altarkept

[altarkept]

"i am too." wilfus was a little antsy for it. not having the kids around — even though they were godsent, his dream; even an alpha like him would tire — allowed him the grace to take care of his mate and spend precious, much needed time with him. ethan was his number one, his first priority. without the wolf, his kids would not have existed. though it was funny and a little ironic how a side goal of spending time with the wolf was wanting to eventually put another child in him. not all the time of course, but the desire and want was there all the same.

hand squeezing ethan's as they walked there in companionable silence. they had the time to spare that they didn't need to hurry. but that didn't mean that he couldn't feel the buzzing anticipation from his mate, noting their strides were faster and bigger as they got closer to the park.

wilfus still found it amusing that ethan was more in tune with the comings and goings about the town than he was even though the younger male was a recent resident. wilfus supposed be needed to be, when he had two others to take of whereas the fox had been going at it alone without having someone depend on him — at least till now. still, it was fun getting to explore new haven in a new light with his mate leading the charge.

he nodded once ethan had found them a spot with a little privacy. "mmhmm…" it was secluded, had the shade and cover of a slanted tree. they had a good view of the sky that wasn't blocked by the leaves and branches, at least the direction that they were to look at for the main event. it was as close to perfect as perfect could be.

the fox watched as his mate messed with the contents of the bag and got the place set up for them. seeing ethan drop his ass onto the mat he chuckled before squatting down, eyes twinkling with warmth. wilfus reached over. hand brushing away a little bit of hair, lingering in the wolf's short curls for a time. he held the other's face in both his hands. “i’m so lucky to have you.” ethan was so beautiful, inside and out. the alpha was glad that his trials and tribulations hadn’t snuffed out that spark inside him. bone deep. soul deep. still bright and shining whenever the shadows of trauma were cleared away.

wilfus brought ethan's face towards his. kissing his omega on lips. not too risqué. but not too chaste either. tongue darting out a little to savour the hint of a taste of his wolf. his face a full-on grin when he parted.

the fox plopped himself down next to his mate. "come here you." arms reaching over to manoeuvre the other into his lap, smug against his front. eyes drifting to the ember dark sky as it turned twilight navy. he wrapped a strong arm around his mate’s mid section and leaned back, giving ethan a solid warm frame to do the same as the sky turned to night. the fireworks would be secondary to the experience, of that he was sure — wilfus would be more focused on how his mate would look concentrated on the bursting lights in the sky after all, but he'd enjoy it all the same.

the  town's  opinion  on  his  mate  couldn't  matter  less  to  ethan  for  he  knew  that  wilf  was  the  best  alpha  anybody  could  find  themselves  lucky  to  have.  he'd  always  been  the  perfect  specimen;  kind  &  gentle,  loving  &  passionate.  a  family  man.  ethan  had  been  pretty  young  at  the  time,  head  full  of  stupid  ideas  &  things  he  thought  important  at  the  time.  he'd  beek  reckless  &  stupid,  but  he  realized  quickly  that  he'd  met  the  man  of  his  dreams  in  wilf.  while  his  friends  chased  their  bad  boys  who'd  undoubtedly  left  them  broken-hearted  &  alone,  he  found  true  happiness.  he  lost  it  once,  he  wasn't  going  to  lose  it  again  or  let  anybody  criticize  the  man  he  loved  in  his  presence.  he  was  handsome,  he  was  wonderful,  he  was  bright  even  in  the  dark  -  if  the  others  didn't  see  it,  that  was  their  own  problem.

it  took  ethan  a  while  to  trust  someone  else  again,  but  he  did  trust  zyair  &  simon  had  turned  out  to  be  a  gentle  soul  who  had  a  snack  for  dealing  with  kids,  who  loved  him,  so  what  else  could  he  possible  ask  for,  right?  they  needed  this.  ethan  was  struggling  with  himself  on  good  days,  him  &  wilf  were  still  rebuilding  what  they  once  had  &  two  little  kids  were  a  lot  of  work.  so  this...  simon  was  a  blessing.  ethan  handed  him  everything  he'd  need  &  thanked  him  with  a  quick  hug  before  rushing  off  into  the  bathroom  to  freshen  up.  when  he  returned,  he  kissed  the  little  ones  goodnight  &  made  them  promise  to  be  good  little  boys.

with  a  few  buttons  popped  on  his  shirt  &  a  wet  hand  having  brushed  through  his  short  curls  (he  finally  got  a  hair  cut),  he  returned  to  find  his  mate  having  ...taken  precautions?  ever  the  alpha.  his  heart  fluttered  at  the  thought  alone  &  he  pressed  against  wilf's  chest  for  a  moment,  just  ...  silently  breathing  him  in  &  thanking  god  for  bringing  his  heart  back  to  him.  for  giving  them  the  chance  they  deserved.  refusing  to  even  split  for  a  second,  he  slid  around  him  to  wrap  around  his  arm  instead  &  purred  softly  when  kissed.

"park's  perfect."  cheeks  flushed,  he  beamed  up  at  him.  god,  he  loved  this  man  so  much.  feeling  himself  getting  a  little  teary-eyed,  he  pulled  away  &  shook  his  head,  wiping  a  quick  hand  across  his  eyes  &  nose.  "alright,  let's  go,  my  love."  before  they  lost  the  best  spot.  ethan  had  an  idea  where  to.  kind  of.  fingers  finding  his  mate's,  he  nodded  simon  goodbye  &  pulled  his  mate  outside.  it  always  felt  weird  leaving  his  kids  behind  with  simon,  but  he  knew  it  was  fine.

the  sun  had  almost  fully  set  now,  a  few  last  glimmer  of  red  on  the  horizon  slowly  dying  out.  the  park  wasn't  too  far  &  they  passed  a  few  others,  though  most  were  headed  the  opposite  way  -  the  lake.  as  expected.  he  was  really  looking  forward  to  this,  he  could  feel  impatience  slowly  taking  over  despite  knowing  they  were  getting  closer  with  every  step.  they  had  about  half  an  hour  left  before  the  fireworks  if  the  clock  they  passed  at  the  square  was  correct,  which  it  usually  was.  "i'm  glad  we're  doing  this.  i  missed  you.  i  mean...  just..  us."  they  had  the  mornings,  they  had  the  evenings,  but  it  wasn't  the  same.

the  park  was  not  too  crowded,  though  some  people  definitely  were  there  with  them.  he  led  them  through  it,  trying  to  find  just  the  perfect  place  for  them,  secluded  but  with  a  good  view  of  the  sky  &  when  he  thought  he  did,  he  stopped,  glancing  around.  "think  this  works?"  he  could  see  the  faint  glow  of  the  festival  tents,  which  should  be  sign  enough  they  could  see  all  of  the  fireworks  from  where  they  were.

gently  fiddling  with  the  bag  wilf  had  packed,  he  found  a  mat,  which  was  smart  thinking  &  made  ethan  realize  that  he'd  been  so  focused  on  wanting  to  be  alone  with  wilf  that  ...  well,  if  he'd  been  the  one  planning  this,  they'd  have  to  sit  on  the  floor  right  about  now.  quick  lip  press  against  his  alpha's  cheek,  he  plucked  the  mat  from  the  bag  &  spread  it  out,  followed  by  a  blanket  to  make  it  all  a  little  softer  for  them.  he  was  feeling  really  giddy  even  when  he  flopped  down  in  the  midst  of  it.

[altarkept]

brag about him? well, ethan certainly got the chance after the day they had. not that wilfus really cared for anyone's opinion other than the three people in his life. ethan's, tal's and emyr's were the only one that mattered to him. and his reputation around town, while changing, was still marred with his previous years and sins. something he wasn't desperate to correct. they'll gleam what they can if they ever interacted with him, wilfus was in no hurry to explain himself. he had more important things to worry about.

so with the sun cresting the horizon, they all made their way home, closing the day out... at least for the kids. greeted by their saviour for the night, their babysitter. wilfus said hello to simon and thanked him for his time as he let ethan handle finer details, considering his familiarity with the other. the alpha still had yet to learn much about simon, but he knew ethan trusted him implicitly and wilfus by extension did too. in the few encounters they've had, the alpha was inclined to back that assessment up; the other omega certainly was capable and wilfus was confident and comfortable in releasing the care of talfryn and emyr to him.

and let ethan get a much needed break. and let them get a much needed one-on-one time with each other.

while that was being done, fussing of their children as they were taken to their room, the fox placed the bags down by a chair, removing whatever other toys they'd gained from the festivities of the day and some off the leftover food to be stored in the fridge. keeping only one bag to take out again for their date.

he kept some food from the festival with him and pulled out a chilled sparkling juice from the very same refrigerator — not wine; it was different than beer but still. he was just over two weeks sober, he’d like to attempt to keep it that way. wilfus also shoved a mat into the bag; if they were going to the park, they ought to be comfortable. maybe even have a picnic dinner under the fireworks.

ethan was supposed to be the one to take him out on a date, but the alpha couldn’t help it. nature demanded it, his nature demanded it. wanting to take care of his mate. even without the years he had to make up for.

"the park is sounds perfect to me, fy blaidd." he knew he would prefer the lesser crowd. wanting it to be a more imitate setting. it was a good way to celebrate his birth moon. a chill, slow night. with his loving mate. who was currently pressed up against him like he was trying to fuse himself into wilfus. the alpha nuzzled his nose into the shorter man's hair. "but anywhere's good as long as it's with you." cheesy he knew, but the sentiment was true all the same.

"i  learned  from  the  best."  ethan  smiled,  truly  glad  they...  had  this  trust  in  each  other,  so  that  despite  him  teasing  &  maybe  hoping  to  poke  at  his  alpha  just  a  little  to  maybe  see  that  ...  that  possessive  side  hidden  within  him,  he  knew  that  wilf  wouldn't  worry,  because  their  love  could  not  be  broken  by  something  as  trivial  as  another  person.  not  even  getting  kidnapped  had  been  able  to  stop  it.  nothing  could,  probably,  though  ethan  didn't  really  want  to  put  it  to  the  test.  not  ...  no.  never.  wilfus  meant  too  much  to  him  to  play  with  fire.  truth  be  told,  when  ethan  came  here...  he  was  a  mess.  injured,  broken,  desperate  &  afraid.  he  didn't  even  remember  how  he  made  it  to  new  haven  in  the  first  place.  bits  &  pieces,  but  after  he  ran  with  the  pups,  he  lived  on  the  streets  until  he  found  out  about  this  place.  someone  had  had  pity  on  him,  or  something.  it  didn't  matter.  safety  for  his  kids  &  himself  was  something  so  new,  so  fragile,  ethan  spent  the  first  week  holed  up  inside,  not  even  opening  the  door  to  the  council.  only  when  it  came  to  the  point  that  he  had  to.

they  helped  him;  they  got  him  medical  assistance,  they  had  the  kids  checked,  they  introduced  him  to  the  perks  new  haven  had  to  offer  -  including  the  gym  where  he  met  the  bear  he  spoke  about,  who  was  more  than  happy  to  teach  him  self-defense.  he  was  still....  getting  the  hang  of  it,  but  he  was  determined  never  to  feel  this  helpless  again.  meeting  simon  through  him  had  been  a  blessing.  being  alone  with  two  little  kids  constantly  was  ...  exhausting.  now  he  had  wilf  with  him,  though,  so...  there  was  that.  they  were  holding  up  okay,  he  would  say.  "we  don't  really  have  a  lot  of  interior,  not  sure  you  should  smash  the  little  we've  got.  but  ...  i'm  sure  we  could  find  a  way  to  amuse  me,  but  it'll  be  more  fun  at  the  festival.  i've  got  the  most  handsome  alpha,  let  me  brag."  let  the  world  see  how  lucky  he  was  &  how  very  unlucky  everybody  else  was.

he  ...felt  safe  in  his  alpha's  arms.  so  safe.  cared  for  &  warm.  he  was  comfortable  as  a  makeshift  bed,  too.  he  could  nap  on  him...for  all  eternity.  in  fact,  that  was  kind  of  the  plan  -  except  for  a  few  interruptions,  like  ...food  &  the  kids...  stuff  like  that.  otherwise  he  had  no  intention  to  ever  sleep  on  anybody  else  again.  the  nap  was  welcome  to  just  recharge  a  little  after  he  got  so  worked  up  earlier.  they  had  a  bit  of  a  buffer  time-wise,  so  he  thought  they  could  do  this  for  a  little  while.  just  ...enjoying  each  other.  scents  &  touch.  feeling.  but  he,  too,  knew  that  they  had  to  get  going  at  some  point  before  sunset  or  the  kids  wouldn't  get  to  see  the  festival  today  &  they'd  been  so  excited  for  it.  so  was  he,  really.  last  time  he  was  on  something  even  remotely  similar  was  long  before  he  got  ...kidnapped.

part  of  him  forgot  the  napping  kids  for  a  little  while,  so  when  their  pitter  patter  of  feet,  accompanied  by  little  giggles  &  some  sniffles  (who'd  been  crying,  huh?)  waltzed  into  their  bedroom,  he  knew  it  was  time  to  get  him.  once  &  for  all.  wilf's  earlier  tried  to  untangle  had  been  fine,  but  ethan  might've  been  unnecessarily  slow  with  that.  he  was  still  laid  on  his  side  when  the  pups  made  it  on  the  bed,  tal  did  so  easily,  but  emyr  needed  some  help,  which  his  older  brother  provided.  he  watched,  his  a  happy  heart  &  well,  a  heart  bursting  with  joy,  as  wilf  played  with  the  little  ones  -  almost  like  he'd  never  done  anything  else  in  his  life,  ever.  knowing  that  he  finally  got  to  experience  this,  even  if  not  all  of  it  ....yet,  brought  tears  to  his  eyes.

after  they  both  got  dressed,  wilf  took  care  of  the  bags,  while  ethan  got  the  boys  ready;  brushing  teeth,  getting  dressed,  peppering  their  faces  in  kisses  &  before  he  knew  it,  they  were  at  the  festival.  the  perfect  little  family.  just  like...  just  like  he'd  dreamed  of.  everything  was  perfect  &  while  part  of  him  believed  that  they  deserved  this,  another  ...was  afraid.  it  was  too  perfect.  but  ...  he  didn't  let  it  show,  he  focused  on  the  good  instead.  on  the  little  games,  watching  his  handsome  mate  swing  that  massive  hammer  through  the  air  like  it  weighed  nothing,  excited  to  see  him  win  toys  &  plushies  for  the  kids.  well,  both  of  them,  but  wilfus  definitely  was  better  at  it.  not  that  it  mattered.  he  did,  though,  hand  one  of  the  plushies  to  him.  a  big  puppy  ethan  would  be  carrying  under  his  arm  for  the  rest  of  the  day.

with  the  sun  slowly  falling  asleep,  they  were  headed  back  home  -  but  not  without  grabbing  some  snacks  for  themselves  &  the  kids  to  end  their  trip  to  the  festival  on  a  high.  the  highest  of  highs.  ethan  couldn't  remember  the  last  time  he'd  enjoyed  himself  this  much.  he  couldn't  remember  the  last  day  he'd  been  ...so  happy.  yes,  the  day  he  met  wilf  again  came  close,  but  this  ...was  happier.  the  fireworks  would  begin  soon,  so  ethan  nudged  them  to  make  their  way  back  home  slowly,  hand  in  hand  with  his  mate  &  the  kids  -  he  was  holding  onto  emyr,  while  wilfus  held  onto  tal's  hand  even  though  the  little  fox  argued  he  was  old  enough  to  walk  on  his  own.

lights  were  on  when  they  returned  &  for  a  short  moment,  he  felt  his  heart  free,  but  ethan  knew  who  it  was  &  that  was  confirmed  when  they  came  inside.  simon.  he  had  a  key.  ethan  trusted  him  whole-heartedly.  "i  think  um...  you'll  have  a  slow  night.  they  should  be  exhausted  after  today."  each  of  them  got  a  new  plushie  they  could  take  to  bed,  but  ethan  left  all  that  to  simon,  eager  to  drag  his  mate  back  out  &  towards  the  festival.  "did  you  uh...  ever  decide  lake  or  park?"  arm  hooked  around  the  other's,  he  was  all  but  squished  against  his  side  while  they  walked.  it  was  almost  time.

