aireterra

[aireterra]

I noticed a few nobles aggressively devouring their food. It was strange; I might have expected that a few years ago, when the food was new, but most people saw it as commonplace these days.

Weirdos...

Hartmut must have noticed my staring because he quietly said, “Those are presumably the nobles who were ordered to return home from the Sovereignty."

I wanna read the POV of the nobles in question. I feel like they could provide a great view of the Ehrenfest they left behind and the Ehrenfest they returned to.

[aireterra]

So I've been rereading AoaB for the nth time now and while doing so, I found out the probable reason why I sort of had this small and vague assumption that Wilfried had a crush of Brunhilde at one point. I often questioned myself why I had such an outrageous assumption and I cannot even trace where it came from. I thought for sure that I maybe had just read a random character analysis from the deep recesses of the internet. I even asked about it on the discord server and as expected, they deemed my assumption untrue and was accused of reading too much fanfiction. I mean— I have read fanfiction before but not from the AoaB fandom. And the fan work I prefer reading more than anything are character analyses; so after a bit of searching, I gave up finding where the assumption had come from.

However, now, I realized that I may have just overthought what Alexis said in the epilogue of the LN's P5V4.

"He (Wilfried) seems to be intensely unhappy about the aub taking a second wife." — Alexis

“I would have rather seen Father take her (Rozemyne) as a second wife than Brunhilde." — Wilfried

“I think he was so displeased because Lady Brunhilde is more or less his age.” — Alexis

I think I have made the assumption after reading those words during a reread and stopped reading the rest of Alexis's POV after. It must have come as a shock to me then because I cannot believe it myself either.

I read between the lines but there were actually no lines to read between.

I interpreted it as Wilfried seeing Brunhilde as a potential partner due to mana sensing (tho thinking about it now, I'm not quite sure whether Wilfried can already do that at that time).

When rereading, I only read random chapters and I'm not really properly reading a chapter as a whole because it's a reread— I already know what's gonna happen. I've only mostly really revisited chapters I like so even tho rereading should refresh my memories about what happened in the story, it instead changes them a bit (which is technically welcome but it's a problem when I interpret things differently to such a degree that my fundamental assumptions and knowledge about the characters change).

It's a funny and silly assumption tho.

[aireterra]

What do you do when you're forced to listen but what you're forced to listen to isn't as pleasant as the rain?

[aireterra]

Randomly getting an invite somewhere and here's me thinking: 'Who is this person???? 😭😭😭'

But I answered politely and said sorry, I can't (insert excuses) and stuff

I mean we probably did meet somewhere before but I honestly don't remember enough to just indulge it???

Is this normal?? Am I the weird one for getting weirded out about this?

[aireterra]

It's sort of amazing how a single song can get me to watch a whole series

[aireterra]

I'm watched something somewhat dark and disturbing (a psychological drama). The opening song was just a slideshow but it's eerily interesting and poignant. There's something about the song that somewhat really fits the ambience. But there's also that sense of dissonance that stirs some sort of discomfort? I can't really describe it but I like the song.

The characters are both broken. If I was them, I'd probably end myself. They're both kind I'd say.

Going back to the main point, I'd want them to heal but can people really escape the shadows of a horrifying past and a bleak future, coupled by an unstable present?

Some floating comments implied that such is reality and I can't help but feel sort of unsettled and scared by that. I'm aware of the existence of violence and harassment but those experiences are way too traumatic for a young child... I...

Their relationship can indeed be described as toxic but they're their rawest with each other. They have some sort of understanding somehow... They're so honest with each other, it's refreshing. Being able to tell someone you love that you want to end yourself is just idk how to describe it. It's an overwhelming level of rawness. It's somewhat precious in a way. Their hearts may be somewhat hardened, broken, or numb but it's not chained.

Random thought but I think those who bore witness and were a victim of the horrors of humanity are probably the most innocent of all. Ignorance and innocence are so far apart in meaning it seems. This drama made me realize that somehow.

Hope bleeds hatred. Glaring at the light because it disrupted the darkness you have gotten used to.

Hope also bleeds fear it seems. How can such a positive thing bleed such emotions... I can barely understand.

~

Each ep is a lot to take in and the dialogue is heavy, quotable, and just really sadly relatable for some.

Dnjdjdkdkdsk idk how to conclude but it's worth the tears.

[aireterra]

"It's like you want me to give up on you."

[aireterra]

Why are the random things I pick to read so freaking sad?

I know it was me that had them downloaded before so it's on me but what was I thinking back then?

This is probably one of the reasons why I can't finish reading one book.

The one I'm currently reading is kinda cute tho... I'm just binging it but I can tell how heart wrenching it is somehow...

There's just something sad about the hesitation that comes with a routine that you used to do with others before. Disrupting it could be anxiety inducing for some but it's the hesitation that makes me sad the most

[aireterra]

"So really, they’re more of a collage of people with strings connecting them here and there than a friend group."

[aireterra]

"Whatever you're ready for is enough."

[aireterra]

❀x❀x❀x❀x❀x❀x❀x❀

I read something and it reminded me of a person.

It may be too late to realize it pero I think I liked him then. He might have been my first crush (probably my only real person crush).

I felt comfort in him. He's five years older than me tho. I felt like I could talk to him all day. I'm now the same age as he was back then. I wanna talk to him again. I wish I gave him my contact details when he asked for it. We could have been friends. He could've been my comfort person. And I would've listened to him and did our hobbies together. He was the reason I played a certain game which I install and uninstall from time to time. I don't know where he is now (I probably won't).

