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addictedtojoongdok · 3 years ago

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How to Speak so that People want to listen.

In a world of social media and instant messaging, people have forgotten the value of speaking properly. Rather than taking time to learn how to effectively communicate with others, we write shortcuts like "LOL" or "btw." We don't even bother using punctuation, simply because it takes too much time! But in reality, learning how to speak properly can help you achieve great things—like getting a job offer or the chance to go on a second date.

Learning how to effectively communicate with others is one of the most important skills you can have. Whether you're pitching an idea at work, trying to convince your parents that you need more money for school supplies, or simply chatting with friends in class, it's helpful to be able to talk in a way that convinces people what you are saying is worth listening to. In this article I'll explain why being able to speak well is so important and give some tips on how you can improve your communication skills right now!

Lots of people want to become better public speakers. You can find books on how to prepare, how to overcome fear, and how to deliver a good talk. But no one ever talks about what happens after you've given a speech. Your job is not finished when you walk off stage.

If you're frustrated by how often you find yourself in the position of "being talked at," rather than having a productive conversation where ideas are exchanged, then it's time to rethink your speaking style. Even if you're not ready to buy a full suit and practice your handshake, there are some simple ways to make sure that, when it's time for you to speak up, people will listen.

1.) Be a good listener

> When you're talking to someone, be sure that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. If someone is telling a story or sharing information with you, ask questions about it—but don't interrupt! Some people like talking about themselves; others don't. If possible, try to strike up a conversation about things that both of you share in common. This isn't just for those who want to make friends and enjoy conversations; it's also great for business people who want their colleagues, clients and customers trust them enough so that they'll listen when they have something important to say.

* Remember*

Every person has something interesting about him- or herself—if you can find out what it is through conversation then he/she will feel valued by being treated like an equal rather than just another customer or client.

2.) Step outside your comfort zone

“[Step] outside [your] comfort zone.” As you can imagine, this is easier said than done. We live in a world where many of us have become comfortable with doing the same things over and over again—going to work, eating dinner at the same time every night with the same people, watching the same television shows. But stepping outside our comfort zones will help us grow as individuals and will make us more interesting to other people who listen to what we have to say. Try something new! Try something that you feel uncomfortable doing or saying but would like to try anyway because it seems like fun (or at least interesting).

If you're having trouble coming up with ideas for things that might make for an interesting experience—and therefore also be good fodder for conversation—then start by thinking about how much time you spend alone in your apartment versus how much time you spend alone in your car during your commute each day of work (as opposed to weekends).

3.) Start small with your fears

Start small with your fears. If you are a public speaker, start by speaking to small groups—a few friends, or even a single person. If you are an executive assistant, take on the task of coordinating meetings and scheduling appointments for yourself instead of delegating it all to someone else. In order to conquer your fear of public speaking, practice in front of a mirror or record yourself on video before trying out new material in front of others. Also consider starting with smaller events such as industry conferences or business meet-ups where there will likely be few people in attendance who don't already know you well—and where failure won't result in massive embarrassment!

4.) Expose yourself to what you fear the most.

There are two ways to overcome fear: you can either avoid the thing you fear (like a phobia of public speaking), or you can expose yourself to it. Exposure therapy is a way of overcoming fears by gradually exposing yourself to what you fear in a controlled environment. It's a common treatment for phobias and other anxiety disorders, but it also works well with public speaking—especially if you're afraid of saying something stupid or boring (or both).

It's important to note that exposure therapy does not mean just going up on stage and winging it. You'll need to practice your speech beforehand so that when the time comes, everything will be smooth sailing—and your audience won't even notice that they've just witnessed an act of deliberate exposure!

5.) Stop negative thinking in its tracks

Our thoughts have a powerful effect on our actions, attitudes and moods—which means that negative thinking can become a habit. And once it's formed, it can be difficult to break. To stop negative thinking in its tracks, try these three simple steps:

> Take note of your thoughts. When you feel yourself starting to get negative, ask yourself what is going through your mind. What are some of the reasons why this task might fail? How will people react if I don't do well? What would happen if I did something stupid?

