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I am home, I feel pretty good. Let's recount the past few days. Sunday was la fete de la musique and Lisa Hannigan was playing at the Irish cultural centre sooooooo I spent the entirety of my day doing that. I got to the centre earlier than I was intending to, and I'm really glad I did because I was one of the first people to arrive and apparently there were 9000 ppl in and out of this event. I was front and centre, got to listen to the young folk (very Mumford and sons), a traditional duo, LISA, and a very intense brass band. But Lisa may just have been the best live performer I have ever seen. It's hard to even get over how beautiful she is in person, like honestly. And it was an entirely acoustic set, so just her and her guitar/mandolin/uke. She was breathtakingly amazing, I can't even comprehend. Obviously just about cried. Amazing!!!!!! I got back around 11 and Brit and I were going to do something, but she was out already and never got back to me so I went to sleeps. Monday I spent the whole day with my new kiwi friend Victoria. We went to Lafayette which was incredible and the original Chanel store (I got goosebumps and I don't know anything about fashion or Chanel). We went to the champ élysées and sang Edith Piaf and walked around Napoleons tomb. Ate the most delicious pastry that was rose and raspberry and I just about died it was incredible. It was a nice day. She was very patient with me as I tried to find a gift for my sister. Later that day I went out for fondue with a big group of ppl including Brit and then we went out for absinthe lol which was disgusting bc it tastes like black liquorice (which I hate) but we were drinking absinthe in Paris so that was pretty cool in itself. Yesterday I traveled and slept and now I'm lying in bed, I don't want to move

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If all goes well I’ll get to see Lisa Hannigan today though woohoo

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I'm really not feeling good atm

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Okie I'm behind.. The other day we attempted to get to Juno beach aand it was kinda a mess... But we made it there ok. We started out later than we wanted to bc we stayed up until 6 in our loft apartment talking about everything and drinking 3 bottles of wine. It was really fun, we had a good time. Lmao and now she knows that I'm on meds and stuff and she's not surprised, she actually guessed. She really is lovely about everything. It's nice. Anyways, Juno beach was difficult bc we made up how to get there... We took a train to Caen, looked into scooters and cars and electric bikes, decided to take the bus (which took forever to find).. But we made it around 4? We were wanting to take a tour, but we got there too late, so we walked through the museum. It was ok.. I mean tastefully done and everything, a lot of reading. I was hoping for more emotions. And then we went out to the beach. The tide was out. It's just really hard to imagine. So many people lost their lives. So I walked a long the beach for a bit by myself, and there were people walking their dogs and it just seemed so normal.... Hm We were there for a while and found out we missed the last bus at like 6:30..... So we managed to find a taxi number in the window of the tourist office and then went to a grocery store to ask about using their phone. And Brit attempted French bc no one speaks much English in that area lol. But it all worked out in the end, our taxi driver was lovely and he drove us along the coast which was beautiful and there were fields with cows and we passed gold beach and a British beach and the sun was setting...... Ya Yesterday we spent our day travelling. Took the train to Paris, went out to buy food, sat around. Went out for dinner with some ppl we met. That's all. Now it's like noon and Brits still sleeping cause she's sick so idk.

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I don’t want to go home. Lmao I wish Eric never gave me a zillion hugs bc now I want more hugs and not necessarily from him, just in general. So sad. Somebody love me. Crazy day of trains, had to transfer in Paris to make it to Bayeux. Listened to The National a lot. Just to make me more sad. Bayeux is sooooo nice and quaint. It was either stay here or Caen bc we wanted to see some d-day beaches and I’m glad we chose Bayeux. We have a little apartment and it’s so nice!! It’s a loft and I want to live here forever. There’s a peaceful little backyard that I’m sitting in rn bc it’s the only place that has wifi (psh). But I can listen to the birds and it’s slowly getting darker and it’s making me feel good? Had a little walk around today, but we’re tired. Sang a lot of 90’s tunes on the side streets which was fun. Ate a meal, went to the grocery store to fill our fridge with foods. We got free cider and bought 2 bottles of wine and I want to drink all of it cause I’m sad, which isn’t good at all lmao. Pls give me hugs. Brits asleep now and we might take a little walk later. I’m doing ok, really. Like rn I guess. I suppose these meds work. But sometimes not. And I don’t know if I want to take them anymore cause it’s weird and I want to feel things properly even tho it’ll probably be hell. 😊

