anonymous-rantxxx

[anonymous-rantxxx]

Does someone ever just annoy ever bone in your body?

[anonymous-rantxxx]

My mom asked my dad “ Why did you teach your daughter to settle for less?”

My dad taught me a lot of things and settling for less wasn’t one of them. I was in a verbal abusive relationship, I talked to the people I was close with and I was ashamed to talk about it because theres no one to blame, not even myself. My dad taught me to always be kind to one of another because at the end of the day; you don’t know what anyone is going through. We we’re going through a time where trauma was being over looked. My dad taught me to be true to yourself because the ones that love you will show it, the ones that care about you will hangout with you without being under the influence. My dad listened to me when I felt like no one was. Word can’t express how much BOTH of my parents mean to me. My dad is my rock and I watched him struggle but come out feeling on top of the world. I love all of my family equally but me going through my own troubles in love isn’t anyone to blame. Everything in life was a lesson, we’re learning everyday since we was born. I always knew when I couldn’t handle things that I can talk to my family. Going through my last relationship has taught me so much, I at first thought that I could help him, I put his feeling in consideration before mine not realizing after so long it takes a toll on me and its not that I didn’t love him enough; I didn’t truly love myself until having my son. I love my son more then anything, having him makes me realize so much more about myself. My relationship wasn’t something I wanted to show my son, I wasn’t being fulfilled in my relationship after a while. I don’t wish bad on anyone I only wanted him to be happy but I just didn’t want to be around him because of what our relationship was in the beginning and yea they have their ups and downs but on my end it was always down. At first I felt happy because when we met I was going through grief at the time and he was the one to pull me out of it. I’m being honestly with myself for the first time that my feelings weren’t ever in consideration. I felt belittled when I would open up to him and he would say “ you don’t know what its like not growing up without a dad” I even don’t like talking about this because to me it makes me feel mean but growing up with my parents both being alcoholics I was always scared of losing both of them and it felt like he was putting the fears back in my head. We was triggering each other and ever time I talked about it my feelings always ended up hurt. Looking back there was many red flags that I wasn’t aware of. My healing journey isn’t his, and his healing journey isn’t mine.

In May of this year I got diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and it made me cry because it makes so much sense of why I was feeling the way I did and it went undiagnosed for too long, in my mind I thought I was fine but when I look back; I just want to give myself a big hug. My life felt like it was a mess. I didn’t know what depression was when I first knew something wasn’t right, I didn’t know what anxiety felt like. I didn’t know in Major Depression also ties in with anxiety and never knew which one was worse. The feeling of not being able to talk, the feeling I felt approaching a group of people, feeling alone and isolated. I don’t like putting it this way because many people struggle with mental illness of some sort but at the time I didnt know how to talk about how I felt. The times I was hard on myself; My friends were the ones to lift me up. When I thought I was the worst human being in the world my friends would remind me of how much I mattered and if I did commit suicide, how deeply I would be missed. My last episode scared me because it was one of the times I didn’t want to feel that way anymore because I have a son and I want to put my mental health first so I can take care of him properly. When I was going through my depression, I felt like I was the worst mom ever, going to his check ups always made me feel better because they reassured me that he’s healthy and happy. I love my baby with everything I got in the world, its been hard by myself but it will get better.

For the first time, I found love in myself, I am proud of who I am.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

This is my truth.

I was broken when you were first with me and I feel like you used that against me every chance I get. When I was first with you I seen the red flags. But I was so lonely I wanted love and I got the complete opposite. I always got my insecurities thrown in my face and you won’t even hear me when I say you hurt me, you just brush it off like you didn’t. You chose multiple things over me and you never cared until I tried breaking up with you and it hurts me every time I tell you time after time and you always push it off me like I’m an absolute monster and I’m tired of people pushing that because I’m the opposite. I’m sorry my heart is broken that I don’t want to do anything, I’m insecure that I don’t even look or feel the same I once felt that toook me so long to get to that point. I had my own proud accomplishments and you belittled me every chance you got. I loved myself and you shot me down. I know you’re changing for the better but I get flashbacks when you were horrible to me. You scared me.

