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date a selkie, but don’t hide her cloak. let her go home and visit her family now and then, knowing that she’ll come back and hang her seal cloak in the closet like she always does. trust is important.

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Can’t wait for, like, 2025 when we look back on the 2018/2019 era and say “hey, remember when we were all really freaking depressed? That was a crazy time! Glad we aren’t like that anymore”

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The beginning of an incomplete comic doodle dump I probably won't add to any time soon. Jack and Vlad getting wasted together is probably the worst idea either of them could have, which is what makes it so funny.

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instead of jason being damian’s protector in the league can we just have them being feral best friends. partners in crime. co-workers.

i want damian to be in gotham telling funny stories and fond memories from his childhood and league days, and every single story contains his ‘partner, hood’, because apparently he and another one of the trainees got along so well and worked so well together that Talia made them an official assassination duo, so they would always train and go on missions together, and they would just absolutely fuck shit up constantly.

and in the batfams heads this hood guy is like, another kid. like damian’s age, maybe a year or two older because damian keeps mentioning how paternal hood can get. and then the fucking Red Hood shows up, over six ft and 200 pounds of pure murderous monster muscle, and damian’s like ‘there’s my partner there! hi hood!’ and they wave at each other across the rooftops and the entire family just fuckin. bluescreen.

dick: so was your friend younger than you?

damian: i mean it depends on how you count his age. he recently restarted, you see, so logistically we don’t quite know where that puts him.

dick: what

——

bruce: who are you talking to on the phone there, damian?

damian: hood, he’s in gotham for a few days and wants to meet up!

bruce, thinking a playdate would be good for damian: would your friend like to come here for dinner?

damian, putting the phone on speaker: i dunno, do you?

jason on the phone, voice deep as fuck and gravelly because he hasn’t drank in 2 days: absolutely the fuck not

bruce, terrified: what the f-

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‘Jason goes to Gotham and kills the Joker himself’ ‘Jason asks Talia to kill the Joker and she does so as a token of trust and good parentage’ NO Jason won’t stop fucking whining about how Batman won’t kill the Joker and how unfair it is and Ra’s gets so annoyed listening to him that he bumps Joker off himself just to get his daughter’s new pet project to shut the fuck up

Batman has no idea why halfway through a standard Joker special of glitter, guns, and ‘im going to blow up this bank!’ fucking Ra’s Al Ghul himself stormed into the room, looked incredibly annoyed to even be there, snapped the Joker’s neck in one fell swoop, and then stormed back out and disappeared while angrily muttering something about how ‘we better be able to finish this fucking meeting in peace now- swear to fucking GOD that boy is annoying-‘

he’s honestly so baffled at Ra’s appearing in Gotham in the first place that he doesn’t manage to save the Joker, and Ra’s refuses to even acknowledge any attempts at asking why the fuck he decided to do that. it becomes Gotham’s greatest mystery, and Ra’s doesn’t realise until he gets back home that he just made the biggest mistake of his life; teaching Jason that whining about his problems will lead Ra’s to take care of them for him.

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Ah, so he escaped while the others were getting poked.

actually can we have Tim not being adopted into the batfamily and instead after his parents go broke and then die leaving him with nothing he just decides ‘well i know where the batcave is’ and starts living in the tunnels underneath Wayne manor because of the logic that he can’t get kicked out bcs 1. squatters rights and 2. whats Bruce gonna do? call the police and say ‘this guy won’t leave my secret lair. no im not Batman wdym’? and he manages to go unnoticed for like. a good fucking while. not even Alfred realises bcs wtf would he be snooping around down there for?

even better is this happens after Jason dies so Tim still becomes Robin and Bruce is so overwhelmed with grief that he literally never realises that Tim has never once used the front door to come over. he just kinda sneaks up from somewhere in the cave. he assumes that Alfred’s letting the kid in without telling him. Alfred assumes Bruce is doing the same.

Damian finds out first because that’s so much funnier. he gets to Gotham to 1. gain his birthright and meet his father and 2. do some reconnaissance/avenging of this replacement Robin that’s been the centre of Jason’s angry rants at the league for the past 6 months. he follows Tim ‘home’ and finds him fucking. golluming it up a 15 minute hike through the cave system and he’s like. wait what.

Damian, reporting back to Jason: Drake is a mole.

Jason, vindicated: like he’s working for the enemy?!

Damian, standing in front of an indignant Tim in the middle of his ‘camp’, phone pressed to his ear: no like he lives in a fucking tunnel.

