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From WeHeartIt

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B L A H: 06/23/17

Alot of options, but at the same time there are few. Idk. I’m still determined for an adventure. Still doing what I have to do. Only takes time. 

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06/10/17: D O M I N I C A N  R E P U B L I C

I’m here! So unexpected but I’m here. My country is so beautiful. I’ve been thinking also a lot about my plans for next semester, being TEFL certified in August, traveling and exploring, and wanting something new for my life. I’ve also thought about my idea of taking a break from college and teaching abroad. The idea may be radical to some, but my purpose isn’t to leave school permenantly, but to find myself and do something for the better in the process. I know I have to brace myself because it’ll be a change, and that’s also why I didn’t want a long term position abroad. I’m still open-minded and still hopeful in my research.

I’m also working in a Dominican organization this summer! Wasn’t necessarily a plan, but it just so happened. I don’t know. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I should do something for my people. Or something related to Dominican culture. I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about learning about new culture and things and working in another country, but I think this summer I’ll sort of get a taste of learning more about my own culture/people. I think it’s good timing :)

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Second thoughts: 06/05/17

Second thoughts. But not about my decision to want to teach abroad. More about the place. I realize that every place has its pros and cons, and whil I do want to immerse myself in a different culture, I know that being some how “connected” to people back home is kind of important to me (them) and I would like to be in a place where I can atleast be communicated somehow (wifi? lol) but yeah. Also I’m thinking about what I actually want. And where I actually want to go. I can never make up my mind. It’s a problem. But I realize I’ve always wanted to go to Thailand. But 1. it’s far. and 2. I don’t know the language. For me, it isn’t that big of a deal, but I know it wil be for particular people around me. It’s frustrating because I want to do my own thing, but at the same time it’s like I have this burden on me where I have to be constantly communicating with particular people in my family wherever I go. I don’t want anyone to go insane, worrying about me, but at the same time, I WANT TO DO ME AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Ugh. I don’t know. I want an adventure but I feel like I have these restrictions in the places I can go because of other people’s feelings. 

On the bright side, today my TEFL course began. The start of something new? 

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Ubud, Bali, Indonesia (taken by me)

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05/24/17: First time for everything.

So today was the first time I actually got “hands on” experience, you can say with the ESL field (?). I was able to volunteer at a center where immigrants get to speak with native English speakers (e.g. me! hehe). And talk about just about anything. It was cool to communicate and meet others. It’s refreshing in a sense. It was a longgg way from home, about an hour or so. But I honestly didn’t mind. It was nice to help someone else with a skill. I look forward to going to other similar events, I guess. The more I get myself out there, the more I can actually see if this is something I see myself doing long term. Or maybe not. Because people (especially me) change their minds all the time. Anyway, it feels refeshing to be able to help others. I think I’d be a good fit for this as a career. I hope I can also use this experience when I go abroad one day :) That’s my hope.

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05/21/17: I’ve decided to embark on an adventure.

I’ve decided to embark on an adventure, do my own thing and grow in the process, making my own decisions as an explorer. Maybe that’s what I need, to explore. To learn. To flourish. Take risks and not be miserable. Not just complete tasks, but fulfill dreams. Coloring this life. I’m done just completing tasks and finishing “to-do” lists. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, because people do make it work. But I don't want to be unhappy, making rash decisions when I don't even know what I want yet. Well, although I kind of still don't know what I want, I’ve decided to stop overthinking and just act. And I acted. I submitted my deposit for the TEFL certification and online classes start in June: a new journey I’m embarking on, something I’m genuinely interested in. I’m ready to grow. I need to take risks, not live in a bubble. Do me. Or find me. Or both actually.

My eyes are set on either Peru or Ecuador, but I was told that these countries mostly hire English teachers face-to-face, not beforehand. And now I think…  well, if that means I go to Peru or Ecuador without a set job, it’d be a risk. I think I should take that risk if it arises. That’s so not me, but in the end, I feel like I want to challenge, the insecurity(?) or more like thought of being FREE.

I’m excited for this next step in my life. Time for change. Time for adventure. Not dwelling, and live in the moment, something I struggle with so much. I tend to live in the past: my past decisions, other people’s past decisions, what I could have done, what I should have done. But all things led to this point. I don't have the whole world figured out, and I shouldn’t. I need to learn, handle things on my own, even if that means being in a foreign country by myself. People do it all the time. I need to have the confidence to do that on my own as well. Be strong. Be courageous. Just as God calls us to be. I’m realizing that. Take on challenges. I got this. This will be a beautiful story. Full of struggle, full of success, full of smiles, and full of memories: one’s which I will carry with me forever.