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Apart from a traditional card design, this design was used to print a few 'limited edition' cards for the wedding. A lot of people thought that this was a fresh approach to wedding card designs and complimented me. I'm just glad that they liked the idea!

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Her name is Amrin

Amrin used to live in Ratnagiri earlier and later moved to Mumbai. She lives in Dadar with her parents and a little brother. Her older brother works abroad. Amrin and my families are related. That's how I know her. I used to adore her since we were kids. We were really good friends. That friendship eventually turned into love. And that was way back - she was in school and I was in junior college.

I told my mom about her and she approved. But I was almost sure that her parents would never do the same. And if anyone found out about it, she'd have gotten into big trouble. That's why I never used her name or description when I talked about her. I would always give people Niha's story so that even if I get questioned, Amrin would stay safe.

My mom convinced my dad and then they together put this forward to her parents. They agreed, eventually.

I'm sorry if I've never talked about Amrin with you. My intentions were to keep her safe and our relationship hidden from her family until the time was right. The funny thing is, at one time, her older brother read about Niha on my blog and she actually was questioned about my loyalty towards her. She had a hard time explaining the real story to her family too. In the end though, it only signifies how strong our bond is and to what extent we can go to protect our love.

So remember when you attend my wedding; don't confuse people by saying Aquib used to have a girlfriend by the name of Niha. I don't want people to get killed in a stampede that might follow. Aquib has always loved only one girl. Her name is Amrin.

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Niha's Story

I made a friend when I was in junior college. Her name is Niha. She is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I am proud to have her as a friend. We never really had a thing for each other, but people thought we did because we had a lot in common. We never cared. It shouldn’t make a difference though because it’s been eight years since we last spoke to each other. I don’t even know where she is or how she looks like now.

Around the time when I used to meet Niha frequently, I finally found the love of my life. Her name is Amrin. We both were young and our love was too fragile that we feared it might break if things went even slightly wrong. We had so many years ahead of us to even start thinking about getting married. Amrin and I are kind-of related so we have a lot of relatives in common. We wanted to protect our love until the time was right for everyone to know about us. That’s where Niha helped. Since some of my friends already thought that Niha and I had a thing going, we never let down that namesake charade. Niha is cool that way, she didn’t mind if I used her name. And since then, I actually have used her name every time I’ve talked about Amrin.

It may sound overly simple, but over all these years, the plan has worked out flawlessly. Amrin’s identity has remained perfectly protected just like the way we wanted. But its about time to end this confusion once and for all. Amrin and I are getting married soon and we’ve convinced our parents for it. There’s no need to use Niha’s name anymore.

Niha was pursuing fashion designing when I last heard from her. I think she might have moved abroad with her dad, as she was planning.

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Mom's Wish

When Mom was ill, she was always down and worried. One thing that would never fail to distract her was the mention of my wedding. It got her excited and I've even seen her smiling whenever she mentioned to someone that her son was getting married soon. Her wish was to see me getting married this April.

Well, due to some problems, we couldn't choose April, but finally, May was chosen for the wedding. Mom was so excited, she herself (from her hospital bed) called a few distant relatives to invite to the wedding.

With Mom gone now... I didn't know what to do any more. But then a lot of people consoled me and suggested that it would be the best for me and my Dad to have someone around. And because my Mom was so excited about it, it was suggested that we keep the existing date for the wedding. And so we did.

I wish I could announce this at a better time, but this is it. I'm getting married this May.

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The Demise

If you've missed reading it, please read the previous part first.

It was Thursday, 6th February 2014, when Mom reached Ratnagiri as per her wish. In an ideal situation, she would have been really happy. She always is whenever she visits Ratnagiri. This time though, she was in so much pain that being there barely made a difference. She was feeling better though. Unfortunately, that feeling didn't last for more than a day.

Saturday morning, she was breathless. And she was not responding properly to whatever was said to her, as if she was dizzy. Dad was there, along with my Aunt. They immediately rushed her to the local hospital. Upon diagnosis, the doctors found that her blood pressure was a lot lower than the normal values. They wanted to admit her immediately.

Earlier that morning, I had called Mom's phone and had mostly spoken with my Aunt, but I also had exchanged a few words with Mom. I had asked her if she was alright to which she had responded that she was okay. I realize it now that that was the last time I heard her voice.

Later that evening, about 5:30PM, Mom's blood pressure had crawled down to almost nothing. Doctors tried their best to increase it, but we were all out of luck. Mom's heart wasn't able to bear the low pressure and it eventually gave up...

