anothercrazyemo

[anothercrazyemo]

hi! making this post is incredibly embarrassing but i need to reach out for help.

the quick way to say this is: i am fucked. i didn’t pay in time and the swedish debt collecting company is giving me until the 21st (that’s like. 12 days) to pay off what i owe them. i need to raise up to 32 650 SEK. that’s 3430 dollars, if you were wondering. i will sell off a lot of my most prized items but it will not be enough, and that’s where i need help.

if you want to help a struggling trans woman, or if you perhaps enjoy any of the music i have put out or if you think i am cute.. please, donate! anything helps! i know everyone is struggling economically, it’s unrealistic to expect i could get the entire sum here so im setting up a goal of getting 1/3rd of that over here. if you can’t donate then please share this!!! once again, i am gettin desperate and literally anything will help.

my paypal username is @ iluvthevalley . if you are swedish and would rather swish me, please DM me.

thank you for your time and sorry to clog up your timeline with this! please reblog!

0 / 10 880 SEK

[anothercrazyemo]

Ayo Edebiri as Sydney Adamu The Bear, Season 4 (2025) costume design by Courtney Wheeler

[anothercrazyemo]

all public transport should be free unconditionally and I'm TIREDDD of pretending this is a radical idea

[anothercrazyemo]

Can I just say something honestly and very seriously to all you writers?

With the Internet going down the "nothing adult, no death, no nothing. Make it kid friendly" route,

Please don't ever stop making art or writing wips that are gruesome, horror, other things like that. Don't let the Internet sanitize how you wanna tell a story. Channel your rage into your art and keep going and don't give up

[anothercrazyemo]

So is the punchline to the joke that Carmy is bad at math: he can’t even add 2 + 2 together in his actual life either?

- He really had no idea Richie was suffering after losing Mikey, until Syd pointed it out

- Or that Claire is an energy vampire of the highest order

- Or that he’s been seeing Sydney in his food for months, building galaxies in navy & white polka dots in honor of her scarves

- Or that as soon as he sees her wearing yellow & green, he’s suddenly making a yellow & green spattered plate

- Or that Sydney doesn’t need him. She wants him?!

I thought he most likely knew he was in love with Syd, but was protecting her from himself & also maybe that he feared she didn’t return the feeling… but, now I think this fool really has no idea?! About any of it?

No wonder he’s so fucking frustrated.

[anothercrazyemo]

you dislike claire because she's, allegedly, an obstacle for sydcarmy going official — I dislike claire because she's completely forgetful and unnecessary for the plot. every decision they take with her made her be disliked. you can recreate every single scene she has with another existing character and it'll be more meaningful.

and she could be something, you know? she had potential but... yeah. anyway. i'm just rumbling.

[anothercrazyemo]

THE BEAR (2022–)

S04E01 - Groundhogs

[anothercrazyemo]

Ayo Edebiri as Sydney Adamu

The Bear 4.08 – Bears

[anothercrazyemo]

There were 3 scenes this season that helped me understand syd so much as a character! Like she’s always saying that she’s afraid of failure, she says it in season 2 when she and Carmy are under the table, and she says it again when they’re under the table at the wedding!

But the scene where’s she talking to Claire and saying her dad had always been there and he’s this constant in her life, it made me realize she’s not scared of failure necessarily, I think she’s afraid of failing and not having anyone to catch her.

Because when her catering business didn’t work out, her dad was there to support her, she had a safe place to stay and figure things out. So I think it genuinely meant a lot to her when Carmy said he wouldn’t let her fail, that he would be there to catch her and support her.

So when he wasn’t able to keep that promise, either because he was with Claire or his emotions and grief we’re overwhelming him, it wasn’t just frustrating for syd it was genuinely painful for her. She’s terrified of failing again and she doesn’t want to have to rely on her dad again, not in an ego way like Carmy needing to prove himself but because she’s scared she won’t be able to pick herself up and she doesn’t want to burden her dad again, even though it’s clear he’s more than willing to be there for her if it doesn’t work out.

