absolutehomosexuals - Tumblr blog

[absolutehomosexuals]

"From a sociological point of view, it's fascinating how so many people are upset at the thought of their favourite character (and coincidentally, the one they want to bang) being reclaimed by homosexual fans. "

You're right and you should say it. I truly don't understand their behavior because it's not like Larian will make Astarion break up with their fem!Tavs in the next patch and hook up with some random guy afterwards. Are they truly so threatened by random strangers on the internet having different interpretations of the text and headcanons?

I don't know if you've noticed it, but another headcanon these people also get angry at, is asexual Astarion/him being on the ace spectrum. It's not such a popular interpretation but still, every time someone posts their asexual Astarion headcanon the same people come out of the woodwork to lecture everyone else how he's not asexual in the text, how you are delusional and stupid if you think so and how you are actually doing more damage to the asexual community if you think Astarion is one, nevermind the fact that most people headcanoning him as such are asexual themselves, the same way many of the ones interpreting him as gay are gay themselves!!! They may not like it, but there are elements in his romance that do resonate with a lot of asexual folks out there (like the part where he puts a pause on sex).

I personally interpret him as demi (curious what you think about this one) as he does want sex but on his own terms and most importantly, with a partner he loves and feels safe with. I honestly doubt that after 200 years of being forced to have sex against his will, he will seek out meaningless flings and "fun" such going to brothels.

Of course this doesn't stop his fandom (who ironically pretends to understand the character) to act like he's some horny vampire who will be up for anything otherwise they can't self-insert into their Tavs or project their kinks onto him anymore.

( Can't wait for your Durge essay, btw!! )

We honestly didn't interpret these elements of Astarion's romance route as him possibly being asexual/demisexual, as they are symptoms of sexual trauma first and foremost ; one must be careful not to confuse one's genuine preferences and coping mechanisms.

People self-inserting into their Tavs is honestly so wild 😭 I know most people who play Baldur's Gate 3 aren't familiar with D&D, but the roleplay aspect is one of the best aspects of the game in our ppinion!! They have all these options to create a detailed character, personalize them fully, and they choose to use their Tavs as a mean to play out their sexual fantasies with characters of their choosing.

Which, of course, isn't inherently bad and (while it's sort of a shallow way to experience bg3) it's a legitimate preference. But still, it gives us the ick.

And absolutely, omg, misinterpreting a character for the sole purpose of projecting your kinks onto them is one of the most disturbing forms of media illiteracy.

(Also thank you 💕 I, mod orinthara, have started outlining and writing the essay this morning! I've covered a few points already and the full thing should be out fairly soon!)

[absolutehomosexuals]

Our people spoke! 🫡 Get ready for our return, this time tackling Durge controversy

Choose your fighter

Pick an essay idea from our outline for us to develop in our next post! Do your part, adventurers, and contribute to annoying our lovely community.

Remember polls are 100 % anonymous, other members of bg3 tumblr won't be able to see your vote! Our asks are also open to suggestions and the anon option is available.

[absolutehomosexuals]

Please do write an essay on how a female Durge doesn't make any sense!! Every time I said this myself I was always called a misogynist when it's very clear Durge was clearly written with a male in mind.

Also I bet your post is going to make angry all those Durgestarion and Durgetash shippers lmao...so that's always a bonus.

Poll results are due next week, so we'll have to decide which topic to tackle first 👀 we plan to cover each one of them eventually.

And ngl, we're eager to write this one in particular! We've discussed it A LOT in our private convos.

It's astounding how people had the GALL to call you a misogynist, anon – the canonical character is clearly intended to be male, voiced by a male voice actor and some of the endings use obviously masculine terms to refer to him (es: "You are Bhaal's stallion" in one of the bad endings, the notes in the player's diary claiming you should sire more Bhaalspawn to make Father proud, etc.)

There are tons of other implications that simply loose meaning if we don't address the patriarchal root of the horrors going down in Bhaal's cult (Sarevok s*xually abusing his daughter, Orin's mother trying to assassinate her on Sarevok's orders, Bhaal's obsession with spreading the seed of his heir, the letters in which Durge talks down to Orin and belittles her, etc.) and how certain expectations are specifically placed on a male heir.