[altarkept]

less than two months ago, he’d been resigned to the fact that ethan may have had someone else in his life (not like his kidnapper, no but someone else ethan wanted to be with). to be proven wrong by whatever powers may be, if any, to have ethan back, meant that wilfus was unbothered by the remark — jealousy was not in the cards with him regarding his mate. that didn't mean he couldn't be possessive sometimes. rumble of a laugh from his core, "and i thought foxes were supposed to be the sly ones." nodding at the connection given, synapses firing in his brain; seemed like ethan knew more people than he did in the shorter time he'd been here. granted wilfus never actively pursued looking to learn more about the people in the town previously, so maybe there were more people that he knew that were related than he realised; barring of course the hints he got from the smell of people when his senses wasn't clouded with substance abuse.

he knew he was broad, muscled. certainly part of what attracted ethan to him all those years ago. still, it was an ego boost to have his mate shamelessly flirting with him. "and i can't look to do that at home? rip out the damn cupboard for your amusement." not something he would actually do unless they wanted to renovate.

"never again." he repeated, nuzzling his face against the crook of the other’s mane. scenting him (more, if that was even possible). followed by a tight squeeze, before he was pushed down and climbed on like koala, almost literally, like he was a tree trunk. "mmhmm. eternally yours." as ethan latched himself onto wilfus and he reinforced that action, arms around the other's body, pulling him closer still against chest as he laughed. head resting on his mate's chin. they belonged with each other. the alpha hummed meaninglessly as they held onto each other. drifting between content consciousness and peaceful sleep as time moved on without them, in their own little bubble.

if one were to track the movement of the sun or look out the window between when they first started cuddling till now, it would have been obvious how much time was spent (not lost) doing just that. to a worthy investment wilfus would add. it took them a bit to detangle themselves from each other, with a little of haggling on both sides. but they had a schedule to keep, somewhat. sure, they could have just postponed the festival visit, but wilfus actually wanted to see the sights and explore the areas, and so did their kids; who had already woken up by this point and had gotten restless and a little antsy. well, bless their little hearts, they eventually wound up in their room and climbed on their bed before ethan and wilfus even fully parted. and the elder fox just had to pick them up one by one and lift them in the air like they were an aeroplane — much to the delighted squeals of all involved.

it was less of a struggle to leave the bed and room after that. a quick change of clothes, finally picking up the t-shirts they had tossed away hours earlier and tossing them rightfully into the hamper. and they got prepared to leave. finally. bottles (both water and milk), some light snacks, wet wipes, plasters packed in a little backpack that looked comical on his broad back. and an empty larger one cause he was just that confident that he was going to win something, a couple of somethings for his family.

a short walk to the main event space later, looking like a perfect picture of a family, and the reid-bell-knight family was well on their way to partake in the festivities. at first, wilfus did find himself a little overwhelmed at the sheer number of people but more so the atmosphere. he warmed up to it after a little conditioning, fuelled by the excitement of his family, the bond with his kids and his mate. so much so that the time they'd spent the late afternoon there passed by faster than he thought it would have. the alpha and the omega both ended up winning a couple of prizes; and wilfus, he showed off a little, strained his muscles some, especially on the festival games that required a show of strength — to the benefit of ethan and his ever bright eyes. he won some soft toys, mostly for the kids, but he did save a puppy plushie just for his mate.

low in the sky sat the sun, and the streetlights and fire lamps had begun to light up. tal was between ethan and wilfus, holding both of their hands, with emyr on his sire's shoulders as they made their way through to a couple of snack stores near the exit; all the way shoring up whatever snacks they so wanted. wilfus, old in years, wasn't full out of energy yet, but certainly he'd was glad the day was coming to a close. he'd enjoyed himself immensely, the time spent with his family, his mate, their kids. way more than he presumed he would have, and in his mind he figured it would have been a lot already. especially for the first festival he's ever attended. he didn't think he'd enjoy it if he'd come by his lonesome all those years prior, and for good reason. and he was glad he didn't have something to compare to. no tainted memory to dissect. because this... this was perfect in his eyes. but he was also excited for the sun to properly set, to let himself have a night with his mate completely unbothered, romantic in nature (pun intended), just relaxing under stars and fireworks, enjoying each other's company, presence, scent, closeness, and warmth. it would be a wonderful highlight to end an already perfect day, mishap at the start of it long since snapped away like unneeded minor inconvenience.

what's  a  while  more.

while  ethan  knew  wilf  was  right  &  that  forcing  it  would  only  make  it  worse  -  clearly,  he  ....  hated  that  his  mate  was  right,  because  this  once  he  didn't  want  him  to  be.  a  while  was  too  long.  they  lost  years  already.  years.  no  more.  he  wanted  to  feel  the  other  more  than  this  -  more  than  careful  kisses  &  gentle  touches.  though  deep  down  he  knew  he  should  be  grateful  for  it  all;  for  having  been  given  another  chance  to  be  with  his  other  half  -  to  have  been  granted  cosmic  permission  to  stop  hiding  from  the  world  &  embrace  life  to  the  almost  fullest  again  now.  soft  sigh.  "i  know."  what's  a  while  more.  just  one  more  obstacle  trying  to  get  in-between  them,  but  ethan  wouldn't  let  it.  no  way.

he  missed  enough  time  with  his  mate,  he  wouldn't  let  his  own  issues  take  more  from  them.  he'd  find  a  way  to  forget  &  overwrite  everything  that  held  him  back  with  new  memories.  maybe  the  festival  was  a  perfect  start  for  this  ...shift  he  hoped  to  find  within  him.  couldn't  get  worse,  could  it?  "mhm.  he's  tall,  dark-haired  and  oh  so  strong."  ethan  hummed  in  only  partially  fake  awe,leaning  in  closer  to  his  love's  ear,  careful  kisses  peppered  to  the  shell  of  it  &  down  towards  his  cheek.  "and  an  omega."  quiet  chuckle,  forehead  against  his  mate's  cheek  so  he  could  breathe  him  in.  "he's  also  a  great  fighter  and  he's  been  training  with  me.  simon's  uncle."  he  didn't  think  wilf  &  zyair  ever  met,  but  maybe  they  should.  one  day.  for  now,  simon  was  the  only  person  wilf  needed  to  know.  their  babysitter.

pulling  back  a  little  again  to  get  more  comfortable,  indescribably  happy  to  feel  &  smell  the  other  so  close  to  him  once  more,  he  let  go  of  a  laugh.  small,  yet  it  was  truthful  &  sweet,  traveling  across  the  room.  flowers  would  bloom  if  ethan  had  any  in  the  apartment.  "need?  hmmmm,  no.  would  i  love  to  see  your  muscles  strain  with  effort?  yes."  wilf  ...was  beautiful.  top  to  bottom.  ethan  often  found  himself  just  ...staring  at  the  other;  whether  he  brought  their  kids  to  bed  or  helped  him  in  the  kitchen,  or  even  just  sat  on  the  couch  with  some  tv  -  or  on  the  phone,  he  was  mesmerizing.  his  strong  body  an  ode  to  life  &  any  ...all  goddesses  of  beauty  someone  could  believe  in.

"i'm  not  planning  to  go  anywhere."  he'd  like  to  state  he'd  rather  die  than  live  without  him  again  &  for  the  most  part  it  was  true,  but  he  would  never  abandon  their  kids,  so  he  couldn't  say  it  without  ...indirectly  lying.  "never  again."  he  had  only  few  reasons  to  even  leave  the  apartment  anymore  now  -  he  had  everything  in  there  he  needed,  everything  he  ever  wanted  &  maybe  part  of  him  still  felt  somewhat  afraid  that  he  was  found  after  all.  just  like  last  time.  "good,  because  you  can  never  get  rid  of  me  again."  which  was  a  promise  ethan  did  not  make  lightly.

"no."  he  ...didn't  want  to  let  go  yet.  huddling  even  closer  against  the  other,  he  shook  his  head  no.  he  never  wanted  to  get  up  again,  never  wanted  to  not  feel  his  touch  against  him,  his  breath  against  his  skin  &  his  love  in  his  heart.  life  had  felt  so  cold  &  dark  without  him.  "i  do.  i  think  we  can  stay  a  little  longer."  they  weren't  in  any  rush.  simon  wouldn't  be  here  until  evening  &  the  kids  were  still  napping,  so  even  if  they  only  did  a  short  trip  to  the  festival  today  due  to  extensive  cuddling,  they  could  still  go  tomorrow  or  another  day.

so,  pleased  &  confident,  he  sat  up,  fingers  moved  over  the  alpha's  hips  up  across  his  chest  &  found  his  side,  gently  pushing  (though  with  determination)  to  roll  him  on  his  back.  one  leg  lifted  &  slung  across,  he  ...  got  comfortable.  arms  folded  against  wilf's  chest,  head  tucked  under  the  other's  chin  &  both  legs  wound  tightly  around  the  man's  hips.  this  was  where  he  was  meant  to  be,  truly.

"mine."

[altarkept]

"we had years apart. what's a while more." repeating the sentiment he had in his head, this time aloud. "i want you too. but at least we have each other." oh how he yearned for the other, to touch him like mates should. to slot into each other like puzzle pieces made to be together. the physicality of it paled in comparison to what it meant, for them — the intimacy that could only be shared with loving mates; it transcended beyond the corporeal. they did their time. they were owed better. not to mention the ever looming ticking of the clock: the thought of age and their different cycles. but either way, every breath spent together was a treasure to be cherished. not to be taken for granted. ever.

he hadn't really been to the festivals in his years here. there were a bunch of them in new haven, for many different occasions. too many people, too many kids — he couldn't, not at the time — too festive, too joyous. he'd been known as the grumpy town drunk, a recluse, at least by people that recognised him around his usual haunts; and well, how he'd changed since then. he's sure at least some of them have seen him around by now, and perhaps some wouldn't have even realised it was him if they'd spotted him, all cleaned up, happy, in love, with a mate.

"guy at the gym eh?" wilfus teased, no jealousy spiking his words. "lake'll probably attract more of a crowd." in addition to the meres and selkies, it was a nice locale. not to mention, the fireworks would probably reflect off the surface of the water too, enhancing the experience. it was no wonder it might be crowded. the park would probably be quieter, and still have a clear view of everything: the deep dark sky, shining stars and blazing fireworks. maybe he'd finally get to see and appreciate them. the most he'd even caught sight of them was through his window or out on the streets if he even bothered looking up.

wrinkle around his eyes, definitely more pronounced than ethan due to his age. leaning back against the wolf, hand and fingers tracing meaningless patterns on the other's side. "my love, do you need me to impress you all over again?" he also heard about some of the games around the festival, he's sure he can conquer a few of them at the very least. if not for his own fun. then for ethan. "i'm sure i can win something for them. and for you too." every time the fox looked at his mate, it was like he'd fallen in love all over again. completely mystified by the other's visage and warmth in his heart.

"hush now, darling. i love you too, eth." he wasn't going to diminish how ethan felt but wilfus wanted to reaffirm his mate and their love for each other at the same time. the sentiment was the same. he would die in exchange for ethan. without more than a thought. "but your life is important to me. a life without yours is no life worth living." it was a vow to uphold. to love and to take care of. and he'd failed once at the latter part. not this time, not ever again. by his tooth and claw. that physical symbol of his promise, the ring on the necklace he had; now given to his love, renewed in a way. his to keep, his to hold. "ti yw fy nghalon. you're my heart. you're mine. you're never not mine. and i am never not yours."

a peck on ethan's cheek, "now come, are we going to get ready?" thought he didn't make the move to part from his mate's presence. wilfus wouldn't mind staying in bed cuddling for a while. they had the time to spare. "or do you want to stay like this with me."

ethan  knew  that  sex  shouldn't  be  the  reason  a  relationship  like  theirs  ...  a  bond  like  theirs  broke.  he  knew  this,  but  when  he  had  this  obvious  blockage  keeping  them  from  living  their  lives  to  the  fullest,  insecurity  crept  up  on  him  &  there  was  nothing  he  could  do  about  it  than  push  through  &  remind  himself  that  wilf  loved  him.  they  loved  each  other.  they  had  years  of  separation  between  them  &  yet  their  love  hadn't  faltered.  it  stood  strong,  it  ...held.  forever,  he  hoped,  because  he  still  couldn't  imagine  a  life  without  his  alpha  &  he  got  the  feeling  neither  could  his  kids  now.

tal  had  adapted  to  wilf  so  easily  it  was  almost  scary,  but  just  ...almost.  it  confirmed  what  ethan  always  said  &  thought.  wilfus  was  born  to  be  a  sire  &  tal  would  -  even  if  missing  a  few  years,  grow  up  a  son  to  the  greatest  father  a  child  could  have.  emyr,  too.  their  kids  had  a  rough  start,  but  their  future  would  be  oh  so  much  brighter.  now  he  just  had  to  fix  what  was  between  them.  he...believed.  even  though  he  was  frustrated  now,  he  knew  they  could  do  it.  "more  than  the  moon  would  allow."  little  nod,  he  felt  his  heart  swell  at  that,  warmth  engulfing  him  -  his  mate's  scent  in  his  nose  everything  he  could  wish  for.  nothing  ...  nobody  could  come  between  them  again.  he  was  where  he  belonged  finally.  once  &  for  all.  right  here  in  his  alpha's  arms.

time.

for  the  longest  time  since  he  escaped,  ethan  had  been  convinced  he'd  remain  alone.  he  didn't  want  another  mate  when  his  was  out  there  somewhere  -  had  probably  moved  on  &  wouldn't  look  at  him  twice  after  seemingly  dumping  him  without  a  word.  ethan  knew  his  kids  were  safe  finally  &  ...well,  he  was,  too.  that  was  all  he'd  cared  about  at  the  time.  so  whether  he  could  be  intimate  with  someone  or  not  hadn't  been  a  concern  until  a  miracle  brought  them  back  together  in  new  haven.  maybe  wilf  was  right  &  all  they  needed  was  time.  did  they  have  time?  when  both  their  bodies  were  on  the  clock?  what  if  ....what  if  it  was  too  late  by  the  time  ethan  could  bear  his  mate's  heat  against  his  own?  what  if....

if  he  was  the  reason  ethan  would  never  experience  what  he  craved  so  desperately?  what  if...  ethan  shook  his  head  a  little,  curled  against  the  other  &  willing  negative  thoughts  away.  that  won't  help.  believe  in  yourself.  believe  in  your  love.  "it's...  too  slow.  i  want  you."  he  wanted  to  feel  his  mate,  wanted  them  to  be  one.  impatience,  he  assumed,  would  not  help.

