always-someone-else

[always-someone-else]

Spurious Latin plurals are great fun if you're a specific flavour of nerd, but improperly constructed verb tenses are a game anyone can play. The past tense of "screenshot" is "screenshat".

[always-someone-else]

guys i Just realized. the leverage pilot. is about planes.

that is one hell of a pun thank you leverage

[always-someone-else]

do you ever say something and then think "wow this isnt even a bit. im just like this"

[always-someone-else]

They’re both in their 30s

[always-someone-else]

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually age 25 - 35

[always-someone-else]

The older Orlando Bloom gets, the more he could play an amazing Samuel Vimes...

[always-someone-else]

My dog's really a study in Buddhism. He can see my muffin wrapper and he's miserable. Crying. He needs to eat my muffin wrapper so bad.

I get up and throw it away. He forgets about it immediately and happily goes to sleep.

You are not sad because you do not have a muffin wrapper, my beautiful boy, you are sad because you want the muffin wrapper.

[always-someone-else]

[always-someone-else]

Alright folks, it's 2am and I have £0.22 to my name in my bank account, as well as being past my limit on two credit cards.

If you've ever liked my writing, now would be a really good time to:

Commission me (Both poetry and prose and bits in between. I do the words good, I promise)

Sign up to my Patreon

Tip me

Donate straight to PayPal

Obviously don't give anything you can't afford to be without! I know we're all in the shit, passing the same fiver around between us. If you can't give, sharing is enough of a help.

[always-someone-else]

its crazy how nobody has ever been as objectively beautiful as danny john-jules in red dwarf and nobody ever will be again

[always-someone-else]

For a week or so there has been a babushka button in the bathroom.

We're all various degrees of spicy and/or feral in this house, so while we notice changes immediately, it takes a while to collectively remember to bring shit up.

We all assumed someone else must have done it [insert pointing spidermans here].

But nope.

No-one knows.

Nobody in the house has seen her before, and we haven't had any visitors.

The house was completely babushka free until it suddenly wasn't.

I keep waiting for her to blink tbh.

[always-someone-else]

[always-someone-else]

[always-someone-else]

This is all true. "You're not supposed to put beef in the trifle" was the first thing I said when I could stop laughing at his slow, out-loud realisations. It was perfect.

Also, the other side of the flag says:

My housemate tried making gluten free rolls for the first time.

He started on one recipe, accidentally swapped tabs halfway and continued with the second half of a different recipe.

They were not good.

They were almost passable as a failed attempt at scones, if they had been made by someone who has had a scone described, but never actually seen one in person.

They had aftertexture.

Anyway. I found a reasonable and mature way to tell him my feelings on the matter.

[always-someone-else]

My housemate tried making gluten free rolls for the first time.

He started on one recipe, accidentally swapped tabs halfway and continued with the second half of a different recipe.

They were not good.

They were almost passable as a failed attempt at scones, if they had been made by someone who has had a scone described, but never actually seen one in person.

They had aftertexture.

Anyway. I found a reasonable and mature way to tell him my feelings on the matter.

[always-someone-else]

if you want to become a fiber artist you must remember. all creations require a blood sacrifice

[always-someone-else]

(to the tune of waterloo by ABBA) water blue! sometimes is green due to algal bloom!