Jason:

Tim, mumbling: slightly harsh,

Damian, angling his face away from the phone momentarily: i watched you dig a hole to unearth the protein bars you’d buried there.

Tim:

Jason, rapidly changing his opinion on this kid: ok actually lets not kill him because thats fucking hysterical and i want to know more-

Tim really likes living alone in the tunnels because he’s a weird little guy and he’s gotten used to the independence and lack of sun, and Damian grew up in the league where ‘wilderness training’ was monthly, mandatory, and from the age of three. so he really doesn’t see the issue in it. he just kinda shrugs and accepts his brother lives in the cave system. Jason is so delighted and amused by the vibes these two kids have going on over in Gotham (he gets video calls from Damian just. in Tim’s camp while they hang out together sometimes. Damian brings him water bottles and various sustenance offerings like he’s appealing so some ancient deity living under their house. Jason thinks it’s incredible) that he decides fuck the league, he needs to see this in person. killing the Joker is a side quest he did on the way; he really only came to see what his idiot little brothers had going on under Bruce, Dick and Alfreds nose. he visits Tim’s little cave home while waiting for his new Crime Alley apartment to be ready.

eventually Bruce and Dick are working on a case and they’re following a lead to do with a criminal escaping via cave systems that they theorise may connect to the batcave, so after Damian’s gone to bed they suit up and start searching around. they come across Damian, Tim, and the fucking Red Hood chilling around a small fire just casually eating leftovers Damian snuck down from the kitchen, just quietly enjoying each others presence in this clearly years old campsite, quietly discussing whether or not the weather will be clear enough next week to go to the new art museum together. Dick shines a flashlight at them and they all snap to attention like that scene in ratatouille where the human comes in the kitchen and the rats all freeze and look up. nobody says anything for a solid three minutes.

eventually Tim is just like “I have squatters rights. you can’t evict me.” and Red Hood nods and points at him.

Bruce, desperate to gain some kind of thread of understanding here: “Damian, you’re supposed to be in bed. …Tim, I’m actually not sure where you’re supposed to be, come to think of it, but I don’t think it’s here.”

“He just said he has squatters rights, father.” Damian responds instantly. “Keep up.”

Dick: “And does the Red Hood have squatters rights?”

“I have a gun,” Jason points out cheerfully. “Same thing, ain’t it?”

Dick and Bruce are so confused they become convinced that they’ve been dosed with something and only figure out whats going on after putting on gas masks and testing everybody’s blood.

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Jason being immortal but it’s kinda like Klaus from the umbrella academy in the sense that he doesn’t fucking realise that he’s immortal. Damian is the only one who knows and it’s been pissing him off for YEARS that Jason won’t get with the fucking program.

the thing is, Jason never questioned what exactly woke him up back in that coffin. he was slightly distracted by dealing with the wood and dirt attempting to suffocate him back beyond the grave, and once he’d gotten free and was wandering around Gotham, he didn’t have the presence of mind to do much but zombie-walk around until the league found him. after that? well he was too busy with training, annoying Ra’s, helping raise Damian, and just overall getting used to life without being Robin to think about the fact that he’d come back to life at one point.

Damian, on the other hand, clocked that Jason was immortal as a toddler when he watched his new older brother accidentally fall off a cliff during a ‘nature hike’ that was actually endurance training that Damian had been allowed to attend from a chest harness that, luckily, he hadn’t been inside of during the fall. he peered off the edge of the stomach clenching drop, sharp spikes littering the bottom, to see Jason un-skewer his shoulder from a rock and stand up to crack his neck, before casually calling up that he was fine and it was ‘just a little fall’. little Damian called bullshit.

things continued like that the entire time Jason spent at the league, and it pissed Damian off to no end that Jason kept just walking off fatal injuries and absolutely REFUSE to believe that they were fatal. ‘i just have a high pain tolerance.’ ‘you got shot in the neck, ahki.’ ‘it skimmed me.’ ‘YOU DIED.’ ‘stop making up stories, demon brat.’ it’s driving the kid insane. the worst thing is he can’t even tell anyone else for fear that Ra’s gets a hold of the realisation and decides to use Jason in his research for finding better ways to prolong his lifespan.

Jason, bursting into Damian’s room in the early morning, spurting blood from an arrow wound to the chest: Dami- Dami- u- argk-

Damian, half asleep, watching blankly from bed as his brother bleeds out on his floor:

Damian:

Damian: *deep sigh*

-twenty minutes later, Jason wakes up on Damian’s floor completely healed-

Jason: …

Damian:

Jason: wow, sorry Dames, guess i drank too much last night and blacked out. didn’t mean to crash here.

