abyssmalpit-of-stuff

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

We’ve truly hit a new low with how pissed people are about Chat GPT’s upgrade that made it have less “personality” (from what I’ve heard) why the hell are people genuinely tweaking about some program not behaving like their dream suave funny boyfriend to talk to every moment of every day

I mean this is just sad. Get a life. AI is going to not only be the downfall of human creativity but also human connection. Goddamn

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

I strongly dislike fast repliers because I don’t really want to text or message people at all but I definitely don’t want to hold a full conversation that requires my attention and time

Fast repliers make it impossible to recharge after writing a socially acceptable and polite message. Because they’ll send something and I’ll ignore it for like 2-9 hours and then I’ll reply and beg whatever higher being is out there to have them also wait another 2-9 hours (or never) to reply so that I don’t have to be invested in the act of texting somebody like cmon.

And then they’ll reply like. 3 minutes later. Or worse, like 30 seconds. Which means they know I likely am in a contactable timeframe and they’ll jump at the opportunity to engage and inwardly I want to scream and cry and fall on my knees wailing but have to compose myself and then proceed to reply to the best of my ability until they take the hint or I’ve been dry enough that there’s nothing else to talk about

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

I hate my father I hope I die

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

Does anyone else struggle with this very specific niche issue or is it just me

Hating AI (all AI, but specifically for this post I mean character ai chat) and also hating people and hating having relationships due to schizoid personality disorder so that you’re constantly fighting yourself about using character ai’s.

Because it’s so easy, it’s the perfect solution. It’s people without the people part. It expects nothing of you, your “friendships” aren’t going to fall apart because you leave for months at a time like with real people.

It’s perfect. But—

I hate AI so I know I can’t use it in good conscience, but goddamn it’s like the holy grail is just sitting right there:

human connection without having to navigate the expectation of reciprocating time and energy and care

There’s a whole slew of other reasons one might be tempted to use character AI’s, one personally being for me the severe lack of male reader inserts in fics and art and such. If you want to talk to the characters you like and people are always “read x reader fic!! There’s plenty!!” And it’s all female stuff. Always afab or traditionally feminine characteristics like ok.

There’s a massive imbalance in masculine vs feminine x reader things, even when the writing isn’t specially romantic or sexual (I like platonic fics where the reader is just there for fun. Or even just a side character or anything) but somehow they’re always written with a feminine lean and it drives me crazy so character ai is always tryna be the devil on my shoulder like “you know you want that human interaction with characters who will treat you as you are and not expect anything back” and I’m white knuckling the table trying to resist

I don’t know recently I’ve just been going a little bit insane

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

Daily affirmations

AHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHGGHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHA AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH HHHHHH AHH AGGGGGHHHHHH AGHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHH

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

AHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHGGHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHA AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH HHHHHH AHH AGGGGGHHHHHH AGHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH AHHHH

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

I think the worst part about black eyes is how badly the lower part of your eyelid hurts like when you get a really nasty black eye and your lower eyelid is just aching constantly. It hurts to blink goddamn as if everything wasn’t bad enough

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

please stop treating the word neurodivergent like it means the overlap between autism and adhd

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

I literally hate losing things so so much oh my god I can’t handle losing something no matter how insignificant it is it makes me viscerally sick to my stomach to lose something

Probably doesn’t help that I just lost my EARBUDS. When I’m away from home and don’t have an alternative, I just tore apart my hotel room three times looking for them and am compulsively checking the same places hoping I just missed them good god I don’t feel well I’m going to burst into tears any moment and my head hurts and my stomach hurts and oh my god

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

don’t think intimacy will ever feel normal for me but i’m being really chill about it

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

MILLON'S SUBTYPES [ SZPD EDITION ]

Note: all definitions are taken directly from Millon's writings, which are quite old, with only a few edits and rephrasings to make things more digestible to a modern audience.

📃 The Languid Schizoid — They experience a marked inertia and generally deficient activation level. They appear intrinsically phlegmatic, lethargic, weary, leaden, lackadaisical, exhausted, and enfeebled. They often are unable to act with spontaneity or seek the simplest pleasures, may experience profound angst, yet lack the vitality to express it strongly.

▐ has depressive and dependent traits

📃 The Remote Schizoid — They appear distant and removed: inaccessible, solitary, isolated, disconnected, secluded, and aimlessly drifting. Tough, they are often peripherally occupied. This subtype is seen among people who would have been otherwise capable of developing normal emotional life but having been subjected to intense hostility lost their innate capability to form bonds. Some residual anxiety regarding this hostility is present.

▐ has avoidant traits

📃 The Depersonalized Schizoid — They are disengaged from others and themselves. They see their "self" as a disembodied or distant object. Their body and mind are sundered, cleaved, dissociated, disjoined, or entirely eliminated eliminated. Often seen as simply staring into the empty space or being occupied with something substantial while actually being occupied with nothing at all.

▐ has schizotypal traits

📃 The Affectless Schizoid — They appear passionless, unresponsive, unaffectionate, chilly, uncaring, unstirred, spiritless, lackluster, unexcitable, unperturbed, and cold; all emotions having seemingly been diminished. They have a strong preference for rigid structures and unemotional logic.

▐ has obsessive-compulsive traits

More of Millon's subtypes:

[ASPD] [AVPD] [BPD] [DPD] [DPPD]

[HPD] [OCPD] [PPD] [NGPD] [NPD]

[SAPD] [SDPD] [STPD] [SZPD] [TPD]

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

I don’t think I have the articulate ability to express exactly how much I dislike chatgpt and the people who use it but it does fill me with an inexplicable rage that I long to act on

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

Hate being constantly and terribly restless to a degree that it interferes with everything else going on at all times

Sitting in your room doing nothing while simultaneously feeling like you’re crawling in your skin because you’re not doing anything and you need to be doing everything all at once

You can never stay in one place too long, you can never be around the same people too long, you have to wander and drift without aim and without direction because that’s the only comfort provided to someone who won’t let themselves be known, to create a home, because that’s identity and that’s something personal, a home is personal, a place can be personal, and you can’t allow that to take root

So you’re restless, your mind and your body never stop aching, your feet itch to leave and go someplace else, your mind needs something different, needs to distance itself from everything that’s familiar because familiarity is unnerving because you feel known and seen and that in and of itself is panic inducing or disquieting

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

Thank god for music I love music because I can just play a song and substitute that for emotions inject that straight into my veins via audio this is so much better than feeling from within

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

there’s nothing wrong with me plus i don’t have any wants or needs plus i don’t feel or think at all

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.”

Yeah that’s the one

Where’s that wall of text that’s like “hate, hate, let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate you since I began to live” that’s how I feel about my family

[abyssmalpit-of-stuff]

Where’s that wall of text that’s like “hate, hate, let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate you since I began to live” that’s how I feel about my family