askcalivoice

[askcalivoice]

I haven’t posted here in eons, so I apologize to all of you who are following this blog and wondering why no content. The simple truth of the matter is that I do not have a convenient way of recording anymore, and it is far too much work to produce the content for this blog. I appreciate all the support this blog has received over the years and you can find more of my Caliborn voice work by watching CoLabHQ’s Let’s Read Homestuck series.

[askcalivoice]

I WASTED LESS TIME ANSWERING THESE ONES. I AM NEARLY CAuGHT uP NOW.

what is your preferred method of puzzlemurder? - endlessconsideration

Was there ever a time when you were not an asshole?

hows your adventure going? have you even started it yet...? - meowsee9 ((Because this ask blog is being run in conjunction with askcallivoice, the two of us have decided that from a chronological standpoint Calliope and Caliborn are both alive and still chained up in their room. You are absolutely welcome to ask us about events that occur later in time, and we will do our best to come up with entertaining answers as if the event hasn't occurred yet. We love the challenge.))

What did you do with Gamzee? - chenheiser

so how are you enjoying that welded down mouse?

caliborn, i must know: would you rather sentence one orphan to an excruciatingly long, torturous, and painful death, or kill thousands at the push of a button? - endlessconsideration

What is your stance on maggots?

HeY tHeRe mOtHeRfUcKeR, lEt Me Be YoUr MoThErFuCkInG GuIdE :0)

So Darling you have seemed to teased the Jane-human into tears, what feelings do that arouse- I mean instigate! - poisonousneedlekitty

Hey. Hey, Caliborn. What the fuck is a tumut? Or is that your trademark emoticon shit? Help a poor fool become enlightened with your 'GENIuS' tumut (TO YOu ALL)

[askcalivoice]

A LITTLE uPDATE FOR YOu AFTER WE HAVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG.

Did you guys like die or something? or just murdering clowns or something, or what?

I am now Caliborn - cynicalsleeper

Good evening Mister Caliborn. I see you've been cranky while I was gone, even impulsively angry at times. I am curious though... why are you so angry at the world around you? Just cause or some other reason you have yet to tell or show us? - athlon2736

Hello again Mr. Caliborn sir! I have another question for today! What is your wall paper on your desktop? Apparently it might be... interesting... - morgan1yam

So, I hear you like Mudkips? - infinitydreamer

What's your favourite animal?

Do you like squiddles at all? Do you even know what they are? - astrolotion8

[askcalivoice]

NOT THAT I NEEDED A REASON TO AVOID YOu FuCKERS. BuT WHAT SHE SAYS IS TRuE. SO SuRPRISE. WE DID A THING. FuCK YOu ALL.

What Is This“Feelinggsfgkk”? Based on “What Is This Feeling?” from Wicked Rewritten by Joely

Track art by: NoSleepJustCoffee Calliope: Joely askcallivoice Caliborn: histrionicSycorax askcalivoice Backup singers: Homestuck Va Troupe

download link here

Calliope(Spoken): My dearest, most darling friends! Caliborn(Spoken): Hey shitheads. Calliope and Caliborn: There has been some tension over joining our session, Caliborn: But of course I’ll get her someday

Calliope: But of course I’ll rise above it Calliope and Caliborn: For I know that we should be getting along, bluh… There have been some problems, for you see my sibling is…

Calliope: Unusually peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe without giving casual spoilers Caliborn: A fangirl! Calliope: What is this feeling, do you feel it too? Caliborn: I felt the moment I laid eyes on you! Calliope: My cheeks are burning Caliborn: My head is reeling Calliope: My stomach’s turning! Caliope and Caliborn: What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, Does it have a name, yeeesss, Loathing, unadulterated loathing

Caliborn: For your voice Calliope: Your games Caliborn: Your ‘troll thing’ Calliope and Caliborn: Let’s just say, I loathe it all. Every little trait however small, Makes my very flesh begin to crawl, With simple utter loathing There’s a strange exhilaration, in such total detestation. It’s so pure, so strong Though I do admit I may sound crass Still I do believe you’re a pain in the ass! And I will be loathing, Loathing you My whole life long

Backup: Dear Calliope, you are just too good How do you stand him, I don’t think I could He’s a terror, he’s a tartar, we don’t mean to show a bias But dear Callie you’re a martyr.

Calliope: Well, these things are sent to try us. Backup: Poor Calliope forced to reside With someone whose so awful and snide We just want to tell you We’re all on your side! We share your…

Calliope, Caliborn and Backup: What is this feeling Loathing  do you feel it too? Unadulterated loathing I felt the moment For his voice His games I laid eyes on you, His drawings My stomachs turning Let’s just say My head is reeling WE LOATHE IT ALL! Oh what is this feeling? Every little trait however small  Does it have a name? Makes our very flesh Yes: Begin to crawl:. ahhhh!:ahhhh!  All: Loathing Calliope, Caliborn and Backup: There’s a strange exhilaration Loathing In such total detestation Loathing So pure, so strong Loathing Backup: So strong!