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Kinda sad but whatever Slept in this morning, got ready, then had a nap :////// we left the hostel around 2. shopped on our way to the train station bc we were going to see about going to Brussels for dinner lol. Buuuut there weren't any return tickets so we didn't go :((( we went to a mall instead... Ya we ate some baguettes in a park and we were exhausted so we came back to the hostel and I watched coco avant Chanel and had another nap and now I'm going to try to sleep again. Oh and last night I had 2 dreams. One where I met jack steadman, which was quite lovely. The other where someone set my hair on fire........... Lmao I feel like poo and I'm lonely and I want a hug from no one in particular stab me

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Lmao barf

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I'm like 2 days behind so let's see how well I can remember this.... Friday we went to Camden market to meet up with Brit's friend Bobbi (who was lovely btw) and we wandered around, ate some foods, lol visited a place called cyberdog with its futuristic blacklight rave clothing (some of which was very fifth element), had tea, etc. pretty lovely stuff. Oh stopped at nando's cause we're all obsessed with it now. And ya. Had to split with Bobbi and then I took Brit and Eric to the v&a (which they didn't like so much but idc I got to see my historical fashion area) after that we searched out harrods and wandered through that.... Ya. Then we had our pub crawl which was actually quite fun but also incredibly anxiety inducing for stupid reasons that I'll try to make clear..... We got free shots at every bar omg and free entry to every place and yes so how do I explain this? One bar was really fun bc they played all kinds of music I knew like Kate Nash and paramore and other random stuff, we were all dancing around. And ya we ended at a place called koko where Brit started talking to her dream man from darlington so it was just me and Eric and I was a bit tipsy so we were dancing all over the place. OH and it's a super cool venue cause it's an old theatre, so the two of us were dancing around in our own private box. Like the kind they reserve for rich ppl at the theatre. And Eric's a total goof so we were dancing like crazies and other people came to join us bc they liked his moves. And then we went to explore the building and this is where we get to the anxiety inducing part of the night bc we found a couch to sit on and we were talking and getting snugly and he had his arm around me and he kissed me on the cheek (which was pretty cute) and we got more snugly. Lmao. And I am the stupidest person bc this kind of stuff makes me anxious to the point of panicish lmao. I physically can't handle it. Even thinking about it I get that anxiety burn. I hate it and myself and then I got kinda gloomy about it for the next day. I didn't want it to go any further... But it was nice... But I'm an anxious piece of shit. I do not know. So a little while later I was like hmmmm maybe we should leave... So we went searching for Brit and couldn't find her (duh) so we left her with darlington man and took a taxi home bc the tube was closed. (Btw I'm 25 and this stuff never happens to me bc I avoid it like the plague so). We got back and sat up for a bit and I told him I was anxious and he was super nice about it cause he's really nice but I think he thought I was nervous about leaving Brit behind but I was nervous about him. So I took a lorazepam bc I have issues and I went to sleep. And that's it. Punch me in the face. The next day I spent most of my time searching for Brittany. I started off at Keats house by myself and it was a beautiful walk. When I got there I joined in on the last half of a tour which was very well done and very nice! And his house was very quaint and lovely. And I wanted to buy a bio bc I find his life fascinating but I didn't and now I want to watch bright star again. When I got back to the hostel I had a text from Brit saying she was back at the market and that I should meet her there soooo it took me forever to figure out the bus system and make my way through the hoards of ppl at the market to get to the foods type area aaaaaaand once I checked the wifi there was a message from her saying she was at the hostel............ So I didn't end up going to the natural history museum or the hunterian or primark bc I didn't think it was worth it to leave. So I walked around for a bit and ended up talking to this Jamaican lady who was working at one of the stalls for like an hour. And she told me her life story and gave me life advice (ie don't trust your friends and be carful walking around London bc someone will steal you and sell you into prostitution :///// ..... And I still want to move there so bad lol) but anyways it got late and I had to meet everyone at an Indian restaurant so I left and got lost and was late and blehhhh so I was out of it but we ate food and I went to the loo for a little cry. we left to find Piccadilly Circus and the tower bridge and Eric was being really nice to me and gave me a million hugs and carried my backpack and when I zoned out he tried to make me feel better lmao and then he had to leave and we had to leave and we had a quick hug goodbye and he was gone the end. Today we took the train to lille and we've basically done nothing but eat at McDonald's and buy pims woohoo kill me

