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first proper job application rejection email received

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he said i hope i haven't ruined something that would otherwise be perfect

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augustus

I have never had an issue with being 2nd best 3rd best 2nd priority 3rd priority because it seems that i always have been but that changed when you lay your head in my lap in the gardens by the river after half a bottle of wine and talked of weddings and we snogged in the elevator passing every single floor to your office laughing in each other's tongues and electric fingertips and I thought shitting hell maybe this one is one that puts me first like I know he already is for me and it seemed like that for weeks after some silent static and promised fresh starts the elevators kept going up but this time and this time i wasn't in it with you and you just kept wooshing past the floors and it threw me down each flight of stairs to the very bottom at least f o u r floors maybe 4 and a half but then you pressed the emergency stop button just for a second and I could breathe again just for a second that I was waiting for that whole month that I drank away under dusty basement ceilings you promised so much but your fingers just drew you back to the top floor button again and you were gone again again relegated to the basement under the crippling weight of your climbing cables and guess what i'm learning how to climb but i'm not climbing your cables anymore nope

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draft

I remember doing this bus journey with you as the sun was setting and I tried to make you dance with me at the bus stop and you pretended to sulk and we were loud and obnoxious in our bliss like all the couples I used to detest and detest again and I asked you what your favourite bridge was as if the answer would affect how far I was falling for you and we talked about times we had wandered the murky streets of London late at night and I remember thinking how much nicer those walks would have been if you'd been there too you pointed out your road to me as the bus jolted past but the name blurs as much as the streetlights did then and I can't remember so I don't know where you are now maybe I should have paid more attention to the things you said instead of getting lost in your colour changing eyes and the corner of your mouth that was always a little higher than the other because maybe then I would have known that you'd leave and I'd still know the shortcut to my house that you showed me when we got off this bus

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craving cats, warm breezes and the beach

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what do you call a post coital cigarette if you make yourself come?

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be a better student be a better girlfriend be a better friend

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Monsanto’s House of the Future, 1957

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I think it’d be cool for a new generation of writers to kind of write away that misconception that booze and drugs are important to creativity. If you’re a creative person, you’re a creative person, and it’s gonna come outta you whether you drink or smoke or not.

Calvero (via somecallmejuke)

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perdition (9/10th oct) you/ me/ tomorrow set design/ construction (27th sep) poems for human gloop (24th sep) uni starts ( call hospital arrange blood tests/ ultrasound uni reading/ + dissertation thoughts etc. email matt fletcher return books to library! - find ernst toller book sort out passport finish room sort out the huge ass pile of papers start writing play design stuff for dram soc next ac year? think about/ organise

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book bus to edinburgh book bus home from edinburgh book doctors appointment book passport appointment charity shopping with pippa meet mia after work on thursday pack for edinburgh pluck eyebrows/ remove moustache roundhouse poetry collective?

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i’m so off

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Vincent Van Gogh, Almong Blossom, 1890. Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam.