anopenlettertolavender

[anopenlettertolavender]

Since I can remember, I've always seen the world through colors. People, places, and things all gave off their energy that way and I gauged my comfort accordingly. I felt safest in the hues that looked like me. I've been through phases of gray, orange, blue, and green but it was always something more than a visual quirk. In 2018, I transitioned from my seafoam arc into my lavender era. A time where I finally had it all figured out and separated myself from the rest - so I thought. But here at 29, the color has left my life. So I wanted to personally put lavender out of its misery in my world. I've never been a traveller of distance. I meet that need in myself by slipping throughout the years on my own terms; a time traveller, if you will. Knowing what I know now, I see the duty to take responsibility of the things I accept. So with that, I'm calling an end to my lavender era. To be honest, I never thought I'd see the day where this identifier and I would part ways. But I'm much too smart to sit here and pretend it's what I feel anymore. Lavender, thank you for everything. Because of you, I stood out, owned my identity, and brought people together. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm grateful for all that you taught me about the world. The reason I loved you so much is because you were proof I was growing to be half the person my mother is. She never told me her favorite color but I always knew it was purple. I remember stealing her shirt in 1st grade for a Mother's Day card and when I gave it to her she didn't yell - she asked how I knew. I don't know how. I just did. So when I entered this era it felt like a younger version of her. Few things have ever made me more proud or confirmed that I was on a good path. This is why it hurts so much to leave you here. I want to run - but I can't. I want to stay - but I can't. I'm self-aware enough to know that I have to actively walk forward into the unknown. No matter what happens I want you to know that I can only let go because I love you so much. I shared you with everyone I touched. I took it as far as I could. We had a good run my friend. It's the end of us but not the end of you and I. I can only hope you will survive in those we've come in contact with. We will continue to co-exist and maybe one day we'll even thrive. I owe you (and myself) that chance. My mom used to say, "We make our plans and god laughs at them." That line always stuck with me. Once you see enough unfairness in the world you start to lose faith in karma and gain trust in the chaos just hoping it lands in the right places. I don't know where I'm going next but so long as there's breath left in me it has to be somewhere. Right? Whether I like it or not, the world will keep turning. Time will keep gently floating me forward and it is my choice to lean into it. I hope you feel content knowing that I'm not leaving here, I'm just leaving this. Nothing lasts forever and that's okay. Thank you for being such an important part of this journey. They say if you keep swimming eventually you'll hit land. So I'm going to do just that. Keep going. Never certain, but always forward. When there is nothing left to lose, do, or prove - the great affair is to move.

Safe travels my friends.

- Joseph