alovetolast00-blog

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I think we had the kind of love that people spend their whole lives looking for. And once they lose it, they spend their whole lives trying to forget. Most people don’t understand it because they may never even experience it. And that’s okay. It’s okay if people look at me funny when I start crying in the middle of the street. They don’t understand the way it makes your heart feel to watch something that was once so fucking beautiful just disintegrate without being able to put it back together. Even if I never get over this fully, even if I never love the same way again, I recognize how lucky I was to be able to feel that much for another human being. We were two teenagers who didn’t understand what love was until we’d fallen too deeply into it. I don’t think everyone is given the same capacity for love. I loved you so much that I didn’t want there to be anyone else. I still don’t want there to be anyone else. I know you don’t miss me anymore and I know you don’t wish to ever see my face again but if you ever see this, just know that I loved you deeply and honestly with not a bit of selfishness in my bones. I loved you so fully that we didn’t need anything else. One year later and still all I want is to see you happy. It breaks my heart that you’re not. I hope one day you’ll learn that cheap thrills and parties won’t be able to keep you warm at night like I did. They won’t be able to listen to your thoughts and hopes and dreams, and they certainly won’t be by your side to help you pursue them. Even if we never get back together, even if I never see you again.. I just hope you realize the mess you made. I hope something good comes out of this. I hope you realize how badly you broke me and I hope you never hurt another person the way you hurt me. I never, ever want someone to stay awake till 4 begging some form of God to bring you back or to fall asleep shaking at night because they can’t get you out of their veins. I never want someone to think of you and fall apart in the bread aisle at the supermarket for no reason other than because it’s Tuesday. I never want someone to feel the way I did. I never want you to make someone feel this way again. And I hope nobody ever makes you feel that way. I know you’re going to make someone so happy one day. I know they’re going to fall asleep laughing and they’re going to fall in love with Monday mornings. I know because I used to be her. Everything with you was beautiful. Experiencing life with you was beautiful. You were beautiful. You showed me and taught me and helped me grow into the person I am today. And part of you will always be inside of me. Thank you for that. Thank you for teaching me how to open my heart up to that kind of love I had never experienced before. Thank you for trusting me and for allowing me to trust you. Thank you for loving the stupidest parts of me. Thank you for letting me cry (a lot). Thank you for admiring my sensitivity. Thank you for listening. Thank you for every single thing you have ever done for me. You have taught me more than I could ever imagine learning. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for stopping. (4/20/15 4:08 am)

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Missing you comes in all shapes and sizes. Some days I’m so busy I completely forget to miss you at all. Other days; I drop things, I fall over, I miss you so much that it steals all my coordination. Sometimes it’s an angry kind of missing, the kind of missing where my head yells “you said you’d be here! Why aren’t you here!” The kind of missing you shout to the void. Other days it’s a gentle kind of missing, the kind where my heart whispers “how I wish you were here to see this, I would’ve loved to have seen this with you.” The caught off guard missing you is the worst, when my day is going along smoothly and suddenly I see your name somewhere or I smell somebody else wearing your cologne and it simply stops my heart. It’s like in that moment I forget to breathe. This is a poem to say that even when I don’t realise I’m missing you, I’m missing you. And wherever you are, whatever story you’re in the middle of - I hope it’s a good one. And I hope occasionally, even if only for a moment, you’re missing me too.

Multiple ways to miss you (via ashrenaef)

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#tryingtoletgo #remindme #selflove

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You're not the person that fell in love with.

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You are still my favorite yet most painful story to tell.

I guess you’ll always be. (via okaysouls)

[alovetolast00-blog]

You act like you don’t care about any of this. You don’t care what happened to us. I’m nothing to you. I feel invisible to you. You’re happy without me and I can’t change that. I always think about you and me and the memories we had together. Honestly, I can’t talk to you anymore. It’s gonna be hard for me but for you I guess it should be easy. I never thought someone could hurt me so much.

(via al0ne-and-br0ken)

[alovetolast00-blog]

I don’t want to be the person you miss at three in the morning. I don’t want to be your lingering late night thought, only to be forgotten the next day. No–I want to be the person you miss at three in the afternoon. When something happens to you, I want your first instinct to be to tell me all about it, only to realize that I’m no longer there. I want you to feel the constant need to hear about my day, only to be met with silence. I want you to feel as though a crucial part of your life is missing, and all you can think of is me–of us, and everything that once was. Most of all, I want you to miss me at three in the afternoon, and come to the bitter realization that it’s your fault that I’m not there anymore, because you’re the one who gave up on everything we once had.

(via al0ne-and-br0ken)

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Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.

Fred Rogers (via asking-jude)

I wish I can this to my soon to ex-wife. 😔

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