> Challenge these thoughts by asking: Is this really true? Is there another way of looking at things? If we're honest with ourselves, we know that most people don't really care about what we think or say (no matter how confident we may feel), so why should we let ourselves believe otherwise? What evidence do I have for believing my own negativity?

6.) Challenge the way you talk to yourself

Negative self-talk is a common problem, and it's one that you may be unaware of until someone else points it out. But if you find yourself constantly criticizing yourself or thinking that things can't possibly go right for you, this could be your issue.

It's important to learn the difference between constructive and destructive criticism, especially when it comes to how we talk about ourselves. Constructive criticism is intended to improve performance by identifying specific areas where improvement is needed; negative self-talk, however, often involves making broad generalizations based on an isolated incident (for example: "I'm terrible at dressing professionally!"). When dealing with any form of negative self-talk like these examples below—and there are many more—it's helpful to ask yourself whether what you're saying is constructive or destructive:

For example: "I'm so stupid."

Instead say something like: "I made a mistake today; now I know I need to work on my attention span."

7.) Talk to strangers more often

It's important to practice talking with strangers. You can't be good at it if you don't talk to people when they're not expecting it. This is because there are rules to follow that make conversations between two people feel natural:

a.) Be interesting.

b.) Make your conversation short and memorable.

c.) Make the conversation comfortable for both parties involved in it.

8.) Be assertive and direct when needed

Don't be afraid to speak up and assert yourself, whether it's at work or in your personal life. You don't have to ask for something directly all the time, but if you know what you want and you believe it's reasonable, don't be afraid to do so. If someone asks for a favor from you, don't assume that they'll read your mind and figure out what they need—ask them directly!

If there are things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy in your workplace or elsewhere, it's not always appropriate or possible to voice those concerns directly (especially if the person who makes you uncomfortable is also your boss). However, if there is a way that works for both parties involved (and everyone else), go ahead and say something! It will help make everyone happier at work.

And finally: Be assertive with yourself as well—don't let other people take advantage of your timidity because they assume they can get away with anything just because they're in charge. Learn how to say “no” when necessary; learn how much authority over yourself belongs solely within your own hands -– no matter how scary this might feel at first

9.) Find someone who has overcome the same fear as you have, and ask them how they did it.

When you come up with a fear, think of someone who has overcome that fear. Maybe it’s a colleague at work or a friend from your neighborhood—someone who used to be afraid like you are now, and then got over it.

Now ask them: What did they do? How did they do it? What was most helpful in getting past their fears? What was most challenging for them? And what advice would they give someone else in your position right now?

10.) Stop trying to please everyone

a.) Speak your truth.

b.) Don't be afraid to speak your mind.

c.) Don't be afraid to offend people.

11.) Becoming a good public speaker means being able to speak well one-on-one as well, and that is something everyone can do

It’s not a secret that people who are good speakers also tend to be good listeners. Good communication skills are contagious, and the more you practice speaking well, the better you will become at listening.

The next time you’re in a conversation with someone new, pay attention to how they communicate with you and others around them. Do they focus on what they want to say or do they listen intently? Do they ask questions often or do they speak at length without giving their partner an opportunity to talk? The next time someone asks for your advice about something personal—whether it’s related to work or romance—make sure that before offering advice, you ask questions first: “How did it make you feel when this happened? What did she say? Were there any other factors involved? How did that affect things later on…etc., etc., etc., until she feels comfortable enough opening up about her feelings about the situation." This kind of active listening makes everyone feel heard and understood (which is crucial for having strong relationships).

And lastly...

