aprincesslonging4luv

[aprincesslonging4luv]

the dinner was great!

i got super drunk it was fantastic, i had a killer hangover though lolz. most importantly i had a great time with her. im so down bad guys. and ive been down bad for a year but now im like REALLY down bad. im so incredibly sure i said something to her when she was bringing me home, but i dont remember and its killing me. but it couldn't have been bad because she did send me the pictures she took of me after.. idk. i could just feel her eyes on me in my peripheral , and we were looking at the pics i took and she was like "you look cute :)" and i was like AH. am i blushing. LOL. god. im pretty sure i told her we've literally never hung out together, like one on one. if only i could remember what her response was. ill survive, i dont know. this whole thing is so,,, interesting. i really haven't like crushed this hard in this way in sooo long. sure ive dated and talked to other girls but none of them make me feel the way she makes me feel. and how much i admire her. i don't know. thats all for now.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

ah its actually so funny that everytime i hop on tumblr its to vent about a girl....

well i went and made an album and about 4 songs on that album are about the girl in the last post,,, LOL. im very incredibly over her tho we've both unfollowed each other :)

but thats not who im here to vent about. cue WILDFLOWER by billie eilish

ive had a crush on one of my friends ever since i met her. she used to be my coworker before i quit. now i really hope we stay friends,,, but also like. ive liked her for so incredibly long but i could never be with her because she had a girlfriend. as of recently, that has CHANGED. guys. like no i dont want to be a rebound, if that were ever possible but ive always suspected she's felt the same, and with the last few shifts we worked together it just felt so obvious. so incredibly obvious. ive written so many poems about her. being unemployed these last few days and all i could really think about was her.

she is so incredibly fine. she is so beautiful inside and out, so kind so self aware. so understanding so caring. she is one of the only people ive met that actually care about the planet, about nature. she's reopened this part of me i forgot i had. i love her smile and her laugh and her hair and her tattoos and her style and her personality and literally all the above. she cares about me and i really care about her. i miss her a lot, like all the time. i wish we could hang out all the time. she accepts me, my good and my bad. well at least the bad she's seen. and i accept her, i think she's so intelligent and so incredibly bright, like dare i say a ray of sunshine.

im getting drinks with her and some other friends later tonight and im so excited, i mean this is our first time hanging as people that dont work with each other,,,

but my issue is ive been feeling like i should tell her. i want to tell her so bad. i told her months before that i would never date a coworker, but thats irrelevant now. i mean anything can happen. she's been single for at least a month now, but i really dont want to jump in and be like heyyy yeah here are my feelings know ur still healing but hope u feel the same <3. yeah i shouldn't tell her. i mean i could also be completely misreading the signs i believe she's been giving me- well not even like "signs" its just like. that flirty tension. the look in the eyes, the words, the body language, the actions.

it would just be me crossing the line. officially.

i dont know. this whole year working with her has felt like having an elementary school crush again. and the coincidences have been interesting. idk. this feeling just sucks, especially now that we actually have to plan hangouts instead of just looking at the schedule and seeing we work together at least once a week. like thats kinda crazy lol i saw her close to once a week for a yearrrrr if not more times ,,,, ugh. what do you mean i can't see her all the time anymore :(

and like yeah maybe i will idk. im so thankful for this dinner though..... idk. maybe she'll surprise me. maybe ill be right, maybe ill be wrong. i have absolutely no clue.

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so we had a bad-ish date sure. but i mean i was going to give you a chance,, i was giving you the benefit of the doubt. you started the good morning gn phase you started with the pet names just to GHOST ME??

masc lesbians being masc lesbians.

ok but ive been ghosted plenty times and rarely give a fuck, but something about this one i really actually give a fuck about. you ghosted me but youre still in my notfcations liking my shit... ive been there done that babes, and i know thats such weird behavior that i will not tolerate. and the thing is ive healed so much i know its not about me, i know its her own insecurities, i know im a catch and all of that which is why i deleted her number (something i prob wouldn't have done a year ago) but STILL im still pressed about it. and im mad im pressed about it because i know i dodged a bullet i know all the usual self love stuff, but i guess i just feel disappointment. i think the feelings were kinda starting to grow even though i was considering cutting it off anyways.

thats another thing, sure i was gonna dump her whatever, but i was gonna TELL HER! like the caring human being i am? like i actually have some respect for you or something? you dont even have enough respect for me to just tell me, "hey i dont think this going to wrk out" maybe its not respect, idk. but what ever happened to the art of ACTUALLY dumping someone. nowadays bitches just go ghost

and again ive been ghosted and have moved on w my life im so confused on why this time im so worked up about it? like on to the next? all of my rejections are just redirections?

all in all i know ill get over it. kinda mad its taking longer than i wanted to get over it. i mean its been 5 days, cmon we gotta move on. but i haven't gotten into a slump or anything, ive stayed productive (another thing i wouldn't have done a year ago). not gonna kill myself or anything. just would prefer to stop thinking about it and about her

also i made 3 songs about her. thats CRAZY . even crazier to know i only knew this girl for 3 weeks like GOD ive got to get myself together i think i just got overly excited and fell on my ass :/

anyways. i just need to keep moving forward and eventually it will be a thing of the past. onto the next ...

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

i love going onto tumblr every day and just posting my silly little lesbian thoughts and seeing people agree with me like yessss hello gay people in my phone

[aprincesslonging4luv]

i know i'm into women because if a man came up to me with a random ass pun for a pick up line, i'd stare him dead in the eyes and say boo tomato tomato. but if a girl did that i'd start making out with her crazy style in about two seconds flat

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so dreams aren't everything. apparently.

guysss i went on the date, it was ok. there were butterflies, but literally zero sparks within our connection whatsoever. at least not how i was expecting them. like i was expecting immediate sparks, like an "ok this could work" feeling. but like a longing "ok this could work" feeling. like i felt that at like two points in time for just a second.

which is really unfortunate because i was really looking forward to it :((((. like im still kinda interested because im giving her the benefit of the doubt, but i was truly expecting so much more. and now im like,,,, ugh. i guess ill give it a second date, give her a second chance, but after that if it still feels the same way im gonna have to end it, which sucks. can't say ive ever done this before, can't say ive ever had a bad date before.

like it wasn't bad, it wasn't awful, but it was like, lukewarm. which is........ yeah. idk. soooo disappointed which sucks :((((

and i was sooooo nervy before meeting her like i had such a pit in my stomach i was so nervous, so to think ill have to go through that again makes me want to end my dating era.....

GUYSSS

i will be living my lesbian dream on thursday.

i’m going on a date with the girl and she wants me to help her pick out a SUIT LIKEEE. i’ve always dreamed of picking out clothes for my butch and on the FIRST DATE??? ahhhhh.

and we’ve been texting everyday and i’m just sooooooo excited like.

my time has come 🙏

[aprincesslonging4luv]

so i am suing the universe.

but i also really can't because its a retrograde and i can't blame her she's goin thru a lot

if my first date isn't the best fucking date i could ever ask for

im suing the universe

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

please stop asking me how i'm doing, idk i'm ignoring it

[aprincesslonging4luv]

ceasefire today, accountability from tomorrow until the end of time. all my love to the steadfast people and martyrs of gaza

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]

BILLIE EILISH,,,, oh i’ll be fucked all right

You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

[aprincesslonging4luv]

[aprincesslonging4luv]