acebrace

[acebrace]

I love how easily I get music-induced euphoria. I get to touch God with a 135 second youtube video while others need to go to church gatherings for this, what a steal!

[acebrace]

Shockingly, soy didn't work

I was pretty disgusted with myself masturbating during puberty. Not from any external pressures, I'm a third generation atheist and both my parents would have been more than happy to talk through this stuff with me in an open manner if I ever asked. No, this was entirely internal, from my perspective masturbating was gross and messy and shameful and a symptom of my lack of self control. I'm an adult now and more familiar with myself so I now know these feelings were just from being asexual, but at the time I felt shit. I'm lucky I never got into self harm.

So I started looking for solutions. Tips for abstaining, tricks to lower my sex drive. That second one lead me directly to a lot of anti-soy articles and screeds. All the negative effects soy has on men, how it's basically the same as estrogen so it shrinks your dick, kills your sexual appetite, makes you less attractive to women and all that jazz. Teenage me read all of that and realised this was perfect.

You're telling me all I need to do to cut out these gross things about myself I hate is change my diet?! Sign me the fuck up! My parents regularly cook with tofu and we already had a steady supply of soy milk in the house because my mum is lactose intolerant. This would be easy.

And you know what?

IT DIDN'T FUCKING WORK

You mean to tell me that randos on bodybuilding forums and 4chan were wrong?! Say it ain't so!

I explicitly changed my diet to have loads of soy and after a year nothing had fucking changed. In fact it only got worse because I was going through puberty and that still had plans for me. When I found this stuff I could see they were framing all these effects as bad and to be avoided, but I already had it drilled into my head that I was a special little lad so I saw nothing wrong with wanting something others thought was bad. The idea that it was just made up as an excuse to be racist never occurred to me.

Now this would just be a funny anecdote if it ended there, but it got even funnier several years later when soy-boy made its way into the internet lexicon. I knew it was nonsense because I'd already tried to make myself the soyest boy you ever did see and it didn't fucking work!