We hope that this blog has inspired you to take a closer look at the power of storytelling and informing and consider how it might be able to help you get your message out there. Our advice is to keep trying and keep pushing toward an ideal. And remember that to go forward is to move toward perfection!

reference:

Written by:

Ducay, Shy Mae

Dapat, Guile

Salcedo, Marianne Jade

Lucero, Angelie

Caitum, Arvie

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addictedtojoongdok · 5 years ago

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Kim Dokja and the concept of dying (major spoilers)

Warning: mentions of suicide, abusive acts and bullying, though it's only mentioned and not specified.

Okay, I've had this idea in my head since last night and probably a few days ago. But I think we all make fun or joke about how much Kim Dokja dies, and I sure as hell ain't gonna read 500+ chapters again just to count how many times he has died and reference what other characters felt towards Kim Dokja dying.

So, why did I bring this up?

Well the reason is simple. I think that Kim Dokja dies to show his love. I mean, it was practically his go to, he'd rather sacrifice himself than let others do it, even though they were 100% willing to die for him, Kim Dokja time and time again breaks his promises just to let them experience a new day.

Lee Sookyung, his mother, kick-started this whole affair. While she didn't die when Kim Dokja killed their abuser, she did ruin her life and made it unable for her to go back to living a life with Kim Dokja. Effectively, to Kim Dokja, the mother he knew died at the same time his father died.

He also had a shitty life and none of his classmates nor relatives were sympathetic nor empathetic at all, hell when he moves in with some relatives I bet they don't even care about him or just abuse him. His classmates hurt him, his teachers turn a blind eye to him and reporters hound him for their money source. The whole world was telling him he was "useless and unimportant" and even Lee Sookyung couldn't comfort Kim Dokja as a mother anymore, I think she knows she lost the right to be Kim Dokja's mother the moment she let her book out, effectively not only ruining her but her son's life.

To both of them, they both died on that same day.

And when the Alter Han Sooyoung saw Kim Dokja's comatose body after he jumped and realized just how much the book she roasted was the only book that made Kim Dokja get up to live another day, even when the world told him "Die, you're nothing but a murderer's son" she kept giving him that awful story she hated "Three Ways to Survive a Ruined World" because deep down, she wanted to have a reader like Kim Dokja who talked to her, read her work and became the only thing letting him live.

Then the dying part.

The first time we see Kim Dokja die was during that King fighting where he managed to become a Salvation King(?). He died the first time and told no one he would come back or maybe assure them he would, because at that time he was living in the world of his novel. The novel that was created for him, and the people in his life and in the novel blend together making him unaware where his reality started and ended. He told no one because, as much as he can admit, he didn't or couldn't trust them, because the people back then would hurt him and tell him to die. Why else would he have committed suicide?

And as the book continues, we see Kim Dokja starting to piece together that people genuinely care for him, that he saved someone even for his own personal benefits and sees that even though they know, they still want to prove themselves. He sees how his mere existence impacts people to be stronger, to be better, and he feels, for the first time, wanting to protect.

During 45th turn (was it 45th..?) Shin Yoosung. Kim Dokja wouldn't let her die and kept doing the impossible to free her and give her a second chance, maybe he saw himself in her and wanted her to have a chance of happiness and freedom that the young Kim Dokja desperately pleaded. Kim Dokja found respite in his novel and now he wants to free Shin Yoosung.

Don't get me started when Yoo Sangah had to die, Lee Sookyung became desperately ill due to her ability or Lee Hyunsung's soul being yeet off to the Land of Oz. He kept going to them and basically screaming "IF YOU SAY I CAN'T DIE! THEN YOU CAN'T DIE NO MATTER WHAT!!!" challenging the impossible, fighting constellations and gambling with his life at stake for his companions.

As the series progress so does his self destructive habits. He will continuously kill himself if it means that the people he starts to love will have a chance to live in this fucked up world. He's been twisted and hammered down by life ever since he was young and no one ever cared for him... Except for the author of the novel, tls123, Alter Han Sooyoung. That extends to the novel.

