adrianhavenga

[adrianhavenga]

Pet Steeve excerpt: Chapter 62

Hmm, let’s see here, what else has been going on? Oh yeah, there’s this: A small white van pulled up outside farmer John’s house and out stepped a man round enough to roll around comfortably. How he managed to fit into the tiny van is beyond me. The little white van was still rocking from side to side when the man slammed the door. Mr Chubby, better known as Timothy Goodfellow, was a balding man who wore thick spectacles far too low down on his nose for them to be aiding his eyesight; unless, only seeing where his feet were headed was his only concern – which was fair enough considering he couldn’t actually see them. He wore a white button-up shirt to conceal the workings of sweat, and gracing each of his shoulders was a suspender strap; the poor things stretched as far as they could, holding up his golfer’s trousers. His shoes were, well, I don’t actually know. His pink – or salmon, if you will – socks were visible, however. His thick cologne had a similar job to that of his shirt. He finished off the half a pasty he was throttling in his left hand in one giant bite and stuffed the wrapping down his trouser pocket. “Timothy! Good to see you, old chum!” said John from his front door. “John, hello there, how are you?” The words fought their way through steak bits and puff-pastry shrapnel. “Very well, thanks for coming on such short notice.” “No problem, what you got for me?” The two shook hands and John gestured for his guest to go inside, then hung back for a few seconds. And when Timothy was properly inside, John looked around suspiciously as if he were paranoid of being watched. “Tim, would you like anything to drink?” asked John once he had caught up. “Do you have any Red Bull?” “I’m afraid I don’t, sorry.” “Then, nothing. So what do you have for me, John? I have to get back to my other pasty … Uh, I mean other work, you know? Busy, busy.” “Well, I’ve got a real good-looking one for you this time. Almost primed and ready. Come, I’ll show you.” “Ooh! Very exciting,” gushed Timothy as he followed Farmer John out the back door and down the back garden all the way to the serene stream where a crumbling shed awaited them. “We have her hidden down here,” John mentioned as the two walked side by side, “but we don’t have much time. There’s a lunatic running around chasing its disappearance.” “I don’t even want to know, John, you know our deal.” “Yes, yes, plausible deniability.” “Good.” When they arrived at the shed, John stepped forward and knocked three times; then another three times in quick succession; then once; then once again but a little louder; and finally, ten times really, really quickly. “Why?” asked Timothy, puzzled. “Just, why?” “It’s our secret code,” offered John. Timothy looked around at the vast nothingness surrounding the shed. The only noise and, in fact, the only thing moving, was the stream trickling peacefully by, minding its own business, a few feet away. “It seems a little cumbersome, don’t you think?” he finally suggested. “Best be safe and not sorry, you know?” “How about saying, ‘Peter, it’s me, your father, not an imposter, let me in.’” John thought about this for a few seconds but was distracted by the shed’s door swinging open, so they walked inside. “She’s looking good, dad,” announced Pee’ah as the room suddenly shrunk. “Thank you, son. Well, Tim, have a look, what do you think? She’s a fine specimen, don’t you reckon?” The chubby man leant over the baby calf and gave it a once-over with his eyes. He then asked Pee’ah to help him out by shifting the animal around so that he could see it from various angles. When he was satisfied, he said, “Yes, quite a marvellous creature, this one. It’s been well looked after. Good job, boy.” The two men left Pee’ah and the calf in the shed and spoke business just outside. After five minutes, Timothy announced that he had to get to “that thing” he needed to get to, so they shook hands and promised to meet again in a few days. John was glowing as he thanked his old pal again for coming. He walked him to his van and watched, in juvenile amusement, as the circle shape squeezed through the square shape. “Hey, dad?” asked Pee’ah once the man had left. “Yes, son?” “What’s veal anyway?” Musical sting: Dum, dum, duuuuuuum!

[adrianhavenga]

Been a while; a little rusty 🤘#roland #td11 #drummer (at London, United Kingdom)

[adrianhavenga]

I look forward to it! #newyear #goals

[adrianhavenga]

Bullet and KSE were amazing tonight! #bulletformyvalentine #killswitchengage #o2academybrixton #london #music @tegankay (at London, United Kingdom)

[adrianhavenga]

Eating Out

The dining hall of the Chesterton Estate Golf Resort eagerly awaited its guests’ arrival and there I was, on duty, spying on everybody from behind the morning paper. I’m the hotel numbers man, you see. And I absolutely loathe an empty seat because that would look bad on my numbers. Can’t have bad numbers. I scrutinised the hall’s main entrance with a giddy curiosity as, one by one, and sometimes two by two, the hall slowly filled. With their brilliant-white table cloths and chic flower arrangements, the tables resembled rows of ballerinas, outfitted in elegant tutus, all posed in the delicate 5th position. 