Damian, unimpressed and holding a bloody arrow: grandfather says you stopped an assasination attempt on my mother.

Jason: haha yeah, craaaazy night

Damian: get out.

Jason: -getting out.

eventually Damian heads to Gotham and, of course, his overprotective immortal brother follows soon after with the mission of building a crime empire, killing a clown, pissing of the fourth Robin at any opportunity, and infuriating the fuck out of Bruce Wayne. after a while the Red Hood gets his identity reveal, and gradual tentative truce, and Damian gets both of his families to be more or less on ok terms for once.

the issue is Jason is still really bad at staying alive. and the rest of the family is kind of sensitive to that specific thing. and Damian’s apathy is not appreciated. it takes them a while to figure everything out.

~

*all four batboys are captured by a rogue, Bruce on his way but they need to stall*

Rogue: and now, you will have to pick amongst yourselves who will DIE!

Jason and Dick, instantly: ME!

Damian, dryly: Red Hood.

Dick: ITS GOTTA BE M- Robin what the fuck

Damian: *shrugs*

Jason, so used to Damian being weirdly ok with his more dangerous activities he’s not even offended: YEAH SHOOT ME. I CAN TAKE IT!

Tim: no he can’t, don’t shoot him!

Damian: no, shoot him.

Tim and Dick: ROBIN!

Jason: bite me non-believers, i’m getting shot today-!

Damian: please do it quickly so he shuts up.

Rogue:

Rogue:

Rogue: the others told me the new Robin was fucked up but like i didn’t realise exactly how much-

~

Tim: me and Damian didn’t really get off on the right foot, on account of he kept trying to kill me.

Jason: ? so? that’s just what he does when you piss him off. he tries to kill me all the time.

Tim: ?

Jason: i called him a wanker last week so he shoved me off a building with no grapple. luckily the garbage can broke my fall and saved me haha!

Tim: ???

Damian, fully never wanted Tim dead and was instead so used to never having to worry about hurting Jason that he forgot that murder was actually fatal to his other brothers: yeah that’s my bad, Drake. it was instinct.

~

*Bruce walks into the batcave to see Jason, gunshot in his forehead, laying obviously deceased on the ground with Damian stood over him, nudging him with his foot and holding a gun.*

Bruce: oh my- oh my god, Jaylad no please-!

Damian: in my defence he told me the safety was on.

Bruce, crying: JASON PLEASE NOT AGAIN-

Damian: just give him like ten minutes

Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT- OH MY GOD HIS BRAIN’S ON THE BATCOMPUTER

Damian: again, not my fault.

Dick walking in: hey whats all the noi- LITTLEWING?!?!!

-

*ten minutes later, the family is sobbing and Damian is tapping his foot impatiently*

Jason: wooaaaaah, headache. …is everything ok?

Everyone else, devastatingly shocked:

Damian: i shot you in the head and you died again. they panicked.

Jason: ha-ha, funny as always brat. what’d you do, hit me with the butt of the gun or something?

Damian, turning to the others: it is a miracle he ever managed to get his GED.

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Yeah, that’s a good point….

Wait for Me

Ok so AU where Jason remembers being dead and remembers what he did while he was dead. And now that he’s back? He’s fucking pissed. He doesn’t actually pay attention to anything while he’s with the league. All of his self preservation? Gone. He just wants to die again and be with his Ghost King boyfriend. That’s all!

…

Jason huffed as Robin pushed him out of the way of the bus. Goddamn it. He was so close that time. The stupid kid. Ruining his chances.

Jason didn’t even really care that he had been replaced. He had expected it. B was never sentimental and Jason was never anything more than a sidekick anyways. He was replaceable. That was already proven. Batman always had a Robin. It didn’t really matter who Robin was. It was a title, not a person.

After pretending to be thankful for the save, Jason decided to go back to the league. Ra’s was like super evil but he was also a dumbass. It wasn’t hard to set him off. Maybe he could get Ra’s to kill him if he was lucky. Probably not. Since Talia and Damian were there. Ra’s wasn’t really much of a man. Nothing more than an idiot who didn’t want to die. The complete opposite of Jason.

He knew Talia and Damian were concerned with his behavior. The only reason he was dipped in the pit in the first place was to spite the Batman. Hoping he would be out for blood. He wasn’t stupid. But instead of getting a broken boy urging for revenge, what they had gotten was a very annoyed teen with suicidal tendencies. And very strange interests.

