alittlefantasywonthurt

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

I am always in love, but to love myself, is always the hardest.

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

"You have to accept that pain, that heartbreak, until its last drops. Then you'll live a life better than I."

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

Parting gift, will never be more beautiful than this.

- Senja to Ara, 2020 -

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

- Belitung Island, 2019 -

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

It was just a brief monologue, things we usually did. It was odd, instead of ranting how life treated ones miserably, you sighed, resting your forehead on the nearby wall. Another huff, and you said.

"I hope they live a better life than me." Rearranging all your appearances, you go back to the room.

...

She laughs, blood spitting from her torn lips, pain spread from her chest then through her whole body. As she weakly trembles, her eyes adjusting, between her own battlefield and the limbo where she could see you even though it's blurry. She can see your struggles, your scars, your everything, even she doesn't know where you exactly are. Then she replied, a whisper that couldn't be heard by anyone but you.

"Same wish to you too."

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

we are often humiliated by those who are so damned close to us.

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

Hari ini,

Si pelukis langit kembali.

Entah bagaimana, katanya ia bahagia bersama bintang.

Entah nantinya apakah bintang tersebut akan meledak dan membentuk galaksi lain.

Aku, si malam hanya bisa tersenyum runyam.

Sedih karena janjinya tinggal janji?

Bukan.

Aku sudah kehilangan realitanya sejak kehidupan tiba-tiba merenggut warna.

Aku tak punya waktu buat memikirkan omong kosong si pelukis langit.

Tetap ada satu dimensi di mana ia selalu menunggu, entah nanti menjelma jadi apa atau siapa.

Aku, si malam,

Bersorak sorai untuknya tapi kesusahan untuk membangun kembali jiwanya.

Monolog ini sudah terucap di kepala sejak bulan ke empat:

"Apa jangan-jangan aku gila? Apa aku akan jadi..."

Akan jadi apa aku nanti?

.

Semoga kita berbahagia. Setidaknya bagiku, kalau belum sekarang, nanti, ketika reinkarnasi.

[alittlefantasywonthurt]

"Seorang tak punya nama,

Hanya bermodal yang tak banyak suka.

Kekagumannya terhadap rentanya tiap senja yang singgah,

Yang sudah jutaan kali menyampaikan siratan kata "enyah".

Seorang tak punya nama,

Tetap duduk bersila, menghirup nafas dari pori pori semburat jingga merah muda,

Yang sudah jutaan kali menyuruhnya "pergi, dan jangan kembali."

Seorang tak punya nama,

"Janjiku tetap janji, rinduku tak pernah disesali."

- 23 Mei 2020