All of the hotel guests soon graced the many remarkably clean and neat tables on offer. All but 4. 4 short! I huffed, and then puffed on my Va-pipe to calm my nerves. A few minutes of panic passed before, finally, I saw Jasper approaching. Yippee! I thought. He's still here!

Jasper’s rubber-leg swagger, and the way he was advertising whatever he was riotously chewing on, made him appear almost cartoonish. He wore a bright pink button up shirt with blindingly white cargo shorts. Down below he wore beige deck shoes - no socks - and up top, at the “bridge”, was a tattered straw hat and gigantic sunglasses. I hoped he’d at least remove the large mirrors covering his eyes, but he didn’t. I also didn’t appreciate how impatient Jasper became with Jennifer, the Maître d', after having to wait - what couldn’t have even been a minute - to be noticed. I chuckled at the irony. Jasper grunted and groaned the whole way to his table, audible enough to gain the audience he clearly pursued, and all the while shoving his glitter-ball Rolex into poor Jen’s face. Jennifer seated Jasper and turned away as quickly as she could. Low and behold, Jasper hasn’t removed the hat either.

My attention was quickly drawn to the entrance. Another guest! Yay!

Thomas had arrived, and boy did he look sharp. Dressed in a body-hugging black lapel tuxedo, eggshell button-up shirt, knitted bow tie and a fun vintage polka dot pocket square, Thomas certainly stole the room. I was rather disappointed he hadn’t included a top-hat and cane to his immaculate attire. Jennifer, rallying exquisitely from her colourful ordeal, approached the smartly dressed man with grace, poise and professionalism. You go, girl! But she soon disappeared, leaving Thomas alone and looking a little bit uncomfortable. He straightened out every piece of his garb he could reach, numerous times, and, pretty soon after arriving, started to perspire quite a bit. I noticed him patting his breast pocket occasionally, followed by a look of utter relief, and wondered what he was treasuring so close to his heart. Jennifer returned and Thomas smiled, immediately perking up. It was only when he and Jennifer arrived at his table that I realised what was going on. How could I forget? Thomas’s empty seat had an occupied one opposite it; Thomas’s girlfriend! She looked dazzling.

That’s why Thomas was so nervous; he forgot where she was! Thank goodness for Jennifer! Phew!

Robin and Charlie, bringing up the rear in fine fashion and fresh from their wedding the day before, were the last 2 pieces of my puzzle. Holding hands, giggling constantly, and gazing into each other’s eyes, the beaming, love-struck pair were in their own world. Bless them! Charlie would whisper into Robin’s ear as he ran his index finger slowly down his lover’s shoulder. Robin, in turn, changed a bright crimson and rewarded Charlie with an almighty smooch which quickly escalated into a game of I’ll-find-your-wallet-if-you-can-find-mine. Jennifer approached and stood nearby, patiently waiting for either of them to notice that they weren’t alone. She avoided looking directly at them and chose to eyeball her pumps instead. It took a gentle tap on one of their shoulders - couldn’t tell whose, to be quite frank, before they, literally, snapped out of it with a loud popping noise as if one of them were a bottle and the other a cork. Jen, totally embarrassed, apologised and led them to their table where the great wallet-search duly continued.

Some of those around me demonstrated hushed contempt for the two love birds. Tuts were thrown around the hall like a colossal game of hot potato! God knows why, though. They’re great fellas, let them be!

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[adrianhavenga]

Glorious sunset this evening (it's actually technically still afternoon - grrr!) #sunset #nofilter #uk (at London, United Kingdom)

[adrianhavenga]

Hello there, you! #steamcontroller #steam #gaming #darksouls3justgotawholelotbetter #toysforbigkids #shitjustgotreal

[adrianhavenga]

I think I'm being watched 👀 #stalker #kitty #cat @tegankay

[adrianhavenga]

Fun at #sandown at the weekend. Lost a wager, too 😖 #sandownracecourse @tegankay (at Sandown Park Racecourse)

[adrianhavenga]

Glow-in-the-dark beer pong! #fun #beerpong @asbokke @gerardhmusic (at Bridgwater, Somerset, England, Uk)

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CJ with nanna 😊 #family @winifredhavenga (at Bridgwater, Somerset, England, Uk)

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Cutie-pie niece 😍 #family

[adrianhavenga]

Chillin' with Mario and Michael #causewe'reborninthe80s #tbt #fancy #dress @tegankay @gerardhmusic (at Bridgwater, Somerset, England, Uk)

[adrianhavenga]

@tegankay is super excited to play this little game with me. #funfun 👍

[adrianhavenga]

#kitty 😊

[adrianhavenga]

Hello, beautiful! #trytotearmefrommyPCnow #geforce #nvidia #gtx970 #gaming #upgrade #boysnightonthescreen #lan (at Sutton Surrey Uk)

[adrianhavenga]

By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Worvan, you shall be missed. #rip #legend @tegankay