alexeizzo

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under my regime all fictional sex scenes should be about a third person who is not involved or in the room

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i think gaylor should happen not because i believe its true or care about her in the slightest, rather i honestly believe it could cause the worlds largest mass hysteria + a never before seen amount of psychotic episodes

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Guides on how to save money are like "shred your own cheese!" And guides on how to make your life easier are like "buy pre-shredded cheese!"

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Fun fact: for some reason men that compare themselves to golden retrievers on hinge do NOT like being told “bark for me dog”

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the whole 'nobody would miss me if i were gone' line of reasoning is so completely and mindblowingly false, it's almost laughable if you take a couple steps back. there's a lady at work who has been there for maybe two or three weeks and has only talked to me a handful of times, ask where the necklace i usually wear went. another person asked where i was cause i wasn't scheduled for about a week. i regularly think of friends who have deactivated their accounts or who i've lost contact with and what id tell them. i still think about people i haven't talked to for years even though i didn't know them well. people still think about you even if you're a passing specter on the street. and that's not even holding a candle to how much the people who are personally involved in your life care. people do notice and care. all the time. it might be hard to see it or remember it but people do care. ily.

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a deeply underrated part of the gay taylor swift conspiracy theories is that if they're right and she really has spent over a decade sending subliminal messages based on minute details for people to decode then she's uuuuuh. I mean she's insane. she's jigsaw. she's the riddler. her dad bought her career because if she didn't have music to distract her she would have started building deathtraps.

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The Royal Ballet’s Frankenstein (2016), ph. Alistair Muir

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Youre always so kind and gentle with me olive garden

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If I start my sentence with "Girl" I mean it in a gay way like I'm about to bitch to you about my coworkers who I hate and who I am nothing but nice to. If I start my sentence with "Maaan" I mean it in a tired teen boy way. Like Shaggy learning that he's eaten the last of his vile sandwiches

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pro-abortion. pro-divorce. i believe we have the god-given right to give up

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snoopy of the day

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[becoming crazed] art should physically harm you

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Needed to get this off my chest to someone. But. I think someone should make Queen Elizabeth smoke a joint that's laced with weed so she dies. Literally foolproof

you want to give her a joint. laced. with weed. a joint. with weed in it. you want to give her a joint. and she looks at it and says. "oh a diet joint" and she goes to smoke it but then it's. it's weed. and she hates it? I think? and she dies. from the weed?

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the plot chickens (becomes scared of its own premise)

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i fucking love reactions in texting apps like discord. theyve revolutionized how i communicate. i can put a bug on your message

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Toxic trait is I wanna be a surgeon and also wanna be a pianist and also wanna be a writer and also wanna read all the books in the world but I also want to be a normal 23 year old girl who sees friends and has her messy flings but I also don’t want to be mediocre at it all and also afraid it’s too much but also want to do it all but also don’t want to seem like I’m posturing about doing it but also want reassurance but also know I need to be self directed and not give a fuck. So the solution is to buy a new gold heart shaped necklace.