Carmy says she doesn’t need him to succeed, and she is ofc incredibly talented and capable on her own, she just needs to know someone will catch her if she falls.

[anothercrazyemo]

something something carmen not smoking ever in front of sydney because it’s a habit cycle pattern ? from his past that he shares with his family and doesn’t want it to affect her (second hand smoke ???) as an “i don’t want you to get hurt because of me” thing (regardless of whether he hurts her or not) and then on s04ep10 him going from telling her she doesn’t smoke (you are not like me and you shouldn’t be) to telling her not to smoke (don’t try to hurt yourself [the way i do]) to helping her light the cigarette (if this is what you want then sure but this is not what you do) (also a parallel with giving her a whole restaurant that carries decades of trauma) to smoking in front of her (actually doing the thing that he promised her time and time again he wasn’t gonna do aka leaving her alone aka hurting her) to telling her she is not good at smoking (it takes time and practice to get as good as i am hurting myself) and then her response of “im gonna get good” (i am going to become exactly like you). like tell me if im onto something here im so unwell

[anothercrazyemo]

Carmy is Mikey-ing when it comes to Sydney, because she's now turning into a Carmy. Abandonment borne out of affection and love, the disbelief that he (Carmy) could be enough or any good for Sydney, who has her whole life ahead of her and a promising, lovely horizon untouched by the pain and poison of an anxiety laden past.

Carmy believes he is shielding the good, protecting her, but this only makes Syd grow as disoriented, disappointed and heartbroken as HE was when Mikey turned him down years ago.

My mind is blowing. This connection is so sick and twisted and messy and delicious.

[anothercrazyemo]

Final thought about this Sydney/Carmy dynamic and season 4—some of y'all don't read/watch angst or miscommunication tropes and it shows. Lol. What, y'all thought this would be easy???? Just because we can see it from the outside looking in doesn't mean that the characters can see it when they're experiencing it piece by piece, minute by minute in real time!

"He keeps going back to Claire." Well, yes... escapism, denial, settling, etc.

"How could he leave her and the restaurant???" Because that's part of the unfolding?? Restaurants and cooking have turned into a prison for him (see: Chef David, being there when he learned about Mikey, using the restaurant as a way to prove something as Tina so wisely observed and articulated), so of course he needs to escape in order to figure things out!

"Why should she have to suffer?" I mean... shit happens and her lesson in all of this is you can't keep running away from things and sacrificing yourself? That putting her non-restaurant life on hold with the assumption that it'll always be there isn't actually what she wants to be doing?

"He should have gone to the hospital!" She told him not to because she's hyper-independent and didn't think she needed the support or that her need for this support was worth the time or effort or inconvenience and he listened because he didn't know if he was allowed to show up for her in the way he truly wanted to?

"Why do they keep playing in our face?" They're actually not though—we're witnessing them play in their own faces lololol. It has nothing to do with the audience. We don't exist in their world!! It's annoying and frustrating because it's annoying and frustrating to see people make silly choices when we know there's a better way, but we know it; the whole point is that they don't!!

"How could he call himself her friend???" Because he—a man who is JUST now coming to terms with his fucked up family (read: convo with his uncle/stepdad who's not his stepdad (?) at the wedding, convo with mom, and him finally opening up about the funeral) and all the stories he's told himself about happiness and joy and permission—doesn't know what else to call himself in her world, especially after hearing that she's considering leaving the restaurant (cuz Shapiro called him, but as of this point she hasn't told him anything about it yet)?

"Why would she laugh at her cousin asking if she has a crush?? Is that Ayo (who wrote the episode) talking to the audience and calling us silly??" No, that's a character hearing a perspective that isn't in the realm of possibility for them because that's not the lens they've been looking at things through. But this season we've had two people with no prior/consistent knowledge of their dynamic (her cousin and DeeDee) wonder aloud what exactly they mean to each other. They're essentially showing the characters (in this case Syd) what we the audience sees that she hasn't been able to see on her own!!

