anhsyrk

[anhsyrk]

Please just take me.

Lord, if you can’t take away the pain. Just take me. Do I deserve to be treated this way? Do I deserve to be lied on to? Putangina naman. Pagod na pagod na ako. Pagod na ako sa ganitong sistema. Pagod na pagod na ako madisappoint sa mga taong mahal ko. Pagod na ko umasa na, marereciprocate rin lahat ng pagmamahal na binibigay ko. Ayoko na. Ayoko na.

[anhsyrk]

Pagod na pagod na ko. Putangina.

[anhsyrk]

Okay? Okay.

First of June.

It's been a while since I last updated this. This has been my outlet since my teenage years. And now, I might pour out all the words I kept inside for a long time now. I’m not okay. I honestly do not know what I should be doing to be okay. I don’t know if I would be able to express this clearly and vague. But have you ever felt the feeling of void? Emptiness. Like it does not hurt anymore but all you could feel is that burning hole inside your chest and right from that moment you know that something is missing? I’ve been crying my heart out for a few months now. My emotions as day pass are a mix of irritation, loneliness & emptiness. There are days where I feel indifferent and there are also days where I feel too much. Don’t get me wrong though, my significant other and I are very much okay-and it is one of the reasons why I don’t wanna add up to her pile of burden and vent out everyday. I’d always try to control myself everytime I talk to her because I know to myself that she is also going through something lately and I don’t wanna make it look like that the world revolves around me. When I’m with her, everything is sunny. There are no space for my negativity and shits, and I could not bring myself to pour out the heaviness in my chest everytime I’m with her because everything feels light, like nothing is wrong; But whenever I get back home, it is all back to square one. So I would rather resort to writing just to let this out. How can I save myself from drowning when I don’t even know what is pulling me down? My birthday is near, and selfish as it may sound all I wish for is to be at peace. May it be through killing myself in the process, or having myself being hit by a car. Whatever it takes. I need peace. My mind is a mess. My heart is empty from all the love I poured out to everybody and I think I’m a hopeless case. I might feel better tonight after this, but I’m not sure tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I don’t know how much long I would be able to hold on, but in case I won’t be able to see the glimpse of sunrise tomorrow always remember I’m grateful for it, I'm forever grateful for my life. For the people who stood by me. For my girl. You guys know how badly I wanted to be happy since day one. And if ever I die any of these days, be happy for me. Because that is what I always prayed for everyday of my life.

[anhsyrk]

Thank you for being my constant in this chaotic world.

Mi amore,

This may be a blog post that you’ll never read, or will attempt to read not unless you have the knowledge that this exists. 

But who cares? I just have to express this, right now and then.

Up until now everything feels surreal. I never thought I could meet someone like you, who shares the same vibe with me, who laughs at my jokes, who knows what I’m feeling by the way I text. At first, it was a freakin’ struggle cause we all know how female hormones work, and I don’t know who’s gonna do who. 

I thought to myself, this relationship will not last especially if you cannot handle me and my breakdowns - and the fact that, you have high walls that took many years to build. I was thinking, will I give this my best shot? Or nah? Is it worth the risk? Those questions- Ironic as it may seem, I found the answers the night you told me that you were having second thoughts about us, I cried. I was on the verge of giving up. But I said to myself, “I’m gonna make this work.” I’m not gonna let you slip away. 

You are worth every risk, love. You are worth every best shot. And I did not regret any single thing since the day I met you.

I’m happy. I’m grateful. Because I feel and see that you are also doing your best to make this work. You may not be showy at times, but I know how much you love me.

With you, the feeling is peaceful and calm. This is the kind of love that I can sleep peacefully at night. Whenever I look at you, my heart does not feel giddy and excited-but calm and contented. It always feels like sunshine whenever we  hold hands; with you, I remember how incredible it is to love all over again. My past is a wreck, and you are well aware of that. After all those saving I did with my previous ex, I never thought that I am the one who actually needs to be saved- and you, my love, saved me.

You are the reason why I realized it never worked out with anyone else, I’ve been thru long term relationships. All the same feeling, all the same ending. It is only you, who made my heart feel content and peaceful - opposite to the cliche kilig feeling people usually get whenever they are in love. Maybe, that is the reason why you are different - and why I loved you even more. 

They say that true love is someone who’s more than those butterflies in your stomach; because true love is someone who embodies different kinds of feelings, emotions and experiences in one person, and that someone will change your life in a way you never saw will happen. - that someone is you. 

With you, there are no what if’s - everything is certain. I don’t feel any doubts, I don’t need to ask you to validate me, I don’t need to tell you what to do - because you know, you always know from the beginning. You constantly assures me, love. You know what makes me happy, you know how to treat me and take care of me so well.

Thank you for putting up with my weirdness, for getting along with me effortlessly. For telling me the things I need to hear, and for communicating with me whenever things are out of hand. Thank you for telling me what’s wrong, and what is not. Thank you for telling me your feelings so I won’t freak out. Thank you for putting me back in my place whenever I feel fucked up. So grateful to have you, really. For a woman like me who is an emotional wreck, has a lot of depressive episodes, nervous breakdowns - you make everything seem manageable. With you, I’m always at peace.

I love you so much, and always will.

[anhsyrk]

Milk And Honey

[anhsyrk]

[anhsyrk]

anyway jeff bezos could eradicate homelessness. he could literally give each homeless person 100k and it would only take less than .5% of his entire wealth. what the actual god giving fuck

[anhsyrk]

Sana Bumalik - Sud

[anhsyrk]

[anhsyrk]

[anhsyrk]

You must learn her. You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to. You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept. And, this is how you keep her

Junot Diaz- This is How you Lose Her (via help-n-quotes)

[anhsyrk]

It’s about who you miss at 2 in the afternoon when you’re busy, not 2 in the morning when you’re lonely.

Unknown (via help-n-quotes)

[anhsyrk]

My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself.

Unknown (via help-n-quotes)

[anhsyrk]

Truth is, I’m a fucking romantic. I’m difficult but I promise - I’m not boring.

Amy Winehouse (via help-n-quotes)

[anhsyrk]

Nothing in the world smells as good as the person you love.

(via habituellement)

[anhsyrk]

things i’m fucking stellar at:

procrastinating

having really bad posture

wishing i was rich

never hanging up my clothes

[anhsyrk]

Faced with an unending amount of assignments, but J my soul rests in your embrace 😌