My Dad gave me the news somehow. I was not home at that moment. My entire body went numb. I don't know how, but somehow my legs dragged me home. Whatever had just happened made no sense to me. I just sat down on my bed and tried to figure out if all of this was real or not when I heard people crying and knocking on the door. Later I understood that our relatives who live in the same building must have gotten the news. I got a call from my mother-in-law asking me to go to their place to get Amrin and then be on our way to Ratnagiri as soon as possible.

That night, my Uncle had rented a car as he was also going to Ratnagiri and so we joined him. We reached our home there at about 5:45AM, Sunday. The first thing I noticed was all the people that were gathered. And then I saw her. My Mom. Wrapped in a white shroud. There was a hint of a smile on her face which I just couldn't bear to watch because the rest of her body was too still. Until that moment, I was still in doubt and was hoping for a miracle. But that sight of her made me lose all my hope. Mom was gone.

The traditional formalities were done by 10:30AM. Then Dad and I carried Mom, with a lot of relatives accompanying us, to the kabristan. After the Janazah prayer, we took Mom to her final bed. The grave belonged to my beloved grandmother, which my Mom was going to inherit. Watching my Mom get buried was unbearable. I just couldn't stop crying. There were so many people trying to console me but I was just not ready to let her go away from me. I never will be.

Mom and I had lived alone at our home in Mumbra all my life. I've seen very less of my Dad when I was in school and college. It was my Mom who had always been there for me. She had literally carried me to school every day when I was a kid. She brought me coffee after school before I went for tuition. She used to buy me everything I wanted. She used to cook for me everything that I wanted. She used to stay up all night when I was sick. She rarely scolded me. If I got into an argument with anyone, she'd always take my side. She took me wherever I wanted to go. She listened to whatever I had to say. She made sure that I studied properly. When I was too tired, she wrote my homework for me. She taught me manners. If she ever got angry at me, she never showed it. If she was sick, she never showed it too. She always made sure that she loved me, no matter what.

There's just so much of her in my life that I can't get over, can't let go. I might look like my Dad, but my core has always been my Mom. And now that she's gone, I feel her absence in everything that I do. She has done so much for me, I simply wanted to at least keep her happy and in peace.

The fact that I probably didn't when I had the chance hurts me every single day.

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The Dialysis

If you've missed reading it, please read the previous part first.

Kidneys filter blood and remove unwanted water and harmful compounds from it. If kidneys are not functioning properly, the same procedure can be carried out by an external device - pumping the blood out from the body, filtering it and pumping it back in. This process is called dialysis.

Mom was reluctant at first, but we explained to her that all she'd need to do is allow the doctors to insert a tube in her body which will allow the blood to flow out to the dialysis machine. She agreed.

We had brought Mom back to Mumbai. We selected Kalsekar hospital for Mom's treatment. Because Mom's creatinine level was very high, doctors decided to immediately start with dialysis by putting a temporary tube first. They inserted it in her neck on the left side. The tube is attached to a major vein or artery so that it can draw blood easily. After dialysis, immediate improvement was seen - Mom's swollen body became normal, her dizziness went away and overall she felt well. Creatinine levels had slightly decreased, which was a sign that the dialysis was effective.

Kidneys filter our blood all the time. For a person who is dependent on dialysis to get their blood filtered, they don't need to be attached to the dialysis machine all the time; within three to four hours, the entire body's blood is purified and the machine is then stopped. Dialysis needs to be repeated if the blood needs purification again, which depends again on how much the kidneys are functioning, or if they are functioning at all.

Mom's kidneys were functioning, but unfortunately, at a very slow rate. The doctor recommended that she should get dialysis done at least thrice every week until her creatinine levels became normal. During the next two weeks in the hospital, Mom became better. She was not able to walk yet, but she could sit up and lie down on her bed all on her own. She sometimes even made an effort to stand up. Doctors noticed the improvement and suggested that she may go home now and return to the hospital only when her dialysis treatments were due.

After the discharge, Mom was alright for a few days. But when her first out-of-hospital dialysis was due, we ran into a problem. We live on the third floor. Mom found it extremely difficult to climb down the stairs. She required a lot of effort on her part and encouragement from ours to finally climb down. We had hired a rickshaw and Dad went with her to the hospital. After the dialysis, when they returned, Mom was exhausted. Dialysis can cause sprain in the legs. Mom couldn't even take one step up the staircase. Dad and I carried her all the way up. Of course, we did not have a problem, but that wasn't a good sign. Later, this was going to happen every time Mom returned home after a dialysis.

