ashlyesn-blog

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you expect the entire world to be as disciplined as you. you’re not meant for human consumption. to be held like an egg

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luv.uoon

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2016???>?

hey wassup hello,

ok so time to wrap up this shit year. if we’re being honest it hasnt been forreal shitty to me but, also pardon any typos im typing in the dark. ok so 

january i was in a really good place all around jus all thriving in everything life was sooooo sweet, i felt like everyhting was falling into place, but when is tht ever the case LMAO, 

february was very, interesting, i started off on a good note but not even a week in my “love” life took a little turn, lets jus say i took the nearest exit and was out of there, which made the rest of my month a recovery type month, but luckily i had my friends s/o carresa, rennae, allegra, and joy (of course my wife) but it was good otherwise i had leadership workshop which was a good break from reality with all my friends just being really open and expressive of my feelings. A WHOLE MONTH W/O SERIOUSLY BEING INVOLVED WITH A BOY, go me haaaan

march was probably the biggest month no flex. work and school always super slight, amd i gotta s/o my bitch justin, my old coworker that put me on with probably the most attractive boy i’ve been associated with. i would type all about it but i can’t forget it ever. this was just a GOOD ASS month like i have never been so sprung over a dumb boy but goddamn,

april was another low month but im pretty good at repressing emotions and feelings and im the best at detachment so its relatively easy for me to detach memories from feelings but its a damn lie for me to sit here and act unphased by this time of the year even in december.

may was another chill month ion remember anything forreal so mustve not been that important, oops forgot about 2016 senior prom very boring if we being honest but good memories associated with carresa

june was another good month (two in a row wassup) for starters mf c/o 2016 graduated thank you God, but probably the second biggest moment of my year was a concert i went to on june 25th, 2016, it was lil zi, kodak, and 21 savage with a mix of local artists, kodak didnt show up because he was in jail but it was a good night i swear i’ve never been so sweaty in my life but i wouldnt trade this night for the world, s/o stephen 

july was thE GOAT MONTH, honestly just because everything is easier in the summer. going to the beach by myself all day, making money, detaching from everyone and all school drama, such a good month, also the first time i tried alcohol soooooo that was interesting, can’t tell u how many boys were on me during this month or rather whole year

august was good for the first part but then it hit me that my life is coming at me rather fast and i wasnt too sure how to handle it if we’re being honest, while i’ve never turned to drugs or self harm or anything its illogical for me to say that my mental health was ok. i was very mentally unsteady preparing for my final year of high school. all my life all i’ve known is high school its weird to think theres life after high school and scary to think i have to figure out how to survive in the real world in less than a year. i met a boy through twitter who was and currently is very supportive of me and my goals but boyyyy thats a whole nother story LMAOoosako,

september: nevertheless my senior year started and it was a good start, when i tell you i’m in love with early release i promise i mean it, the boy i talked to the summer before is in my ap spanish class and it took me a minute to cope with seeing him, he still acts weird around me but its dumb bc we know so much about each

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see you in 5

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Nothing proves I’m alive. There is only the rain, the rain is endless.

Louise Glück, from “Solitude” in Poems 1962-2012 (via pigmenting)

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my half of an art trade for @bpdcraigtucker <3

(C.B)(1.9.19)

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“the pain did not make me a better person. it did not teach me not to take anything for granted. it did not teach me anything except how to be afraid to love anyone.”

— Amanda Lovelace, from “II. the damsel,” The Princess Saves Herself in this One (CreateSpace, 2016)

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February 9, 2019

society6.com/abiwhales

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03.23.2019

ahhhh good morning, it has been quite some time lmao, if only i had more to sit and type out all that has happened since i last updated you all. i’ll keep it brief for now but, i’ve just come to the realization that i’m in fact a better me solo, i do best by myself and i don’t hurt anyone this way, it feels good to have remembered this side of me, i just wish that i could express this in a way that people around me could just sense. it sounds so edgy and badass saying you're better alone but i really am and i wanna look out for people’s best interest by letting them know. one day i will find someone and hopefully reciprocate every feeling 110% but until then i’d rather just do me, because that's what i do best. i know in my heart that it’s better this way. i need some guidance.

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I think im heartbroken? idk

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got a broken heart?? put it in rice

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* loves u with my entire heart *

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Anyway moral of the story is be nice but don’t be too nice

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“And I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more.”

— Franz Kafka (via naturaekos)