anima-ancillae

[anima-ancillae]

cw: body horror

parasite

[anima-ancillae]

no officer you don’t get it that’s my emotional support girl chained up in my basement

[anima-ancillae]

i experience a normal amount of obsession when i like someone 🙂 (<- face of a girl who does not, in fact, experience normal amounts of obsession)

[anima-ancillae]

I love when subs tell me I have a right to their body.

The phrasing is very important. Not 'I have permission to touch them' not 'I always want it' but that I have a 'right' to it. Pet, property, spouse, toy... they're a possession now. Mine to modify and condition and train. Mine to hurt. Mine to break.

I love the anticipation you can build in them over how far you'll go. How much you'll bend the lines they draw. The look you can catch in their eyes somewhere between the bliss and the fear where they hope you'll make something snap.

[anima-ancillae]

ＭΞＴΛΛＮＧΞＬ　🔵

[anima-ancillae]

You know I don’t actually want to get kidnapped. Its just an expression of my longing to be ow- desired. I just want someone to want me, hey let go please- that badly. Someone who sees me on the streets and thinks i’m hEY did you just inject me while I was talking??

Anyway. Someone who sees me on the streets and thinks.. wow, she’s pretty. Who hears me make stupid jokess and uh. stupid jokes and laughs at. tthemmm. And. Doesn’t mmind that. I’m not… not v very useful orr cap,able…. or… You ssaid yuo weree takin me homne ? I uh.. hhey that wasn’t estorgren in tthat syringre wads it.?

[anima-ancillae]

Can I make a request?

Can you make me afraid? Just for a little while? Make me shake and cry and beg for help, deny me any sort of reprieve until I lose all hope. Begging, pleading, apologizing endlessly. Im sorry. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I didn’t do anything. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please.

Then. Then can you comfort me afterwards? Hold me tight and tell me that I’m going to be okay no matter what? Stroke my hair gently, tell me i’m loved. I’m not alone. I’ll never be alone. No matter how much of a wreck I am you’ll be there.

I just need to know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. After all the suffering is over, it will be worth it still because I’ll be alive in your arms… and you love me.

[anima-ancillae]

Hi Miss Innumerable. Just a quick clarification question for one of your posts. In the post about turning a girl into the tastiest meet possible, does the meet girl know she’s a meet girl or is she blissfully unaware that you’re planning on putting a bullet in her skull.

In reference to THIS post

Well I think you said it yourself; "blissful ignorance". So for most girls I would remove that knowledge from their brain so they didn't get all anxious and chew their feet off

But some girls,,,

I'd tell her I'm going to make you feel really good for a few weeks, I'm going to fatten you up, and then I'm going to kill you and eat you, and you could watch the stress melt off of her face. She'd be thinking "I don't have to worry about what job I'll be doing in five years, I don't have to care where I'll be living in a year, I don't have to worry about next months rent, I don't have to worry about what I'm going to eat next week, I don't have to worry. No more job interviews or rental inspections or paperwork, no more pretending to be a person" and she'd be happier than ever before

[anima-ancillae]

Another thing with kinks like training and conditioning and anything long term is that there are no natural endings. At any point in time, you can keep going or you can stop. I feel like it's easy for long term dynamics to get an inertia to them. To want to stay the course, see the ending. I don't really like this, personally.

I think that all the steps of the process should be enjoyable, that you shouldn't hold out hope for an ending that makes it better. You should be able to leave at any time. I think this is of the utmost importance to ethical kink, especially when playing with independence and toxic dynamics. On some level, this is an important part of how I understand safewords, but I think this applies to long term dynamics as well, including non-kink ones.

Simultaneously, of course, it's important to remember that the right to an exit does not undo what's already happened. Being able to leave does not undo any conditioning. The year spent as another's toy, the months learning to lick shoes clean, the days building a higher pain tolerance. Any long lasting triggers or changed beliefs. Anything you figured out about yourself. And I think that's where the magic is, anyway. Not in that ethereal future but in that wonderful now.

all this to say i think it's important to find the process of training hot, too. i feel like i see a lot of attention on the end result but like. you gotta find the weeks of gradual shaping hot, too. I recommend eroticizing the process of positive reinforcement, personally.

[anima-ancillae]

Hi GLaDOS.

In regard to training a behavior, why does it become more effective and reinforced when the reward is slowly phased back? From giving a reward every time the desired behavior is performed -> only giving the reward some of the time it is performed.

From someone with no experience and just a curiosity, my guess is that it is because the trainee will be more inclined to perform it again in an attempt to gain the reward after being irked by not receiving it once. Is that correct?

So there's several complex psychological effects going on here but I'll try to make this as straight forward and jargon free as I can

We tend to ascribe value to things based on how rare they are, the more common something is the lower we value it. We also ascribe value to things based in how hard we had to work to get it, things that are easy to achieve or earn don't mean much to us. Both of these apply even if the thing is objectively worse than something more common or easier to earn. Both of those apply if the thing is only artificially rare or hard to earn.

So in practice this means any reward you give will be most effective the first time you give it and will become less effective over time. So by artificially increasing the rarity and the amount of effort needed to earn the reward you are increasing it's value.

But

There are limits to these effects. Part of the value is the anticipation; every time you do something knowing you've made progress towards a reward causes you to imagine having the reward and your brain gives you a dopamine hit. But if the reward feels too far away or if the effort necessary feels disproportionate to the reward then that hit won't happen and you'll loose motivation.

Even worse if you're expecting a reward and don't receive one that's not just a lack of a reward, which should be neutral, that's felt as a punishment. This can ruin the entire training taking you not just back to square one but sometimes even into the negatives. So if you're going to start dialing back the frequency of rewards you have to communicate that's going to happen as far ahead of time as possible.

Finally, remember that the intention is to set the behavior up as a self enforcing habit not something you're going to reward forever. Which is why eventually you'll only give the rewards at random, this reinforces the association between the behavior and feeling good without making the reward the point of the behavior

[anima-ancillae]

i love the idea of extremely normalized puppy play among like a group of friends. you’re always naked with ears and a collar at home, your partners insist even and it puts you in the right headspace. you’re having another party tonight, well your owners are, so they give u a nice bath and primp you up, get on your cutest collar, ears and tail and set you up in your little bed in the living room. guests come in, they say hello to your owners and comment on how cute you are, they give you pets and rubs and little kisses. it doesn’t matter if they grope your boobs or rub your girl cock, you’re just a puppy to be played with. people settle down, some sit with you to play, but most just let you be a fixture in the house, a pet they interact with and call cute or play with but nothing too out of the ordinary. just constant pets and “good girl”s from your close friends :)

[anima-ancillae]

edgyy riskyy

[anima-ancillae]

Hey. I was really strong today. I got important adult things done. Can I lay down on you and cry and shake for a bit now?

[anima-ancillae]

If you're hypersexual after being a victim of csa try to check in with yourself from time to time, it's likely you'll have a lot of conflicting feelings and a complicated relationship with sex.

It's ok to take the time to understand yourself, you might move through periods of being touch averse and feel like you don't understand yourself anymore before swinging so violently into desire that you feel unstable. But it's ok to communicate these feelings with those you're intimate with, they might not understand or be able to offer helpful advice but they can listen. You don't have to feel alone.

[anima-ancillae]

II04 | 218 | cuttle

she got chomped

[anima-ancillae]

Fragile body, pushed to its limits

[anima-ancillae]

(classic)