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Christopher Lee passed away and now I’m dead inside, but this is what I did today: - went on one of those free tours that I’ve been on before with Diana and Eric and signed up for a pub crawl (who knows) - Brit stayed behind bc she was having problems with her iPhone and wanted go to the Apple Store.. Which she didn’t end up doing - Diana went to the east end and me and Eric went to the imperial war museum. We kind breezed through it faster than I wanted to but I’ve been there before so it’s ok. They completely re-did the wwi things which was nice, everything was so high tech. But they changed the layout of everything which was slightly confusing. - Went back to the hostel to meet up with Brit so the 2 of us could go see Matilda - found out about my hero Christopher Lee just before we left and I can’t really believe it but I almost cried and brit was slightly making fun of me for it so - went to Matilda and it was good and funny and cute but I was somewhere else - ya now I’m here and I’m all melancholic and whatever

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I hate being behind because I end up passing out half way through typing this up but let's see how this goes??? Yesterday we spent the majority of the day back at the national museum just because we needed to see the Burke and hare murder dolls (whatever those are, but they sounded interesting???) buuuuuuut of course they were taken off display for "research" lol. But we got to check out the entirety of the museum and it was all rather interesting so it was good. We went to calton hill for that excellent view of the city! Lovely, lovely. It was a very nice day for Scotland! It's so much nicer irl tho, like you can see every detail in the gothic architecture and all the tiny cars whizzing past and it's absolutely perfect! But when you look back at your pictures you're like hmmmmmmmm Grabbed some pie at a pub and then went out dancing!!!! It was 5£ to get Scottish dance lessons at a pub so we went to that and it was so much fun!! There's a band that plays live music and they give you dance instructions and then everyone stumbles and sweats around the dance floor lol it was packed!!! But now I know some Scottish dances which is pretty cool lol I probably don't remember how to do any of them though. A lot of spinning and waltzy things and stuff. TODAY we made our way to London on a 5 hr train. Passed through York and a town called darlington (how sweet). We did laundry when we got settled into our hostel (a 26 bed dorm at palmers lodge, and it's surprisingly relatively quiet), met a few people (or rather Brittany did). We went out with one dude who's name starts with an e....... Eric? Omg I suck. He's a really happy nice American dude from California. Stumbled upon lots of things happening in the city????? We went to see the major sites and something with horses was going on around parliament with fireworks and stuff, and there was a live screening of an opera being broadcasted in Trafalgar Square which we sat in on for a while and it was really cool. We rally wanted Indian food, but Brittany took to China town? And we had Chinese food instead. Then made our way back to the hostel where I am going to sleep. One girl asked if we wanted to go on a free tour with her tomorrow morning and we agreed but I don't really want to go bc I've been here so many times and I have a list of things I want to see lol. Oh and we decided to get tickets for Matilda for tomorrow night which was expensiveish. goodbye money!

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I'm a bit behind because our days have been busy busy but anyways... LAST NIGHT was the peak point in my excitement for this trip, our ghost tour into the south bridge (or Blair street) vaults. It started at 9, was an hour long (with one half hour above ground and the other below), and I liked it but I wish it was MORE y'know? During the above ground bit we got to hear about torture and gravediggers finding bodies that weren't quite dead. (Omg I forgot to mention; when we did Mary kings close, there was much talk of poo and the unsanitary conditions of the time. So 2 time a day, from every window in the city, people had to throw buckets of their waste into the streets "GARDILOO". And yeah, the streets were full of it, and it would all run into a loch at the town centre which was like crusty and disgusting and I just want all of you to have these images in your head too. They'd throw people suspected of witchcraft into it. And when they drained it they found lots of bodies down there) So the above ground bit was very typical, but I was waiting to DESCEND INTO DARKNESS!!! I chose this tour group bc they're the only ones with access to the parts of the vaults I wanted to see. Lol the ones that ghost adventures went to. So let's see.... There's a ghost of a friendly type cobbler, a mourning woman who may have miscarried, a young boy who likes to hold your hand (felt some definite coldness in the hand region), and of course: mr boots. When we entered "his" vault, I went straight to the back where most ppl strangely feel uncomfortable going lol bc I knew that's where mr boots area was. And I had Brit standing next to me. And as soon as we went back there, something groped at Brits leg, like ran their hand quickly down the front of her calf. Mr boots lol. She also felt her purse being tugged behind her (mr. Boots has a thing for money lol). And I was jealous bc I wanted something to happen to me. I didn't even get anything caught on film. But it was all very cool. I was always lingering at the back of the group and I almost lost them a couple times hah. I wish we had more time. If we went on the later more expensive your we could have had 15 mins alone to wander the vaults lol should have chosen that option. I really don't think I wanted anything to happen to me bc I probably would have been traumatized, but it was cool that something ~~~~~seemed~~~~~ to happen to Brit. Anyways, i bought a book from the gift shop.

