anonjerk

[anonjerk]

Do not date your boss, ladies

This writing is still being perfective to represent my view point entirely.

 Do not date your boss, ladies

Your ex did not like you, and that is okay. Not everyone is meant to work out in the long run. It hurts, its going too, but time will aid all wounds. Sending them that last text, pouring out your heart in every wistful analogy to explain your depth of gratitude for them will not change their mind or perception of you. If it helps ease your own suffering, or temporarily takes up a space of you mind to not think about them, here is my story on my bad decision that was made in just a short amount of time.

 I have been in a deep rut for days; it feels like I could never get out of this heartbreak. I still struggle at times to accept reality, but that is all okay as we are only creatures with extraordinary socialization capabilities, we are prone to have hiccups. I have no idea how I manage to let someone inflict such psychological torment upon myself in such a short amount of time.

I had made a mistake, I dated someone who had no intentions on making it work, even worse, he was my boss. He would act like it was burden upon himself to send me at least one text every other day to acknowledge my existence. As his own words, “I like being alone.” I remember how debilitating it made me feel. I was so hurt that this person that I wanted nothing more than to work things out with him. It hurt so bad to be treated as if I was nothing but just a temporary play toy. At least, from his last communication interaction with me supported my analogy. As I quote from his last message, “And I’m not sure. The sex was good, but I didn’t really feel a deeper connection.”

 So, to start off, yes, he was my boss, my postmaster. I was an RCA in a little office in a rural town, not allot of development in the area. I remember when he first transferred to my office, I noticed how he was very keen on insuring his car was in perfect condition after witnessing a fellow carrier park beside him. I mention to the carrier what I witnessed and sighed of annoyance exhaled from him at the possibility of another uptight postmaster. I do not remember the exact witty comment they made, but it was one that was not optimistic about our new supervisor.

I remember when I first had a conversation with him, I was struck back a little because he was attractive. Well-trimmed beard, uptight hair, kind of reminded me of a fuckboy. I was married, going through a divorce, so of course I did not try to immediately take notice to him. However, it was not until a couple of months later that I started developing any feelings for him. I am still not sure why I did. It started with these weird dreams when he first moved to the office, these very strong, passionate dreams, one that lead to, ugh, marriage. These dreams plagued me repeatedly, every week, for several months. Eventually I started getting a little embarrassed by them that I would wake up in the middle of the night to try and wash myself clean. I stupidly thought it was a sign from some supernatural being that this might be the one, so I took a chance a couple of months later and asked him out through his work phone, ugh…

First, I led hints to a coworker that I trusted, that I had a crush on the boss. She thought it was funny and teased me about it because he could be, pardon my French, he could be a straight up piece of shit. She bugged him while I was away, hinting at him that I liked him. According to her, he became red in the face and started deviating plans on how he could sneak such a forbidden work relationship. She told his positive reaction, and I messaged him later that evening. I immediately received a text back from him from his personal cell number to admitting he liked me too. I was astounded, I did not suspect my boss would actually agree to taking a risky proposition at dating me.

Do not get me wrong, I was overcome with joy that he wanted to reciprocate my feelings of intimacy. So we chat constantly all that week on date ideas and eventually that Friday, we went for drinks. He picked me up at my apartment and we went to a local brewery. When I think back on it now, it was kind of weird that I actually did that, haha. Anyways, he was extremely sweet to me that night. I got a little to tipsy, but he did not seem to mind. I got to make out with him for a bit before he dropped me back off at home, kind of felt like a bad girl for kissing my boss. So we agreed to hang out again the next following day, at his place after I got off work. The first thing he does when I got there was to get out wine, guess he needed to ease his own tensions. Obviously, I was disgusting and slept with my boss. However, after that night, he dropped me off the face of the earth communication wise. I brushed it off, stupidly, thinking that he just might be busy. I would force conversations with him when no one was around, and we would continue to meet-up every Saturday for sex from August/September to the end of October.

I was falling for him, I liked him allot, I thought he liked me too. We had plans to meet up on that last Saturday of October 31. I was about ready to head out the door when he cancelled plans on me last second. Saying he did not shower or clean his house and did not feel like having me over. I admit, that ticked me off, and I guess he could sense that so he decided to try and bring the conversation up by stating the fact he bought a game we could play online together, which he never actually did. I’m not sure why he lied on that, but to cut the chase, I asked that following Wednesday if he would like to hang out with me. The look of disgust was pronounced on his face, and that when I got the famous, “I like being alone.” I remember asking if liked me and he said he did, he just enjoys being alone. He stopped texting me after that.

In fact, he started getting nasty at work with me following the next couple of weeks. Demoralizing comments would be made at me. I was always a useless, slow, unintelligent RCA. One that he relied on to save the day a little too much. I was working 14 hour days at this point, 6 to almost 7 days a week. However, he made sure to mention every morning how much work he has to get done and how debilitating his job is compared to the rest of us. Yeah, I am sure working from 8am to 530pm, 5 days a week is a whole lot harder. The final straw before I quit was when he had me written up for a PDI meeting because of me leaving work early for a statewide blizzard. My car went off the embankment multiple times, the roads were not being plowed because of the density of the snow. I did not want to injure myself; these roads were in the mountains. My life was on the line. To cut to the point, he did not tell me he had me scheduled for a PDI, I had to find that out on my own, I would have had to start my route by 11 in the afternoon, which would not have me finished until 14 hours later. After some other witfully crafted words were said to dehumanize me, I quit.

I do not know why he turned against me, but I kind of got the hint after my ex-husband chewed it out of him. My ex-husband is still my friend, a good one. He was upset about how this guy used me then dumped on the side like that. Eventually my ex-boss messaged me a couple months later that my ex-husband was harassing him and that is when I finally made the stupidest mistake of them all. I admitted to him that I still had feelings for him, and I was sorry for whatever I did to upset him, and I would love to get back together down the road, and this yadiya crap. He gave me one simple response back, “And I’m not sure. The sex was good, but I didn’t really feel a deeper connection.”

That is it, I was just good for sex. Nothing more, nothing less. He did not even try, I tried to talk to him. I tried to keep him happy. It hurts that I had all this stupid emotional build up with him, and all he can muster was, I did not feel any deep connection.