"i  can't  let  you  do  all  the  work,  can  i,  my  dear  alpha?"  wilfus  put  up  with  him,  had  accepted  kids  into  his  heart,  had  caught  him  when  ethan  needed  it  the  most.  the  drinking  worried  him  a  little,  but  also  not  much.  they  both  did  the  best  they  could  &  he  knew  his  alpha  was  trying  to  cut  down.  while  ethan  found  his  alpha  to  be  the  most  handsome  in  town,  nobody  else  could  even  try  to  compare.  especially  his  middle,  which  was  something  he  seemed  bothered  by?  ethan  ..  didn't  ask,  but  ...  they  were  mates.  wilf  knew  how  he  felt  about  his  scars  &  he  knew  things  about  the  other.  what  wilf  didn't  know  though,  ethan  liked  him  the  way  he  was.  strong.  broad.  safe.  perfect  to  hold  onto  while  riding  him  once  he  got  his  brain  under  control.  he  worried  about  wilfus'  needs  becoming  too  strong,  but  what  about  his  own?  he  was  yearning.

his  heat  shouldn't  be  far  either.  what  if  he  still  couldn't  by  the  time......?  he  couldn't  imagine  spending  that  week  alone  when  his  mate  was  right  there.  now's  not  the  time.  romantic.  that's  where  it's  at.  yes.  "i  thought  you'd  like  it.  that  one  guy  at  the  gym  told  me  to  avoid  the  lake,  but  park's  a  prime  spot.  we  can  take  a  blanket,  maybe  some  snacks  and  just  enjoy  the  show."  he  heard  the  fireworks  were  beautiful,  he  didn't  doubt  it.  "it's  a  date  then."  he  grinned.  wide.  maybe  with  a  hint  of  relief  in  his  eyes.

"i  also  heard  there's  this  one  game  all  the  alphas  play  to  impress  their  soon-to-be-mates."  little  grin,  crinkles  forming  around  his  eyes  while  he  leaned  against  the  other  still.  "the  ultimate  test,  they  said."  maybe  he  was  over-exaggerating  a  little.  "i  don't  have  much  for  the  kids,  maybe  we  can  win  some  plushies  or  toys."  little  more  on  the  serious  side  of  things.  when  he  fled  ...  he  had  barely  anything  to  his  name.  he  fled  half  naked  with  two  kids  in  his  arms.  it  rained,  it  was  pretty  cold  out...  not  a  night  he  liked  to  remember  &  yet  he  did,  because  it  also  reminded  him  how  far  they've  come  since  then.

a  roof  over  their  heads,  toys,  clothes,  their  sire.  he...  was  so  lucky.  "i  love  you,  wilf.  more  than  my  life."

[altarkept]

wilfus wasn't going anywhere. wouldn't look elsewhere, not when everything he ever wanted was right here with him, in this house, beside him. being with ethan was never just about the sex and wilfus, at his age could handle living without — at the very worst, if he ever really needed to, he could use his hand to satisfy himself when the urge struck.

it was easy to let go of the lust, the ardour and just fall back into the deeper feelings, into companionship, into love when the carnality of the moment was over. ethan's jumbled scent would have been a wake up call if his actions didn't jot wilfus into action first. his own shirt was by the floor at the corner of the bed, lost to heated passion. the fox had been trying to get back into shape, well, he always had been well-built, even in the years previous; but now he was trying to get back to before he let himself go slightly, before the alcohol gave him a little bit of a gut. and that was something he had been trying to wean himself off too. that wasn't easy, but it was something made easier by the presence of the love of his life and by their kids and needed to do right by them both.

what also wasn't easy was convincing his mate that none of it was his fault. the alpha would repeat it time and time again, as much as necessary for ethan to not feel that way anymore. relief washed over him as ethan assured him that he was okay, as he leaned into him. they were okay. his mate was okay. "i know." it wasn't him that the wolf was afraid of, nor was it the environment, no particular triggers lying around; that he knew, but if something set ethan off then it did, no way around it at the moment. "i haven't been happier too. being with you again." with the kids too. his face a gentle smile as he continued, "getting to know you all over again, getting to love you again... more than the moon would allow, remember?" they'd have the impossible task of trying pry ethan out of his claws this time if anyone ever thought to separate them again.

"time, annwyl." as much wisdom as he could provide; at least he hoped it was sound advice. his hand went to the other's side, rubbing it up and down in a soothing motion. some physical, skin on skin contact was good for them. they just had to roll with the punches, so to speak. they had each other. he was sure they could overcome this, eventually. they didn't have forever — his age was certainly a factor to think about; but they had time, he knew they did. waiting this long just to see ethan again, to touch him again, what was a little more for a little more. "you're safe now, just it takes a little bit for your mind to catch up sometimes."

wilfus pulled the omega closer to him, if that was physically possible. when ethan suggested a plan for today's festivities, he smiled again. "yea? give us some alone time? you asking me out on a date ethan bell-knight? fireworks sounds romantic." between the kids and the apartment, well, they really hadn't had much time together without them. and what little time they had, they didn't have the luxury for dates. no, dates were few and far between, if ever. the alpha leaned forward, breathing his mate in before planting a soft kiss on his lips. "i like the sound of that."

it  was  frustrating,  because  ethan  knew  better  than  this.  he  should  know  better  than  this.  he  shouldn't  let  the  past  mess  with  him  &  up  until  it  did  ...it  didn't.  he  was  fine,  he  was  happy,  he  felt  blessed  to  be  given  this  chance  after  everything  he  endured.  it  was  perfect.  wilf  was  the  love  of  his  life  &  yet  he  couldn't  help  it.  one  moment  he  knows  all  this,  the  second  ...everything  is  different.  he  hated  it.  he  hated  himself  for  it.  he  was  so,  so  angry  when  he  didn't  feel  like  crying.  out  of  frustration.  he  was  sad,  not  per  se.

it  was  just  exhausting  to  fail  ...  time  &  time  again  when  he  wanted  nothing  more  than  to  succeed.  he  didn't  want  to  keep  putting  his  alpha  through  this,  either.  the  up,  the  many  downs.  when  would  it  stop  being  worth  it?  soft  sigh,  gaze  still  cast  down  on  the  carpet,  because  ethan  wasn't  sure  what  he'd  find  on  the  other's  face  &  right  this  moment  he  was  too  fearful  to  find  out.  though  it  seemed  like  wilf  ...  didn't  agree.

when  their  eyes  met,  it  was  nothing  like  he  feared,  but  it  still  didn't  help  that  pang  of  guilt  he  felt  when  he  saw  him.  wilf  deserved  better.  whether  he  pushed  for  intimacy  or  not,  ethan  knew  he  deserved  better  than  what  he  got.  years  apart  or  not.  what  if  it  got  too  bad  &  his  alpha  had  to  look  elsewhere  to  find  what  he  needed?  no  way,  he  wouldn't.  he  wouldn't.

it's  not  your  fault.

is...  it  not?  he  was  the  one  fucking  this  up,  wasn't  he?  wilfus  was  doing  to  well,  accepted  the  kids  &  cared  for  him,  but  he  just  ...  had  to  go  mess  up.  he  didn't  even  know  why  it  happened.  it  ...  wilfus  was  nothing  like  him.  it  was  nothing  like  it,  none  of  it.  maybe  he  was  broken.  "still  feels  like  it."  he  said  in  return  with  a  soft  sigh  accompanying  his  words.  like  a  silent  choir  that  spoke  of  mental  drain  &  frustration.  he  wouldn't  even  get  into  physical  frustration.  "i'm  okay."  he  was  fine,  really.  it  all  happened  so  fast.  once  he  realized  what  happened,  it  was  somewhat  easy  to  calm  down  again,  because  wilf's  scent  would  fill  his  lungs  &  when  it  did  ...  he  felt  safe.  why  that  wasn't  enough  to  allow  for  them  to  have  sex  ....  he  didn't  know.

can  i  hold  you?

how  terrible  must  it  be  for  wilf  when  he  had  to  ask  that?  when  he  was  afraid  of  setting  ethan  off  into  another  frenzy?  he  didn't  want  it  to  be  like  this.  "of  course."  he  hummed,  though  he'd  already  crawled  into  his  alpha's  arms,  had  curled  against  his  side  to  breathe  him  in  deeply,  let  their  scents  mix  &  become  one  at  least.  "i'm  not  afraid,  you  know?  not  of  you,  not...  at  all.  i  haven't  felt  happier  than  i  do  now.  i  don't  know  why  it  happens."  it  hurt  him,  it  tore  him  apart  inside  out,  because  he  felt  so  helpless,  almost  like  he  did  during  the  events  that  caused  these  ....episodes.  how  long  would  it  take  for  him  to  be  normal  again?

"i  don't  know  how  to  stop  it."  eyes  fluttered  closed,  the  wolf  neatly  folded  against  his  mate's  side  almost  as  if  he  tried  to  disappear  within  him,  which...  given  his  body  mass,  wasn't  going  to  happen.  intimacy  off  the  table  for  now,  he  made  a  few  mental  notes  for  later.  though  one  thing  would  depend  on  wilf's  decision,  too.  "i  uh...  i  was  thinking  maybe  we  could  drop  the  kids  off  at  home  for  the  night  after  the  festival  today,  call  the  sitter  and  maybe  uh..  watch  the  fireworks  together?"  maybe  not  what  wilfus  wanted  to  hear,  but  maybe…  it  could  help.  maybe  they  needed  to  get  out  of  the  house  or  something.  he  wanted  to  spend  time  with  wilf,  as  much  as  he  could,  even  if  more  than  that  didn't  …work  out  yet.  yet.  because  he  wasn't  giving  up.  being  away  from  the  kids  sounded  scary,  but  also  good.  being  huddled  up  on  a  blanket  while  fireworks  lit  up  the  sky  …also  sounded  good.  right?

[altarkept]

wilfus was frustrated, but not at ethan, he could never be, especially for something out of his control; in truth, it was more sexually than anything else really — that and the situation they found themselves in time and time again, but chiefly the alpha was frustrated at the cause of his mate's woes. he understood or at least tried to be as understanding as he could. he was as patient as can be, which pained his heart every time ethan had to stop when he had a panic attack... only for him to apologise after. wilfus hated that ethan thought he needed to be sorry for any reason whatsoever. “don’t be, love.”

he hovered in his own position on the bed next to the wolf. ready to provide comfort and security when needed. any touch could set ethan off again. hesitantly, a hand reached out to the other’s cheek to tilt his face towards him. hoping it was okay to touch him. “hey, look at me. don’t be, it’s not. your. fault.” emphasis on the last three words. slow, firm but voice soft. wilfus needed ethan to not that with absolute certainty.

“are you okay?” it seemed like the worst of it was over for now. the fox had been genuinely frightened for his omega. every time ethan shut down, wilfus was a loss. it wasn't something he had dealt with before and the best he could do was be there for his mate when he needed him.

it had been amazing. reuniting with his lover, his mate. it had also been difficult adjusting. getting to know his kids, readjusting how he fit around ethan, how ethan fit around him, with their kids in tow. being with his mate again, having a family. learning about each other again. some things stayed the same, but some things really changed. eight years was... a lot.

tal. tal took to him like perhaps wilfus should have expected him to, with how he fit beside him, tailed him after. like a little him, which he was. unsurety and doubt had bubbled within him at the start, not sure how the young fox would have taken to him. all that shed away quickly, he'd long since accepted tal and tal had done the same soon after. his heart was full every time he held his son, one he never got to see, to touch, to hold till now.

emyr on the other hand, was more hesitant. he as he rightly ought to be. wilfus for his part had his own — both for the youngling's sake and his own trepidations. letting go of the past that resulted in emyr being with them was hard but the alpha had been able to decouple that and see emyr for what he truly was, a kid that needed a sire. and wilfus knew he needed to be that for him.

then of course there was being intimate with his mate. trying to refamiliarise themselves with each other. slow touches that increased in speed and intensity, soft kisses that turn heated. almost every time he’d let ethan be the one to initiate — and then he followed, and if not, if things were starting to get heated between them, he’d pause and ask, ensuring ethan felt safe with him.

“what do you need? can i hold you?” he wasn't sure how to handle this, handle them. perhaps ethan ought to see someone about the trauma he endured while imprisoned. they both should; he had his own to work through as well, together or otherwise. but in ethan’s own time, when he was comfortable enough to open up to a stranger. it was not something wilfus was willing to push.

