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The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

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A woman who goes around wearing a knife is obviously looking for trouble... However, a woman who carries a knife is ready for trouble.

Patrick Rothfuss, "The Name of the Wind"

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Ancient Roman gold and amethyst ring, dated to the 2nd century CE. Source: Trinity Antiques. 

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small update

Travis got to ring the bell today at the infusion center. Twelve cycles done and now he's onto maintenance treatment until if/when he has progression or we decide to do surgery/procedures to handle what tumors we can. We're getting second opinions for this as our current oncologist has labeled him "chemo for life" and I'd rather have a surgeon look at him instead anyway.

MRI follow up meeting with his neurosurgeon is next week; last scan showed some new prominent areas where the prior tumor was located that we're going to find out what it means/what we'll do if anything.

In more fun news we have 2 trips planned this summer: Tahoe in June and Maui with his mom and sister in September. So some things to look forward to for sure.

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please remember to buy chocolates from the bismarck this lovely valentiones season 🥰🍫

or else a mandragora will wake u and your special someone(s) up at 3am 📣🌱

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Alchemical Symbols, 1651.

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Shooting Star Hydrangea

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*stares into the void*

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has this one been done yet

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Thank you to everyone who messaged me on my last entry <3 means a lot to me.

I’m gonna be extra busy this coming week but afterwards I wanna log back in and finally do the Arcadion raids. Thoughts?

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Well it's been about two months so I suppose I need to post an update about why I fell off tumblr and pretty much all socmed.

(warning: family member death, terminal illness, animal illness)

On August 1st my husband, Travis, went to see his PCP about these odd hearing issues he'd been having with certain sounds. The dr., after hearing his symptoms and learning about other issues that had happened earlier on decided to do a CT scan to see if it would turn up anything.

And it did: the scan revealed a tumor had begun to grow in his left occipital lobe. After that everything was a series of revelations one worse after the other. We went to the ER, had more scans done, and that tumor in his brain was a result of metastatic colon cancer. He has lesions in his lungs, liver, and a significant primary tumor in his sigmoid colon.

I'm not going to go into the terrible nitty gritty of what all that entailed except overnight our lives came crashing down. Since then he has had surgery + gamma knife radiation treatment to deal with the brain tumors (he also a much smaller other lesion too besides the bigger one, but it did not need physical removal) and has recovered very well from it. We have been running between doctor visits, doing blood work, chemo, having home health visits and trying to keep our wits while letting the relevant people know what has been happening.

Right now I am his primary caregiver and staying busy looking over him as he follows through on his current chemo regimen of infusions every 2 weeks plus an infusion pump he takes home with him for 48 hrs post-infusion day. He's about to have his 3rd infusion and so far he's handling it as well as expected for a 1st line treatment plan. Further surgery is not planned but it's not off the table, we just need to see how these drugs are handling his cancer and go from there.

And as if this wasn't awful enough between all of this happening my mother had to go to the hospital for similar gallbladder issues that I had a few years ago, and then my uncle (my father's twin brother) suddenly passed away and none of us could go to the funeral in Greece. Toasty Marshmallow, our wonderful and precious cat, has also started to have some balance issues with his back legs and we're still trying to find out why; he has a vet appointment for some more labs and x-rays later this week. ALL of this happened within the span of a month. Needless to say, I have been having A Time of It. Travis was not given a great prognosis, as is typical of stage IV cancer, but we are trying to remain optimistic yet realistic. We will do what we can and what we must to keep him happy and as healthy as possible, for as long as we can.

Now that we've gotten into some semblance of a routine with what has happened I think I can finally breathe a little and get back into something to get my mind off the impending everything that is my life now. I might even play XIV again and pick up where I left off lol.

Guys, life as you know it can end in an instant. Go hug your fam, your pet, and if not that take a moment to breath and be thankful. Nothing is forever, but enjoy it while it's there.

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Ada Limón, “To Be Made Whole”, On Being with Krista Tippett

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Alexander Rossi - Forbidden Books (1897)