a-wondering-wandering-brain

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Exploring

I wish to explore your body. May I? Learn your curves the way I never could geography. Mapping the world didn’t interest me, but I could spend a lifetime mapping you. May I? I want to know your thoughts, your heart. May I? I’d walk the halls of your mind, confident in the dark, even while blind. I’d know them like home, feel like home, make you my home. May I? Mapping your soul, tracing finger across bones Running my hands through your head and trailing down your spine Brushing your heart and caressing your breast I want to play with you until you feel as warm as your hugs or hot springs after an exhausting day May I? I want to explore you.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

This shouldn’t cut so deep

i’m just tryna have a nice time despite knowing facts and information

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

August 31th, 2023 1pm

I found a place and I can move on the 1st if I can fund all the lease and moving expenses. Which is great because I only have until midnight in my current house.

Not only are they willing to take, a 29 year old artist with Asperger's and my 78 year old mother with dementia and our dog, we can live and have a storefront gallery that has huge waliking traffic. It's only a block away, so the move will not destroy my mom. I am short on moving expenses. I'll need another $4500 to hire a mover on short notice, have cleaners and cover the deposit. The rent is more than currently but utilities are included, so overall expenses go down. Plus I'll have my own gallery!!!

I need to convert art into cash immediately. My largest pieces on Etsy are 65% Off and full of new pieces.

Any help you can offer would be appreciated. All of the social safety nets that you think exist I've completely fallen through.

Venmo- Kate-Havekost

Paypal- havekatart@gmail.com

I can't make art under a bridge and my mom won't survive being unhoused while we wait someone from Colorado Housing Connects another month days to get back to us. We need help. Thank you!

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

seventeen and i swear i seemed

more myself than now

twenty three and i think i see

where she might be found

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Bottomed Out

Wheels floating Bottomed out on flat ground Cinderblock chassis Spinning and spinning without any traction Yet still, feeling so much friction Stepping out and pushing One foot in front of the other My soul’s feet the sole propulsion of a mind buried under the noise of a body overwhelmed by understandings it has not the words to speak

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

If you sit down at night  and pay attention to the sky,  you can listen to the stars listening to you. It’s a silent melody that won’t reach  your ears but will reach your heart  and it will make you understand  that you are not alone.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Handle With Care

I can’t keep mailing Minutia of the mind, Slivers of my soul, Half my heart, when they keep returning Damaged - from shipping and not handling.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Averted Eyes

I don’t look to remember all too sure it would require an intensity undesired. Terrified it’d scare away future memories. One day I’ll find someone, to watch and never forget. Forge full-proof memories. … Or maybe I should just start chancing glances - Remembering what I have instead of forgetting what I’ve lost. Catching the world before it runs away.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Heart-mates

Heart-mates Two souls, sail two boats Neither boarding nor colliding. But, hearts cast wide touching no matter how much ocean stands between. Feeling each other’s wake well past courses deviate.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Dancing through my Thoughts

Dancing through my thoughts Light as a feather Strong as wind against loose soil. Found in you the uncertain urge to whirl and fly as feelings converge. But, time and distance - you dodge my mark. Fleeting frolic fades Someday sown seeds will find soil to sprout.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.”

— Neil deGrasse Tyson

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Dying Won’t be Wrong

When I die, for I must eventually. I know three things. The moment before, I will be sad, and almost certainly wish for even just a little more. Then, I will simply be whatever it means to be dead. Finally I couldn’t have been other than I was, so I wouldn’t change a thing. And that - that means that even in the “worst” case, whenever it arrives, it won’t be wrong. Understanding this - in the quiet of the night, when all should be still, but it feels as if the whole world is passing through my stationary soul - I feel a power in it, a promise in it.

Tomorrow’s thoughts will likely bring their own promises, and hide away the grove. But, tonight I live peace.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Pond of Peace

A pond of pristine peace Living inside me a place - existing without sight, smell, or touch, or taste. Just, the comforting space of present quietness. But, if it could be seen, I could describe as a grove:

Lying, floating, below a layer of water Amidst tree’s obscuring shelter Soundproof supporting enclosure Enveloped in the world viewed slower Dormant brain forgoes reason, for a cosmos passing through trees like a breeze Swirling past the tree’s steadfast gaze Unmoving in their position, Unwavering in their proposition, Unyielding, unbreakable, peace.

This grove of my soul that circumstance saw fit to mold. Living even for a moment, feels a lifetime of enjoyment.

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

happy pride month from your neighborhood gray!! I forget that asexuality has been severely misrepresented and that a lot of people don’t actually know what it is as a result so here is an overview of what asexuality is, what it’s not, and how acephobic is represented. there is so much more to asexuality than just this. I didn’t even mention the medicalization of asexuality! 

I highly rec scretspiderlady on Twitter because she writes a lot about the ace experience and has many comprehensive threads. I also rec Yasmin Benoit, a Black aroace lingerie model who is fighting misinformation about asexuality and shedding light on racism within the asexual community. if you’re interested in more resources feel free to dm me!

EDIT: I updated the slide that refers to asexuality as “aspec” to “acespec.” The term aspec refers to the a community as a whole – both asexuals and aromantics – while acespec refers to the asexual spectrum and arospec referes to the aromantic spectrum. You can see this mirrored in the terms acephobia (experienced by aces), arophobia (experienced by aros), and aphobia (experienced by both aces and aros). Thank you to those of you who tagged this post with their correction!

EDIT 2: now with a text-only option!

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Touch Starved

Cravings for intimacy Caged in my heart Catlike and feral Clawing behind my skin Cavernous echo giving chills my Chest a starving child

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Shivering Soul

Shivering shaking inside Layers upon layers I’ve put on Still just sweating cold Sweltering sun warms me none Pretty sure I’m missing soul shine

[a-wondering-wandering-brain]

Waiter

Carving off slices Thanksgiving dinner for all I care for. Serving plate after plate till it’s my turn to eat. But, the plate’s run empty and I have nothing left to serve. Why didn’t I serve myself? Am I starving or filling? Can smiles satiate a stomach? Did I not care for - love - myself? Was it mis-calculation, mis-distribution, or did I just mistake loving the part of me that loves others as giving love to myself?