@altarkept

a  month  ago,  ethan's  life  changed  beyond  anything  he  ever  could've  imagined.  or  dared  to  imagine,  more  so.  had  he  dreamt  of  being  reunited  with  the  love  of  his  life  again  once  day?  oh,  many  ..many  times.  but  he'd  never  dared  hoping.  hope  was  dangerous  &  while  he  might  never  have  truly  given  it  up,  he'd  not  let  it  take  root  within  his  heart  either.  he  didn't  have  the  time  to;  he  had  two  little  kids  to  care  for.  one  likely  more  traumatized  than  the  other,  but  he  knew  they  would  both  be  fine.  he  never  once  doubted  it.  doubted  them.

when  he  saw  wilfus  in  the  dirt  that  day,  drunk  &  ready  for  the  moon  to  take  him,  he  thought  he'd  lost  his  mind  -  truly.  he  wouldn't  have  blamed  himself,  because  after  everything...?  he  deserved  to  be  ...insane  sometimes.  but  he  wasn't.  it  was  real.  wilfus,  the  alpha  who  stole  his  heart  was  back  in  his  life  &  he'd  been  determined  not  to  let  him  go  again.  never.  they  were  meant  to  be  one  &  nobody  could  change  that  -  clearly,  because  not  even  all  this  &  an  ocean  could  keep  them  apart.  fate...  had  spoken.  he  trusted  in  his  destiny.  there  was  nowhere  else  he'd  rather  be  right  now.

adjusting  ...took  some  time,  but  he  thought  they  were  doing  pretty  well.  wilf  met  the  kids  a  few  weeks  ago  &  while  he  knew  it  would  take  some  time  for  all  of  them...  he  thought  it  went  well.  after  the  first  week  of  wilf  living  with  them,  tal  let  go  of  his  fears  &  hesitation.  he'd  yearned  to  meet  his  sire  &  ethan  had  promised  him  over  &  over  again  that  they  would  meet  &  that  the  wait  would  be  worth  it.  he  was  sure  he  kept  that  promise.  so  wilf,  his  big  fox  ..  now  had  a  little  fox-shaped  shadow  trailing  alongside  him.  it  didn't  wake  much  to  impress  the  little  boy,  but  he  also  had  the  most  wonderful  sire  one  could  imagine  &  he  was  also  the  only  one  who  could  truly  understand  him.  ethan  loved  his  boy,  but  he  was  no  fox.  he  would  never  understand  all  of  him.  he  didn't  have  to.

emyr  needed  more  time  initially,  but  he  -  too,  accepted  his  sire  eventually.  he  was  still  a  dame's  boy,  but  ethan  saw  no  issue  with  that.  everything  was  perfect.  almost.  he  ...still  struggled  sometimes,  but  wilf  was  ..patient.  a  saint,  really.  ethan  couldn't  put  in  words  how  much  the  man  meant  to  him,  no  matter  what  he  said,  words  would  always  fall  short.  it  was  not  for  a  lack  of  trying  that  they  hadn't  ....been  intimate  yet.  when  his  alpha's  arms  wound  around  him,  he  felt  safe.  loved.  protected.  like  nothing  or  nobody  could  ever  harm  him  again.

when  their  lips  met,  he  felt  blessed  -  his  mate's  scent  filling  his  nose  &  lungs,  making  it  seem  like  no  time  passed  at  all  &  they're  back  in  their  old  lives  when  everything  was  perfect  -  not  that  ...it  wasn't,  now.  it  was.  ....almost.  there  was  always  a  little  shift  in  the  air,  a  noise  that  caught  him  off-guard,  a  scent  he  didn't  expect  or  recognize  in  a  moment  of  lustful  haze,  or  just  a  memory  flashing  before  his  eyes  due  to  touch.  one  moment,  ethan  was  sure  they  could  finally  be  one  again  &  the  next  he's  sweating  &  shaking  on  the  bedroom  floor.

couch  ..was  one  option,  but  something  else  would  set  him  off.  wilf  was  patient,  but  ethan  didn't  want  him  to  be.  he  didn't  want  him  to  have  to  be.  "i'm  sorry."  he  knew  wilf  would  disagree  -  he  always  did.  but  ethan...  was,  still.  frustrated,  sad,  annoyed.  yearning  for  his  mate  &  yet  terrified  at  the  same  time.  there  was  no  reason  to  be,  he  just  ..  was.  weeks  ...  passed,  gone,  wasted.  sitting  on  the  edge  of  the  bed,  gaze  cast  down  on  feet  dangling  off  it.  at  least  he  didn't  try  crawling  under  the  bed  this  time.....right?  small  victory,  it  felt.  too  small.

today  was  meant  to  be  festival  day,  for  them  the  kids  would  wake  soon  &  truthfully,  he'd  hoped  to  have  something  to  celebrate  during  the  fireworks  tonight.  seemed  like  they  wouldn't.  soft  sigh,  fingers  in  his  lap  playing  with  the  cords  of  his  sweatpants.  his  shirt  had  been  dropped  somewhere.  this  had  seemed  like  a  good  idea,  because  he  woke  feeling  kind  of  frisky  &  after  putting  the  little  ones  down  for  a  nap...  they  had  time.

"i  thought..."

[altarkept]

well, wilfus was here to ease some of that burden now. ethan had his hands full, in some cases literally, juggling two kids. the alpha’d be damned if he let his mate do it by himself anymore, and even more so, if they’d managed to conceive another; by all accounts, it would be a third child — he knew he ain’t getting any younger. he’s sure they’ll take him getting used to him, and him to them, but he would provide for his mate and his family, in whatever way he now can. with the fates willing.

“heh.” a deep chuckle pulled out of him, enjoying the little bit of flirtation. enjoyed the ease of which they could fall back into each other. with words at least, if not action. he’d missed this. them. but more than that, their interactions, how ethan could keep up with him even though he was years younger — for the most part anyway, their age difference never an issue (between them at least) but definitely something they did play up carnally when the occasion suited them. “don't go promising something you can't back up.” a grin, no heat within those words. he let ethan fulfil it in his own time, if he ever wanted to.

lips against his wound as his omega all but gave him thinly-veiled instructions, and well, he could never say no to the love of his life. he didn’t need the bandaids, wound having already healed over. but to appease his mate he’d put one on. even if it felt a little bit of a waste, when it could saved for something more necessary. he supposed they wouldn’t be foolish enough to not replenish them when they were low on supplies.

wilfus watched as ethan picked their son up into his arm, heard a muted lullaby as he followed as ethan led him back to the bathroom. hand grasped tightly the whole way — however short. parting was... uncomfortable, but he knew that it would be momentary. wilfus set out what he was brought here to do, reaching towards the cabinet above the sink. the alpha dug around for a bit and easily found the bandaids. he took one and applied it on himself before he actually finally got a good look at them.

it looked a little comical on him. a bit cute he supposed.

brought out of his thoughts by his mate's voice. “hey yourself.” he raised his arm to let the wolf get a good look at it. he'd listened to instructions and got himself a bandaid.

once again, the fox followed the other; this time to the bedroom. ethan stopped for a bit, lingering at the threshold of the door. wilfus’ eyes questing, but not overtly worried as he heard his mate's heartbeat spike. hand offered, hand taken as they entered the room proper.

the bedroom felt similar to his own. but different. cut from the same new haven cloth at the least. so only personal effects and layouts really differentiated them. and then ethan proceeded to remove his clothing. wilfus, he got to see him properly. separate from the hurried change of shirt the other had done earlier. eyes flickering to the various marks and bruises on ethan’s skin. a pang of hurt and guilty blossomed within him again, gnawing a little at his heart.

apart from that, ethan looked good. something he had already mentioned. solid frame. battered but strong. his imprisonment hadn't wreaked the worst havoc on him. for that wilfus would be thankful.

he shed his own recently donned clothes. followed his mate into the bed. “i got you, baby.” caressing his man’s sides while he snuggled close and held him from behind. fingers reaching out, touches reverent on his bare skin, tracing patterns. fingertips dancing across the expanse of bare flesh, over the marks and bruises. kissing them where he could. “i got you.”

[end of thread]

truth  be  told,  if  he  squeezed  an  eye  shut,  emyr  came  close  enough  to  a  little  ethan  &  to  him,  he  always  would  be,  but  ...  he  wanted  more.  not  because  emyr  was  lacking  in  any  sense  whatsoever,  because  he  wasn't.  he  was  a  perfect  little  boy  &  ethan  wouldn't  want  him  any  other  way.  he  was  gentle  &  soft-spoken,  although  that  may  partially  be  due  to  the  fact  he  was  too  young  to  speak,  but  ethan  ..  believed.  he  trusted.  emyr  was  nothing  like  his  blood.  he'd  grow  up  with  the  most  wonderful  sire,  so  ethan  truly  wasn't  worried  about  his  development.  he  just  hoped  that  wilf  could  see  past  ...the  past  when  it  came  to  him.  like  he  did.  well,  ethan  had  to  remind  himself  sometimes,  too.  because  none  of  this  was  emyr's  fault.

but  a  child  between  the  two  of  them  ..now...  would  only  strengthen  their  bond  in  the  long  run.  forever.  he  believed  in  it  -  he  believed  in  them.  maybe  they  could  get  help  here  in  town.  when  he  came  to  new  haven  with  a  newborn  &  a  little  boy  in  tow,  battered,  broken  &  terrified,  he  was  told  the  doctors  here  were  fantastic.  so  maybe  he  just  ...  had  to  give  himself  a  push  &  finally  see  one.  one  he  knew  wasn't  against  him.  you're  safe  now.

ethan  never  saw  himself  with  kids,  not  until  wilf.  he  always  valued  his  freedom  -  ironically  enough,  had  always  worried  he'd  never  want  children  in  the  early  stages  of  dating  the  fox,  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  he  knew  he  never  had  to  worry,  because  wilf  ..  changed  the  way  he  saw  the  world.  he  saw  past  money  &  influence  -  not  that  wilf  didn't  have  money,  but  ethan  found  himself  rejecting  his  parents',  eager  to  be  independent  &  free,  wanting  to  live  his  life  away  from  the  shackles  of  the  bell-knights'  influence.  he  wanted  to  just  be  with  his  alpha,  happy  &  content.  he  had  been.  wilf  never  hid  how  deeply  he  yearned  for  family  &  as  ethan  grew  to  love  him,  he  realized  he  wanted  nothing  more  than  to  make  that  possible.

"we'll  try."  now  he  could.  he  worried,  but  he  tried  to  remain  hopeful.  for  months  he'd  already  imagined  the  alpha  with  their  child  upon  birth,  watching  them  cuddle,  watching  him  make  stupid  faces  at  them.  he'd  been  so  happy  thinking  about  it  that  the  fact  wilf  never  got  to  hurt  him  even  now.  he  would  do  all  he  could  to  give  him  that  family  he  desired;  no  matter  the  cost.  though  he  assumed  they'd  have  to  ...be  quick.  if  the  children  were  too  far  apart  in  age..  he  wasn't  sure  how  well  that  would  go.  then  again,  could  he  deal  with  three  toddlers?  doubtful.  two  were  already  stretching  him  thin.

for  the  better.  he  knew  the  scars  would  ...  ruffle  feathers.  he  knew  that  wilfus  would  most  likely  prefer  him  without  &  maybe  one  day  they'd  find  a  way  to  take  care  of  them,  but  to  hear  that  he  thought  him  handsome  regardless  ..  meant  a  lot.  self-esteem  had  definitely  suffered  during  his  imprisonment,  but  he  had  no  doubt  his  alpha  would  fix  him  easily  enough.  with  time.  he  liked  to  think  time  could  heal  all  wounds,  inside  &  outside.  as  could  love.  they  had  both.

"i'll  show  you  in  great  detail.  you'd  be  surprised."  or  maybe  not,  but  he  couldn't  help  shoot  back  with  a  little  smile  on  his  lips.  this  here  on  the  couch  felt  ...  a  little  stressful.  they  had  tal  there  &  wilf  clearly  worried  that  he'd  wake  &  ethan  couldn't  quite  relax  either.  he  felt  ...some  alone  time  would  be  best.  they  earned  it.  concern  rose  up  on  his  face  at  the  mention  of  blood,  hands  instantly  swarming  out  to  grab  wilf's  hand  to  inspect  it,  surprised  he  didn't  smell  the  blood,  but  then  again...  he  had  many  scents  in  his  nose  &  had  been  too  focused  on  his  mate's  to  really  ...notice.  was  this...  because  of  him?  maybe  he  shouldn't  have  told  him,  maybe  he  should've  lied  &  told  him  he  fell  for  someone  else,  but  what  then?  the  truth  would  come  out.  tal  had  ...seen  enough,  he'd  know.

lips  against  his  alpha's  palm,  holding  it  up  so  their  eyes  could  meet,  his  own  ..  glossed  over  in  worry  as  he  pressed  kisses  against  the  wound.  i'm  sorry.  "bandaids  are  in  the  bathroom,  the  bottom  drawer  of  the  cabinet  above  the  sink."  i'm  sorry  i  hurt  you.  but  he  couldn't  ..change  it  now,  the  past  ..  was  the  past,  though.  they'd  move  on,  he  ...believed.  slowly  pulling  away  &  standing,  though  he  was  still  holding  wilf's  hand,  ethan  carefully  picked  up  tal,  holding  the  little  boy  against  his  chest  &  rocking  him  gently  as  he  muttered  a  soft  melody  against  his  ear.  together  -  because  the  wolf  pulled  his  alpha  along  towards  the  bathroom,  he  was  hesitant  to  let  go,  but  he  knew  they  had  to  or  else  they'd  never  get  anywhere.

releasing  wilf  into  the  bathroom,  ethan  went  to  tuck  his  son  in,  making  sure  emyr  was  still  asleep  &  okay  as  well,  he  pressed  a  kiss  to  both  their  foreheads  before  finding  his  mate  leaving  the  bathroom  again.  the  bandaids  ...  were  children's  bandaids.  the  current  batch  had  little  hot  wheels  cars  on  them,  but  they'd  do.  the  kids  loved  them.  regardless  of  bandaids  &  pain...  ethan  couldn't  help  a  smile  when  his  eyes  found  his  mate  again.  not  a  dream,  not  at  all.  "hey."  not  that  they'd  been  apart  for  long,  but  ...  still.  just  seeing  him  here,  in  his  home,  was  ...  it  filled  him  with  hope  &  joy.  a  warmth  he  thought  lost  forever.

the  fox  was  led  to  the  bedroom,  where  ...  ethan  came  to  a  sudden  halt  in  the  doorway,  his  heart  dancing  to  a  rough  beat.  sometimes  he  saw  ...  but  it  didn't  matter.  it  wasn't  real.  reaching  back  to  grab  his  mate's  hand,  he  led  him  inside  proper.  it  wasn#t  anything  special,  really  -  it  was  just  a  basic  bedroom,  but  it  was  his  &  the  bed  was  surprisingly  comfortable.  ethan  toed  off  his  socks  &  tugged  off  his  shirt,  but  he  hesitated  for  a  short  moment  when  undoing  his  belt  &  dropping  his  jeans  on  a  pile  on  the  floor...  just  ...  because.  he  didn't  want  ...  fabric  separating  them.  at  least  ..  not  a  lot.

"you  coming?"  little  grin  shot  back  over  his  shoulder,  his  heart  racing  as  he  climbed  onto  ....&  into  bed,  but  he  wasn't  afraid.  wilf  was  here,  he'd  never  have  to  be  afraid  again.  "...hold  me...  please?"

