all-is-not--well

[all-is-not--well]

I thought you treated me like I was your glitter. It was all a lie. You just wanted the idea of me.

[all-is-not--well]

Reflecting on the last three months of our relationship…

Our NEW relationship

Started off rocky in your eyes but you didn’t know

Until I told you on my time about my personal business

That you believe I owed you

From my POV you were everything

I loved you from the start to finish

I still will love you through it all

I’m sorry you felt you had to push me away

When you were triggered because your self healing journey went astray

I needed you to understand that with change and healing comes tests from god- he will say;

“If you’re really wanting to change and you’re really healing, then how will you handle this? Will you react the same way as you did when you were traumatized?”

As my heart breaks, because I saw the good and I saw the want to be good in your big brown eyes, tears roll down mine relentlessly.

I’m not sure whether to thank you for showing me your colors now or to pity you for falling into your old habits.

I’m sorry. I could lie and say I’m happy we said goodbye but as you know, I’m not a liar. I know you’d like to use that as the reason for our farewell

But telling you my truth is exactly what you asked for even for it to be on my own time.

Yes I could have said it sooner but I didn’t.

I felt uncertainty in you, hot and cold, instability.

To say all the things you love about me and tell me you want to start writing our story together and grow old together, in the same phone call that turned into you degrading me as a woman is hurtful and wrong.

A person cannot be perfect.

I came to you hoping for understanding and I got resentment in return because you were triggered

My scenario is not what happened in your past

Im a southern raised woman, you know who I am.

I don’t want this. I know I’m good for you but are you good for me?

You’re not done healing and you have a long way to go. Please hear me.

Please heal before you go breaking other hearts.

Everything you said to me was a lie and that hurts but I forgive you. I will not forget though this time.

I ruv roo

[all-is-not--well]

He’s everywhere I look

[all-is-not--well]

Almost everything

“I need more, you’re not giving me enough.” Is one of the most hurtful things that anyone has ever said to me. When I’m giving my body, thoughts, happiness, knowledge, secrets, feelings, time and unconditional love to someone who must be so insecure that they have to make things up about how they think I’m selfish (while I’m making dinner for this person) and how they are all give and I just take. Just a huge lie. A hurtful one. Why would I want to be partners with someone who speaks to me that way? I don’t. He was almost everything I wanted. I’m sorry it happened that way. I’m sorry. I do care about you. I will not allow myself to be around that energy.

[all-is-not--well]

I see the light, only with one eye. It’s like torture I’m reaching but can’t grasp it. When will it come to full circle? Will it ever? Maybe in heaven.

[all-is-not--well]

Did I leave because I could not trust him? I never fully trusted him. I wanted to though.

[all-is-not--well]

Hi. I’m back. I’m reading a book that talks about choosing happiness and how being sad or upset is not a way to spend life, but what if I don’t WANT to chose happy...

[all-is-not--well]

Can't trust anyone.

[all-is-not--well]

Everything is exhausting.

Sad sad sad sad sad sad.

[all-is-not--well]

...Easy on the eyes

[all-is-not--well]

heavy heart

[all-is-not--well]

I wish someone I loved was here to watch the sunset with me

[all-is-not--well]

he's all I think about

[all-is-not--well]

getting bad again

why am I so fucking drunk.

[all-is-not--well]

getting bad again

[all-is-not--well]

all is not well

really not well

[all-is-not--well]

I miss this time last year. really bad.