"They keep driving a wedge between them!" Lolololololol they're two highly competent, skilled people who work in one of the most stressful industries in the world both dealing with abandonment issues, struggling with a sense of worth and worthiness, and feeling like they need to prove something but never actually realizing or acknowledging any of this to themselves or others. Lolololololol. I wouldn't have believed it if they were able to be on the same page from day 1.

And I know this can seem like I'm giving a pass to bad writing, but I don't think I am. I'm actually trusting the writers to finish this correctly because if they've set the stage for this arc, then they have to finish it. And given the attention to detail so far, they've shown the capacity to.

Even if Syd and Carmy's relationship doesn't cross over to romantic (which... sure. Fine. Whatever.) all of this season makes sense because what was the alternative? Don't forget that it picks up right where s3 ended so it's been like a couple of days, weeks, maybe a month or two max. Was it all supposed to be solved so quickly??? lol.

[anothercrazyemo]

White supremacist capitalist patriarchy and season 4 of The Bear

I hear folks who are absolutely pissed that it looks like season 4 of The Bear ended with a petulant Carmy who got knocked off his pedestal, running cos now he doesn't know what to do with himself. I hear the anger. I also viscerally raged as I binge watched last night. For me, a lot of this had to do with the idea that this white man who is so used to being excellent, now has to deal with maybe not being excellent. But instead of dealing, it looks like he's vanishing. Like his dad did. Repeating old patterns.

But on a very rough night's sleep worth of reflection, I've come to the conclusion that this is probably a legerdemain. Let me explain.

Carmy is part of a system - white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to be exact. And that system ascribes roles and expectations on everyone that gets subjected to it. Including white folks. I've talked about Carmy's racialisation here but the TLDR of it is that Carmy is part of the Italian-American community that has been assimilated into whiteness over time in America. As a white man he sits at the top of a racial hieriarchy with a history and current reality of horrendous violence and control. He grew up and worked in cultures that valorised a toxic, violent, white masculinity that expected him to perform excellence, dominate and control everything around him as a result.

The rest of us - particularly racialised women (I'm a non-Black, diasporic woman of colour so I can't speak to Syd's specific experience but I think this holds true for all WOC) - we are never expected to dominate. We are often expected to be excellent because of the time and resources invested in us by our parents and communities and because of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's insistence that mediocrity is a luxury that only white folks get to enjoy without being penalised. This garbage catch-22 is most starkly articulated by Syd during her nightmare in 4x08 Green:

Syd: And then, you're gonna take a perfect little sliver of chive, put that all on top, and it'll be great. And of course, if your dish fails, its no worry at all, no trouble, really. You'll just be a complete waste of space and a failure and a disappointment to anybody who's devoted any time or energy to you.

So how does a white man like Carmy - who was never socialised to be of service in community, who was raised throughout childhood and his career to smoke others, to prove that he could smoke others ("fuck you, watch this") - how does that white man navigate a world where he's no longer the best? Where he's no longer in control?

If that white man was integrated and mature? Well he wouldn't have been trying to dominate in the first place. But for argument's sake and in this context, if this hypothetical white man was those things - integrated and mature - maybe, he might take a step back and let others lead.

But Carmy isn't integrated. He's not there yet. Realistically, he does have to unlearn a lifetime of abuse, socialisation, racialisation and his own dysfunctional coping strategies so that he doesn't keep hurting people. He does have to figure out who he is without all of this bullshit. Honestly, as infuriating as this was to watch...I get it?

The frustration is that we, the viewers, have seen all the characteristics that Carmy identifies in Syd in that fight from 4x10, in him too. In 4x10, Carmy tells Syd:

You are considerate. You...You allow yourself to feel things, right? You allow yourself to care. You are a natural leader and teacher.

