aheartscraving

[aheartscraving]

introduction

hello!

after much deliberation, i've decided to make a secondary blog to explore some of my 18+ interests and desires. i am not comfortable revealing myself so this is just going to be a mask i put on from time to time. i'm a shapeshifter, what else should i be?

without getting into specifics, let's say that even though i'm on my late 20s, i missed out on most life experiences including exploration of sexuality out of guilt, shame, a feeling that it wasn't adequate or correct for me to do so, etc. long, life-altering depressive state. a couple of years ago someone very dear to me shook me out of that place and gave me a lot to think about, and i'm finally deciding to be more open about things i repressed for a long time, at least as far as writing things on this blog.

it is important to note than being open about anything sexual, for me, is new. so in that regard, expression, i am pretty vanilla as i don't really know how to do that and i haven't been part of 18+ circles to learn.

horny

as far as the things that turn me on... i am honestly really intrigued by domming. not so much for power, but out of a desire to see someone desperately want and need me. now i wouldn't want to be controlling in a toxic sense, but i think i have a lot of issues about feeling adequate, and seeing someone in a position where they would completely remove that anxiety out of my mind on a more instinctual sense... is one of the most attractive things i could imagine. i don't think i could feel free to express myself if i didn't have that. so i am pretty attracted to anyone leaning more towards submissiveness basically, although my personal preference would probably be someone who is less shy and more eager. i also fantasize a lot on the idea of getting said person off via care, praise, and essentially, just confirmation that they're loving our connection in the moment. it sounds a bit silly, but that's kind of what does it for me. i want to hear you make noises. i want to hear exactly how you feel.

self-description

dark eyes. dark medium length hair with bangs that cover my face. i have a penis. that's as much physical description as you're getting out of me.

do not recite gender to me, i avoid that bitch with a two meter pole. i am exclusively attracted to women, kinda wish i was one. might become one in the near future, or at least as far as my brain allows me to say that. less so interested in the gender performance of it all and more into wanting my body and the perception people have of me to fundamentally change. again, i have issues, and i do not wish to be associated with anything re: masculinity.

closing thoughts

uhh, as an extra, the most attractive person to me would probably be someone who is super open and honest about her desires and wouldn't feel any shame in going for them. someone who is happily expressing herself. also a straight up weirdo with a lack of understanding of social cues, instead just doing her own thing. in terms of physical attraction... tall, pale, broad shoulders, short to medium hair with bangs, hook nose. none of these are necessary, but they are traits that immediately captivate me. if you must know, my first crush kinda had those features, and that kinda became my basis for attractiveness, so...

anyway, that's all! and in case it wasn't obvious enough from reading this post, i am autistic btw 👍 and also a virgin! surprising, i know!

oh! i took that bdsm test everyone always talks about the other day. here's my results:

if anyone ever wants to talk about anything please feel free to reply to, ask, or DM me at any time!

part of my recovery is trying to talk to people and not being as much of a hermit, and would honestly love to talk to people about things i never expressed to others before too, as that is the purpose of this blog.

thank you for reading this, i hope you have a nice day.