Not to mention some more grim details such as necr*philia, which would be far harder and uncommon for a woman to carry out, and the letter addressing the "Emphasis of Murder" which basically describes a prost*tic orgasm.

We plan to talk about all of this and much more! (+ sources, as there's plenty of blink-and-you-miss-it hints about Durge's lore in act two and three)

Re: Durgestarion and Durgetash, there's actually a lot to be said about those, as attempting to turn them into M/F pairings strips the dynamic of its intended meaning.

We won't give away too much yet, but we've always been disappointed at how mischaracterized these ships are, considering the M/M aspect of those is strongly implied in canon, especially when it comes to Durgetash.

[absolutehomosexuals]

Choose your fighter

Pick an essay idea from our outline for us to develop in our next post! Do your part, adventurers, and contribute to annoying our lovely community.

Remember polls are 100 % anonymous, other members of bg3 tumblr won't be able to see your vote! Our asks are also open to suggestions and the anon option is available.

[absolutehomosexuals]

Tag yourself / your ex as de-idealized bg3 men: lore accurate edition

(implied female reader)

Gale of Waterdeep

☆ "My ex was crazy!!"

Accidentally calls you her name on multiple occasions.

☆ Runs on mansplaining and patronizing quips alone

☆ The medieval equivalent of a Quentin Tarantino fan

☆ "Oh yeah? Name five tavern songs."

☆ Due to some odd twist of nature, being on good terms with his mother didn't stop him from developing mommy issues

☆ His favourite book sold three copies total across the Material Plane

☆ Broke up with you over carrier pidgeon

(10k words and counting)

The Cambion Raphael

♤ Swears on his honour he's not gay

Doesn't have a honour

♤ Jokes about clone-fucking way too often for your friends', your family's and anyone's liking

♤ Has a scary amount of child trafficking allegations

♤ Professional pillow princess

♤ A deadly cocktail of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation

♤ "Let them eat bread"

♤ All of his jewlery is a product of child labour

The Strap of Frontiers

◇ Vowed to save his virginity for marriage

◇ Idealizes you to an unrealistically toxic degree

◇ Introduces you to his family after the second date

◇ He's not rich, he's "comfortable"

Proceeds to be the son of an archduke

◇ Sports the biggest martyr complex his therapist has ever witnessed

◇ His sugar mommy is part of the package

◇ Gambled with the literal devil (and lost)

Lord Enver Gortash

♧ Thinks of perfume as a substitute for deodorant

♧ Bathes once per fortnight

♧ The coat stays on during sex

While he'll gaslight you with a hundred different justifications, it merely buys him a few seconds before the inevitable

♧ Has never told truth once. Mfer even gave you a fake last name.

♧ His sidepiece has homicidal tendencies, so you'll basically live in terror

♧ Hunts orphans for sport

♧ Occasionally throws in a dehumanizing, downright terrifyingly classist phrase or two. Just to keep the conversation flowing.

[absolutehomosexuals]

From a sociological point of view, it's fascinating how so many people are upset at the thought of their favourite character (and coincidentally, the one they want to bang) being reclaimed by homosexual fans.

If we had to speak from the heart, though, we'd love to introduce most of this comment section to soap and water.

Daily reminder that Astarion is pansexual. 🩷💛🩵

[absolutehomosexuals]

"We took a break from posting for the summer, but we'll be back soon enough with more content."

I hope you had a nice summer break <3 Can't wait to see your new content!!! I though you had abandoned this blog but I'm glad to see that's not the case.

Ty!! Both of us had a great (yet busy 🥲) summer break, and we've been discussing potential new content from even before the summer, so you'll be well fed in no time lol

[absolutehomosexuals]

also (sorry for two asks in a row lmao I'm just excited) I wanted to share my character sexuality headcanons.

