ashleeclef-blog

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A glass a day keeps the doctor away...and calms the mind after a weary day

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This is my sister, Alanna. My rock. The strongest person I know. I am one truly blessed individual to have such an amazing sibling. I will never take the bond we share for granted, and it warms my heart to know she believes the same. I couldn't ask for more. Thank you Alanna, for never letting go of our connection and reminding me of the strength that we possess. We are the creators of our own world and we have the ability to fight against a world that foolishly battles to bring us down. Enlightened and unstoppable!! Look out world...we are set to conquer!!

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Last day on the beach for a while...I'm going to miss this the most

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Climb inside my mind

An empty head. Pages blank with the readiness of a stead hand. Sliding on your headphone you choose a song that fits the here and now. Following the flow of your true self. The song comes to you with no thoughts to reason, half remembrance of how the song may impact you. As the music begins you get a feel for your surroundings that the music creates. A wave, pulling you into another world you’ve created from pure sound. This example is how I would describe myself. Lost in my head. Instead of music to guide me, I have my thoughts lead by the urge to grow. Forming and creating new outlooks. This moment is how I view the world I choose to be in. Without the input of any social beings. Enlightenment though constant mediation. It can be exhausting…and lonesome.

The beauty of it? A song will never impact you in the same way, and my neither will my thoughts. Forever changing and always pursuing growth.

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that moment of bliss

I had an image. Of soft rain that falls heavy on an evergreen forest. Blanketed in rich moss and deep wooded trees. A nymphs Utopia. Sitting alone I listen to the beating of the rain. It’s cooling drops lights lightly tapping the top of my hood and gently cascading down my face. I look up and embrace the cold rain fluttering lightly on my checks and eyelids. I had the urge to rise. Dropping any cloth that imprison me from this embrace. I managed to keep undergarments intact, a slight reality awareness crept in for an instant. Returning from the worlds reality, I begin to become the moment, dancing about in my freeing surroundings. Unaware of human ties. Just the earth and I. Amidst my lost trans, my eye catches sight of you, not but only a few feet from me. I freeze in place. Gazing, I see a small smirk glance across your face. Assuring me that you have been watching me, enjoying the moments I created in my own world. Smitten by the though of how your eyes seemed to gleam with awe, I stepped forward softly to place myself in front of you. I outstretch my arm and we join holding one another with our forearms. Accepting each others realizations. I gracefully glide closer and lean in to connect with the one my heart will always belong to. Gently I pull back with a playful smile and pull you into my world. Where we both dance about like fools. Stumbling and Falling into one another’s embrace.

I hope for this more than any, that this becomes a memory. One that conquers the fantasy, and fills the deepest part of this longing heart.

This image is the harmony I hope to capture with my other half. For now I will only see LP’s face. The only one that would fit the part. I hope in time, that I find someone who will fill those shoes…and give me that moment of bliss….

Written June 14th, 2013 @ 2:05am

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I filled this hallways with my thoughts, so that i can step into the sunlight, free from the struggles of the mind. Giving me the opportunity to connect with the inner peace that has been patiently waiting for my attention.

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The only secret that I keep...my emotions

As a writer, i believe the most obviously thing here, is I that write what I think with ease. Thoughts are easy to convey though words. Expression is important, and if you know me well, you’d know I have no problem expressing momentary emotions. I’m more so referring to matters of the heart. My deepest emotions have always been an issue with me. Lets take crying for instance. I don’t. Even in complate solitude, I won’t shed one tear. So it’s not that I’m not just keeping this secret from the people I choose to surround myself with. It’s a mystery to even myself. Which is a bit unsettling. My body would agree. It’s taken some damage due to this lack of expression. I have an ulcer, and anxiety attacks. For when my body has had too much of suppression. So, what to do about this matter. I think the first step is finding my own place. So, I no longer have any added stress with people I surround myself with. Forcing me to focus on myself as an independent individual. Next step would be to change my diet. The best shape I’ve ever been in, was while I was a Pescetarian. Which, for those who don’t know, is a Vegetarian that eats Fish. No red meats. And lastly, yoga, yoga, yoga. I’d like to keep up this new energy with daily exercise. Yoga, has always helped to calm my sprit, and kept me fit. With the mind set I have now, all of this will be mine in a few short months. I’m ready for this harmonious journey. And more importantly, I need it. No more secrets.

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Fear is an unstable weapon. Filled with chaos and lack of remorse. Knowledge is true power. R.I.P little guy

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Visiting Neverland

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Even at the edge of darkness…light can be found. Watch closely…Embrace the moments unseen by dim hearts. Capture the strength and grow

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Love can be found in the most unlikely of places...or the place you've always expected it...you need only to open you eyes

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The simple things I do, have profound explanations

Occasionally, I browse pictures of things i drawn in the past. Sounds bizzar when I have the real product in reaching distance. This silly thought made me realize, any time I post a picture of a drawing, I tend to go back to it and make changes, even weeks apart. Maybe I see something I was trying to accomplish and looking at it with a fresh outlook, sparked just how to succeed. Or maybe I take pride in knowing my work is always changing. My masterpiece is fully mine. if I don’t even let the public know about the changes, I still have it to myself. Both compelling hypothesis, my fine with either.

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An everlasting fear

Growing up I moved around more than any child should. A common pattern in my life. Living out of my suitcase is all I’ve really known. So you can imagine how I am with my things. Now don’t jumpy to conclusions and think I’m one selfish person who freaks out about anyone using my things. I’m more than a generous person. My materialistic items are not something I cling to. Think of it as….everything I own, is my home. Of course you have people come visit your home, but when someone breaks in without your knowledge, it freaks you out! You feel unsafe, violated. That’s how I feel with the small amount of things I posses. It’s not right to go thought my things without my knowledge. Moving, analyzing, or even taking things without my knowledge is like you breaking into my home. I broke myself of this fear by keeping a close tabs on my things. Never letting my stuff be taken away from my sight, which generally meant I never allowed borrowing occur. Strict but it worked. Feedback wasnt so great. i came off as too controling and stingy. harldy the adjectives i yearn to portray. But eventually, I learned to trust, reminding myself that materialistic can be replaced. Now, however, this living fear has retuned because the most unlikely of people decided to take the advantage of my absents. Hoping this fear is dropped soon. I don’t like this ugly and suspicious feeling I have around people now. I don’t like to believe everyone’s a guilty until proven innocent. If prefer to believe everyone’s innocence until proven guilty. But maybe I hope too much for the best in people… A thought I feel, should end right there.

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Falling over, and over again From all the words that you have said It’s written on my heart for everyone to see From the place I was, to the place I am, to the place I want to be For the mountains I’ve been climbing over and under and over So tell me how does it feel How does it feel to be like you? Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t things ever change? Come down now, come down from your tower

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A polished title for this journal

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Light at my fingertips, lungs filled with black. True Twilight.

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Nostalgia rears its ugly head in the late hours of the night...I will return to this moment i left buried in my heart, until I find myself gliding across this very pier, alone and in a complete state of happiness. When every piece falls together a as it was meant to.