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one time my mom and i were talking about autism and she said if i got it from anyone i got it from my dad, a man who has been buying and sorting pokemon cards for several months straight and likes to memorize license plates and then quiz my mom on them. and then she remembered that my father is not actually biologically related to me (#childofdivorce) and lost her shit laughing. i got that proxy autism

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making heavy use of a technique i like to call "bothering my cat" which consists largely of bothering my cat

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It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

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I wish they could invent a medical device that temporarily transfers your symptoms and pain to the doctor treating you and it worked like a shock collar. “I think light exercise would-.” and then bam they’re rolling around the floor clutching their stomach in agony and dry heaving.

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#there are two kinds of people/friends in the world

HOT ONES VERSUS: DREW MCINTYRE VS. SHEAMUS | 01.28.25 WHAT DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT? PODCAST | 06.25.25

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reblog if your url represents who you really are 

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I was looking at Leverage fic on AO3, read the tag "hand job" and thought "I don't remember that episode" in all seriousness before it hit me

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$20 used to mean something

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ive just seen the american psycho characters drawn as my little ponies and honestly i dont think patrick should have been given that cd as his cutie mark. i think you're doing it wrong if you're not making him a perpetual blank flank

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kitten if you don't get daddy his 3D printed sensory slug in the next five seconds you can kiss your grandma's drywall goodbye

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I feel like tumblr should be bigger fans of The Blues Brothers. It's a movie that has everything we value as a community. Attention and respect to pioneering black musicians, open hostility to nazis, open defiance to police, Carrie Fisher with a rocket launcher and flamethrower, a soundtrack that goes hard as hell, John Belushi so blasted on cocaine that he continues to do somersaults despite having a broken ankle. It's got it all!

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I’m just going to leave this here

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wait oh god oh fuck I looked in the notes and

love when a mother asks if they have ever done anything to hurt you. ma'am, you will literally never be ready to have this conversation

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love when a mother asks if they have ever done anything to hurt you. ma'am, you will literally never be ready to have this conversation