[altarkept]

[altarkept]

Toby Stephens as John Robinson LOST IN SPACE (2018-2021)

[altarkept]

heart swelled. maybe not full to bursting. but like ethan's cracks, the ones in his own soul felt like they were healing up. much like kintsugi, ethan's blue golden eyes, golden touch, golden words acted as golden urushi lacquer flowing through every little crevice. to experience the joys of new found fatherhood with ethan would be something wilfus would treasure extremely deeply. raising a child was one thing but raising a baby was another. and ethan was willing for their second third chance at it. a highlight of his life to be potential stored away just like his memory of the first time he touched the wolf; just like his memory of the time he mated with him; and just like his memory of the time he married him.

a little me. well, that told him all he ought to know about emyr's species... whatever it was. it didn't matter in all the important ways, what happened had happened and wilfus would come to accept the little one as his kid just the same. but it also mattered in some ways. he'd be a reminder always, to them both, of what ethan had gone through, what he endured. his mate would be overlooking that in favour of his heart, by default he'd called it. and thus so should he. it was as simple as that.

ruffling the other’s curls with a hand, the unbloodied one. "we'll try. gods, you already know i want to. with you. no one else." sentiment repeated back at the omega. his omega. his one and only. he always knew he wanted a big family, and ethan for all his self-proclaimed biological faults wanted his dream just as badly. if not for the idea, then for him. but wilfus was certain their goals aligned. having three kids would be plenty, desirable as a number. (even if he'd yearned for more.) but two right now was enough for him if nothing came out of it. he's sure he'd still experience almost everything fatherhood had to offer. the frustrations, the excitement, the elation, the heartbreak, the pride. he could go on.

"for the — " not better exactly, couldn’t exactly say he looked better bearing marks of abuse. but apart from that, he looked good. what would people think when they saw his mate's scars when they went out together? that he was the one that inflicted such hurt? he shuddered at the thought. that he'd be branded abusive perpetrator. that ethan would be judged. wilfus wouldn't allow that. the irony that he couldn't find a better word than 'better' was not lost on him. "for the better. my handsome wolf." maturity suited him, even if the path to get there was undesirable.

reluctant to let go. even if only for a short time. but it would be a little bit ridiculous to hold ethan as the other picked tal up. holding ethan while he picked his child up, that seemed more plausible but sleeping like the dead or not, an unfamiliar touch might cause discomfort, if not wake up him and he didn’t have the strength or energy for a million questions right now. even if it felt like walking back on his words just moments prior in the literal sense.

"are we not already together?" the fox teased, "how much closer do you want to be?" not that the couch was completely comfortable for them to intertwined like this for long... but a bed definitely sounded better. "you go do that. i... uh... i need to wash the blood off my hand." he's not sure if ethan had noticed, but he didn't want him to worry. "it's nothing, just. might have pierced it with my claws when... yea..." he clarified before his mate could be truly concerned. he's still angry just thinking about it, imagining what had been done to ethan in the house that was a prison — he doubted it was ever a home; the torture he'd faced, physical, emotional, psychological.

"of course, my love. we could. i'd like that." the thought of anything else was far from his mind right now. but not completely out of view. of course, mating with his mate was a connection that would be indescribable. the closeness between them barrierless. but it wasn't in the cards at the moment. for both of them. and wilfus, he was a hundred percent okay with it. a cuddle, a spooning. it wasn't settling for him. it was far more than he'd dreamed of already. to hold ethan in his arms again. real as real can be. (real. real. real.) no matter where. bed or couch or standing or walking. no matter when. morning, afternoon, evening, night. outside, walking along the streets, sitting at a coffee shop. a gift he'd not waste. no, it was something the alpha would treasure and cherish to the fullest. he'd give up everything else just to keep his mate and family together with him again.

none  of  this  was  easy.

he  assumed  it  wasn't  easy  for  either  of  them,  it  couldn't  be.  what  happened  to  them  was  out  of  this  world,  it  was  a  tragedy  ethan  didn't  wish  on  anybody  else  -  not  in  a  million  years,  not  even  ...to  save  himself.  he'd  not  bestow  such  a  fate  upon  someone  else.  not  willingly,  not  if  he  could  help  it.  but  it  didn't  matter  now  &  he  had  to  keep  reminding  himself  of  that,  because  he  was  free.  he  was  here  now.  they  lost  enough  time,  they  shouldn't,  no  -  they  couldn't  lose  more  because  he  was  living  in  the  past.  he  had  to  be  strong.  for  them  both,  it  seemed  -  for  all  of  them.  it  was  okay,  he  didn't  mind.  he'd  had  to  be  strong  for  the  kids,  a  loving  mate  added  to  the  list  would  do  no  harm.

but  one  thing  he  knew  for  certain,  even  if  right  now  was  not  the  right  time  -  or  any  time  very  soon....  most  likely.  "i'm  sure."  he'd  never  been  more  sure  about  anything,  no  matter  what  that  little  voice  in  the  back  of  his  head  said,  no  matter  the  gentle  tremble  in  his  voice,  no  matter  the  dread  befalling  his  chest  when  he  spoke.  he  knew  the  truth  underneath  all  that.  he  was  sure.  "i...  i'll  need  some  time,  i  think.  but  i'm  sure.  i've  dreamt  of  this,  of  you...  for  all  those  years.  dreamt  to  come  back  home  to  live  the  life  we  were  meant  to  live  together.  this  ..  is  where  i  want  to  be.  with  you.  and  i  want  you  to..  i  want  to  do  this  right."  he  wanted  wilf  to  experience  what  he  deserved  to  experience.  all  of  it.

it  wouldn't  make  up  for  what  they  lost,  but  it  could  be  the  start  into  a  new  life  &  maybe  it  could  patch  up  some  wounds.  besides,  back  then..  wilf  had  been  exponentially  more  excited  about  the  child,  about  raising  little  wilf  as  ethan  called  him  in  his  mind  back  in  the  day.  he  deserved  to  make  those  experiences,  feel  the  joy,  the  fear,  being  overwhelmed  &  yet  relieved  at  the  same  time.  raising  a  child  was  a  rollercoaster  &  ethan  wanted  wilf  to  go  on  that  ride  with  him.  for  real  this  time,  no  interferences.

"we  do.  and  yet  i  feel....  we  should  at  least  try  for  a  little  me."  given  their  record,  or  rather  his  inability  to  do  what  he  was  scientifically  born  to  do,  he  doubted  they'd  get  very  far.  maybe  ..one  more?  if  lucky.  if  the  goddess  found  herself  merciful  &  kind.  please.  he  smiled  up  at  the  other  carefully,  wanting  to  gauge  his  reaction,  although  he  didn't  worry  what  it  was  he  found  on  the  alpha's  face,  not  really.  he  was  quite  sure  wilf  wanted  this,  too.  he  just  ..  he  had  to  ..  they'd  have  to  take  it  slow  &  maybe  get  some  help.  he  should  go  have  himself  checked  out  anyway,  but  until  now  he  never  trusted  anybody  with  his  kids.  he'd  become  a  full-time  dame  overnight  &  while  some  nights  he  wondered  what  if  he  hadn't  been  taken  ..  he  knew  it  was  to  no  avail.

this  was  reality,  this  was  their  life  &  ethan  wanted  to  make  the  most  &  best  of  it.  enjoy  every  minute  with  his  mate  &  kids  that  he  could.  more  if  able.  never  leave  his  side  again,  or  his  lap.  that  ...  would  be  living  the  dream.  even  if  it  was  a  foolish  one.  "i  know  i've  changed  quite  a  bit."  part  of  him  had  worried  that  if  he  ever  saw  his  love  again  that  he  wouldn't  recognize  him,  or  ...  not  like  the  man  he'd  become.  he'd  been  young  when  taken,  still  growing  into  himself  in  a  way.  old  enough  to  marry  &  have  a  child  of  course,  but  still...  growing  into  himself.  wilf  missed  that,  all  of  it.  he  didn't  seem  displeased  though,  which..  was  a  relief.  "you're  still  the  handsome  devil  i  fell  for."  little  smile  sent  his  way,  a  compliment  he  meant,  truly.  in  fact,  ethan  quite  liked  what  he'd  seen  when  he  helped  wilf  clean  up.

"he  won't  wake  until  he  gets  hungry."  when  ethan  said  tal  slept  like  the  dead,  he  meant  it.  but  he  also  wouldn't  push  the  matter.  how  could  he  when  in  truth  he  didn't  want  to  share  his  alpha's  attention  with  anybody  else  ...just  yet.  he  wanted  him  to  himself,  just  ..  for  now.  "we've  got  time."  he  wasn't  sure  how  the  introduction  to  the  kids  would  go  -  emyr  would  be  fine,  really  &  he  assumed  tal  would  have  two  million  questions,  but  ..  he  believed  in  them.  they'd  be  okay.  everything  would  be  okay  now  that  they  were  together  again.

he  could  feel  his  heart,  his  very  soul  revel  in  the  attention,  could  feel  his  batteries  recharge  with  every  second  spent  in  the  alpha's  arms.  he  was  quiet  when  they  kissed,  just  ..  watching,  observing,  letting  it  all  wash  over  him.  let  it  wash  the  fear  away  once  &  for  all.  tasting  his  mate  on  his  lips  again,  there  was  no  better  feeling  in  the  world,  nothing  could  compare  -  not  when  that  feeling  had  been  thought  lost  forever.  "then  don't."  don't  let  go.  don't  ever  leave  me  again.  don't  ever  let  me  feel  alone  again.  touch  me,  hold  me,  love  me.  "maybe  ..  i  should  take  tal  to  bed,  so  we  can  ...  be  together."  without  having  to  worry  about  waking  the  boy.  it  was  broad  daylight  out,  but  the  kids  were  tired  &  clearly  up  for  a  nap,  why  couldn't  they?

"if  you  want  to...  share  the  bed  with  me.  we  uh,  we  can  just  ..  hold  each  other."  part  of  him  yearned  for  more,  part  of  him  yearned  for  his  mate's  embrace,  to  feel  his  body  against  his  own,  to  feel  him.  but  not  today,  not  right  now.  it  was  too  early,  too  fragile.  on  both  of  them,  he  assumed,  because  he  didn't  forget  the  state  he  found  the  other�� in,  or  the  things  he  said  about  dreaming.  they  both  needed  time...  right?  ethan  didn't  want  to  rush  into  this  &  mess  it  up.  but  they  could  get  comfortable,  get  used  to  each  other's  presence  again,  because  one  thing  he  knew  for  sure  -  he  never  wanted  to  sleep  alone  in  his  bed  again.  in  their  bed.

[altarkept]

– Toby Stephens in Lost in Space 1x08

[altarkept]

even if ethan didn't blame him, he still would blame himself. had blamed himself when he had antagonised over his reason and mystery of his mate's disappearance. if only he'd been better, been there. alcoholism born of self-loathing, despair... he'd have to work on that. if he was to be the kind of alpha he wanted, no, needed to be for ethan and their kids. they didn't deserve a drunkard for one. and well, they both had to work on themselves and each other. ethan had his trauma to work past and wilfus would be there for him every step of the way... and away from him when he needed the space. the guilt was something the fox had to live with, something he'd carry for life. but it was something he could live with, when the rest of his living was going to be done with him here, or wherever they end up going. and maybe in time, it will fade and failing that, at least they'd grow around it such that it would be a small insignificant part of their lives.

"you sure?" concern over wilfus' face. "you don't have to. your comfort and needs before all that, ethan. you. you're more important to me than a dream — because if there's one thing i can't live without, it's you." as evident by the state ethan had found him in earlier. he cast his eyes back down at the sleeping figure. talfwyn, his child of eight. years lost but he would make do. and then at the closed door some ways away. emyr, a name they've discussed for the future, now blessed onto a child not of his own making, but a child that would be his still, by choice. vision blurry with mirrored tears. "and we already have a family." he nodded in agreement at the mention of ethan's precious heart and his proclamation of love and mention of only wanting to have children with him. in his head. he'd do everything right. wilfus couldn't go back to the past to undo the mistakes, the harm that was brought on ethan. but he'd try his damnedest to do right by his family... of four now — still felt... impossible, given the circumstances; he'd never imagine he'd have ethan returned to him, and with two children too. but most of all he was going to do right by his mate, who had suffered enough, suffered more than any one man had, save for the lesser man that had inflicted such hurt onto ethan.

he felt ethan detangling himself from him. was it too much too soon? emotions overwhelming that distance needed to be established? or did he have to tend to the kids? questions that died as quickly as they were thought for his mate had crawled into his lap, to be closer still to him.

his laugh was light when ethan began peppering him with kisses, lighter than he'd been in years. (weight of his shoulders, his world, lifted off of him. ironic now that his whole world had returned to him... mostly in one piece and yet with two additional pieces.) but restrained, there was a sleeping child in front of them after all. he wiped whatever tears he could from both of their eyes and cheeks. "yea? you were such a pretty young pup back then. wormed your way into my heart so damned quickly. now look at you." look how you've grown into a man. and a dame. a wonderful parent. he's missed precious years. wilfus pressed his face into the other's neck again, just breathing him in. real. real. real. he's real and in your arms. "not right now... let him sleep. i don't want to wake him." yes he would rather keep holding you ethan. he hadn't the chance for over eight years. and he was incapable of letting his love go at the moment. not to mention, wilfus was in a little too fragile of a state at the moment to be introducing himself to his child as his father. and then having to explain everything as concisely as they could, while omitting details for their sake... that felt like too daunting a task for right now. not when he was a different kind of mess than when they'd first met, technically. wilfus was sure they both needed to get their bearings a little bit first before that. before a serious conversation with their kid(s).

and he needed the rest. not just from the emotional rollercoaster and exhaustion he'd experienced over the last hour and an half. but a physical one too. sleeping on the streets wasn't exactly comfortable, nor was sleeping with your veins so full of alcohol they'd set aflame at a burning candle wick. a proper rest was needed. and he feared he hadn't really had one for years at this point. perhaps now, with his burden lifted, with his mate in his arms, he'd finally get a rest like never before.

foreheads touching. bodies wrapped up in each other, intertwined. hand moved to the side of the other's face to tilt him forward to kiss him again on his lips, slow and full of love and yearning. years of ungiven affection now freely given, poured into the soft kiss. wilfus parted then, keeping ethan's face close to his. arm around the other's back, bracketing him in. "fy nghariad aur, you'd be hard pressed to see me let you go again." he was a tactile person by nature, and now that ethan was with him again, he'd have to make up for lost time and more. touching him constantly. it could not just be an additional period of contact for every one not given in the past eight years. wilfus would pay this back and everything else ethan was owed, that he owed ethan, with interest compounded. (how could he ever ever hope to make it up to the love of his life? for everything.) he'd suspect they'd be glued to each other for the foreseeable future. and maybe it was a little bit obsessive or crazy, but wilfus would be extremely unwilling to let ethan out of his sight again... at least for the time being. the fear of him being snatched away again was too great, much louder than the fear of this whole thing unravelling when he would finally wake up from this blissful dream. for what it was worth, he reasoned that he was allowed to be. that he could be afforded just a modicum of insanity on his part.

