artlessarsonist-blog

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Love is a silly wonderful magical sparkling and sharp thing to fall into.

Proceed with cation. Love is sweet and sickening.

[artlessarsonist-blog]

You’re better off without the weeds in your garden.

Crying is good for healing. Jumping around on your bed to these tunes will also - er - help healing. But in a fun way.

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Leave yourself the time to cry.

Remind yourself that crying is normal. Remember having dark feelings is natural. how you choose to leave the darkness is who you are.

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Downers aren’t always bad.

I like to listen to these songs when I get really in my head about what I need to do or what people expect on me. They remind me to think of bigger problems and help me apply feeling to my anxieties.

[artlessarsonist-blog]

The mirror torments me with images gross and obscene. Distortion coming through as true image. I shudder at the sight of my own refection.  I don’t really need to eat. So I don’t.

ana

mia

my best friends

. . . 

I have struggled with my body image ever since I can remember. Always too short or too fat or any number of tiny flaws I would blow as big as a billboard advertisement. In the mirror we are our own harshest critic.

I had to catch myself. 

The fad diets led to no diets and I was withering away. I still saw myself as fat. As ugly. As unlovable. I was sickly and dying. Then I was hospitalized.

I wish I had helped myself first.

I found help in those closest to me. They would remind me everyday that they liked me just the way I was. I had to ignore the evil thoughts in my head. It was difficult at first, but I found that the easiest way to re-acclimate to eating was through social eating.

So my advice to you, dear reader is invite people out to eat. Pick a trendy spot! Take lots of photos and most importantly - enjoy your time. If eating out is not in your budget then invite guests over to eat. Cook for them. It makes the food special to you and others. This will slowly re-associate eating as a positive action in your mind.

It’s okay to love food.

It’s essential to love yourself.

no credit found

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Enjoy. 

It’s okay to let loose. It’s okay to go all-out. Most importantly it’s okay to love yourself.

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Lost. Lost in thought. Lost in purpose. Lost in life. A dreadful, sickening clench in my stomach accompanies these feelings as my lack of direction navigates through my thoughts once again. Soon after a sheet of numbness drift onto my body. I’m afraid. I don’t know where I am headed and I can’t quite recall what I left behind. I haven’t even know myself in years. 

all I know is this void. 

this sickening numbness.

where am I supposed to go from here?

. . . 

At this point in life, it’s normal to feel a bit caught in the tides. Pushed and pulled from every-which direction. It’s alright to not know exactly where you're going - the issue comes from when you turn around and head back for the harbor.It’s better to, when the waves of whelm rollover you, take a pause. cast the anchor and get your bearings. Find whats important to you. Search the deepest to the deepest depths of your psyche. 

Take the time to find yourself before adventuring out further into the unknown. People add to the distractions. I find my harmony in solace. Meditation helps remove clutter from my mind and helps bring my focus inward. No one knows you better than yourself.

Now lets talk about “other-people-pollution”. This is the byproduct of others opinion when the mean the best in their hearts when they push and prod you forward to what the see you becoming. Motivation walks a fine line between positivity and toxicity. Take into account others ideas for your progress but remember who you know you are and who you, yourself see yourself becoming.

But we cant see the future us. Or not as least as we expect. The goal person we hope to become- no - who we know we can be is hidden inside ourselves. We can fully realize our potential by removing distractions of all sorts including socialization. This can be done by allocating 20 minutes a day to meditate in solitude. Spend some “you-time” with only yourself. This doesn’t need to be done all in one sitting, but it should be done every day.

It’s better this way.

A little lonelier but better.

little leap: malcom crowther

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Roses in your garden have the sweetest, most alluring scents. Remember to plant these enchanting bouquets with cation. 

beware the thorns. 

please take care.

 . . .

I do not presume to know the answers to all things nor do I assume any role as a “model human being.” However I do feel that I know a thing or two about love.

The prickly buds of romance are worth planting in the garden of your life. Watch the growth process carefully. They may not always exhibit the same attractive color or pervade the air with the same pleasantly intoxicating scent you once knew them to share.

There seems to be this period of absolute ignorance at the gates of a new relationship. For a short time both parties are so infatuated with each other that some red flags may go undetected. Or perhaps they are simply ignored. Either way once this so called “honeymoon phase” is over a relationship may begin to have a hard time taking deeper root. 

Remember that if these seeds bloom in a way that makes you less than pleased you have every right to extract them from your soil.

painting: brooke hartley

[artlessarsonist-blog]

With the world privy to every crevice the tide has pervaded and every internalized insecurity ebbing its way into darker places in my head.

The burning question is . . .

will I every be good enough?

. . . 

This question has burned itself into far to many psyches nowadays. And the repercussions have stolen the flame from an enormously aggressive amount of minds. 

First and foremost, yes honey. You are worth the endeavor to keep on swimming. no matter what any negative low-life, good-for-nothing- b*st*rd has said to you - about you - or even at you. You are worth it all. 

Sometimes it can be hard to see that there is an end to all storms. A rainbow after the rain. Of course its hard to keep on going after the whole world is seemingly screaming at you to stop.

no credit found

[artlessarsonist-blog]

Anxiety puts me in a cerebral spiral of self destructive rumination. The concussive maelstrom that is my mind has already prophesied my seemingly inevitable undoing.

Every action . . .

hyper analyzed

scrutinized

torn to shreds

photo: hintsofgrey

[artlessarsonist-blog]

The catalyst for my decline into the dreary mental realm of depression can not be narrowed down into any particular upsetting incident nor any one bad day. 

It crept as a tide creeps over the rocks on moonlight shores . . .

slow

over looked

illustration: amrit brar