I just wish in life I didn’t get hurt for once…. I just wish I got the love I deserve. I’m trying and you never did. I’m trying to fix my broken heart because I lost my sister. And you push it away you kept wanting me to not be sad when with you I did feel comfortable enough to show you my emotions. Especially being a mom it’s totally different because I wish she was here but the difference between us is that I had to keep moving with all my losses because I now have a son that I don’t want to go down any wrong road ever. You didn’t help me at all and although you tell me all the things you do for him but its not the same when you’re putting it over my head, I can see that your heart isn’t in this or in this family and I just wish you were strong enough just to admit it because I don’t want my son to know that it’s okay to treat people the way you do. It’s not okay because when I was fixing myself for the better you assumed I was on drugs and that hurt me because I wasn’t and I wouldn’t. You acted like you didn’t know me because you never wanted me to fix myself you always called me a bitch because I didn’t want to give you rides all the time because I was pregnant and every time i asked you about people you were talking about you would always punch my airbag, you broke your phone and blamed it on me and when I broke up with you, you almost crashed my car and the sickest part is that you never admit it, you don’t remember the terrible thing you do to me and wonder why I barely speak I tried and you sent me 10 steps back.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

I’m here, and that’s my proudest achievement. I’m sorry it doesn’t seem like much but I went through many battles in my head about my self worth. I’m proudly 2 years clean of self harm, I’m recovering my anorexia, I’m not harming my body anymore and that makes me proud of myself. A couple years ago I completely lost myself but now I have a son who gives me so much courage in myself because I want nothing but to be the best mom to him, nothing fills me up more than his laugh, I love my happy baby and will always be here to protect him

[anonymous-rantxxx]

I'm so sad and heartbroken ever since I heard something beyond terrible and I want to be mad at the world (and I was) because everything happening in this world is all of our faults, kids pass on what they know to the next generation and how are kids going to know actually how dangerous sex is? You're giving up the most precious part of your body for anything to happen, risking your health for a few seconds. You're going to run in to scary people who won't listen to your needs and doesn't stop what is making you uncomfortable. The most scariest part is that one of them people maybe your family member/closest friends, you have to watch everyone around your children, and honestly even children. Everyone has a story and what I hear from people around me is that they were sexually abused, which itself if so completely heartbreaking. It hurts my heart so much for the victims, you feel weak, you start to feel alone, you feel confused with what happened, and I dont understand how it still happens today. People are sick. What makes you think that it's okay? STOP using drugs/alcohol, STOP the pattern, STOP just trusting anyone around you or your children, you never know how a person's mind is. We need to start educating kids that it isn't ok for anyone to touch their body parts with out there permission and that it's only for your parent to clean and that's it. If a kid has that secret for longer than a month it is proven to cause depression, and 40 million people are affected by depression.

It's really sad as a family member, a friend, a sibling, to hear that it has happened to them, that they have to go through that pain. To sadly be stuck in a scary situation, that can change you. Alcohol isn't solving ANYTHING I know it numbs your pain but it bring you more problems and the more you use it, the more you use it, no one wants to be around you anymore and it changes you. Alcohol/drugs make you not care about what environment you're in.

Start respecting people's boundaries, be aware of your surroundings, keep a good eye on your kids, if you hear about a kid being sexually assaulted please stick up for them and be there for them. Please be a listening ear. Be there.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

For as long as I could remember, I was always scared of saying the word "love" outside of family. It's crazy for me being in an relationship for a year now, it's only something I used to dream of. I was scared of the things that come with "love" the abuse, developing trust issues, and changing the way you look at yourself after. I always seen it on movies, read on books, and witnessed it. And never thought any of that was worth love, because love is so blinding, you dont see it coming when it's you but that was the fear that turned me off showing off my true self to guys or anyone at that point. But meeting my boyfriend, he pushed all the fears out of the way, hes always there for me which I'm so grateful for, hes always pushing me to be by best self, in the first years of my life hes helped me build my self esteem, helped me see my body differently, and most importantly saved me when I needed someone the most.

So, thank you, for an amazing one year together ♡

[anonymous-rantxxx]

For as long a so could remember, I’ve always felt alone. I’ve always felt like I was the second choice in anything, I’ve never felt like anyone picked anyone over me I feel like people only pick me because they feel that my heart is already broken and they can’t break it anymore than it already is. I hate feeling this way but I do it to myself all the time but I just need someone to show me they care for me and want me here.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

I’ve always loved poetry and letters, those are the things that wins my heart. I’ve just always loved the way words can make you feel and when people don’t even like writing, it means a lot that you even did it.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

Whenever I look back at my pictures I always have to skip the month June because it brings me back to when I lost my sister): it’s a pain I can’t explain unless you went through it. And the worst part is that I was the one who found her, sometimes it comes back to me. As much as my friends don’t like it, I can’t help it, sometimes I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s crazy being with someone every day to... not. Hearing all her dreams and what she wanted to do in life, but I also heard the negative stuff and it hurts to think about. It hurts hearing about people bringing down someone I love oh so much. The best part I’ve realized during the first couple months although it’s hard some days, nobody can hurt her anymore, and I know that she’s safe. She’s in a better place than I am right now and I just can’t help but be happy that she’s happy but I am selfish sometimes and miss her so much, every day that comes by means I’m very close to seeing her again.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

6/9/18

It’s just something I can’t get out of my head rn, it’s crazy going from being together all the time and now your gone, I miss you more than anything but I am glad you’re not hurting anymore, physically and emotionally. You’re my sister and I couldn’t stand hearing those stories you would tell me about people being mean to you. I often think about you and how you should be here but that’s my selfish part in my head because you’re in a better place now and I know your safe.