In the many days that passed, Mom became weaker and weaker. She had lost her apetite. Her diet shrank in size to almost nothing. Her skin became loose because of all the weight she was loosing. And every dialysis made her body ache so much that she begged us to stop doing it. Every time she had to climb down the staircase, we couldn't bear the sight of her going through such pain. When she returned after dialysis and when we carried her up, she would get all breathless and have that distant look in her eyes which devastated us. I was torn. I couldn't even imagine the amount of suffering she was going through, and yet we had no choice but to continue her dialysis hoping she'd get better.

It was the first week of December 2013. Mom had become so weak, she required effort to even recognize people. And she was rarely speaking. I had never seen my Mom that ill. We immediately rushed her to the hospital. Doctors had her admitted in the ICU. Over the next three-four days, Mom didn't speak a word and rarely opened her eyes. Whenever I sat next to her, I used to take her hand in mine. She would always hold on to it tightly. But in the ICU, she had almost no grip on my hand.

Miraculously, couple of days later, she started showing signs of response. She would make an effort to keep her eyes open or to utter something. She was not able to form words, but at that point, hearing anything from her was peaceful. She would herself take my hand now whenever I was near her. She even made an effort to touch my face. We all were so much relieved that she was finally recovering. Dialysis treatments were still being performed on her, but this time her condition was better than ever. The temporary tube in her neck was replaced by a permanent 'catch-pump' tube which was fitted in her chest to aid dialysis. She always complained about the tube in her neck so she was relieved by its absence. Mom spent the next few days in the hospital showing amazing recovery before getting discharged again.

A month later, we were back in the hospital. It was the last week of January 2014. Mom had again stopped eating and her body was weaker than ever. She couldn't even move her legs. No matter how much we encouraged her or even forced her, she did not eat. Kidney patients have a tendency to develop a lot of ulcers in the mouth. Mom had several of those which further curbed her apetite. Fluids were almost forbidden, but since she was not eating anything, we didn't stop her from drinking juice or milk. But evidently that wasn't helping because her condition was getting worse every day. She was not able to sleep because of the pain in her body. She used to scream at nights because her legs hurt so much. And no matter what we did, we were not able to make the pain stop. She used to cry asking us, begging us to take her to Ratnagiri. She was tired of dialysis and all the medicines and treatments. She wanted peace. She wanted to go to Ratnagiri. We couldn't stop her treatments, but we decided to honor her request. We promised her that we'll take her to Ratnagiri if she promised to continue her dialysis treatments in the hospitals there.

We arranged an ambulance to take her to Ratnagiri. An ambulance because train or car travel was out of the question. Mom couldn't even sit up. After convincing the doctors that its what she wants and if it makes her happy, so be it. Finally they discharged her from the hospital and she started her journey to Ratnagiri right away in the ambulance.

fI had to stay back because I couldn't miss work. Dad and Aunt went along with her.

Little did I know that Mom would never return home...

Continue reading the next part.

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The Diagnosis

Ratnagiri is a developing city and though advanced medical facilities are starting to become available, Kolhapur is still preferred for above-average medical needs. It was October 2011 when we had the first diagnosis in Kolhapur. It had been a few years since Mom had an ongoing hemoglobin issue. No matter what she did, the blood in her body was always lesser than the required amount. Also, she was overweight causing various obesity-related issues such as pain in the legs. That was also the time we realized she had diabetes. Noteworthy, but something we didn't give much thought about then, was the creatinine level in Mom's body.

Creatinine is a chemical waste product present in the body which is regularly filtered by the kidneys. After filtration, creatinine has a range of 0.5 to 1.1 (mg/dL) for an adult female. In 2011, my Mom's creatinine level was 7.

Over the years, she had hid from us all the symptoms of a chronic kidney disease or tried to misguide us into thinking that what she had was nothing major. Of course, she was unaware herself about what was going on in her body. Her trips to the market had become rare; my aunt used to do most of the shopping. On rare occasions, when my Mom did go to the market, she'd return breathless. And it would pain her so much to climb the many flights of stairs to reach our apartment on the third floor. She had began to lose her apetite and almost everyday skipped dinner. She was getting more sleepy, but at the same time was unable to sleep because her legs hurt when she lied down. At nights, she used to wake up and silently massage her own legs. Sometimes when the pain was unbearable, she used to call out to us.

My mom was the person of authority in the house. If she wanted something, she got it; you couldn't argue with her. We tried convincing her so many times to consult a specialist, but she never agreed. The maximum she did was to get painkillers or some medicine from our local dispensary doctor.

