ask-jthm-jimmy

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

as a neurodivergent person i find it really hard to listen to new music and i’ve been stuck on the same emo bands since i was about 13, i’ve been dressing a lot more goth (trad) recently but i just don’t have the energy to listen to the music and i don’t want to be a poser 😭 what should i do?

Okay, so this'll have like, the most honest answer I can give because I've been there once. (Also this is entirely honest and light hearted, but also honest so lots of swears ahead.)

Fuck thinking you'll be a poser if you do a person thing and actually have variations in your music taste. You can argue goth being a music based subculture all you want, but the fact of the matter is, you won't listen to just goth all of your life, that's impossible even for a neurodivergent like you, who has a really set music routine.

Goth isn't just about the music (while that's like a huge chunk obviously), and if the people you hang with get defensive about you listening to anything else because it doesn't fit the way you dress, they're fucking posers and can't handle you liking other shit like a regular human being and have drank the elitist flavor-aid because they wanted to fit in. Don't be like those hypothetical people. You'll find more like, enjoyment out of having different stuff to listen to because it won't be the same moody repetitive shit, y'know?

Like, check it, Edgar has a shit ton of cds, and most are classic rock, and some old big band shit like Artie Shaw or whatever that guy's name is. He was having basically the same issue (most likely a little less in the "brain can't stick to anything else" department) but when I started living with him, I showed him industrial metal and old, old, goth shit. Tess also got him into shit like sunny day real estate and even some punk bands. I know Tenna got him into liking indie and soul music, along with hip hop when she feels like blasting the shit. He has a lot more cds now, and I don't have to hear nearly as much Credence Clearwater Revival as I used to and he gets in better moods easier. Point is, having different music to listen to makes your brain less stagnant, and you're definitely not a fucking poser if you manage to like anything else, again - especially if it doesn't "match" how you dress and present yourself.

Here's some songs that I've listened to recently out of Edgar's collection that wasn't something I gave him, to give a jump in some different directions for the hell of it:

Everybody Loves Somebody // Dean Martin

Have a Cigar // Pink Floyd

I Love The Night // Blue Öyster Cult

All Secrets Known // Alice In Chains

Gimme Shelter // The Rolling Stones

Gold Dust Woman // Fleetwood Mac

Sunshine of Your Love // Cream

One Slip // Pink Floyd

The Very Thought of You // Al Bowlly

Hope this helps, you won't be a poser if goth is still your main focus, and anyone with a brain will be able to see that. Hell, you won't be a poser even if you stop listening to goth. Being a "poser" is just another way to keep people out, made by people who wanted to be cool, and like, subsequently - aren't because they decided to do the mainstream thing and keep this shit from others because those individuals didn't fit within their stupid parameters. You do what you want, if it makes you happy, and fuck anyone else who tries to challenge that. I may have misread what you asked specifically, but I genuinely hope this helps either way.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

Ask box is open.

You can also submit weird shit if you want.

Got a new shirt and boots, been doing fine, how is everyone?

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

I've been thinking for a while. That the people we find will shape us and be here to die for.

That the mistakes and shitty things, will eventually corrode and be blown away.

That the care that is taken, and pathways made, will always come back to the friends we've found along the way.

That it mattered that I found a place to call my home, and the family I've collected will never run away.

I've been thinking, and trying new things. That even if I don't have anyone left when I die, I would've at least mattered to someone, sometime.

I've gotten new talents and moved on from my past behaviors. I've grown up and I'm still learning.

And maybe the people I once fought for to stay, will be happy without me anyways. That even if I never got to truly know them, or they left because of something I did, I could still wish them a good day sometimes and move on eventually.

We grow as people if the environment allows. No matter how small, if the room is there, it can change the course of our being.

And I'd like to think I've grown, at least a little.

______________

I've been working on poetry, kind of. Edgar's been helping me get back into school, and Tess has been helping me find a job that I can actually work at. Dillon gave me his old Iron Maiden shirt as a gift for staying clean for a little over a year.

I wasn't keeping track on that, but Edgar and Tenna were. We had a small party and Edgar made me cry. He mentioned all the progress I made and stuff. Just hoping I can keep it up.

Ask box is open still, if anyone wanted to send in a congrats or something.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

Ask box is open.

Tried some new makeup style, and I like how it turned out, the earrings not so much. They hurt my ears. May take them off soon.

Submit whatever and ask whatever. I'll be listening to Rob Zombie and Godsmack.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

Ask box is open again.

Tried staying home for the last month, got better at solitaire with Edgar. I picked up a camera and I'm probably gonna take pictures with it soon.

It's really fucking hot outside, has been for a while. Hence no makeup and tank top.

I got into Edgar's old shit and stole his plaid pajama pants. Very comfortable.

Go on and ask shit if you want, or submit something; send a dead animal or whatever.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

do you like cats? you seem like a cat person!

I have a stuffed cat. I can't have actual cats, I'm allergic. I get itchy and I get nervous around them. I got this stuffed cat from Todd, so that's why I have it, even if it does make me uncomfortable.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

Edgar, do you have any plants in the house? if not, do you have a favorite plant?