I will always miss driving with you, when you would want me to go to the bank and You would get me food,when we would gather around some change for stuff we wented, your jokes, you’ve always knew how to make me laugh. Our deep conversations about everything, the way you would just listen, and your opinions always meant the most. I just miss hearing your voice, it’s not the same listening to those songs without hearing you sing.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

I just hope my depression doesn’t push you away, and I hope your depression don’t push me away but if it does, I’ll always be here for you. No doubt.

9/26/18

“I don’t want her to forget this night. “

Little did you know, I haven’t forgot about that night at all. I remember every bit, I remember every feeling, and I remember how I felt.

With the last people I used to mess around with, I was used to people just leaving the next day. Although I didn’t want you to leave, I had a feeling you were and after the 3rd day I was just attached and knew I wanted to be with you.

This time with you, it was different, it was way different than before. I wasn’t scared to fall in love with you like I normally am.

3 months later (we officially started dating October 16) I am so happy to be with you. I’ve fell in love with my body seems like the first time in forever. I fell in love with the way you comfort me and the way you have with your words. Every time you laugh, I fall in love each time.

My favorite thing ever is when we’re laying in bed and we just talk about everything. When we laugh together, when I look in your eyes and just feel happiness, and when you bring one of the animals to bed.

At first I was scared, only because normally when I heard people like me it scares me because I’m scared of hurting people but when it comes to you, I don’t have any doubt in my mind that I want you. I love you.

You’ve became my whole world and I wouldn’t change this with any feeling in the world, even if things didn’t work out, I will be always grateful for the feelings you’ve gave me.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

9/26/18

“I don’t want her to forget this night. “

Little did you know, I haven’t forgot about that night at all. I remember every bit, I remember every feeling, and I remember how I felt.

With the last people I used to mess around with, I was used to people just leaving the next day. Although I didn’t want you to leave, I had a feeling you were and after the 3rd day I was just attached and knew I wanted to be with you.

This time with you, it was different, it was way different than before. I wasn’t scared to fall in love with you like I normally am.

3 months later (we officially started dating October 16) I am so happy to be with you. I’ve fell in love with my body seems like the first time in forever. I fell in love with the way you comfort me and the way you have with your words. Every time you laugh, I fall in love each time.

My favorite thing ever is when we’re laying in bed and we just talk about everything. When we laugh together, when I look in your eyes and just feel happiness, and when you bring one of the animals to bed.

At first I was scared, only because normally when I heard people like me it scares me because I’m scared of hurting people but when it comes to you, I don’t have any doubt in my mind that I want you. I love you.

You’ve became my whole world and I wouldn’t change this with any feeling in the world, even if things didn’t work out, I will be always grateful for the feelings you’ve gave me.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

Ever since I came back from depression my emotions has been fucked up. Like I just can’t show emotion and I don’t know why. I cry about a lot of things but I don’t cry about what most people cry about and that makes me not normal? When people leave I just can’t cry until I’m alone and I start thinking about them. I don’t get scared of things like the cops, things the president is going to do I get scared of being completely alone and natural disasters. When people talk to me sometimes I just can’t talk and people think I’m rude but I genuinely don’t know what to say, it’s just when I’m around too much people is when I shut off and it just feels like I’m just there like no one talks to me because I just can’t talk and I can’t explain how I feel, because I don’t even know why I feel this way all the time. I know that I’m the one who pushes people away, I know I’m the one who ruins everything with everyone I love but I just can’t help it. I just can’t be hanging around someone who makes me feel uncomfortable to be myself. I wish it was different but it’s not because I built this big wall and I don’t think it’s gonna come down anytime soon.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

You’ve done me so dirty for so long but I can’t tell anyone about it and it’s sucks...

[anonymous-rantxxx]

You post about being sad all the time but you won't talk to me when I'm right next to you

[anonymous-rantxxx]

You don't realize that if you keep letting your mental health push you into going into your old ways you'll never get better. I want to be that person who can encourage you to do better things but I can't if you won't let me. It just irritates me because you won't let me in, or anyone and I can't make you want my help but you already made it this close to my intention that I can't walk away or let you hurt yourself.

[anonymous-rantxxx]

I honestly hate when people purposely ignore and purposely try to make me jealous I don't know why I'm so mad it's just if you're already online why can't you just at least open it wtf.