aleegerous

[aleegerous]

oh god will this ever end? i hate every person that ever made me lie. i hate every person that ever made me say "im fine" in a futile attempt to preserve the last bit of dignity i had. i hate every friend that made my feelings seem like "too much" because they were never a friend to begin with. what kind of friend cries on your shoulder then hands you a sharpened knife on your worst day?

[aleegerous]

there's a constant ache in my chest that never really goes away. i try to make a habit of keeping my nails trimmed. i fear someday i might claw my heart out.

[aleegerous]

I want to stop feeling like I'm intruding, entering someone else's house. I don't want to be in someone else's story. If it's not mine then I understand, I'll leave. But I hate this sense of unbelonging, like I'm somewhere I'm not supposed to be, like I'm sitting on a seat that is already taken. It feels like I'm reading a letter that got sent to the wrong address. Plucking petals off the flowers— "He loves me" "He loves me not"

but the bouquet wasn't even meant for me.

[aleegerous]

but what's the point in screaming if there's nobody listening?

[aleegerous]

[aleegerous]

I'm afraid I'll always be a child who's too talkative, and you'll always be a parent who's tired of listening.

[aleegerous]

I wanted to get away. I always found it weird when people asked me, "Where will you go?"

The world is so big. Isn't there a place for me?

[aleegerous]

you know i'd never hurt you in my right mind. so if there ever comes a day when you find yourself in pain because of me, assume that i've gone insane.

[aleegerous]

— Jay Vespertine; not from a book but from an actual conversation.

[aleegerous]

I just read “each time you open a book and read, a tree smiles knowing there's life after death”and OH MY GOD

[aleegerous]

I'm afraid parts of you will always be with me. I'm more haunted by your memory than I would've been by your presence.

[aleegerous]

isn't love just the quietude of the heart? isn't it inner peace? a break from all chaos? a pause in our battles? isn't that what love is????

[aleegerous]

i keep thinking of this

[aleegerous]

"city of stars" || 02.02.24

Moonlight peeking throw the curtains, the shadow of my window scattered across my tiled floors. The night is still, or maybe it's me, my heart. The city doesn't sleep and neither do I. I yearn for a quite home in the suburbs, a cozy place in the countryside. Maybe in another lifetime I'll hear crickets in the stillness of the night instead of the sound of wheels several floors below me. Maybe I'll hear frogs in a nearby lake, not planes at midnight set on a destination I can barely pronounce the name of. And maybe, just maybe, I'll fall asleep knowing my heart is safe and sound inside my own chest.

[aleegerous]

yesterday if you had asked me to love you, i would have said yes. i would've loved you. but today, i don't even have enough love for myself.

[aleegerous]

"don't trust your brain after 9 pm" girl i cannot trust this bitch at any time of day IT HATES ME

[aleegerous]

Growing and changing as a person is so weird..

How do you explain to someone that you still love something but not in the way you used to? That you hold it dear and cherish it but that you feel it disconnect from you in a way? I still love xyz but I... I don't? My heart holds it close but it also let's go of it? I love how much I loved it and I don't want to not love it like that anymore. I love it but not for myself? My soul is letting go of it but it feels like betrayal because I still love it... I love how i have loved it and I don't want this love to go to waist.

How do i explain this to someone when I can't even understand it myself?