Across this show, we have seen Carmy be considerate of others, most significantly of the BIPOC people in his life (bringing all the crew at The Beef over with him to The Bear, giving his chef's knife to Tina, making Sydney The Bear's captain), we have seen him deeply feel (see Carmy's long overdue confrontation of his abuser, Chef David Fields in 3x10), we have seen him care (see Carmy's incessant checking in with Syd throughout this show), and we've seen him lead and teach his team (see Carmy walking the crew through how to make chicken piccata in season 1).

We know that Carmy is good. We know that he's deserving of Syd's love and that she is more than deserving of his. We know that folks can chew gum and walk at the same fucking time and so we - I mean most definitely me - yell at the TV screen (and on this platform lol): WHAT THE FUCK MAN? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND BE THERE FOR SYDNEY, THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR HEART!!!!

But Carmy, and a lot of other straight, white men (and white women, quite frankly), probably don't know this about themselves. They probably don't know that its not being a soft shitty bitch when you're considerate of others, that you can feel hurt and pain and survive it, that you can care about others and have that be a strength, and that you can lead quietly and consistently without swinging your dick and trying to smoke motherfuckers.

I mean, America. Look at who the majority of white voters - that's white men and white women - elected to lead your country, for fucks sake.

This is white supremacy culture at work. This is the Berzatto's intergenerational, racialised trauma at work. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy facilitates the conditions for white people to not know themselves in their wholeness. To not know who they are in relation to others and the world. In fact, it invites everyone into this condition (via assimilation). So how do you resist it?

Integration time

How will Carmy fix it? How will he integrate?

Carmy will need to learn about himself. In 4x09 Tonnato, Donna tells him that she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. This is true.

There is work to be done here in terms of understanding his lineage and the history that makes up Carmy's very skin and bones. But he has already begun doing this: Carmy knowing about tonnato because of his culinary training and imparting that cultural knowledge to his Italian-American mother because she's lost that knowledge or never had it to begin with made me tear up because THIS is the work of integration. Of reclaiming your history. Of resisting assimilation. It fucking hit me in the chest, right in my displaced, diasporic heart.

If Carmy was paying attention, he would have also seen Richie doing this throughout season 2. Recall his basement chat with Carmy in 2x01:

Richie: You know, um, I'm trying really hard to be on board with all this new shit, cousin. I'm, uh, I'm reading a lot. I'm trying to learn about who am I to my history.

Likewise, Sydney spent all of season 2 studying and integrating her past trauma into effective leadership for her team. I know for certain that we are going to learn and see more about Sydney's history in season 5 (if the show gets picked up again) and how this has influenced her professionally and personally.

But then what? What will Carmy do after he's undertaken that work?

This is where Luca's plotline is crucial and not just as a vehicle for us to gush over him and Marcus (which, yes, I gushed. I'm still gushing. They're adorable, supportive of one another and an indecently attractive couple).

Recall the conversation between Luca and Tina in 4x08 Green:

Luca: Pressure.

Tina: How do you get rid of it?

Luca: I think you get to a point where you don't want to. Like, at first the pressure sucks, right? Its the pressure that makes you feel shitty at what you do. And actually, thats just the pressure getting in the way. You learn to live with it. And then, next thing you know, you thrive on it. And before you know it, you can't fucking wait to get rocked. Like, you want that pressure, you need that pressure to be able to perform.

Tina: *looks dubious* (me and you both my Queen lmao)

Luca: So, then, the challenge actually becomes, can you live without that pressure?

Tina: Can you?

Luca: I guess not. 'Cause I'm back here working for Carmy again, so...I'm probably not the person to ask, but you let me know if you find out, Chef.