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I have no recollection of yesterday morning lol but Brittany and I went into a church on the royal mile where I bought a brown family tartan pin, wandered through some royal mile shops, and ate lunch at some little place with TEA. Then I wanted to see the Scott monument so we went in that general direction and sat in the park area right under it. Um and I got up to wander a bit and see what buildings were at the other end (which took 5 mins) and I thought Brit wanted to lay there some more but when I came back she was gone and I looked for her through the park for like 30 mins and didn't know where she went so I left?????? I went to the national library so I could job hunt lol but it was one of those libraries where you don't have access to the books. They did have some interesting exhibits on, but they were kinda all over the place and didn't make lots of sense (hire me and I'll fix it). After that I went wandering and ended up in greyfriers kirkyard and spent a lot of time there. It's weird because some of the larger tombstones are basically built into the side of the surrounding buildings. I found the Mackenzie grave that's supposed to be super haunted, there was a girl just sitting on the grass just drawing, there's a lot of skulls and it's dark and pretty spooky looking and I loved it. Found Brit back at the hostel and we went out to find food, but ended up going to Mary kings close instead. It was a bit theatrical but still very interesting and they told us about the plague and plague doctors and there were ghost stories about a young girl named Annie, etc. etc. it was ok, but a bit more expensive. Ya, after that it was pretty late and we still hadn't eaten so we had Indian food bc most places were closed and also Indian food is delicious. And then we were going to visit a pub and listen to live Scottish music, but we got too tired and just went back to the hostel instead. Today I was the one who slept in, I slept like a dead person. We stopped for lunch at nando's which was delicious and then went into the national museum which was AWESOME and now I want to work for them bc they definitely know what they're doing. Ok it was very saddening tho bc there's an exhibit of Victorian photography opening on the 19th and that's so close but we miss it and I am sad. They're also opening new exhibits for 2016 and one of them is a costume history type one and this also saddens me. Um yes, they had many ancient historical displays in the basement which aren't really my thing, but there were hands on displays for children where you got to dress up in costumes and do puzzles so I took part in that and it was fun. They had a small astronomy section that reminded me of the Galileo museum in Florence, it was very pretty with stars everywhere and it led to a natural history section which was also very cool. Aaand the reason I wanted to go was to see the Burke and Hare murder dolls, but we missed them. ALTHOUGH free admission means we're going back tomorrow. We only got through half the museum anyways. After they kicked us out of that museum we moved on to the camera obscura, and although it was a bit pricy IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!! We went to the top floor first to see a show involving the main/original attraction: the camera obscura. It was super neat, it was a projected image of edinburgh in real time, so you could see people walking around edinburgh on the white table they had in the middle of the room. And it was made in the Victorian era and is basically a mirror system that projects the image into this very dark room and our guide was telling us that Victorian ppl used to faint when they saw it lol and she guided us around Edinburgh, it was very cool. The 5 floors under were full of illusion like face swapping and mirror mazes and spinning tunnels and it was sooooooooooo fun lol I loved it Our ghost tour was at 9! And um I'll try to write about that in the morning bc I'm so tired ah

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I love Edinburgh but now I'm sad and i don't really know why (maybe I do idk) We had to take a taxi to the airport this afternoon bc the trains weren't running for the weekend. It was supposed to cost us 43€ but he charged us 59€ for the weekend rate lol omg. But what can you do? Our flight was only an hour long but I still managed to sneak in a nap of sorts. Brit took a pic of me sleeping bc whenever I sleep upright my face becomes super frowny and sad omg. Yesterday the temp in Amsterdam was 31 and today we flew into a windy/drizzly 13 so that was a bit of a shocker. Had to take the tram into the city from the airport and we passed some nice fields and such which was lovely. Edinburgh is everything I thought it would be though...... Absolutely beautiful!!!!!!! :') the gothic architecture and the dark griminess ahhhh. Princess street is full of tweed, tartan, and cashmere shops and I want to buy ALL. Brit and I went out to a pub that was recommended to us by the hostel staff and we tried some haggis. Or rather haggis stuffed chicken. With potatoes and vegetables of course. I don't think I'd like haggis on its own? (It's very livery, but spiced) but the combo was actually veryyyy good. Super glad I tried it, probably won't try it again lol. Ohhhhh I skyped my mom and my sister today and I got to see daisy and even though the connection was terrible, I was talking to daisy and she'd be super confused and look right at me and cry and stuff and :(((((((( I miss my puppy Brit was playing beer pong downstairs so I went to see her (turns out there are ppl from Winnipeg and Saskatoon here lol ITS SO STRANGE) then went for a little walk around the block to find greyfriers kirkyard cemetery before it got completely dark out (it's only 7 minutes away!!!! Also supposedly very haunted which is why I was so interested). I passed the Frankenstein pub which I would very much like to visit at some point. And the cemetery gates were still open!!! So I wandered half way in..... And felt strange..... So I was like oooooo! Ghosts! Bc they are supposed to make you feel strange. And so I slightly freaked myself out. Even though I know it was just me feeling strange. It was super cool tho tbh and I will go back. Ummmmm I went back to the hostel and a group of us decided to go out to a club?? So I walked with them and when I got there they wouldn't let me in bc I didn't have an id on me even tho no one else had to show an id but I look like a child so. I went back to get it and Brit asked me if I was coming back and I said idk. But I got really sad on the walk home for some reason. I didn't even want to go to the club obviously but I think I felt really lonely and like I didn't belong and I was crying and stuff and when I got back to the hostel I cried in the dark bathroom stall and idk what's wrong with me but I felt like poo so I washed up for bed bc I don't want to go to the club and now here I am