ethan  would  rather  have  died  than  to  raise  their  son  with  a  name  chosen  by  his  tormentor;  by  the  one  who  took  true  happiness  from  him.  no.  that  wouldn't  do  &  he'd  proven  how  dead  serious  he  was  at  the  time.  claw  to  his  throat,  drawing  blood  -  no  prisoners  taken.  they'd  spent  too  many  years  &  too  many  tears  on  this  child  to  have  its  past  &  future  tarnished  by  a  stranger.  not  under  his  watch.  he'd  known  that  even  if  he  never  saw  wilfus  again,  even  if  the  alpha  never  met  his  son,  at  least  he  knew  he  did  right  by  him.

but  that  ...  wasn't  the  case.  they  were  here  &  while  tal  was  too  old  now  to  claim  he  didn't  know  any  other  father,  it  was  time  for  him  to  learn  what  that  term  truly  meant.  because  the  sire  that  raised  him  up  until  now  had  been  a  very  poor  excuse  of  one;  too  consumed  by  his  own  fears  &  insecurities  that  he  had  to  verbally  beat  down  a  child  to  feel  like  he  was  adequate.  ethan  did  all  the  could  to  protect  his  child,  throw  himself  in-between  every  chance  he  got,  but  that  ...wasn't  always  the  case.

now  he'd  finally  meet  the  man  who  sired  him.  truly.  the  man  who  loved  him,  the  man  he  loved  &  the  alpha  who  would  -  undoubtedly  die  &  kill  for  his  child.  like  ethan.  but  that...  was  for  later.  they  had  to  address  everything  else  first,  because  ethan  didn't  want  his  kids  to  suffer  for  another  alpha's  wrongdoings.

ethan  would  lie  if...  if  he  claimed  he  didn't  want  wilfus  to  tear  him  to  shreds.  he'd  lie  if  he  claimed  he  didn't  hold  a  grudge,  he'd  lie  if  he  claimed  he  wasn't  terrified  of  the  possibility  of  it  happening  again,  or  of  the  man  getting  his  hands  on  his  kids.  their  kids.  he'd  lie  if  he  claimed  he  wasn't  broken,  likely  beyond  repair,  because  here  he  was...  in  his  mate's  arms  &  he  had  to  tell  him  about  the  many....  many  times  another  alpha  bedded  him  over  the  past  eight  years.  how  could  they  come  back  from  that?

how  could  he  ever  touch...  or  be  touched  again  without  fear  coursing  through  him?  knowing  that  if  he  didn't  comply,  he  may  come  for  his  child,  hating  himself  for  negotiating  with  a  terrorist,  but  what  else  could  he  have  done?  how  could  he  come  back  from  that?

"no...  no.  you  couldn't  know.  he...  he  was  too  ...prepared."  he  didn't  want  to  say  good,  because  he  wasn't  good.  he  wasn't.  he'd  just  been  prepared,  quick  to  act,  snatched  ethan  out  of  his  life  without  anybody  else  noticing,  shipped  him  off  -  probably  in  a  private  jet(?)...  he  couldn't  say.  he  wasn't  conscious  for  it.  "i  never  blamed  you,  wilf,  i  never  did.  you  shouldn't  either."  partially  a  lie,  but  that  had  been  desperation  speaking  at  the  time.  he  knew  wilfus  had  had  no  chance.  for  the  longest  time,  he  doubted  that  house  he  was  held  in  even  officially  existed.  but  his  kidnapper  got  sloppy,  taking  his  loving  mate  &  kids  on  vacation  every  year.  that  cost  him,  because  after  all  those  years  he  still  didn't  learn  that  ethan  ...  was  smarter  than  many  gave  him  credit  for.

it  didn't  matter  now.  he  was  back  where  he  belonged,  in  his  mate's  arms,  although  right  now  he  struggled  to  hold  it  together.  hold  himself  together.  hearing  what  he  feared  the  most  to  never  hear  again  shook  him,  deep  down  to  the  core.  it  rattled  on  the  cage  he  hid  his  heart  in,  broke  through  the  metal  bars  keeping  it  safe  &  engulfed  it  in  the  most  gentle  embrace.  he  was  long  past  holding  back  tears,  could  only  wipe  at  them  when  he  didn't  hug  his  mate's  arms  to  his  chest,  years  of  fear,  years  of  homesickness,  years  of  longing,  years  of  missing  his  love,  years  of  terror  &  abuse  falling  off  him  ..  in  waves.

every  time  he  heard  it..

i  love  you.

every  time  he  said  it.

i  love  you.

some  part  of  that  thick,  impenetrable  armor  ethan  had  curled  up  in  to  survive  slowly  broke  away.  his  heart  &  soul  bare,  so  vulnerable  he  might  vanish  if  not  handled  with  care  in  that  moment.  chest  riddled  with  subtle  hiccups  as  trembling  fingers  came  to  catch  hold  of  the  alpha's  thighs  in  an  attempt  to  ground  himself.  it  was  the  last  bit  that  got  him.  words  he'd  never  be  able  to  speak  himself,  but  understood  just  enough  to  feel  his  heart  stitch  itself  back  together.  temporarily,  for  sure,  but  he  knew  that  wilfus  would  slowly  sew  it  back  together  again.  slowly  calming  again,  leaning  back  against  the  other  &  pressing  a  kiss  to  his  jaw,  he  settled  against  him.

they  could  ...be  a  family  again.  a  proper  one  now.  he  wanted  to  give  his  love  what  he  most  desired,  though  he  wasn't  sure  if  he  could.  after  finding  that  even  a  younger  alpha's  seed  didn't  seem  to  take  root  within  him  explained  ...so  much.  "i....  i  want."  wilfus  deserved  to  raise  a  child,  he  deserved  to  raise  at  least  one.  if  not  more  after  he'd  been  denied  the  one  they  waited  years  for.  he...  wasn't  sure  yet  if  he  was  ready,  if  he  could  allow  his  mate  to  bed  him  when...  when  he  wasn't  sure  if  it  wasn't  going  to  remind  him  of  ...  of...  him.  to  just  consider  their  touch  feeling  the  same  to  him..  made  him  sick.  but  at  the  same  time,  who  -  if  not  the  love  of  his  life,  could  fix  him?

if  he  couldn't,  then  he  was  truly  lost,  wasn't  he?  "i  want  to  give  you  the  life  and..  and  the  family  you  deserve.  i  want  us  to  have  the  life  ...we  dreamt  of."  even  if  it  would  take  time.  even  if  it  wasn't  going  to  be  easy.  he  didn't  want  the  mistakes  of  another  alpha  ruin  their  lives.  not  anymore,  not  a  minute  longer.

"i  always  told  them  both  their  father  is  a  great  man.  i  told  them  that  one  day  they'd  get  to  meet  him.  i  couldn't  bear  the  thought  of  them  calling  him  ...  father.  he  wasn't.  ever.  he  couldn't  have  been,  he  didn't  earn  the  right."  it  got  him  into  trouble,  but  ethan  didn't  care.  he  was  in  trouble  all  the  time  anyway.  "i  know  what  he  must  stand  for,  in  your  eyes,  believe  me...  i  feel  it,  too.  but  he  is  yours.  by  default,  by...  by  my  heart.  because  the  only  man  i've  ever  loved  and  the  only  man  i've  ever  wanted  children  with  ...  is  you."  eyes  still  wet,  his  face  probably  a  mess,  ethan  fought  the  grip  the  other  had  on  him,  getting  up,  turning  around,  climbing  &  crawling  until  he  was  sat  across  the  alpha's  lap,  straddling  &  bringing  their  foreheads  together.

"i'm  glad  they're  finally  going  to  meet  their  dad.  they  waited  so  long."  head  placed  against  his  mate's  shoulder,  he  breathed  in  his  scent,  body  going  lax  against  him.  "we  can  make  this  our  home."  arms  around  wilfus'  neck,  holding  on  tight,  kisses  against  his  jaw,  peppered  &  held  interchangeably.  "i  love  you.  i  always  did.  ever  since  the  first  time  i  saw  you  and  realized  i  couldn't  take  my  eyes  off  you."  being  here,  in  his  mate's  arms  ...felt  like  a  dream.  but  it  wasn't,  was  it?  this  was  real.  it  had  to  be.

"do...  you  want  to  hold  him?"  or  would  you  rather  keep  holding  me  instead?

[altarkept]

"Growing Around Grief"

Lois Tonkin, 1996

[altarkept]

he let ethan continue his story. observed how it pained him to continue but powering through for the sake of them both. for wilfus to learn what had happened to his eternal love. for ethan to share his trauma with someone else, with someone he trusted, to voice them out. wilfus squeezed him, his turn to be strong. wiping tears from the other's cheek with his unbloodied hand.

it was... a lot. a lot to take in at once. a lot, even more for ethan to experience. 8 years in hell. mistreated. like he was property. chained, shackled, collared. that left him furious. for wilfus, a collar was something that ought to be mutual. in desire. in balance. wanted by both parties. something sacred, entrusted, something bestowed. a sign of respect, of authority. not whatever had been done to keep ethan in slavery. he knew a lot of alphas wouldn't agree but it was an important distinction for him. not that it would be relevant, wilfus would not inflict the tool on his mate after what he had gone through.

that hot stab of terror gripped him. he couldn't imagine losing ethan (and his child) like that, by his own hand. not that he would fault him considering the other's position. still he admired the wolf all the more for his perseverance, his steadfastness and his ability to hold strong even in the most harrowing of times. wilfus nodded at the mention of tal and their difficulty for ethan to conceive. he had always pencilled it down to his age, but his mate offered him another answer, one he didn't fully agree with.

wilfus waited for the stream of words to end. so many things to address. but first he only brought his mate closer to him. resting his head above the other's. hand once again finding the other.

the words that came didn't shock him... but truthfully wilfus did not want those to be the first after the story was said and done(?). "i’m going to fucking kill him." he said with conviction. silent rage. almost imperceptible edge in his tone. something that only people who knew him well, especially his mate, would be able to read. he didn't lash out. only the tensing of his muscles (one that had been so carefully peeled away earlier now coming back in full force) gave anything away. that and his eyes, which burned blinding red. wilfus was going to find this fucker that hurt his mate. kill him nice and slow. rip his throat out, shred his skin, scrap the meat from his bones. render his fucking carcass so that something useful could be produced from his remains. that fucking psycho. a completely elaborate plan hatched and executed just so he could play house and mates with an ex from high school that didn't want or love him back. and he dared lay a hand, more than a hand on the love of his life, forced himself and his mark upon him? wilfus was never going to forgive that. he'd hunt the fucker down.

ethan was his. and he was ethan's. that was an indisputable fact.

the omega gave himself to wilfus and he gave himself whole to ethan in kind. "you have nothing to apologise for. not for being kidnapped. not for the mark. not for emyr. not for anything." his words sincere. something he needed ethan to know. "i’m sorry i wasn’t there, i’m sorry i couldn’t find and save you, you both. i tried. i tried." and failed. over and over. ethan... wilfus was certain that he (or at least he hoped he) understood the lengths he went to do so. and the lengths he went to after when attempt after attempt was futile, going crazy without a hope or chance to ever see his mate again.

he was a broken man without ethan. had been a broken man without him.

his ring dangling on string must have reminded the other of his own. the ring itself was unimportant. a symbolic gesture, a physical manifestation of their love and commitment. wilfus liked what it signified but he didn't need it. the token was just that, something physical. what it signified was all still there. the actions, words, and emotions between them more than enough. in any case, he'd give ethan his if need be.

and ethan's worry? the question unasked.

well, the fox would just have to show and tell him just how much none of what was done to him mattered to wilfus. reservations on certain aspects aside, ethan was still ethan, and he loved him just the same. "i love you i love you i love you." kissed his face over and over as he repeated it. cradling his love in his arm. "i'm never letting you go again." pulled the collar of ethan's tee down, and pressed his lips slow and deliberate to his mark. and then did the same for the other side, the other mark. it... bothered him he wouldn't lie, especially unconsensual as it was. but he'd hate himself if it caused him to love his mate any less. it was a thought so impossible. he could not for the life of him entertain. no, if anything he needed to prove... to himself, to ethan that he loved him just as much as before, more even. the alpha's eye watered, again. threatened to spill as before. voice breaking as he made his declaration. "i love you ethan marius bell-knight. and nothing is going to change that." english proved completely incompetent at expressing his love, devotion and adoration of the man with him, wrapped up in him right now. as such, wilfus slipped back easily into his native tongue. "dwi’n dy garu di fwy nag y byddai'r lleuad yn ei ganiatáu. ti ydy’r peth gorau a ddigwyddodd i mi."

still, there were matters to attend to. the matter of fertility and children. "i’m beyond my years ethan. it’s not… not you. at least, not just you. if we ever try again, if you ever wanted to. we should be aware of that." again, wilfus would not fault or lament ethan for never wanting to have any more children. (even if the other knew how much he wanted them, his partner's comfort and safety came first.) and perhaps physical and sexual intimacy too, and if he still did, that it would be a long time before it would be comfortable for him to do so. at least wilfus' years afforded him the patience, controlled and unoverdrived libido.