Now that he has people he cares for, Kin Dokja doesn't know how to say "I love you", doesn't know how to show affection and that just baffles him so he pushes away those emotional needs and quickly tries to ruin the Star Stream. For me, if he destroys the Star Stream, this will be his saying of "I love you" to his companions because by then, everyone is free, nobody needs to die or hurt themselves over a scenario.

Nobody will be strung along for the amusement of constellations.

And since Kim Dokja always dies...

That's his way of saying "I love you" even when it guarantees giving his companions trauma and fears for him. Because Lee Sookyung's final act of motherhood for Kim Dokja was her ruining and killing herself as Kim Dokja's mother and becoming a "murderer", lying to not only everyone in this world and her son, but to herself. This was her final saying of "I love you" to Kim Dokja as she was dragged away to prison.

Kim Dokja, deep down, believes he is unimportant even though he assures himself he is with his knowledge. But when he sees a situation where even he can't find a solution, he will die for them. He won't hesitate to jump into danger if it means saving the only people who loves and cares for him.

The most telling is during the Demon King Selection. Where Kim Dokja's prophesied demise is by the hands of his "most beloved/loved person" and when Kim Dokja found out and when he saw Yoo Joonghyuk ready to sacrifice himself.

I wonder, if he ever felt the flashes of guilt pass through his eyes, because even back then he knew that Yoo Joonghyuk suffered 1863rd turns to keep one reader alive, and that's why he tells Yoo Joonghyuk to live even when Kim Dokja is the most hypocritical person in the world.

Because, to Kim Dokja, Yoo Joonghyuk was the only person who gave Kim Dokja a reason to wake up and not jump.

When he became the Demon King, he didn't attack. He would watch his party cry and kill him and even then he seemed happy. He would eventually come back but in that moment, this incident must have finally shot a bullet in his head that people would cry when he died.

And that led him to want to live. Live and be beside his companions, his family.

This then shows in the Remake of Journey to the West where he made a deal with the Wenny King or Secretive Plotter to become an Outer God if he could not fulfill the requirements in exchange for him living. And when he finally became an Outer God, you could see how much he wants to be with Lee Gilyoung, Shin Yoosung, Yoo Joonghyuk and everyone else. He keeps pursuing such dangerous options so that his companions won't have to do it. He'll step on thorny roads so that his companions can live.

And that even extends to the very final scenes in the book. Two key points:

A.) Kim Dokja splitting himself up and leaving himself behind in the subway.

B.) Kim Dokja going in a coma.

Both are the same in the prospect that the world where his family will live in is going to collapse if nobody dreams for them.

Why Kim Dokja was ready to give his family an avatar with 49% of his memory so that even in spirit, he could be with them. And he was selfish because, as heavily stated before, they were after all, the first people that cared for him. So he held on to 2% of their journey close to his chest as he headed to his death in that lonely subway.

Why Kim Dokja split himself far and wide just so that his companions wouldn't destroy the world together. A suicide mission. He must have been shocked that they loved him that much to disregard the entire universe for him and felt helpless. Because even when they managed to get a hold on him... They would perish and he would be alone.

What was his final moments as he rapidly split himself up, his guilt as he imagined their faces one last time and his helpless laughter as he couldn't believe how preposterous his companions were.

His happiness that someone cared for him which then turned to fear that they would die.

His sadness that he couldn't stay with them and his anger at them for not being satisfied with 49%... His shame when he clung to 2%... His promise he keeps breaking.

He wants to live, even during those days in the scenario where he stayed with Kim Dokja's Company, wants to live with them and live in a world that's slowly healing.

So he'll take any chances to let them live and maybe hope, in this twisted world, he can live with them.

So he sleeps as the Most Ancient Dream and dreams them to be happy and waits to wake up.

That's why the ending is so bittersweet yet beautiful.

Because the Most Ancient Dream woke up to the dreams of his loved ones crashing through the door and turning to reality.

Because even Kim Dokja can love someone. He's no longer Alone nor a Reader.

He's at home.

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