Jason went into his room of sorts. It was the area they let him live in. He didn’t have much, just a bed and a dresser. The only reason he even lived with them at this point was because they gave him food. He had made it clear when he was brought back that he had no interest in revenge. He just wanted to be dead. It was where he belonged after all. It had upset Talia so much that she had set up a small are for him to live in right where she could always see him. Almost like League of Assassins’ version of suicide watch. It didn’t stop Jason from sneaking out and trying anyways.

He grabbed a book he stole from Ra’s a week ago. He left his little sleeping area and went to find the old bastard. He threw the book at him, hitting him in the face. He could hear it as the book broke Ra’s nose. Good.

“Do you have a death wish?” he asked.

“YES!” Jason screamed, “If I don’t die soon, I’ll be too old for my boyfriend! If I die and I can’t date Danny anymore because I’m too old, I’ll haunt your death cheating ass until the timeline implodes!”

“You have some serious issues Todd,” said Damian.

Jason didn’t care, he just hoped Danny was still waiting for him like he promised. He had to get home. He HAD to die.

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Trans woman Jason who ends up looking like Martha Wayne. Let's make everything worse for everyone involved in new and unfathomable ways

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Time travel au where you accept the fact that you can't stop your death without potential major consequences to the universe but your resurrection was literally from the universe righting itself

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fic where the bats think things are improving with jason until they find out he's just moved on from them and started a new family

its like at that stage in the divorce where the wife has stopped ‘nagging’ because she already has the papers drawn up, jason has accepted that he will have to see them around gotham and help out when it gets urgent enough but he has cultivated enough self worth to stop chasing approval. ever since he made up his mind to give up on them he is able to put to rest his defensiveness, his inner conflict is solved. then he gets to the stage of divorce where he gets to celebrate his freedom and experiment to reacquaint himself with his preferences and passions, it is in this phase where he branches out and makes civilian friends. idk exactly how he would meet people he’d click with but i think it would be really funny if he got a ticket for serving food without authorization with a food not bombs chapter. meanwhile the bats think he has calmed down and are thinking about reaching out and slowly reintegrating him since he has finally stopped lashing out and looking for reactions.

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:')

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You're drawing art based on your favorite fandom, but then you come across a Russian song in your playlist and it completely changes the whole point of the drawing

The KINO - Pack of Cigaretts

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Alfred: Timothy Jackson Drake. Tim: Full name....omg, am I going to die? Dick: It was nice knowing you Timmy. Damian: Don't lie to a dead man walking, Richard. Timothy, your existence in our lives was ambivalent at best. Tim: Thank you for your honesty, Dami. It's a comfort in my final moments. Alfred: Stop being so dramatic; you won't die today. I'm not mad; I'm disappointed in you. Tim wince: That's far worse. What did I do? Alfred: It's more like what you didn't do. Why is it that every morning, you do not find the five minutes it takes to make your bed? Tim: *confused* What do you mean? Alfred: Your bedroom is usually spotless, but you never fix your blankets or your pillows, and it makes everything look awful. I have tried to ignore it, in the hope that you will learn some responsibility, but I can no longer stand it. Tim: But I've never done my bed. It's always been done for me. Alfred: Whatever servants you had at Drake Manor are not here- Tim: I never had servants. It was just my parents, and most of the time, they weren't even in the country. I mean, the housekeeper came by every three days or so, but she never went into my room. Alfred: Wait, if you didn't make your bed and there were no servants to make it, then how was it done? Tim: It made itself, duh. Dick: Would you like to expand on that answer for the class, Timmy? Tim: Come on Dick you know what I mean. The sheets move on their own and tuck themselves in, or the pillows constantly rearrange themselves. Sometimes, on a cold night, the blankets will emerge from the closet and wrap around you. Every day, bedroom stuff. Dick: Damian: Timothy, I believe you were being haunted as a child. Tim: What? Alfred: Did anyhing else stop happening when you moved out of your old home? Tim snapping his fingers: Now that you mention it, nothing whispers in my ears anymore. Dick: You were hearing whispers!? Tim: It was mostly gibbersish and hisses so I always ingored it. The ghost should have learn to not mutter. Danny, reading their lips from the Drake Manor window using binoculars: Well, excuse me for having a speaking impediment.

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just saying i prefer my food-based crimes to be more "heisting $1 million worth of syrup from the Canadian Maple Syrup Reserve" and less "corporations giving toddlers listeria for fun and profit"