October 2013 - exactly two years later, she wanted to go to our native place, Ratnagiri. Almost all of our family lives there. Mom and Dad keep visiting, so this wasn't unusual. Ratnagiri is a beautiful place with a lot of fresh air and the kind of calm that is impossible to find in cities. Naturally, health would be at its best in such a place. That and once in a while, it is good to be literally surrounded by family and friends. So Mom and Dad went. A few days later, Mom fell ill. It was as if she was completely drained of energy. She had to struggle to even stand up. That was the time we took her to Kolhapur again.

Mom was diagnosed with slow kidney function. Her creatinine level was 13. At that point, we had no clue about what it all meant. Doctors had suggested that she required immediate attention, but we decided that because of the high cost involved in treatment in Kolhapur, we'll bring her home and then count our options. Upon research we finally understood what has been going on with her all this time. Mom had all the symptoms of a chronic kidney disease that had been building up over the years, draining the life out of her kidneys. We decided that we'll begin her treatment once we return her to Mumbai.

We made her aware about the only treatment available for kidney patients - dialysis. Its either that or a transplant.

Reluctantly, she agreed.

Continue reading the next part.

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Maggi Pazzta, Cheese Macaroni flavoured. With extra cheese.

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Hut velvet cake @ Pizza Hut

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Subway Surfers Mumbai!

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Alan: This sock is soaking wet.

Charlie: Yeah, I chipped into the water hazard on the ninth, and the lid was open.

Alan: So this is toilet water?

Charlie: At least

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Was helping with a school project for my little cousin today. Its an enlarged diagram of the Start menu from Windows 2000. We haven't finished it yet.

I couldn't stop myself from being overwhelmed with nostalgia; its been fourteen years since Windows 2000!

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Chicken Tikka @ Muskan Chinese Restaurant, Mumbra

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Lil Wayne is my favourite rapper and Justin Bieber is... well another artist. A collaboration amongst these two was highly unlikely but nevertheless something I always wanted to listen to as a matter of curiosity. Well, what do you know, miracles happen.

"Backpack" (feat. Lil Wayne)

You said "I come in peace", so I took you home I gave you food and I gave you clothes I taught you how to move your feet when the rhythm's on Still you wanna leave cause you feel alone You don't know what they're like if they know that you're alive They're gonna try to take away the secrets of your planet's life I know you must be upset, you lost your family in a wreck But you gotta listen (listen, listen) Don't try to find your spaceship That might be out there waiting Stay in my backpack forever Stay in my backpack forever You know I gotta find my spaceship My planet's outside there waiting I can't stay in your backpack forever Stay in your backpack, backpack, backpack Before you came around I was in a rut Didn't have a friend, didn't know what it was You taught me how to dream and how to love You're my best friend, please listen to me You don't know what they're like if they know that you're alive They're gonna try to take away the secrets of your planet's life I know you must be upset, you lost your family in a wreck But you gotta listen (listen, listen) Don't try to find your spaceship That might be out there waiting Stay in my backpack forever Stay in my backpack forever You know I gotta find my spaceship My planet's outside there waiting I can't stay in your backpack forever Stay in your backpack, backpack, backpack [Lil Wayne:] Uh, greetings, I fell from the sky I'm from a different world, I use Lil Wayne as a disguise And my flying saucer crashed, I'm the only one that survived I've only taken over this planet since I've arrived I'm in the backpack, I'm ducking Men In Black Yeah I'm an alien, my swag is outta this world Different galaxy, they try to capture me When I die they gon' name this planet after me Wayne's world (wayne's world, wayne's world) [Justin:] Don't try to find your spaceship That might be out there waiting Stay in my backpack forever Stay in my backpack forever You know I gotta find my spaceship My planet's outside there waiting I can't stay in your backpack forever Stay in your backpack, backpack, backpack On our planet we don't kill one another We don't take love for granted, it's a gift from the mother In, in your planet you are filled with greed and false belief We came here to bring you peace

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Howard: Wow, so you guys are like buds now?

Raj: Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time. Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Stuart: I don't have a girlfriend.

Raj: It's like we both had these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.

Stuart: That sounds a little funny to an American ear.

Raj: Which part?

Stuart: Just all of it.

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One chance to get it right Everyday’s a weight on your shoulders Your whole life can pass you by if you wait too long Tick-tock, the hands of time Everyday here, another day older Last stop on this bumpy right But your holding on, your holding on

You and I were needed To walk the line believin’ The sacrifice is worth the fight It’ll all turn out all right but now the music’s fading Here we are still breathing To dance like everyday before Can’t do it any more

No more stars to guide us No more light inside us It’s too late to wait for love to save the day No use trying to get there Drive this road to nowhere It’s too late to wait for love to save the day

Save the day