Calliope and Caliborn: Though I do admit I may sound crass Still I do believe you’re a PAIN IN THE ASS! Backup And I will be loathing Loathing For forever loathing Loathing Truly deeply loathing Loathing you My whole Loathing  Life long Unadulterated loathing

Caliborn: Boo!

Calliope: Ahh! 

[askcalivoice]

((ooc)) This isn't an ask but just wanted to say your caliborn voice reminds me so much of Megamind's omg. IT'S SO CLOSE (not so much the tone but i meant the like.. the way he enunciation his words/letters, and slightly the attitude eheh) but you give him such a perfect evil tone to it. I think it's perfect. B)

FLATTERY WILL GET YOu NOWHERE ANON, BuT THAT IS NO REASON TO DISCONTINuE YOuR FuTILE PRAISE OF MY SuPERIOR BEING.

((Thank you for the compliment! I've never seen Megamind, but I am thrilled to hear that people are enjoying the voice and the blog.))

[askcalivoice]

IT HAS BEEN A FEW DAYS SINCE MY LAST POST BuT HERE ARE THE MOST RECENT QuESTIONS TO SATISFY YOu FUCKERS.

Sooooooo about your really feminine eyelashes; are they fake, or were you just cali-BORN with them? hahahahaaa.... (your probably gonna kill me now but it was SO worth it) - meowsee9

you ever heard of hearts boxcars? what do you think of him?

Hello, I was wondering what do you think of the human Dirk, and also what are with all the statues outside your home

Hello Mr. Caliborn. What is your favorite natural disaster? - morgan1yam

Calliope Calliope Calliope! - dreatron

What is your opinion of these marvelous blobs of fat on this human girls chest? - dnaizebraboobappreciationblog

Can you sing for us?

[askcalivoice]

ENDED uP OVERSLEEPING YESTERDAY. LOTS OF QuESTIONS TODAY.

Have you ever seen Saw? I think you and Jigsaw would get on rather well! - dreatron

Hola señor, me preguntaba... ¿Sólo habla usted inglés? ¿Sé que su nombre es "Señor inglés" Pero por qué no "SEÑOR español"! un nombre mucho más mejor, no?

hello there, mr. caliborn. I rather enjoy your laugh~ - lemonsnoutwasframed

All right ladies! The kitten-whispers and tickle fights stop now! It's make your mamas proud time!

Heyyy Cali~ ;) Do you have passionate caliginous feelings for your "sister"~?

Could you tell us a little bit about Cherub culture? - cynicalsleeper

jUst...why, "brother"? why do yoU insist on being sUch an insolent piece of Utter trash? yoUr endless tenacity for yoUr disgUsting behavioUr never ceases to amaze me! - betterwitch askcallivoice <-- WORTHLESS GuTTER SLIME

[askcalivoice]

WHY THE FuCK DO YOu PEOPLE KEEP ASKING THINGS?!:

Hey Caliborn, I wrote a fanfic in which you and Dirk totally get it on. I'm not talking about hand holding. I'm talking about sweaty passionate love thrusting deep into each others nook holes. What do you think about that?

Yo Cali, my man, I think that pirate dawg was actually skin about what chu think about us anon bros. So, whats the answer bro?

Puppies or kittens?

You seem so angry. Are you in need of a hug?

Is your expertise at games limited to only Chess and murder puzzles? Do you play any other games? Have you ever played a game that infuriated you so much that you had to 'rage quit' it? - cynicalsleeper

[askcalivoice]

THERE WILL BE NO uPDATES TODAY AS MY "SISTER" HAS LEFT THE RECORDING EQuIPMENT ON HER SIDE OF THE ROOM. HOWEVER YOu MAY HAVE THIS INSTEAD.

[askcalivoice]

TODAY'S SET OF QuESTIONS:

Hey Mr. Lord Caliborn Sir! If you were forced to pick a favorite color, what would it be? - morgan1yam

so, what do you sound like when you are sensually whispering into peoples' ears? - endlessconsideration **NOTE: YOu MAY WANT TO TuRN YOuR VOLuME DOWN IMMEDIATELY

Do you know about or play Pokemon? If so, what's your favourite?

I humbly ask that you forgive me of my transgressions my good and pleasant lord. - athlon2736

A'ight ye scuuuuuurvy dog!! Climb the mainsail, hoist the anchor, get me me booze and rum and tell me what ye think a these gray folk ya pup!

[askcalivoice]

FIRST POST. I HOPE THIS KEEPS MY "SISTER" HAPPY. HERE ARE THE QuESTIONS:

Can we play a game? - cynicalsleeper

Drawn anything lately? Tell us in explicit detail exactly what please.

What do you seek in a significant other?

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

If you had to choose one, would you rather eat meat or candy?

Why can't you be polite like your 'sister'? - athlon2736

So you and your "sister", were you born sharing the same body, or did it happen to you after birth? - iner22

Caliborn...Where are the bitches at?! D: - faytdarkblade