"as for little emyr. i'll try my best to be a good father to him. talfryn too. to them both." his own tears flowed freely now. some falling upon his lips. wilfus tasting salt, his eyes burned with acid. he failed them once before. "you don't have to do it alone anymore, love." emyr wasn't his per se... and it might take some getting used to for sure... but the little one was ethan's and that was enough for him. the sins of the father did not fall on his child. wilfus suspected there would be coming days he'd need to remind himself of such. "we can finally have our family. here." real. real. real.

maybe  it  was  service,  maybe  it  was  devotion.  or  maybe  it  was  a  little  bit  of  both,  but  what  mattered  was  that  ethan  did  it  because  he  wanted  to.  because  washing  his  mate  clean  from  the  traces  of  sorrow  &  loss  was  ...  freeing  for  him,  too.  maybe  he  was  reading  too  much  into  it,  but  for  him  -  personally,  that  was  ...what  it  felt  like  &  why  he  had  been  determined  to  do  it  himself.  additionally,  he  didn't  see  a  problem  with  tending  to  his  alpha's  needs.  maybe  that  was  the  dame  speaking,  but  he  didn't  care.  he  cared  for  him,  he  loved  him,  he  wanted  him  to  be  happy  more  than  anything  in  the  world.  so  if  he  wanted  to  wash  his  man,  then  he  would.

maybe  he,  too,  had  to  remind  himself  wilfus  was  real.  in  the  flesh  &  not  just  the  dream  of  a  desperate  man.

even  this,  drying  him  off  was  ...a  pleasure.  getting  to  let  his  eyes  roam  the  new  man  that  emerged  from  his  shower  was  wonderful.  he  almost  looked  like  the  man  he  unwillingly  left  behind  back  then.  age  ...had  always  suited  him,  it  still  did.  he  looked  perfectly  huggable  &  it  took  him  quite  some  willpower  not  to  indulge  -  we  as  he  was.  but  he  made  mental  notes  to  do  it  afterwards,  all  through  the  night,  maybe  all  through  the  next  day  too.  he  assumed  after  ...a  long  time,  he  might  not  feel  dread  anymore  when  having  to  let  go.

although  he  doubted  he  could  ever  get  enough  of  his  alpha.  they  lost  almost  ten  years,  they  had  a  lot  of  catching  up  to  do.  as  he  dried  him  off,  he  did  notice  the  new  hairstyle  -  or  rather,  lack  thereof.  compared  to  when  they  met  at  least.  it  looked  much  better  now,  though  ethan  felt  the  urge  to  get  scissors  regardless.

oh,  how  he  missed  him.  he  was  maybe  a  little  rusty,  but  the  welsh  still  clicked  for  the  most  part.  this  bit  did  for  sure.

he  wasn't  sure  how  much  he  should  say,  but  once  he  started  -  no  matter  how  difficult  it  was,  he  kept  going  until  he  found  some  sort  of  awkward  wave  to  ride  through.  it  ...wasn't  easy,  but  it  also  never  would  be,  because  nothing  of  what  happened  was  easy  to  talk  about.  he  had  unspeakable  things  done  to  him;  most  of  which  he  wanted  to  forget,  but  ...  also  ..knew  he  should  share.  not  with  the  world,  but  with  the  man  who  owned  his  heart  &  his  very  soul.

wilf  deserved  to  know  everything.

if  only  so  they  could  work  past  it,  build  a  new  future  for  themselves  &  the....  their  kids.  emyr  might  not  be  biologically  wilf's  child,  but  ...  to  ethan  he  was.  no  other  alpha  could  ever  qualify  -  not  even  a  forced  one.  especially  not  a  forced  one.

there  may  have  been  a  time  when  ethan  blamed  wilfus  for  ....  for  not  saying  him  when  he  needed  him.  the  first  few  months  were  the  hardest.  or  maybe  the  later  ones  were.  or  when  he  found  out  he  was  with  child  again.  there  were  ...  many  downs.  many  times  did  he  pray  to  be  saved,  to  be  found,  rescued  &  reunited  with  the  love  of  his  life,  but  the  nightmare  just  didn't  want  to  end.

but  alas  ...  none  of  his  blame  truly  went  to  his  alpha.  he  did  nothing  wrong.  with  how  long  it  took  him  to  escape,  he  also  knew  that  it  would've  been  equally  difficult  to  find  him,  or  get  in  to  ...to  free  him.  pointing  fingers  would  get  them  nowhere.  it  also  didn't  matter  anymore,  because  this  was  reality  now.  there  was  no  going  back,  there  was  no  changing  the  course  of  events.  what  happened  to  him  could  not  be  undone.

he  would  carry  that  burden  with  him  for  the  rest  of  his  life:  as  would  he  the  scars,  the  mark  &  the  child.  he  could  only  hope  that  wilfus  would  accept  it  &  believe  him  when  he  said  the  only  man  he  wanted  in  his  life  ...was  him,  no  matter  what  his  neck  said.

this  was  difficult  for  them  both.  terrifying  even.  afraid  of  rejection,  afraid  of  losing  the  life  he  dreamt  for  all  his  life  again  because  ethan  ...was  tainted  now.  bruises  would  heal,  but  scars  &  an  actual  child  from  someone  else  ...couldn't.  &  yet  he  had  to  try.  fiddling  with  the  alpha's  hands  while  he  spoke  helped,  but  as  silence  stretched  on  &  wilf  untangled  their  hands,  he  worried,  expecting  the  absolute  worst.  he  wasn't  sure  if  he  could  live  without  wilfus  now  that  he  knew  he  was  alive  &  in  this  town.  could  he  give  up  what  made  him  whole  ...willingly?  he  doubted  it.

breath  sucked  in  &  held  when  wilf  leaned  in,  the  omega's  heart  dancing  riverdance  in  his  chest.  thump  thump  thump.  eyes  glossed  over  once  again,  gaze  turned  away  in  shame.  what  would  he  think  of  him  now?  he  knew  the  scent  of  another  must  still  linger,  the  mark  on  his  shoulder  made  sure  it  did.  he  wished  he  could  change  that.  he  wished  he  could  change  everything.

when  wilf  seemingly  made  his  decision,  pulling  the  omega  in  against  his  chest,  relief  washed  over  him.  or  rather  ...  it  crash  landed  &  he'd  been  the  pilot.  it  was  the  way  he  held  him  that  made  his  resolve  crumble.  a  few  tears  escaped,  followed  by  a  sob  he  ....  likely  held  in  for  very,  very  long.  hand  brought  up  to  wipe  at  nose  &  eyes,  he  tried  to  calm  himself.  at  least  for  now.  he  had  to  get  this  over  with,  so  they  both  could  move  on.

voice  a  little  shaky  when  he  spoke  up  again,  sniffling  every  now  &  then  in-between  words,  he  brought  his  own  hands  to  rest  upon  his  mate's,  legs  drawn  in  to  make  himself  as  small  as  a  man  of  his  sisze  could  &  nuzzled  back  into  the  other.  "i...  i  knew  him.  he  and  i,  we...  we  umm..  we  dated  in  high  school.  i  didn't  know  he  would  do  that.  i  never  thought  he  would.  sure,  he  was  a  little  clingy  and  a  bit  of  a  control  freak,  but  many  people  are  and  they're  not....  you  know?"  soft  sigh.

"it  was  in  high  school,  people  broke  up  all  the  time.  i  didn't  think  he...  that  he'd...  he  planned  this  ..for  a  long  time.  he  took  me  to  america  before  i  even  woke  up  and  he  had  this  house  all  ready  to  live  in,  but  it  was  also  new...  like...  like  he  had  it  done...for...  for  this.  he  had  ...  he  had  me  shackled  most  of  the  time  even  if  only  my  ankle.  first  only..."  he  swallowed  hard,  jaw  tight.  "the  bedroom.  then...  then  the  kitchen."  so  he  could  ...serve.  "he  knew  i  had  you,  he  knew  about  tal,  but  he...  he  still  wanted  me."he  didn't  get  it.  so  many  omegas  out  there,  why  him?  "i  told  him  i  would  kill  us  both  if  i  didn't  get  to  name  him."  he  did  the  same  once  again  with  emyr.  it  worked.

"i  smelled  like  you  when  we....  when  he...  when..."  he  couldn't  say  it.  "so  he  marked  me.  i  tried...  i  tried  to  stop  him,  i  swear.  i'm  sorry."  it  felt  so  wrong.  back  then  &  now.  to  carry  that  man's  mark  on  him,  his  scent.  he  wanted  it  gone.  "i..  you  remember  how  long  it  took  for  us  to  get  tal?  i  ...think  i'm  the  problem.  i  mean,  i  know  i  am.  when  tal  presented  fox,  he...wasn't  happy  and  then  i  didn't...  my  scent...  wouldn't  change  no  matter  how  hard  he  ...tried.  not  until  emyr.  he's  three."  not  even  after  that  had  he  been  left  to  suffer  in  peace,  oh  no.  one  heir  wasn't  enough.  pfht.

"it  took  me  years  to  plan,  but  i  snuck  out  and  i  ran.  he's  still  got  my  id,  my  papers,  my  .....  our  ring.  i  couldn't  go  back  for  it,  i  had  the  kids  and  not  much  time.  every  time  i  tried  before,  every  time  he  caught  me  -  or  found  me  again,  he  added  more  chains."  the  ankle  never  came  off,  but  the  others  did  towards  the  end.  all  it  took  was  him  playing  the  obedient  mate  who  finally  realized  what  he  had  in  his  kidnapper  &  tormentor  mate.  ankle  meant  most  of  the  house  was  accessible,  collar  was  bedroom-only  &  the  wrists....  he  didn't  want  to  talk  about  it. "even when i behaved, he wasn't happy. always angry, always annoyed, always lashing out." but he endured & he stood strong until his time came.

"i  still  can't  believe  we're  here...  all  of  us."

[altarkept]

relief settled over him with a calmness of the likes he hadn't felt for almost a decade. his mate, real and with him. tangible. touching him. the hesitance from ethan to remove his shirt did not go unnoticed but the detail was minute enough that the alpha did not bother with just yet. he could focus on what was in front of him, what was important and real. ethan.

being taken care of. it was a change. something that was his duty, that should have been his duty as an alpha. fuck whatever schools of thought that thought otherwise. though in a way, some would consider this service, as omegas should do. but no, it was an act of devotion, of love. and ethan, he had gotten proficient at it, from handling the kids no doubt. even down to adjusting the temperature of the shower water, something he rarely bothered with nowadays. wilfus let himself be washed, soaped, scrubbed. mostly watching his mate work as his touch moved along his body and caressed it with care. soft appreciative noises escaped his lips as ethan took his time. knuckles kissed, he had time to examine every little detail of his mate: how he looked, eight years on, all the wounds and bruises and scars he'd accumulated, a story behind each one. how he still looked beautiful, utterly mesmerising.

the tension he'd been holding onto in his muscles, but especially his shoulders, drained out of him as ethan moved the sponge over him... and then down him and finally down the drain just like the water and dirt washed down his body and down the drain as well. he felt lighter even though the heavy implication of a tale untold hung in the air. then came the time he had do to his own hair. shampoo lathered, hair scrubbed and rinsed. eyes closed to prevent the sting of soap as it, just like all his tension, flowed away.

eyes open.

with ethan now drenched with water, shirt partially see through, the alpha caught sight of something he'd been dreading. the eventuality of having it before his eyes was inevitable, but his would not deny that his heart was a little crushed seeing the mark. even if it was unwillingly bestowed as he suspected.

in lieu of ethan's verbal accounts, his suspicions were confirmed by the stacking evidence that was before him. of the presence of another alpha. the smell, the younger kid. something he knew deep in his heart, it was of no fault of his love however. the bruises, the cuff and collar scratches and chaffing. he knew with a hundred percent certainty now that ethan didn't leave him. he was taken.

he was patted down with a towel, moisture from his body absorbed by the fuzzy fabric. once dry he'd adorn the clothes his mate laid out for him. it was a little tight in certain areas, but workable, comfortable still. a smile returned, "as are you, fy blaidd." even bruised as he was. "as always." wilfus followed his omega then, gave him the privacy to get a new shirt — ironic since he had just been bare before him — but understood the neccesity for it.

the fox sat down, turned to face the other a little. hand taken in his as ethan began his sordid tale... he looked at his son on the floor then back at ethan as he spoke.

anger flared. eyes clouded red. they chained a pregnant dame... they abducted his mate and did unspeakable things. if the hesitant way the wolf was proceeding with his narrative was any indication in additional to all the physical evidence. claws digging into his own clenched hand, the one not tied together with ethan, piercing skin and drawing a trickle of blood.

and yet. ethan's other mate, the faux one wasn't the only one wilfus was angry with. no, it was himself that anger had reared its ugly head upon. guilt racked through him. he failed to protect the love of his life, his mate. he failed as an alpha. and ethan suffered. (and he suffered in kind... less but suffered without his mate all the same.) while he wallowed in hurt and self-pity. he tried, gods — perhaps the only time he really pleaded with all his heart and soul to them, he tried, sought help supernatural or otherwise, so much help, tossed every penny he could, to locate ethan but he never got a worthwhile lead.

he frowned, deep in thought. he wanted to apologise. but it would have felt wholly inadequate, he didn't even want to think about how much worse it got for his mate. the horrors he must have endured in his absence.

his son too. sleeping so peacefully now. what did he have to face without his sire there? without a father to raise him right?

but they were here now, with him. safe...ish. all he could hope and wish and dream for. and to make it up to them somehow. maybe there was a god or more after all. or it was fate. a second chance for them.

he softened his features, tried to smile as reassuringly as he could. hoped the blood from his palm didn't drip onto his pants or the couch. wilfus wanted his mate go on, and he was reluctant to interrupt. the alpha had to hear ethan's story in full. squeezing his hand back once, wilfus proceeded to untangle their hands, fingers moving to the other's wrist, caressing the scarred and freshly peeled skin and flesh. resting on his pulse point, feeling his mate's pulse under his fingertips. real. real. real. he repeated like a mantra. he leaned forward and to the side then, the angle was a little bit awkward. nose in the other's neck. he didn't care that ethan also smelled like another alpha in that moment. scenting him, breathing his mate in, leaving his own scent there physically. the scent new but still intimately familiar. kids soap and shampoo. his scent. a stranger's. but underneath all that, one that was uniquely ethan's. grass crushed in hands, under paws. memory of running shifted sparked in his mind.

wilfus shifted then, releasing ethan's hand so that he could pull his man towards him. the space between them needed to not exist anymore. arm over the wolf and he manoeuvred ethan against him so that the back of the omega's head rest on his chest while he enveloped the younger in his embrace. certain he needed the comfort. they both did. "go on." he urged. the alpha's self-inflicted wounds healed in short order, but the blood probably still remained. insignificant enough that wilfus could be sure it would not impede ethan's account of his kidnap.

ethan  paid  the  filth  as  wilf  called  it  no  mind,  lips  pressed  against  his  skin  like  they'd  never  wanted  to  be  anywhere  else.  eyes  lingered  on  the  chain  &  the  ring  on  it  -  he  knew  right  away  which  it  was  &  it  made  himself  fiddle  with  his  own  ring  finger,  which  ...  bore  no  sight  of  a  ring,  not  anymore  anyway.  he'd  had  it  taken  shortly  after  he  was  taken  &  with  two  little  kids  to  juggle  during  his  escape  he  hadn't  had  time  to  search.  but  it  ...was  fine,  right?  their  ...love  was  deeper  than  marriage,  deeper  than  a  ring.  more  profound  than  even  time  &  space  could  ever  be.

he  wanted  them  both  clean,  content  &  comfortable  before  he  explained,  he  knew  wilfus  was  probably  dying  to  know  &  he  deserved  to  know,  he  did.  but  ...  ethan  ...deserved  to  be  comfortable,  too  &  he  wouldn't  unless  he  got  to  curl  up  in  his  man's  arms  while  telling  him  ....  a  story  of  loss  &  torment.  his  story.  though  he  had  no  doubt  the  alpha's  had  been  much  more  pleasant  than  his  own.  the  not-knowing  clearly  messed  with  him.  ethan...  felt  horrible,  but  so...  so  incredibly  lucky  at  the  same  time,  so  happy  he  could  cry.  but  he  didn't,  not  right  now.  they  had  to  get  this  done  first.

hand  on  his  neck,  god  ...  how  he  missed  touch  that  didn't  make  him  feel  sick  to  his  stomach.  he'd  been  somewhat  worried  that  it  would  be  the  same  with  wilfus  now,  that  his  body  couldn't  decipher  who  was  who,  but  ...  it  did.  it  knew.  like  it  knew  all  along  who  his  true  mate  was.  he  knew  that  his  body  would  forever  bear  the  marks  of  his  tormentor.  but  with  time...  he  hoped  they'd  fade.  or  maybe  he'd  just  have  to  get  used  to  them.  maybe  one  day  he  could  forget.