Astarion: gay man

Minthara and Lae'zel: lesbians

Wyll and Gale: in the process of having a bi awakening (I know we disagree on Gale, but as a gay man I liked his romance and personally found it easy to interpret him as getting out of an unhealthy het relationship and figuring himself out in ways he couldn't before)

Everyone else seems bisexual (although I love the idea of lesbian Shadowheart)

No worries! We love receiving asks and hearing all about people's thoughts 🙏🏻

Astarion, Minthara and Lae'zel are the homosexual holy trinity lmao. We def agree on that

As for me (- mod orinthara) I don't mind fics that depict Gale as bisexual, while I don't personally share that headcanon myself, but we both agree we could see Wyll having a bi awakening eventually.

I see Shadowheart and Karlach as bi too, ngl! As the mods are lesbians, we'd love the idea of them sharing our orientation, but canon has done a pretty good job at representing their attraction to both genders

And of course Halsin is canonically bi

[absolutehomosexuals]

thank you so much for posting about astarion being gay, I feel like I'm going insane wading through all the hetero astarion content and posts about how "restrictive" homosexual romance options are. ironically the straight gamer bros who mostly care about tactics and player builds are about 1000x less homophobic towards astarion than the Astarion Girlies™ are. anyway thank you for being correct <3

You're so welcome 💕 we're really glad you enjoy our blog!!

We took a break from posting for the summer, but we'll be back soon enough with more content.

While I think we will be focusing on characters and themes other than Astarion, as we've pretty much expressed all of our opinions on him, we haven't decided what the next post will be about yet! And more Astarion discourse could always come up, so that isn't set in stone. :)

[absolutehomosexuals]

I need Astarion fangirls to be serious because why are they STILL trying to justify his attraction to women by bringing up his fling with Lae'zel at the party? In act 1 he's all about survival and seeking protection. He's not having casual sex with anyone because he wants to have fun and, in fact, this is the whole point of how his romance starts: that despite sleeping with the player under false pretenses (wanting protection) he stupidly falls in love down the line.

Another stupid example I've seen recently is them using AA's line when he finds out about the player cheating on him with Mizora: that next time he wants to be invited or whatever he said. Apparently, this is somehow an example of him being attracted to a woman (Mizora). Lmfao. I agree wholeheartedly with your analysis that he's simply putting up a front of being an open-minded lover. It's just too obvious this is his way of coping about being cheated on and having his boundaries crossed. Tbh I don't think most of these fangirls even like his actual character beyond the "sexy vampire man" thing and his act 1 flirty and fake hedonistic facade (that he - both as AA and spawn - still uses several times throughout the game like you pointed out - in the brothel, the Halsin convo, etc.) that they can project on to.

Finally someone who actually read our posts 💕mwah

[absolutehomosexuals]

https://www.tumblr.com/windbelle/756750803181699072/well-the-fact-that-astarions-writer-stephen

Astarion's writer confirmed he's pansexual. What do you think about this?

We think you should read the enormous amount of posts/replies we wrote, answering the same exact question and analyzing similar sources.

[absolutehomosexuals]

is this blog a joke

Much to your dismay, it isn't

[absolutehomosexuals]

Larian were cowards for making Durge customizable. He should've remained a white dragonborn male…instead we've got mostly elven princesses as Durges, most of them paired with Astarion of course

I ❤️ takes about Durge's storyline, I'm a huge lore nerd so I absolutely encourage you/anyone else to send more – both of the mods are heavily invested in canon!Durge shenanigans lmao, we used to analyze his letters as if we were Socrates and Platos.

I mostly agree: while I love his canon design as a white dragonborn (it absolutely SERVES if we take the general Bhaalist aesthetic into account), a lot of information about him is left very vague and up to interpretation. I love media that deals with cult themes, and it's fun for us to pair canon!Durge's attitude/speech patterns with a more refined human looking appearance to play up the charismatic cult leader aspect, yk??

I still wouldn't be disappointed at all if him being a dragonborn was made unchangeable, though.

One thing I 100 % agree with, though, is that we ideally shouldn't be able to change his gender: his storyline makes a lot more sense if we consider a male protagonist and I'm not gonna talk your ear off about it unless you want to hear it lmao, we were actually thinking of making a whole post about it some time ago... and this looks like the perfect time to do so ngl.

I get you, anon, I get you: everytime I see M/F Durgestarion I lose a couple years off my lifespan.