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There was a group of ppl talking outside of our hotel room door and I thought they were speaking some really obscure language but then I figured out they were Scottish lol I'm so excited

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So the last time I was in Amsterdam I wish we had stayed longer just so we had time to wander around the city….. And that’s basically what I did this time around. I kinda looked at it as a continuation of my last visit. Yesterday I went to more vintage and antique shops. I went to a covered antique market and it was wonderful!!! Everything was kept in glass cases, so in a way it felt like a museum. The prices were also very good and I wanted to find some jewelry of some sort, but noting really caught my eye that was within my price range. Later that day I went down the street lined with antique shops and I bought a ring there so yay. I wandered into the eastern part of the city and was going to visit the botanical garden/greenhouse, but when I got there it was closed :((( in the evening, Brittany’s friend from the Netherlands (Francis) came out and we went out for dinner (at an Irish pub across the street lol I had cottage pie) and hung out and he bought us stroupwafels (delicious btw). We hung out in another pub and met an American named Jonathan and then we all walked through the red light district again bc Brittany loves it and it was her goal to see some one buy a prostitute (which we did). Today I slept in oops. Brittany and I actually spent the day together and went to the flea market where we rummaged through piles of clothing and I bought a skirt. Then we met Jonathan at the Anne frank house. After, we went to the cheese museum and ate 1000 samples and I bought cheese. And yeah. We came back to our hotel early so we could pack and we leave for Edinburgh tomorrow!!!!!!!!! (Amsterdam has Netflix….. So I also watched orphan black this evening. I can’t believe Canadian Netflix doesn’t have it when it’s a Canadian show I’m so disappointed)

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Everything I have to say is lame bc I can’t feel anything anymore lol but I love Amsterdam I ditched Brittany bc she was sleeping and went out and walked and walked and walked. My goal was to go into vintage shops and buy lots of stuff and I did go into lots of vintage shops but I didn’t buy anything hah hah. One shop had a very friendly cat that I patted and then later when I walked by he was all mean and scratched my foot so that made me sad. I literally walked from one end of the city to the other twice omg. And there are still shops I want to visit so hopefully I find things to buy tomorrow. At 6, the 2 of us met up and went to find the cheese museum bc we wanted to eat cheese. Then we walked all the way to the rijksmuseum to see the I Amsterdam thing and take pics. THEN we went to the prostitute museum which was very interesting and I appreciated that they tried to change ppls opinions about it. There was one part where you got to stand in a red window and it told you how to get people’s attention and that was pretty fun lol people were laughing at us. We walked through the red light district afterwards and it was all very interesting.

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Ran around this morning bc we had to fit in a visit to libreria acqua alta which was full of books piled upon books piled upon boats with sleeping kitties and staircases built of books and lots of STUFF. Idk if it was the "most beautiful bookstore in the world", but I'm glad I saw it. I think it actually floods????? Bc everything was piled on top of milk crates or inside boats??? We made good time to the airport this afternoon and so we sat in massage chairs and bought hot chocolate. Brit is always complaining about how much she hates italy and I think it might drive me crazy (I really hope she likes Amsterdam even though she's complaining about how cold it will be and how she wants to be in croatia)........... But yes, we're in Amsterdam now! In a hotel. Above a "coffee shop". In Rembrandt square. And I'm using the pub across the roads wifi bc ours doesn't seem to be working..... But I can only get it on my iPad so that's slightly annoying. Anyways, haven't seen much of Amsterdam yet sine we got here around 8 pm. Went out to pick up McDonald's around the corner bc we're both tired and ill. So now we try to get a good nights sleep.