"i  won't  go,  it's  okay.  i'm  right  here."  where  he  belonged.  he  didn't  want  to  be  anywhere  else  right  now,  but  he  also  didn't  want  to  get  drenched,  so  with  a  hint  of  hesitance  in  his  movements,  he  shrugged  off  his  flannel,  bare  wrists  now  visibly  sporting  the  same  marks  as  his  neck  did.  he  ...  fingers  wrapped  around  the  hem  of  his  shirt,  ready  to  lift  it  &  pull  it  off,  but  they  stopped  &  let  go.  the  mark.  he  ..couldn't,  not..  like  this.  "c'mon."  soft  hum  as  he  moved  to  find  a  sponge,  leaning  past  the  other  to  turn  on  the  water,  making  the  alpha  step  aside  until  he  had  the  temperature  just  right.

soap  found,  sponge  found..  this  was  ..  familiar.  like  bathing  his  boys  -  well,  it  was  the  same,  only  this  one  of  his  boys  was  taller,  so  he  had  to  stretch  a  little  to  reach  everywhere.  ethan  didn't  halt,  he  knew  wilf  had  questions  &  he  wanted  them  answered  soon,  but  he  also  wanted  to  explore  his  body  just  ...  a  little.  almost  ten  years  passed  since  he  last  saw  him.  ten  years.  he  looked  older,  but  ...ethan  knew  he  did,  too.  his  hair  was  dark  again  now,  not  the  blonde  he  used  to  wear  because  he  thought  it  made  him  look  fancier.  he'd  ..  been  so  silly  back  then.

wilfus  ...  if  he  was  to  eye  his  mate  more  closely..  would  find  the  marks  on  throat  &  wrists  to  be  fresh  &  old  at  the  same  time.  layers.  years  of  fighting  shackles,  one  may  claim.  but  it  was  okay  now,  because...  well,  because  he'd  never  be  shackled  again.  he'd  never  be  locked  away  again  -  unless  by  his  own  choice,  of  course.  he  also  took  his  ...oath...  to  his  mate  seriously,  to  care  &  nurture,  love  &  worship  as  he  saw  fit.  so  every  inch  of  his  body  was  soaped  up,  scrubbed  &  washed  clean,  his  own  shirt  drenched,  but  he  didn't  mind.

lips  pressed  against  his  knuckles  when  ethan  snatched  one  of  the  alpha's  hands  to  inspect.  eyes  closed  momentarily,  just  ..enjoying  the  scent  in  his  lungs  while  the  water  washed  away  his  sins.  or  dirt.  the  hair,  he  had  to  do  himself,  too  tall  for  ethan  to  even  try.  but  when  he  had  that  done,  ethan  waited  for  him  with  a  towel  &  soft  smile,  ready  &  eager  to  rub  him  dry,  nudging  him  to  bend  over,  so  he  could  do  the  same  for  his  hair  this  time.

the  underwear  might  be  a  little  tight,  the  shirt  may  be  around  his  midriff,  but  ethan...  didn't  mind  the  little  extra  he  had  there.  quite  the  opposite.  he  ...  looked  so  much  better  now,  even  ...better  because  the  clothes  were  his  own.  "you  look  quite  handsome,  always  have."  said  with  a  little  smile  as  fingers  brushed  down  the  man's  front  again.  "come."  he  spun  around  &  as  he  went  through  the  door  -  assuming  the  alpha  would  follow,  he  tugged  off  his  shirt  &  quickly  went  to  fetch  himself  another  from  his  bedroom  to  tug  on  quickly  -  hoping,  no.  ...praying  wilf  didn't  see  the  additional  mark  on  his  shoulder.

before  leading  them  into  the  living  room,  he  went  to  the  kitchen  to  grab  two  glasses  of  water,  but  then  finally  he'd  lead  them  towards  the  couch.  tal  was  -  as  expected  fast  asleep  on  the  carpet  amidst  a  million  lego  &  ethan  thought  about  carrying  him  to  bed,  but  ...he  wouldn't  wake  &  wilf...  would  probably  like  to  see.  he  guided  him  to  sit  on  the  couch,  glasses  set  down  &  the  omega  was  quick  to  sit  with  him.  close.

very  close.  close  enough  to  touch,  their  knees  propped  up  against  one  another,  shoulders  touching,  hands  entwined  in  the  alpha's  lap.  "don't  worry,  talfryn  won't  wake  if  we  talk.  in  fact,  a  bomb  could  kill  us  all  and  he  wouldn't  know.  he's...  yours.  ours.  he's  a  fox  like  you.  he's  ...a  lot  like  you.  i'm  sorry  you...  i'm...  i'm  sorry  i  hurt  you.  i  never  wanted  to.  i....  i'm..  i  didn't  want  to  leave  you.  i  was  out  on  a  walk,  because  tal  kept  kicking  me  and  you  weren't  home  and  i  just  ...  needed  some  air,  but  it  was  a  trap.  when  i  woke  up,  i  was  chained..."  that's  when  his  hand  squeezed  the  alpha's,  drawing  attention.

[altarkept]

conflicting emotions — in a storm of already conflicting emotions. a knife twisted into his heart. torn between being glad that he had finally sired a child that was brought into this world. and devastated he never got to raise him like he so desperately wanted to. it was all he'd dreamt about, raising a family with the man he loved. even long before he'd met the love of his life. the dream that felt like it could become a reality once he had found ethan. the dream that fractured, only for them to get a second chance... to lose it so horribly and now, perhaps a third? he was well in his years now, and they've always had trouble with it before. but if the miracle of them finding each other again after all these years held fast, (was it fate? were they destined to be and stay together?), the miracle of more was a possibility.

hand taken, intertwined and squeezed tight. it felt... right. slotting them together like this. remembering every touch they shared, every press of skin again skin. following the other home, casting glances at the children, knowing they (or at least the older one — his son, his son — the younger might not fully understand what was happening) surely had questions of their own. their dame picking up said homeless man and bringing him home.

the apartment... felt similar to his own here at new haven. wilfus' one did not feel homely, lived in. barring the furniture and some of his artworks and paint that caused the place to read more like a studio than a home, it was empty of everything else that made a house a home. ethan's at least had toys about, though that felt more like a necessity on account of the kids. the alpha fidgeted on the spot as the other moved about the house, taking care of the young ones. he didn't want to intrude. nor did he want to sit down anywhere, filthy as he was; potentially spreading germs and diseases and god knows what else. curious questing eyes met his — mayhaps those eyes reflected back on him, were those his eyes or ethan's? or both — and he tried his best to give his son a reassuring smile before ethan came and ushered him into the bathroom.

question asked. question unanswered. "i — " he wasn't afraid to ask for help, was evolved enough to see it not as a weakness. and yet, could not help but still feel just a little bit weak, especially in this state. mostly he wasn't too particularly keen for ethan to continue look at him like this. but ethan, bless him, seemed to have no such reservations. hands on him, his chest. reverence in his movement. wilfus let him work, peeling the layers off of him while he remained mostly unmoving, just reacting as ethan progressed, assisting with small adjustments. jacket, shoes, socks, shirt. off they went. he put on some weight, muscles more plush than firm, hidden under a little fat in some places, notably his midsection. he tried to keep himself in shape when... when he wasn't a wreck and chasing peace at the bottom of a bottle. no longer being in his prime certainly did not help. the necklace holding his wedding ring rested firmly between his pectorals. he'd removed it from his finger years ago, but never had the heart to throw it. he couldn't. somehow looking at it on his hand was worse than feeling it close to his heart. but he knew it wouldn't fit on his finger now anyway.

ethan continued undressing him. the belt, pants and everything else. until he stood bare in front of his mate. and then a press of lips against his skin. "you shouldn't, i'm filthy." not that it would have stopped the other, or him if the roles were reversed. he wanted to touch. needed to. cleanliness be damned. a hand curling on the back on the other's neck, trembling as he did so, fingers finding purchase in his mate's hair while thumb stroked the scruffy cheek.

real. real. he's real.

this close he could see the chaffing on the man's neck. again, the nagging sense of something off picked at him. the other child, the smell on his mate, the dishevelled way he looked, the bruises. like pieces of a puzzle slotting together. the fact that ethan was here and had brought him back home rapidly eliminated all thoughts of his mate leaving him from his mind, not willingly at least, he couldn't have if he was acting like this now — unless it was something he regretted, though even that was extremely doubtful. the question threatened to come out of him again. questions really. endless ones if he was truthfully. but wilfus knew ethan would explain in his own time.

wilfus stepped out of the pile of pants and undergarment at his feet. "i can... but i — i need you here." not just because if ethan left the bathroom, left his sight, he wasn't sure if he could cope. that it'd all have been just another hallucination. but he wanted something, someone tangible. (real. real. real.) he released the omega from his grip and stepped backwards into the shower but didn't turn on the water just yet. "please."

"i  did  too."  he  did;  all  this  here  was  ...unexpected.  he'd  accepted  that  he  would  spend  the  rest  of  his  life  alone  -  with  only  the  kids  for  company,  because  ethan  couldn't  bear  the  thought  of  another  alpha  touching  him  when  his  own  was  still  out  there,  but  how  was  he  supposed  to  even  find  him?  he  couldn't  go  back  home,  partially  because  he  didn't  have  the  money,  but  also  because  he  wasn't  sure  where  he  was  safe.  he  couldn't  go  back  there.  escaping  the  first  time  around  took  him  eight  years.  he  couldn't  wait  another  eight  for  an  opening  again.

but  now  here  they  were  &  ethan  was  torn  between  trying  to  ...be  strong,  be  steadfast  -  for  both  their  sakes  right  now  or  ....give  in.  but  he  didn't  really  want  to  do  this  out  here.  he  still  couldn't  help  his  eyes  from  glossing  over,  a  few  tears  spilled  no  matter  how  hard  he  tried  to  contain  them.

he'd  longed  for  this  moment,  had  dreamt  of  it  countless  times,  had  hugged  their  son  to  sleep,  dreaming  of  a  day  where  they'd  return  home  to  his  mate  &  father  again,  live  the  life  they  deserved.  he  hadn't  imagined  it  quite  like  this,  but  it  didn't  matter.  all  that  mattered  now  was  him.  his  taste  on  his  lips,  scent  in  his  nose.  it  really  ...  was  real,  wasn't  it?  was  this  truly  divine  intervention?  had  someone  deemed  them  worthy  of  finding  each  other  again?

is  one  of  them  mine?

he  ...wanted  to  say  they  both  were,  because  ethan  would  never  have  had  another  alpha's  child  if  given  the  choice,  so  the  little  one  was  -  by  default,  his  child,  too.  but  they....  that  would  be  something  to  talk  about  at  home.  "yeah."  more  sniffling,  he  was  sure  he  looked  a  mess,  too,  by  now,  but  he  didn't  care.  this...  was  greater  than  all  of  them.  his  heart  fluttered  in  joy,  but  also  worry,  because  ...how  would  he  react?  would  he  push  him  away  once  he  knew  the  truth?

once  he  saw  the  mark  accompanying  his  own?

would  he  rebuke  him?  shun  him?  ....hate  him?  he  couldn't  let  himself  feed  those  thoughts  right  now,  it  was  not  the  right  place  or  time.  he  placed  his  free  hand  on  the  alpha's  shoulder  when  he  stood,  seemingly  a  little  shaky  on  his  feet  -  ethan  wouldn't  comment,  but  offer  gentle  reassurance.  smiling  down  through  teary  eyes  at  the  kid,  he  gave  tal's  hand  a  little  squeeze.

"what's  wrong,  daddy?"  he'd  ...asked  before,  but  ethan  hadn't  ..  answered,  too  lost  in  wilf's  scent  &  eyes.

"nothing,  nothing.  let's  go  back  home,  shall  we?  i'll  explain  everything.  for  now  i  need  you  to  look  after  your  brother  when  we're  home,  okay?  and  hold  onto  my  jacket."  he  lifted  the  younger  child  up  again,  propped  up  against  his  hip  once  more,  but  this  time  his  free  hand  came  to  find  wilfus'.  he  wouldn't  lose  him  again.  or....  be  lost  again.

the  walk  home  was  ..  short.  as  expected.  he  let  them  inside  the  apartment,  it  was  somewhat  barren  still,  but  held  a  few  toys  &  things  for  the  kids  at  least.  both  children  were  led  to  wash  their  hands  before  the  little  one  was  laid  down  for  a  nap (after brushing his teeth of course) ,  tal  was  sent  to  the  living  room  to  play  as  he  insisted  he  wasn't  tired.

&  then...  wilf  was  led  to  the  bathroom  finally,  ushered  into  the  shower,  towels  left  by  the  side  of  it  &  clothes  he  hoped  would  at  least  somewhat  fit  were  laid  down,  too.  "take  your  time...  i'll  wait  outside.  unless  you  need  help?" 

he  should've  waited  for  an  answer,  but  he  didn't.  he  didn't  want  to  hear  it,  because  the  thought  of  being  apart  again  hurt  too  much  at  that  moment.  so,  with  the  kids  taken  care  of  for  a  while.  spoiler  alert.  talfryn  fell  asleep  on  the  carpet  among  his  toys  before  ethan  even  could've  made  it  out  of  the  bathroom.  he…  stayed.  nimble  fingers  brushed  down  the  man's  chest,  over  his  clothes  but  with  enough  pressure  to  …  feel.  at  least  some.  little  sigh,  eyes  up  to  meet  the  other's  while  he  worked  to  undress  him.  jacket  first,  dropped  mindlessly  next  to  them,  down  on  his  knees  to  undo  laces,  shoes  pulled  off  his  feet  with  care,  followed  by  socks  &  back  up  he  went,  the  urge  to  curl  against  his  chest  almost  blinding.  then  came  his  shirt  &  a  smile  found  his  lips.  still  the  same  &  yet….  so  much  time  lost.  time  they'd  never  get  back.  time  that  had  been  -  due  to  their  age  difference,  been  limited  already. 

last,  but  not  least  came  the  belt  &  pants,  fingers  moving  slowly  -  with  care,  with  love,  with  …hesitation.  was  he  …overstepping?  but  they  were  mated,  weren't  they?  mates…  until  death  do  us  part.  he  let  the  pants  fall  so  that  wilfus  only  had  to  step  out  of  them,  but  didn't  urge  him  to  do  it  yet.  instead,  he  pressed  a  singular  kiss  to  his  chest,  not  quite  high  enough  to  hit  the  mark,  but  …  the  thought  ..was  there. 

“can  you…  get  in?  do  you  need  help?”