Hilig sad to magbasa. If I asked him to read what I read earlier, would he have read it? Would he laugh at me again for crying? He used to laugh at my expressive self, idk why. I also don't know why but him laughing at my antics did not annoy me but made me feel comforted instead.

I remember my nickname for him because he has the same second name as my brother and I just didn't wanna call him by his full name so...

[aireterra]

I think I've grown lenient when it comes to 'hated' characters especially when we can see both their POVs and that of others.

So I thought that if I explicitly said I hate a certain character, that character must have been truly awful.

[aireterra]

Maybe I'm projecting but as someone who's obsessed with having options but is still quite chronically indecisive, maybe not having a choice might just be the way for me.

[aireterra]

I have lots of drafts here... I don't remember what exactly I was talking about in half of them ngl. Maybe I should just post them instead of deleting them just in case I remember...

[aireterra]

I know my Tσяαᴍ friends are probably not here in this app but can I just say that I like how nothing changes in the way we chat with each other even after a significant amount of time of not talking?

M and Y seemed like the type to have a Tumblr because our vibes are the same... J and H tho... Probably not...

Y and J are probably fed up with my childishness. Y is brutally honest while J is just J (understanding to a fault)... I hope they can forget everything cringy I said or shared XD...

M and H... I wonder how they are now... I've often chatted with those two on DC. They're probably the only ones wherein I get to be the mature one or something... I'm as clueless as them game-wise but my weird insterests in furnitures, magic devices, apps, and farming unpopular mobs enabled me to help them at times.

I'm not sure if I can label us as friends but P, Z, G, and S were my mentors of sorts lol. I learned a lot from them. And they often helped me with levelling ＼(٥⁀▽⁀ ) /... Haven't talked to them much tho (compared to those I've mentioned earlier that is)

G and S² were like the mature kind jiejies who I often find on my gift inbox. Like I appreciate everything they give me but those stuff were just unused on my storage. I can't discard them because they're gifts😭. G often gifted me apps (she invited me in an inter-guild fashion show but I wasn't able to go) while S often gifted me crystas. I gave them bundles of potions in return because I'm not rich XD. I worked hard on making them tho... Haven't talked to them in so long especially G who left the guild we were in.

Anyways, what I want to say is that if ever I do delete my game account impulsively (Nowadays, I kinda want to), I wanna remind myself na sayang ang mga furnitures nga akong gipangcollect lol. Ang mga charas sad labaw natung naay smithing ug synthesizing skills nga gasto kaayog lvl up (time, spina, and materials)...

Plus there's a promise I must fulfill pa... (Will be able to fulfill it tomorrow hopefully)

We're not technically friends "friends" because I mean... it's online. I can tell the conversations are genuine tho... But like still... I don't know much about them... I don't even know their ages... Wait- I technically do? XD.... Looking at it, it's surprising but everyone except M and H are older than me. M and I seem like we're the same age based on the facts we've talked about. H is just a kid, about five years younger than I am. I call H "kid" sometimes even lmao. I remember one time wherein H and G got in a serious fight of sorts and like H came to me to ask for advice and I don't know... That was so random ngl. I remember because I was literally stacking furnitures and then after I changed my land to public view, H suddenly appeared on my land? Or did I remember it wrong? I remember we went land hopping while talking about the issue then. It was so awkward because the three of us often party up when farming or just bossing. Four if you include S occasionally... Then we just stopped? I still talked to them separately and I understand why G couldn't stand to forgive H but I also saw how sorry H was. The kid was really guilty but his incessant apologies probably annoyed G. They were closer than I am with them so I didn't really meddle. G blocked H though so H opted to ask me where G is and what to tell her and stuff. I just told H to use guild chat when I realized though XD. You can see a friend's or a guildmates location after all (if it's on). Then I got inactive and when I came back, G is not on the guild anymore like me... H was also inactive. S told me about it because I'm not on the guild anymore by then as I got kicked due to inactivity. H became a VGM by the time we had the chance to team up again. Told me that if I want to, I can come back but by then I was already attached to my new guild where everyone's just so kind and actively helping each other. But then I also got inactive again and when I came back, there were lots of changes and I felt like the guild is not the same anymore. There's still familiar names but idk why... It's kinda difficult to be myself there sometimes. Maybe it's because I don't understand their slangs and stuff XD... Or maybe my social anxiety just got worse... I don't play much anymore despite it being the busiest Toram season... I still build contri tho (because I said I would).

I checked my drafts here today because I was looking for something I wrote and then I came across this draft... I've thought of deleting the app, but as I've read this, maybe I should not do so (yet)...

[aireterra]

I can't help but compare just a bit...

Aub Dunkelfelger decided to reduce Raufereg, an ADC, to an archnoble if (when) he loses the mock dieter battle against Rasantark. He was able to make that decision because Raufereg was clearly not thinking as an ADC and his actions doesn't really reflect what is expected of his position. Hannelore recognizes this as parental love because the aub is merely moving him to a position more suitable for him.

Maybe Sylvester, who's also acting on parental love, can't decide something like that easily for Wilfried because Wilfried himself is an uncertain mess. Wilfried doesn't know what he wants it seems. Sylvester asks him but Wilf is prone to changing his mind and doesn't have enough conviction, maybe because he lacks the necessary guidance and understanding that is of the same page as with the other party involved. If one would read his POV, maybe we could understand his actions better but without it, it's difficult to guess what he really wants to do in life. He was given options but time and (maybe luck and clarity too) was not on his side so things were decided for him in the end.

[aireterra]

Ehrenfest ADCs doing what they can for their friends. I guess apart from being family-oriented, they really value their relationship with people they care about.

I wonder if Sylvester had a friend from another duchy too...