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She looks so beautiful 🥰

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• reblog if you’re pro recovery

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my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

my weight going up is a good thing

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Weight Gain Tip #10

Add cheese to anything that cheese can go into - pasta, rice, potatoes, anything you want. I add mozzarella because I don’t particularly like melted cheese, and it tends to disappear into nothing if you add it in while cooking. Do what works for you!

Listen, cheese isn’t the healthiest of food, but it’s better than eating nothing. It’s got a lot of calories, and some protein too! Don’t eat a block a day, and you’re probably fine. 

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Being the best version of you doesn’t mean being a thinner version of you.

quote by @kristamurias on instagram

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the trauma moods

i wonder why my life is in shambles that's weird

i'm going to redesign my room and paint a portrait and binge watch six shows and dye my hair and start a makeup brand and write a novel and read poetry and clean my whole house and

i Can't Get Out Of Bed

uh oh sisters! *showers with the lights off*

cries in the car and almost crashes accidentally

tv static noises

*wakes up* [redacted] *goes to sleep*

i haven't slept in 72 hours and i'm talking a lot about ophelia and reciting hamlet's soliloquies and everyone around me is worried

trying to sleep but there's Something In My Room

*texts abuser(s)* oh this is a fantastic idea

i'm horny and angry about it

i'm horny and sad about it

masturbates and then cries

If You Touch Me I Will Kill You

*thinks about trauma* oh that sucks for whoever that was

oh, wait, that actually happened?????

Shame

i'm going to starve myself until i'm so small no one will want me

i'm going to overeat until i'm so big no one will want me

*throws up for unknown reason*

talk about trauma, but make it funny

I CAN'T DO SOMETHING REALLY SIMPLE AND INSTEAD OF WORKING THROUGH IT I'M GONNA YELL AND HURT MYSELF UNTIL I GET TIRED

i have forgotten every single coping skill i've ever learned

hnnnnnnng

*listens to music from That Time and gets weirdly nostalgic*

i Want To Be Abused

i will never love again! ever!

confuses platonic and romantic emotions because anything that feels Good is confusing

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if i don’t eat enough, then i’ll never be one of those super strong anime characters who can win virtually any fight.

only the strong people have epic adventures.

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god fuck you all i fucjinh hate everyone. no one ever listens to me. i give as much as i can. i give my all and go beyond my limits but no one sees it. i love people with my whole being and no one ever feels the same. they’re just creeped out. i just want recognition is that really too much to ask

i love everyone but. god do i hate them.

i can’t understand how anyone else acts.

everyone just seems so fake and insecure.

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i was gonna try killing myself but then my dad said “i hope to see you tomorrow.”

my god,,,,

i’ve only been mildly/passively suicidal for a pretty long time recently and then it just all came crashing and now i straight up have a plan lmao.

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i wanna be more specific.

i don’t hate anyone in particular, i just dislike how it seems everyone in the world seems to have these dumb standards that i have never understood. hate is a strong word for me and i was just being dramatic here lol.

when i say no one feels the same, i say it because i tend to love too much. i get obsessive. i come off as very creepy and i often don’t realize it until after.

also, i was upset because i have a social media page (i don’t want to be too specific in case ppl i know see this, so let’s just say it’s an art page) that has barely gained any followers in over a year, despite me putting in a lot of work for it. what makes me feel even worse is when i see people with lower quality content who are able to grow their page to hundreds of followers in just a few months. i know fully well that social media account shouldn’t matter and it doesn’t equate my worth or the quality of my work and yada yada, but i still can’t help feeling there’s something wrong with me or my art, and this situation applies to so many other things in my life that it makes me feel hopeless and that i’ll never amount to anything.

people who don’t mean what they say. they’re too scared to say no and then later complain that i was making them uncomfortable. i always asked to make sure they were okay and they kept saying they were so how the fuck am i supposed to know (this applies to many things but again, not being specific). when people loosely use words like love or best friends or bestie. that gets on my nerves. i’ve had someone say we were best friends only to have him barely talking to me and then saying later on that i was being creepy. i was so upset when i realized my childhood best friend would call so many other people her best friend.

more fakes: people saying they’re anti-capitalists, and they bash corporations, especially amazon, yet they literally promote their amazon wishlist. shit like that gets on my nerves.

something else that pisses me off about people is that most of them don’t think critically about things. they act like everything is so simple and try to trump your arguments when they don’t realize how complicated it actually is.

then i see so many people acting like they can’t do something because it will gain negative attention from others. dignity is a fucking prison, alright?

god fuck you all i fucjinh hate everyone. no one ever listens to me. i give as much as i can. i give my all and go beyond my limits but no one sees it. i love people with my whole being and no one ever feels the same. they’re just creeped out. i just want recognition is that really too much to ask

i love everyone but. god do i hate them.

i can’t understand how anyone else acts.

everyone just seems so fake and insecure.

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god fuck you all i fucjinh hate everyone. no one ever listens to me. i give as much as i can. i give my all and go beyond my limits but no one sees it. i love people with my whole being and no one ever feels the same. they’re just creeped out. i just want recognition is that really too much to ask

i love everyone but. god do i hate them.

i can’t understand how anyone else acts.

everyone just seems so fake and insecure.

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Meanspo

Look at you, eating. Being healthy. Taking care of yourself. How could you ever think you deserved to starve? It’s fucking disgusting that you would believe for a second that you aren’t beautiful, because you are, for god’s sake. You know what? I hope you get better, goddammit. You are so fucking beautiful it makes me wanna vomit flowers and rainbows. Love yourself, bitch. Eat! Be healthy! you fucking deserve to feel better and love yourself for who you are. I can’t even believe that a person as perfect as you would do this to yourself. It makes me sick. It makes me want to fucking hug you so tight that you feel better. So go ahead, feed yourself. And you know what, eat a fucking cake. Treat yourself, bitch. You deserve it. I don’t care what you did to think you deserve this, but you don’t. YOU. ARE. PERFECT. For fuck’s sake, I love you and you deserve the fucking world. 

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(check tags for tws)

i’ve been recovering a lot lately from depression but now my ed is getting worse. another thing is that even though it feels nice to be productive and not constantly want to kill myself, there is some sort of comfort in going to those dark places. i want to cut myself but not entirely for the same reasons as before. i want to wear my body out until i make myself sick. i still feel terribly about myself, but it’s not in the foreground as much as it was before. i find myself actually wanting to keep living, but the urge to self destruct is still there out of habit.

i feel like i was in a way freer back when i was suicidal because it gave me a sense of impermanence. i didn’t think i would live into adulthood, so it didn’t matter if i had damage from self harm or i was malnourished or sleep deprived or i didn’t put any effort into planning or preparing for the future.

but now, even though i’m more willing to live, i’m still left with the feeling that i should be doing those things to myself. i’m so tired and i hate it.

if this resonates in any way with someone, i would love to hear about it.

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Hurting yourself won’t take the pain away, even though it feels like it will. Hurting yourself will not bring him back, will not fix your grades, will not make them understand how much pain they put you in. As tempting as it is to light yourself on fire and fall to pieces, it won’t make things better. The hardest part is deciding to cope healthily, but once you do that, happier days will come.

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That shower after that long-ass lowkey gross depressive crisis

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get cozy. Put long old socks on. Take a tricolor blanket and surround yourself of it. Close your eyes and take a sip of your fave drink. Take care. Light up a candle. Take care. Pet your cat, watch outside the night sky through the window. Think about your small or big goals. Hug a book. Take care.