akilair

[akilair]

HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLLLLSSSSSSS

[akilair]

comic i made for my wife

[akilair]

Daphne du Maurier, from The Parasites

[akilair]

as the moon

warm

it is warm inside for once in my life

and it is lucky as the moon

that i found you, that i found you

i believe,

your hand will be in mine

for as long as mulberries grow

fingers reaching to intertwine

for as long as you somehow, always know

i believe that you will be by my side

like i know i will never leave yours

and i hope and wish on my lucky, lucky star

tu es dans ma vie, pour toujours

and i believe

this is forever

oh i believe, for once

in my blessed damned life

i believe

you’re meant- to be more than lesson,

or memory

in fact, i think…

you’re just meant to be next to me

and it is lucky as the moon

that i found you, that i found you

[akilair]

a love like you

follows no logic

but it fits in my heart as though it was cast inside it

like the stardust in my soul

sees itself in your eyes

so I hardly question how

you can silence the voices of everyone in the room

with a single look my way

suddenly, everything else vanishes

but you

a peace and quiet I thought possible

only by magic

…and, well

i’m starting to think

it’s just that.

[akilair]

i am so lucky

the moon crashed into the earth

and let me find you

[akilair]

i go to the back to say hello as they come in to clock in and immediately go *sigh* “i love men” as soon as i get back onto the floor and my coworker is like what the fuck are you talking about

[akilair]

because you need to play… no one will hear the song if you don’t let out the notes… no matter how sad it is… it’s still music, it’s still worth listening to, because it’s yours

the worst part is that no one’s listening

[akilair]

the worst part is that no one’s listening

[akilair]

“please be gentle today.”

what does it all mean

to you?

“tu es spécial,

si, si spécial

pour moi,”

i think of telling you in a little note.

i play the game you love because i love you

and it makes me think about death.

what if you never knew?

what if i told you it all today?

i fear i sound like i am hiding something more obvious, more common, something i cannot feel.

i do not know what makes it different

but i know the alternative is wrong.

that must be clear.

a lavender mess like this cannot be confessed so easily as such a thing.

there are no rules. you must write them and learn to read them yourself.

i wonder if there is confession to be made at all.

do you know how much i love you?

i feel like i say it in everything i do

in every thought i think

i try to tell you as directly as i can and i wish every time you will ask for me to tell you more,

but you don’t.

perhaps it doesn’t occur to you,

and so i wonder still,

if you know how special you are to me.

if you read all the things i’ve written,

what would you think?

i cannot tell

if there is something you are hiding

or if there is something that i am looking for

that isn’t there.

i am so tired.

please be gentle today.

[akilair]

it hurts make it stop pleassse fuck

[akilair]

on my “not special, not special” bs again<3 (in agony) (scratching and clawing at my physical vessel like a caged dog)

who knew a simple spotify playlist could hurt so bad. every single sappy lyric i read cuts my heart open and makes me wanna k.m.s.!!! why not me!!!! why not me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (goes insane /neg)

[akilair]

sometimes i step back and look at myself and think he loves you so much, please don’t hurt him, please be careful with his heart

[akilair]

i’ve evolved from catchy relatable waterparks pop tune to soul crushing heart wrenching vomit sob inducing lovesick mitski x the amazing devil serenade . score

[akilair]

*me, literally sick with want* whatever

[akilair]

the mindset change from “i need you to love me the way i love you” to “love me the way you love me” is actually insane and life changing /pos

[akilair]

the mood swings are going crazy tn lmao, that’s what happens when the source of your greatest happiness and the source of your greatest despair share a bed