ajwwrites

[ajwwrites]

The quest for the perfect Love on Tour outfit started with a boa.

I wasn’t sure of anything else, but I knew I wanted a boa, especially after seeing how much Harry loved his and radiated confidence in the two he wore at the Grammys, both during his performance and on the red carpet. Once I decided I wanted to wear head to toe cherries for my night in the Cherry Pit, the logical next step was to get a red boa. The anxieties in my day-to-day life of worrying what people think or overanalyzing my own actions never once crossed my mind. I was single-minded and knew exactly what I wanted. My friend accompanied me on my search, and I picked up my most cherished accessory that’s usually relegated to costume parties or a silly look for a bachelorette’s night on the town. To her credit, my friend didn’t question why exactly I needed a boa for a Harry Styles concert, but the words left unsaid were written all over her face.

The answer is simple: we become a reflection of Harry when we stand in the crowd.

When we enter his space, we are molded in his image – in his confidence, in his kindness – and watching him be so unabashedly himself each and every single night, we find it in ourselves to do the exact same thing. Wearing something too over the top isn’t something that could ever happen at a Harry show because he’s dressed to the nines right along with us. Worrying about what other people think could never happen at a Harry show because he invites us into his safe space that’s free of judgment and full of love.

Most of us have watched him perform for years and have watched him blossom, trading skinny jeans and black t-shirts for flared pants and sheer blouses, going from a singular painted nail to nail polish in every color of the rainbow and rings on every finger. In watching him grow, we grow, too. When you see the way someone like him has grown into himself – from a tearful teenager questioning whether he’d ever be a person who didn’t care what people thought of him to someone wearing a ruffled gown on the cover of Vogue – you can’t help but think to yourself, “what can I do to become this comfortable in my own skin?”

Looking around at a sea of happy people wearing boas (a Grammys favorite), cowboy hats (a fan favorite to throw onstage for Harry to wear), flared pants (a staple of the Fine Line era), suits (a staple of the Harry Styles era), glittery boots (Harry’s favorite accessory since the start of his career), and whatever it is that makes them “whoever it is [they] want to be in this room,” like Harry says every night, makes me think his concerts help us get one step closer to answering that question for ourselves. It’s a reminder of how powerful his words and actions really are in the way we all take them to heart. We find our confidence in emulating his style because we’ve seen him have the time of his life in those clothes, and we know we can do the same.

My boa made her appearance for Madison Square Garden night two, and the way I usually double check myself in the mirror to get one last look at all my insecurities was gone. The anxiety I usually have about going places surrounded by people I don’t know didn't exist. I knew I looked good, and I felt how Harry must’ve felt the second he set foot on the Grammy stage, radiating confidence and cool the second the lights came on. I treated the city streets like my runway as I made the few block walk from my hotel to the arena. Getting there felt like entering the Met Gala where the theme was Harry Styles, and everyone was dressed appropriately.

The atmosphere at every show was electric, and most importantly, just incredibly nice. My friend was shocked by the number of people who stopped her to compliment her or fawn over her dress. Multiple people complimented my outfit. I bonded with others who wore cherries. I told countless people I liked their jewelry or shoes and watched them light up and offer a genuine compliment in return. The kindness we share is an extension of Harry’s own – treat people with kindness isn’t a trite mantra, it’s something he’s proved time and time again that he lives by. The stories you hear from both Harry’s fans and friends alike are always about how kind he is. He always stops for fans even when some are overzealous and rude, he takes the time to listen to the stories people want to share with him even when he’s in a hurry, he’s raised an incredible amount for charity throughout his career, he’s stopped mid-song during his shows to make sure that his fans are feeling okay, he’s been unwaveringly supportive of the LGBTQ+ community from the time he was a teenager, and he’s always growing and learning how to be an even better, more inclusive person. In that arena, with Harry as our guide, we all tried to do the same.

When Harry urged us to tell the people around us that we love them, we declared our love for perfect strangers, and maybe more surprisingly, we actually meant it. The anxieties I usually feel being around people I don’t know didn’t exist. There was no fear that they would be mean or nasty or unwelcoming. In those moments, I did love every single person around me and knew there was no one I’d rather spend my time in his light with than the friends I made because of him who have become some of the most important people in my life, the girl in front of me who excitedly told me she loved my mask, the girl wearing kiwi earrings that swapped compliments and shopping tips with my friend, and the guy next to me who showed up nervous and alone but ending up dancing alongside us like an old friend (he even excitedly texted me the video he took of Harry dousing us with his water - baptizing us, if you will - so we could forever remember that special moment we shared).

Those lessons that we’ve learned from Harry give us a safe space for these interactions to exist – to know that you can wear an outfit that would be met with ridicule in the real world and be surrounded by people who understand the importance of an ostentatious boa and flashy boot the way you do. To know that it’s okay to feel good in our skin and just keep on dancing because he does the same. The harshness of the real world doesn’t exist inside of Harry Styles Land, and that in itself – that escape from life – is one of the most special gifts he could give us.

I left feathers everywhere I went that night – at Madison Square Garden, on sidewalks, at the bar – and it seems only fitting I was sprinkling a bit of my newfound confidence wherever I could, in the same way Harry sprinkles his, along with his kindness and joy like a fairy spreads pixie dust. I hoped that others could pick up my shine like I did Harry’s.

The next day, when it was back to work, back to real life, I found a single feather on the passenger’s seat of my car. Maybe I can’t spend every day in the special world Harry shares with us as fans, but I can bring that confidence, love, and kindness into my everyday world and help extend its reach. I can use all I’ve learned from him to be a little more bold, a little more caring, and bring Love on Tour into my own life - even without the boa.