What Luca is describing, a state of not being able to wait to get rocked? That might be fine every now and then for motivation's sake. But what Luca is describing is a state of mind that folks are expected to be in for the duration of their working lives. He's telling Tina how to survive if she wants to remain working in this system. Wanting to get rocked, learning to live with getting rocked sounds the tagline for any ad selling white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the masses: With our centuries-old system, you too can learn how to tolerate getting fucked, regularly!

Problem is, we are humans, not replicants (shout out to Richie and Phillip K Dick), and we don't take kindly to being fucked every day of our working lives. The Bear knows this too. Recall Mikey answering Tina's question about whether he likes his work, in 3x06 Napkins: "I definitely do not like never not being fucked."

So the question is, once you become accustomed to this way of life, like Carmy has, like Luca was, like many of us are, can you conceive of a different world? A different way of being?

I know Luca tells Tina in the above convo that he isn't there yet but truthfully, he is. Luca comes back to Chicago to "address things and not run away from things" as he tells Marcus in 4x08 Green. Those things involve his family, namely his sister. He's there to address something to do with his roots. In doing so, he says its made him appreciate the city. He, like Richie, is doing the work of learning about who he is to his history.

To give himself the space to do this, he's come to The Bear to work as a stage - one of the lowest level staff in the hierarchy of a restaurant. This is someone who once worked as a sous at Ever - ranked the best restaurant in the world at one point. He's using the skills he has acquired in the course of his pretty decorated career to support others who have not yet had the same opportunities as him.

Luca is at The Bear, doing the quiet, consistent work I've previously talked about: that work that creates the safe space for inspiration, creativity and dreams to thrive. This is the work of being in community. Luca is in community with Marcus, with Tina, with Gary, with Carmy, with Sydney. He is - without ego - supporting and mentoring Tina and Marcus. Luca is resisting (whether consciously or unconsciously) a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal system that would ordinarily demand that he dominate The Bear's kitchen. In doing so, he's being a good culinary ancestor. Next season, should we get it, it will be Carmy's turn: to come back integrated, sure in himself and without ego, to be there to support (in any way she requires it) Sydney.

And by the way, for the record:

In a world where Black women were the single biggest voting block consistently and overwhelmingly using their generations-long-fought right to vote to protect America from itself fascism in 2016, 2020 and 2024, this statement from Carmy:

[A]ny chance of any kind of good in this building, it started when you walked in. And any possibility of it surviving? Its with you.

….is as much about the salvation of The Original Beef of Chicagoland's soul by Sydney, as it is about the United States of America’s by Black women.

[anothercrazyemo]

🥴🫠

[anothercrazyemo]

let me get this straight.

we got the fact that sydney lied saying she’d go to the original beef on sundays with her dad when they’re always closed on sundays just to work under carmy (s1 says they are open 7 days a week HOWEVER in s1 episode 8 syd tells marcus that her family rarely ate out and then in season 2 carmy tells claire how much he hates sundays)

the THOUGHT of sydney calming carmy down during a panic attack twice mind you when the thought of claire only made it worse

the iconic table scene in season two

the fact that CARMYS FIRST DISH was the best meal sydney had (looked like a bleeding heart mind you)

burned himself out and put the restaurant in debt because he wanted to get a star FOR SYDNEY not for himself

carmy saying he liked this when it was literally just them in the kitchen in episode one mind you

him literally begging sydney to let him come to the hospital and that phone call in general

both the kid and donna’s crazy ass clocked sydcarmy and they didn’t even watch them interact

carmy literally sounding so sad with that “you didn’t talk to me all service” in episode ten

the fact that sydney knows she can run the bear herself with sugar and richie but she WANTS to work with carmy cried over the fact that he was leaving her

and yet they’re still pushing the claire and carmy narrative when every single action points to carmy and sydney right…right…

[anothercrazyemo]

heard chef!!

[anothercrazyemo]

Sydney just saying "Nigga, who cares right now?" to Richie as she smokes a cig in the last ep had me crying laughing like, I replayed that part so many times. That girl was done lmaooo