I like a lot of flowers! Tess and Tenna made me this flower crown <3

I think some of my favorite types are daisies and daffodils.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

have you ever tried doing fun things with Jimmy, like art or doing makeup together? anything of the sort?

We have! We're doing it more now, he comes to me for symmetry and color correction. I go to him for nail painting and ideas for pen sketching!

He's very happy at these hang out times <3

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

(For Edgar) How's the house holding up?

I assume you mean how everyone's doing then.

Well, Johnny's been hanging around. Jimmy's given me an earful about that one. I like having Johnny around, he's just jumpy sometimes.

I gave Jimmy a haircut recently, I need to get one, my hair's longer than I want.

Tess is getting along with Devi and Tenna well, that's good. I've been having help from the girls with bills which is nice.

I'm slightly stressed, I've been that way since Jimmy's come into my life. I'm not sure why, since no one's looking for him. We'll see if that feeling will subside sometime soon.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

Jimmy suggested that I do this again, so if anyone has questions for me, ask them <3

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

do you think you can Nny can ever make up?

I doubt it heavily.

I know the things I did for him, he didn't like. I don't think just because I've gotten a therapist and I'm trying to clean up my act a little, will change that fact.

He doesn't like me. He's stated it many times, in and out of my presence. Said I needed to stay in Hell for what I did. I can't say that I disagree, but I like it here, at least Edgar treats me with some form of decency (and Tess does too sometimes, Tenna's nice to me, Devi's not keen on being in the same room but at least she doesn't insult me as much as Johnny does.)

I keep my distance. I come back when he leaves, Edgar makes me dinner.

I know Edgar doesn't like what I did either, but he's pushing me to be better. That's what I respect. Not the constant undermining of my (admittedly small and never really going to make up for) achievements. At least it's something, and that I'm not looking to doing those things again.

I don't need to. I've found people who at least would notice if I died, coked out in an alley somewhere. I smoke my cigarettes inside for a reason, gives me less urge to go out and find something stronger.

But, anyways. I'm trying to fix whatever I can, Johnny can stay mad if he really wants, but I personally know that I'm not the same as I once was. No matter how many times Johnny says I haven't changed.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

if you need a job, where would you like to work most?

Probably somewhere with metal work. A mechanic shop or welding place is good since I know how to do shit with steel and soldering irons.

Or maybe starting at a place that would hire people with a record first, just to get some experience in. I don't like the thought of people yelling in my face about incorrect service, as a store employee or something though. I'd break that person's jaw so they couldn't yell again.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

I got back from my therapy appointment.

My therapist, he gave me a can of mixed fruit, told me I need to start working on taking compliments as they come. We headed in that topic since Edgar and Tess made me overalls, sort of, he and Tess made them overall shorts. I really appreciated the effort.

Tenna helped me dye my hair. It's been a few days in. I like it.

Johnny's been coming around again. My therapist told me to just distance myself from his image and find other things to invest my time in. I still hold my stance at not feeling sorry and he knows that, but he said I'd have to grow in other places in order to fix my 'main problem'.

I just still don't like having to leave, but Tess agreed to take me places if I start repaying Edgar back, since I've broken a lot his things since I got back. I just need to find a job.

Maybe if I get a job I can feel more useful.

That's kinda sappy as fuck but still. Asks are open, probably gonna change into a different outfit because Tenna won't stop calling me a Tom Sawyer rip-off. She's ruffled my hair with saying that so she's not actually trying to insult me, but I'll get into something more comfortable soon.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

so, how’s the situation after the Johnny incident?

Fuck feeling desperate enough to think he'd still be open to having me around. After everyone reset I had to find his house again and I wanted to fucking kill him. I had to bring Edgar along, he was the one with the car. He told me "violence never solves anything" but it sure as shit worked for everyone else in my life.

He has the fucking audacity to come visit Edgar, be all nice to him, but I have to leave the house when he comes over. Which isn't fucking fair because he doesn't live here and I do. It's like living with my mom all over again.

He gives me dirty looks when I walk in the room- he talks about me behind my back. I tried to be nice for the longest time but he's continuously dismissed me.

Fuck him.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

[For Jimmy] How's therapy going?

I'm still going, but look, there's only so much a person can do when the one they're trying help doesn't want to change.

I don't give a shit about a fuckin' attachment disorder or severe anxiety. Those are just fancy words for getting the shit kicked out of me as a kid.

I don't give a fuck what other people say to give reason to my decisions. I liked what I did to that chick in the alley, I won't apologize for that shit, she deserved it. I liked killing those people, those absolute shit stains needed to be eradicated from the world.

Fuck the psychoanalysis and the diagnosis for doing the stuff I needed to do.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

How do you feel about not being able to buy Camels now that smoking's been banned?

Well, the law doesn't say shit about smoking on your own property.

Except Edgar- he hates it when I smoke inside- but hey at least I do it by my window or in the bathroom.

[ask-jthm-jimmy]

how’s the weather up there, ya tallass?

It's fine, y'short-as-shit degenerate.