alkaline-syst1m

[alkaline-syst1m]

Thank you /gen -🕊

Would you have any advice for possible P-DID systems that are trying to "grow" their head mates? I'm the host (front stuck), and I can only feel the presence of my headmates. I was considering using tulpamancy methods to help them grow more confident/solid, but I'm unsure if that will do more harm than good. I'm also worried about loosing control of my headmates of that makes sense. Sorry if this ask bothers you -🕊

youre not a bother at all! its really flattering that you came to us <3 gotta give a disclaimer though: we're not a P-DID system and i havent done a whole lotta research into it so if something i say doesnt feel quite right or isnt applicable to your situation, feel free to ignore or adapt it :D

i know that feeling a loss of control over headmates can be distressing, but understanding why they do what they do can really help with cooperative management and integration. take things slow and focus more on what these parts want/need and how they intend to go about that instead of freaking out over "well what if i lose control of them" or "how will i know whos who if they arent "full" alters"

i dont think youll particularly have to worry about "losing control" anyway - if how i think P-DID works is correct, then youll rarely experience full switches. even if they do solidify themselves apart from you, how they present is heavily restricted to passive influence for safety/covertness/continuity/etc (again, this is only if my understanding is accurate!! please take this segment with a grain of salt)

and based on my current understanding of tulpamancy, i cannot in good faith endorse that as it does have the potential to cause harm and further confusion (im all about harm reduction so if theres an opportunity to avoid doing damage, i recommend taking it). BUT what i CAN do is give you some alternative mechanisms that have helped some of our fragments/in-betweens with development!

dont force it. i know its tempting and i know you just want things to feel easier, but forcing a part to solidify themselves outside of your filter when they arent ready will fuck with the whole system and send you down a spiral you do NOT want to go down. trust me, ive been there. gentle nudges and giving everyone their own space is more than enough - let them decide for themselves

keep a journal for collages, make an album in your digital photo library, make playlists, anything that gives those parts the space to express themselves (even if its through you) will help them develop and feel more like themselves beyond passive influence

when you feel a different part or what you suspect to be a different part, try to get down whatever info they're comfortable with! how you feel about certain people, places, or things; what memories you can recall; how old you feel; what makes you feel good; what exactly makes this part different from you; things like that will all be very helpful in keeping track of the system and what each alters purpose is. (tracking how uncomfortable a part may be with sharing certain information will also help serve as an indicator of who it may be and what they need/want out of fronting)

do NOT, i repeat, DO NOT go to "build an alter" or "build a headmate" pages. you may end up forcing a certain identity onto a part who doesnt want it or doesnt actually feel that way, which can be confusing and/or distressing for the system. "BAH" pages really should just be for fragments or in-between parts who ask for help on their own (from what i know, P-DID blurs that line in a way that could serve as a detriment to expression and development!)

gently encourage them to be more open - let them "tell" you what they want to wear, eat, listen to, engage with, where they want to go, what they want to do. "listen" to their thoughts and feelings and pick apart what you think is them and what you think is you. metaphorically drawing those more solid lines between "you" and "her" or "him" or "them" could help them branch off and be more comfortable in an identity thats more "individual" and less "Someone is speaking/thinking/feeling through me"

since you believe what you may have is P-DID, i honestly think its just better to take each day as it comes. just to reiterate: dont force anyone to being more than who or what they are. if they want to be more, they'll find a way! if they don't, let bygones be bygones. i know its difficult to let these things go but, whatever the reason may be, it really would benefit everyone to just take things as they are and manage them as they happen.

idk if tumblr tells anons when their asks are responded to so crossing my fingers you see this in a timely manner </3

whenever you do see this, know that we appreciate you for coming to us and that we hope you're doing well <3 be sure to take care of yourself first and foremost! drink water, eat something, open a window, take a break, etc. try not to go too far down this rabbit hole. its ok for you guys to just exist :)

[alkaline-syst1m]

We may try to post more system related stuff here, maybe a blog of sorts, unsure. We're in a rough patch at the moment, and along with bad memory, posts will be slow and uneven.. Sorry -🕊

[alkaline-syst1m]

Finally got the courage to ask for help online

We (I?) have been a suspecting system for a couple months now, almost half a year, and I want help with all that I can get help with

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We don't have the time more money to get an official test, so that's a far in the future thing if I even do such a thing, I want to listen my experiences and get help from other systems

Firstly, I can't leave front. I can feel the "presense" of my head mates in my mind, and that's when I label them as co-fronting. They almost never communicate with me, I believe [HEADMATE] has said some random things (mostly brainrot..) While I was thinking of what to say or in the middle of speaking on that one time. I have to "pretend" to be the co-fronter in order to feel like theyre fronting, and again I'm still there. Before I suspected I was a system, I constantly "pretended" to be a hyperfixation character. I've done that for a long a I can remember. I get constant phantom limbs/horns/tails ect. I would even prefer to be called by the name of the fixation character, but I started to realize it almost felt like they were "attached" to me, so I studied plurality

Second, zero recent amnesia. Ive never had a situation where I was in one place one second, then I can't remmeber how I got to another place. I have amnesia from before I was 10, before 10 I can't remember a thing except what my family has told me, and even in recent it's in very choppy segments. I have bad ADHD, so it may be symptom overlap, but it's still confusing.i can remember getting into a car, then I may watch a video or maladaptive daydream to music, then late on in the day, the car trip (active driving), will have low memory or it may even feel like the drive happened yesterday, even if it was four hours ago. When I feel a headmate co-fronting, we almost all shad the same memories, it like they're "add ons". It feels rude calling them that

Next, presence. When I first started suspecting I was a system, I would get a painless-headache, almost a head tightness, and then It felt most comfortable, most natural to "act" like who I felt was near me in headspace.i can't really hear my headmates at all, only a "blank would blank" feeling, I'm bad with english.

Note: I will try to get a diagnosis if symptoms persis, I don't want to self diagnose an harm diagnosed systems. Im simply looking for a label for what I'm feeling