People just cannot appreciate the sheer power of a vampire twink calling a grown ass man "Bhaal-babe" and "my sweet conflicted villain" 😔

[absolutehomosexuals]

I'm not, actually, it seems to me that a lot of people tend to use thinly veiled homophobic rhetoric to imply a dynamic somehow loses depth once there's romance involved – when it actually adds a layer, instead of stripping it of meaning, especially when talking about representation.

Regardless yes, I agree there's no point in engaging in further discussion, I just felt it was important to point out.

I don't think durgetash should ever become explicitly canon and also I don't think we are appreciating enough what kind of relantionship the Dark Urge and Enver Gortash had without reading too much into subtext. Because without adding attraction and romantic feelings to the mix their relationship seems only more fascinating and fucked up.

There is so many notes and records as proves they were spending quite some time together. They were exchanging plenty of letters in secret code. They trusted each other enough to fight side by side, they broke together in Mephistar and stole the Crown of Karsus. They shared same sick kind of humour teasing and testing each other as us apparent when Gortash demands all Netherstone. The Dark Urge admired Gortash enough to feel guilty about it. There are also of course Gortash's sickly sweet words about how he missed and liked the Dark Urge but more importantly the brief moment of hesitation when the Dark Urge tells him that they think they liked him too.

They are both evil Chosens of their evil gods and they should know better than to care about anything and anyone especially someone who at best can be temporary ally. Yes they both somehow did care, apparently just for their fucked up personalities.

[absolutehomosexuals]

people are allowed to just like a dynamic better when its not romantic. not everyone considers romance the end all be all of tension or intimacy or good dynamics

No. ♡

Hope this helps! /j

[absolutehomosexuals]

Which is why I argued your post isn't in bad faith, but it's still important to take into account the fact Larian wrote this storyline with a default male protagonist in mind and put heavily implied romantic/ambiguous context clues into it, so downplaying the potential romance aspect and claiming it'd make the dynamic less compelling is still a bit ehhh imo.

- mod Orinthara

I don't think durgetash should ever become explicitly canon and also I don't think we are appreciating enough what kind of relantionship the Dark Urge and Enver Gortash had without reading too much into subtext. Because without adding attraction and romantic feelings to the mix their relationship seems only more fascinating and fucked up.

There is so many notes and records as proves they were spending quite some time together. They were exchanging plenty of letters in secret code. They trusted each other enough to fight side by side, they broke together in Mephistar and stole the Crown of Karsus. They shared same sick kind of humour teasing and testing each other as us apparent when Gortash demands all Netherstone. The Dark Urge admired Gortash enough to feel guilty about it. There are also of course Gortash's sickly sweet words about how he missed and liked the Dark Urge but more importantly the brief moment of hesitation when the Dark Urge tells him that they think they liked him too.

They are both evil Chosens of their evil gods and they should know better than to care about anything and anyone especially someone who at best can be temporary ally. Yes they both somehow did care, apparently just for their fucked up personalities.

[absolutehomosexuals]

While I don't think this was written in bad faith, claiming a heavily implied (default) m/m relationship is somehow "deeper" and "better" without the romantic subtext is iffy at best.

- mod Orinthara

I don't think durgetash should ever become explicitly canon and also I don't think we are appreciating enough what kind of relantionship the Dark Urge and Enver Gortash had without reading too much into subtext. Because without adding attraction and romantic feelings to the mix their relationship seems only more fascinating and fucked up.

There is so many notes and records as proves they were spending quite some time together. They were exchanging plenty of letters in secret code. They trusted each other enough to fight side by side, they broke together in Mephistar and stole the Crown of Karsus. They shared same sick kind of humour teasing and testing each other as us apparent when Gortash demands all Netherstone. The Dark Urge admired Gortash enough to feel guilty about it. There are also of course Gortash's sickly sweet words about how he missed and liked the Dark Urge but more importantly the brief moment of hesitation when the Dark Urge tells him that they think they liked him too.

They are both evil Chosens of their evil gods and they should know better than to care about anything and anyone especially someone who at best can be temporary ally. Yes they both somehow did care, apparently just for their fucked up personalities.