives a conspiratorial look and Penelope can't help but slide to the edge of the armchair, elbows on her knees, chin in her hands, looking curiously at her friend. “Tell me everything.”

Ten minutes later, they hear a commotion in the foyer, which culminates in an exclamation.

“GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF MY Crotch NOW!!!

Penelope gasps for air. “That's Colin.” Ambrosia jumps up, tears open the door and..."

Vivid - Chapter 8 - han_ele_nah - Bridgerton (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

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Vivid- Week seven

When I planned this story, I definitely didn't have it on my list that the two would develop a kink. But that's how it turned out.

I think it all started with me feeling that it would be a good idea to pin on Colin that it turns him on that Pen not only educates his children but also him in some way.

That she was doing so was actually in my original idea, but I hadn't thought about the possible consequences.

And as it so often happens, I allowed my brain to wander...and it did. lol

I said yesterday: You could almost feel sorry for Colin, it's not always easy for him with Pen (and me). The answer I got: Don't worry, he needs it. hahaha

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Week 6 was.... intense.

On my plan for the week was, what happens in the middle of it. I knew from the start week 6 it must be. And in my plan always is written: they surely find something to argue about, because let's be honest these two being annoyed about each other is hilarious and hot.

So it could have been a fluffy little chap. Then their vibe hit and I had to deal with miscommunication and a very desperate Pen.

I don't love too much angst but I loooove to write a good drama sooo here we are.

It turned out really cute in the end.

Fun Fact: I hate writing smut. Okay I said it. I imagine all these hot scenes, plan them in detail, what helps and in the middle of it I hate myself. Buuut most of the time it turns out to be really good and I'm fine again. 🤣

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61511092/chapters/158044816

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Somehow I forgot to post an update for week 4 but here is week 5.

When I started writing, I just added the topics for the Lady Whistledown pamphlets and a few bullet points to the weeks, i.e. what I wanted to happen. My idea was to match the plot to the pamphlet in at least one point.

I have to say that the vibe of the two caught me in week 2, it usually takes longer.... I would say that speaks in favour of them being something special.

This week.... they give in to their power of attraction and well yeah....

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61511092/chapters/157249162

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I updated again, and in this chapter happens something I didn't plan, I even wasn't sure if it should happen at all before other things do. Buuut it just happened. The vibe was there and I always go with the vibe of a story.

I think thats how they got a little kinky- its just in them.

Maybe you can tell me in the comments after you read it, what you think happened that I didn't plan. I would love to read your thoughts.

Of course I'm also happy when you leave a comment on ao3.

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Vivid

I plan all my stories but this time, the plan was particularly structured and detailed and that helps enormously. I get so excited to write some chapters that I almost can't wait and then I take a deep breath and force myself to stay in the here and now and get the best out of each chapter. In short, I LOVE these two sooo much in this version and somehow they got a little kinky, which was definitely not in my super detailed plan in the beginning. Anyway.... I have an update for you guys.

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Vivid

I started a new story.

Summary:

Colin married Marina in 1813 and raised the twins with her. Marina passed away a few weeks ago and Colin is doing his best to find his feet as a single father.

Penelope is a well-respected governess in Mayfair. Unusually for the time, she is very independent, has her own apartment and earns her living admirably, by herself.

She doesn't think much of the idea that women are subordinate to men just because men like it that way. She has her own values and no problem in expressing them.

Colin's favourite term for her is: impertinent woman.

And then there is this accursed pamphlet, which informs unmarried young women that the female body is not only there to bear a child, but also to feel pleasure.

And a goodie for you:

"The next day, Colin is sitting at his desk in the morning when there is a heavy knock on the door. Colin flinches. “Yes,” he barks gruffly. The door opens and his children's teacher is standing in the doorway, her hair tied back in a tight knot, the curls in her forehead almost completely disappearing under the little hat she is wearing.

Her immaculately smoothed, high-necked dress is blue today, the collar is embroidered with holes. ‘Mr. Bridgerton, I'm taking the children to the park. You should come with us.” He looks at her gruffly. “I do an excellent job of planning my own day, thank you Miss Penelope!” he replies indignantly.

She clears her throat. “I would prefer Miss Featherington, I want the children to develop a trusting relationship with me, hence the first name. I'm your employee, we should keep things formal, don't you think, Mr Bridgerton...” "